Dear Jonghyun,

It’s actually kind of funny now that I think about it but you were nothing more than just another kpop idol to me. I didn’t listen to any of your’s or Shinee’s music and the only song I really knew was Replay, maybe a little bit of Lucifer and Ring Ding Dong but that was it. However, since the news of your passing, I just can’t get that smiling face of yours out of my head.I’ve spent the last few days thinking about all the different ways I could’ve helped you. I know you were an idol, but that didn’t stop me from thinking that you were also another human being with the same feelings that I shared during my difficult times too. I even came up with scenarios of times that I somehow miraculously met you in person, looked you straight in the eyes, patted your head and told you that you did well. And even though we were a million miles away from one another, I just wanted to give one last smile, one last hug and one last goodbye before you left. You were indeed, one of the brightest stars that shone on the stage. But as I read more about all the struggles you have faced and the pain that you had to overcome, my heart broke. What made me break down crying was just imagining how lonely you were during your final moments and what you could’ve been thinking about as left this world. I wish you all the love, support and most importantly, happiness as you move on from here to your next life.

Thank you for what you have done and know that you will forever be missed. Not just from your family, friends, peers or fandom but from all of those who you’ve inspired. Thank you for being the person you were, for openly supporting the LGBTQ community despite the backlash, for being so open about your mental health and for helping/inspiring/empowering others around you while they fought their demons. But I am also sorry. Sorry for not listening when you pleaded for help. Sorry for not being able to hold your hand and give you the warm, embracing hugs that you may have needed. Sorry for not being there when you needed someone to talk to. And lastly, sorry for all those times that you had to deal with everything alone and by yourself. But because of you, we will take this and learn from it. We will stand together, stronger, and reach out to those who are in your shoes right now. And because of you, they will know that they are not alone.

Shine brightly from the sky now, Jonghyun. You’ve done well so now, rest well.