My darling Jonghyun, I am so devastated to lose you that I don't even know what to say.

I remember the first time I came across SHINee: my first kpop experience. It was Lucifer. I was completely obsessed with this incredible song: for over a week I watched nothing else, sitting pressing replay, replay. I wondered how there could be human beings on the earth who could dance like that. And there were FIVE of them! Incredible.

For the next few weeks I absorbed everything SHINee related: music videos, hello baby, weekly idol. And I fell in love.

I fell in love with your music, dancing, voices, personalities, talent, and the amazing bond of brotherhood that unites SHINee's members. I never wanted to see anything keep the five of you apart from each other. I never wanted anyone to take you away.

Now you have gone, and it is so painful every time I remember you are no longer with us, no longer with your members, I feel like a knife is being plunged into my heart. I am so so sorry that you suffered so greatly without our knowledge that you felt like this was your only option. If I had known, if I had had a way to get to you, I would have hugged you until the ends of the earth. I would have done anything to keep you safe, to protect you from this sadness.

I try to let you go peacefully, like you wanted. I know you wanted to be happy. I know you wanted to be free. But a part of me still selfishly clings to you, begging you not to go. I'll let you go bit by bit, and whisper my regrets to the sky.

In my mind's eye I still see you as you were in happier times: debuting with your brothers in SHINee. You were so happy, so thankful, so tearful. I want to remember that happiness: capture it, keep it warm in my palm.

I'll hold onto that forever.

If we ever meet in another life, I'll tell you how grateful I am that you came into my life. You gave me so much happiness. In another life, we'll hit replay, and I will search the ends of the earth to find a way to make you happy. This I promise you.