on 18/12/17, 7:00pm kst, i was in my car driving home. on my way home, i felt something inside my heart. as if something happened. i thought it was only one of my emotional day. i stopped at some place to take a deep breath, i let out 'I want to cry' all of a sudden. i didnt know why did i felt that way.

my phone had been acting up the whole day, that's why i did not take my phone with me, instead i left it at home. as soon as i arrived, i searched for my phone and turned it on. suprisingly it works out just fine. the internet data, my sis sent me something through whatapps. it took a while to download the picture. the picture was blurry with jonghyun's face and some words. before the pic completely donwloaded, i shook my head and let out 'no jonghyun, please dont.' i have no idea what happened, but i have the feeling that it was no other than a bad news.

after a while, downloaded. i dont know how to feel. i try to deny. checked instagram, google, allkpop, soompi, everything, and realized that im just giving myself a false hope. i want him to come back.

Dear Jonghyun,
deep inside me, i want to scold you for doing such things to yourself. saying that you're not enough to all of us. to shawol. to shinee. to yourself. why did you do such thing. why cant you think of the time shawol had a talk with you. why cant you just, stop for a while, and replay all the good memories?

Jjong, you yourself is the only thing we wanted in this world. to be a part of shinee for thousand more years. to be a part of shinee world for thousand more years. we love you for just the way you are. your musics are great and it never fail to amaze me everytime you made a comeback, and tbh, i was truly excited for the upcoming mv of yours.

we miss you. truly miss you, jjong.

your songs had been a big help to most of us who was going through hardships in life. and that's what makes your songs special as it gives strength to most of us. the fact that you always released such type of songs to keep some of us strong,

we're sorry.
for not realizing your pain. for not realizing that your recent concert was the last concert of yours. for not realizing that you're crying for help in your last insta update. for not realizing that you needed help. sorry jonghyun sorry. sorry we couldnt get to help you overcome your depression. we're sorry that we couldnt help you avoid the thought of suiciding. we fail to recognize our crybabyjjong actually crying inside for help.
we're truly deeply sorry jonghyun-ah. :(

we love you so so so so so much that even now i still cant accept the fact that you're gone. for life. T.T

I will pray for your soul, and for your family and most importantly for OnKeyMinTaem. 21/12/17 will be the last day of ot5 together, with the four of them going to carry your coffin.

besides that,
I pray that shawols all around the world to be strengthen. to be strong, to be able to let our precious jonghyun go. I pray that shawols should stop being weak and be strong to support the remaining members, OnKeyMinTaem. I pray that SHINee will forever exist in our hearts. God bless to all shawols ❤️

#staystrongshawols