My dear, dear pink angel

I don't really know how to start this message, but I can start by saying that you did well, very well, and i'm sorry I couldn't tell you before. I still have a hard time realizing you are no longer with us, that I will never see you smile again, never hear you laugh with the rest of SHINee, never hear your music, or hear you sing... I remember listening to your song lonely, and many of the other songs you've written over the years, and I remember wondering sometimes if that was how you truly felt... I guess I was right, although I never imagined how right I would be ... when I think about it, there were many signs there, but I guess very few of us ever connected the dots, and for that, I feel ashamed.
I'm sorry for a lot of things, that we couldn't show you the love, respect and kindness you deserve, or that we couldn't help you how you helped many of us when we couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, how you guided us with your soft voice, telling us it would be okay, to keep on, ... I am so sorry we couldn't help you hold on, help you see the good in this world, ...

But then again, how can I blame you for wanting to leave this bleak world, full of hatred, criticism, and pain, how could I blame you for wanting to do something I myself have contemplated doing so many times before, only to be pulled out of my dark corner by my five shining stars... I know you wouldn't want me to do the same, I know this, but god is it hard not to let go and follow in your footsteps, when I understand your pain, for I feel the exact same pain, always blaming myself for my incapabilities, hating myself and feeling worthless, and the voices never helping either...
It is hard not to decide to let everything go when I realise that, most of the time, I have lost my passion and simply live on for others, and not myself, that I am tired, exhausted and can't imagine going forward when I don't even know why I keep living, what my purpose would be, why would I want to stay in this world that barely recognizes the beauty it holds and rejects all the good in it? why would I stay in this world, this unjust and cruel world, where our survival instincts have turned us into monsters that spite each other out of jealousy, criticize everything but never praising... I grow tired of it, and so I can't blame you for leaving, I never would.

I am so sad the world has lost you, you were a bright shining star, and now the world feels colder, darker without you...

You were a beautiful, talented, kind, wise, quirky, funny, soulful, hardworking but sensitive little creature, too delicate for the world you lived in. I admired you in many ways, for your talent, how creative you were, how your music could heal me, how kind you treated others... I could go on and on, but really, all I can say is you did more than just well, you did amazingly, much better than anybody could have ever expected from you.
And I wanted to say that you were strong for staying as long as you did, but you were even stronger to finally let go, finally find your peace and spread your wings, finally do something you wanted. Although I wish it shouldn't have come to that, I still wish we could have given you the will to stay, and take the pain away. But it is too late now.

Also, I wanted to say it wasn't your fault, never was, never will be: although your pain was yours, and not caused by others, I can't say you were the cause either... you were simply a wonderful angel cursed with a burden that weighed you down, that few understood, and now you are free.

I hope that wherever you are now, you are free to spread your wings, sing your heart out and write songs to your heart's content. I hope that now, you will still guide us with a smile, watch down on us with that crooked eye smile of yours. How I loved that smile...

For you, I will try to hold on, to find my purpose and enjoy life for you, and I hope not to see you soon, but we will, one day.

To conclude this letter to you, I will say this :
Thank you for everything you've done for us, thank you for staying so long, thank you for holding on.
You worked hard and you did well, amazing even.
I love you, we all love you.
Farewell Jonghyun.