If Losing You Was The Cost To Pay For You To Be Happy

A Farewell

Jonghyun....
Ah, you're such a dork for putting us all through this I don't even know where to start from.
You left us with so many mixed feelings: sorrow, pain, gratitude, but also relief.
Pain, sadness, grief... because we lost you. We lost a talented songwriter, an unique voice, a dedicated performer, but also such a caring and pure soul, the kind of soul that is way too rare in this world. Maybe that's why you felt like you didn't fit in here: your soul was way too pure for this nasty world. We lost our idol, but some have lost a friend, a precious bandmate. Someone lost her younger brother, and some lost their son. And it pains me... now that I see all of the clues.... Your farewell from Blue Night, Your tattos, your 'black dog' tattoo, but also your last concerts... the fact that you waited for Onew to send his 'comeback' letter, for all of your members to have their birthdays, for Taemin to wrap up his first concert, how you rented an apartment for two days, how you signed up for organ donation, how you gave all of your fortune to your sister, how you gave your final letter to your dear friend Nine and how you prepared one last album..... Just.... In what kind of pain were you to prepare all of this?
I feel so guilty and sorry for not seeing all of this. We saw getting your cheeks back and we thought "oh my! He's eating, he's getting better!" And it was the contrary.... I'm so sorry because I can't help thinking we could have saved you, we should have showed you our love more. There were so many things we could have done to prevent this pain. This pain that led you to that dark room, inhaling this toxic substance. How much have you cried? How painful was it? Why couldn't we prevent it? Was it because we wrongly thought "since he openly talks about it, it means he's dealing well"? I'm sorry, you didn't deserve this pain, and this kind of end. You deserved the world. You weren't worthless, rather we were unworthy of your presence.
But at the same time I feel Relief, yes, because you're not suffering anymore, and knowing that you don't have to deal with all of these hardships anymore is a big relief. If losing you was the cost to pay for you to be happy, then I'll learn to cope with this. But maybe just not now. A bit later. When everything will be more bearable. I hope you are happy, that you are fine in the bright light, without hiding in dark painted rooms for you to be confortable.
Jonghyun-ah, don't worry too much, we have 4 other precious gems to take care of, and we'll do our best to protect them. We will continue to be SHINee World and we will continue to stand behind the name, the group and the boys. This time, I trust you to be with us and be the brightest shawol as we know you are.
4 years ago, I did a presentation about SHINee as part of my 'high school thesis' and I told the professors that I'd be illustrating Kpop and its difficulties through SHINee because of your strength and dedication, something that is still true even today. Despite the hard moments you were all strong. Jinki, Kibum, Minho, Taemin, and you.
I'm grateful you lived as much as you could, dedicating your life to music and giving us masterpieces to enjoy, cry on, dance on, study and so on. Thank you Jonghyun,
You did well, you went through a lot.
You are our pride.
Enjoy your new time, we will be fine.
Love you.
S.

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Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.

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Redofthedawn
#1
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
luv_kero
2416 streak #2
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
Viola_Ella #3
Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.
Evelyn_64
#4
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.



Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
OdetteSwan
910 streak #5
I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.
OdetteSwan
910 streak #6
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Redofthedawn
#7
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
lovelyfeisty
#8
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
wonpokemon
#9
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
aseulmonsta
#10
❤️