I Remember
A FarewellWhile i was in class i see a snap from my sister, showing me the article about Jonghyun. The first thought that came to my mind was ' what are these people up to now' , a few articles later i realized that it was true. He took his own life. i just couldn't wrap it round my head. Everything felt hollow. I read his farewell letter and what he send to his sister as well as his friend, still,everything was a blur. So i chose to ignore them all and just focus on class. I came home and called mom and it was then when it all hit me, he is no more. He's not here. I am studying abroad while living alone so of course it worried my mom because i was crying so much. Choosing the easy way out again i just slept. when i woke up i thought it was all a dream and you can imagine how happy i was, then boom, the first post on fb is an article about his funeral. It still doesn't feel real. His voice was one of those you could recognize anywhere, anytime. His voice was the first voice i could tell apart when i first got into kpop, obviously after seeing minho in gee, SHINee was my love, obsession. Shipping him with key and loving how he was with their baby was my thing you know. i miss him. his angelic voice. I remember their famous Ayo concert where he kept repeating the verses for us, i remember him crying with us, him hugging s because he was overwhelmed. i just wish that we could have done something when he was suffering. He helped us but here we are, unable to do anything for him. I never got to tell him that he's done well. I never got to see him nor hear him. These regrets makes my chest hollow. Its difficult to get out of bed these days. it reminds me of my past where i thought there's no use in living anymore. the reason i wanted to live, now i cant seem to remember it. but i know how hard someones death can hit you. his hit me hard. so i can never do that to someone else. but i miss you jonghyun. i love you. you have always done well baby. rest in peace.
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