Perhaps you've found me by my adds I'll try and put out as long as my karma points allow, or you've seen me listed in the foreword of this project. Whatever it was I have one message for you - reach out. Don't be afraid of opening yourself up. As if a stone you've been carrying on your back for a while, it just feels simply liberating.

I am someone who has tried to commit suicide a few times. I am someone who thought that cutting my arms with glass was a good thing; the physical pain can overcome the emotional one. I am someone whose family and friends love me and cherish me, yet I never felt it was right and enough. I am someone who used to overdose on painkillers and drugs. Someone who has always been a dreamer, and someone who has never felt that I do have a place and purpose in this world. Someone who has a personal note on my phone that I've written not so long ago which reads "One day, I don't know when but most certainly before I turn 30. I will kill myself. Take 30 pills and down them with a glass of alcohol. It will all be better then. No matter what, you need to make this happen. No matter what. I promise myself. " I am ashamed of it. Ashamed that even after everything I've been through, even after seeking help with a professional, I never managed to fully open up to people. I am a bubbly person that smiles and laughs 90% of my time, and then goes home from work and lays in my bed for hours with depressive thoughts and images swirling in my head. I don't know if i'll ever get rid of that other me that is so desperate to end it all. But I've learned to control and contain it. It hurts. I reach out for the pills but I take my hand before it can touch them and put on a beautiful and heartbreaking song and cry. Just let it all out. One step at a time, day by day. Until you reach the end of the month and look back saying out loud "wow, it's been a ty month but I got through it." We can do this together. So please, know that reaching out for help is not just a silly cry for attention. You have that right, you own that right. And I am more that willing to listen.

Please, stay safe.