I’ve not suffered too much from it but I’ve been not very emotionally stable from it. I took Tuesday off school because I just didn’t want to get up and face the world. I had a huge project due for the next day but I couldn’t concentrate on it, so I tried to take my mind off of it. I started watching ‘Hello Counselor’ and then I realised Jonghyun was on it.... Later that day I got some of it finished but not the whole thing. What really breaks my heart is that I didn’t and I don’t think many others expected anything, that’s why it was such a shock. Surely I’d still be shocked if I knew something but I think it has affected me more because I didn’t know. On Sunday night at around 9:30, I was thinking about Jongkey (I ship it real hard ok) and I was kind of like “I haven’t paid that much attention to SHINee lately, I should read some Jongkey stories tomorrow.” Well... South Korea is 8 or 9 hours ahead and Jjong died at 4? That means I was thinking about him around the time he died. I still find that really strange. Also I’ve tried many ways to kind of ‘get over’ the death, and I’m gradually getting there. My best friend thinks I’m overreacting but she isn’t close to anyone but our little groups of friends so she doesn’t really know what it feels like. Many people say things like “you didn’t even know him.” So what? He influenced so many of us and helped us through so much. I haven’t actually heard any music since Sunday as well. Every time I think of putting on music I just get really sad and I immediately go against the idea. Jjong was one of my favourite singers and it hurts to know I won’t hear that sweet little angel voice anymore. One way I can think of him and address him without crying my eyes out is by calling him ‘Jjong’. I’ve called him that since I started stanning them in 2015 and I find it comforting, since all across the news it calls him by ‘Jonghyun’. My friend said this to our group chat a couple of days ago and I just wanted to put it here, “Remember there will always be 5 members. 4 humans, 1 angel.” I found that so sweet I started crying again when she said it.

Lastly I just wanted to say, there’s a memorial in London for him on the 29th, and I’m going down to London on the 28th to visit my dad for New Years and I asked him if I could go. He eventually gave in and so I’m going now:)