Dear Jonghyun:

Dear Jonghyun, I honestly never expected that I would have to write this. I don't know why I'm writing this, but I guess in some weird way, I'm hoping that it'll help me cope. I'm a writer and what better way to help a writer cope than with words? I know that I didn't know you personally, but I feel your loss like you were someone as close to me as my brother. I know a lot of people don't think that it's possible to love someone that you have never met, but I don't think that's true. I know you through your beautiful music and the ten-year-long legacy that you have left behind. While you psychically may be gone, you have been rendered eternal. I came to love you through your gorgeous voice and memorable songs that bring me a sense of comfort, even now. I've only listened to SHINee for just over a year, but it has been a wonderful year full of surprises and inspiration. You have helped me get through this last year and given me something to focus on, and for that, I'll be eternally grateful.

I know that in no way could I have helped or prevented your death but that doesn't change the fact that I wish that I had been able to help you some way. I know that there isn't much that I could do being across the world, but I still wish that I had known that you were going through so much. I watched your Instagram lives even though our language barrier made it impossible for me to understand the pain that you were in, even then. I'm sorry that even though I've been through and still experience the demons of depression, I was blind to the fact that you were fighting your very own demons that were slowly but surely overtaking you. I regret that I spent so much time thinking about my version of you that I never thought to consider the mental health of the real you. I never realized that you should be on my watch list of depressed singers but now that people are finally translating content involving you, I realize that the signs have been there for a long time. You've needed help for god knows how long, but you didn't get it. I'm sorry that you lived in a society that has such a minuscule understanding of mental health and practically shuns you for trying to get help.

Despite what people might say, you were not weak to lose the battle. Depression is a devil in and of itself, not even taking into account that you were constantly in the public eye and were constantly under pressure. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to try to cope with that beast while having so many people watching your every move. I'm sorry that you probably felt powerless when considering getting help. Making that decision takes so much willpower that not everyone can muster. Once again, that doesn't make you weak, it just shows that your demons were fierce, and you were a true warrior for fighting against them. I'm not saying that I don't wish that you had won because believe me, I do. I'll wish that every day for a long, long time. Eventually, I'll learn to accept that you're free of pain and suffering now, in whatever afterlife your soul has gone to. I only hope that it's better than your reality was and that you'll find that the peace that you've been desperately longing for.

I want to say that regardless of what the demons you so valiantly fought told you, you were and will always remain one of [if not the #1] most talented people I have ever heard and had the privilege of hearing. Your voice was truly remarkable and will always be one of a kind. Your high notes were so beautiful that it was as if they made the stars align. Every time you hit a high note chills wrack my body and I'm left in complete awe. I always thought that you had the voice of an angel, and now that accurately describes you. You were loved then, and you're loved now. I know you're probably worried about the other members. I'll support each and every one of them in their future endeavors, whatever they might be. Regardless of what the Wikipedia page dedicated to you says, SHINee will always be five and your passing cannot change that. You'll be there for the other four in spirit for eternity.

Last, of all, I just want to thank you for existing. I only knew about you for a year, but that year changed so much. I've learned so much about myself and because of you, I'm dead set on my path of becoming an author. I want to thank you for your beautiful music and legacy. Most of all, I want to thank you for being my

Inspiration.