T A E R I

I’m doing the right decision, right? I should do this, this won’t hurt at all. I’m going to this trip and bring back my spirit in writing. I should be fine. . .

I mean. . . I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve come across a lot of difficulties with myself as a writer. But I must say, I think writing thriller and psychological novels so much for the past five years has probably made me go nuts. Originally, I was planning to go to a therapist or something hoping to somewhat seek advices on how to regain my creativity. Then one day, a friend told me I just lack rest MENTALLY and for some reasons, she said I need a recharge ROMANTICALLY. I might agree on the mental part but oh god no, I do not need any romance at this point of my life.

Career career career. That’s what I’m concentrating on.

For God’s sake, I’m only twenty-five.

Ever wanted something so much that once you’ve gotten it, you just can’t let go?

That’s me being a writer and that will stay like that for a couple more years.

“Yah, earth to Taeri!”

Oh . I put a hand on my chest as I stare at my brother, Taeho in bewilderment. “What the hell, do you want me deaf?” I hiss before grabbing a pack of tissue and throwing it at him. Jesus, he just literally screamed right on my ear. “I’ve been asking for six times, are you bringing your laptop to the trip? My computer’s being a head right now, I was hoping I could borrow yours while you’re on your break. Cool?” He asks while walking to my desk. I folded one more shirt into the luggage before looking back at him again. “Not because I’m having a break means I won’t try writing anymore. I need it.” I answer before he could even grab my laptop.

Ugh, ever since I moved back into my parents’ house, he’s been bugging me.

Being a novel writer for five years, I’ve only published two of my nearly ten novels and it wasn’t even a hit. Although, I still make some money out of it, I have a lot of readers too, it’s just not the ‘bestselling’ type of novel, I guess. . . Aside from that, I also work as a blogger in a social media company – and that’s primarily my full-time job.

But I just can’t give up on writing just because I already have this very nice job. Yes, it’s still writing but it’s not me. Blogging about the latest trends and news is so not me. I really want to have a real career in novel writing, I need it in my life.

And that’s why I’m doing this hoping to find myself, I guess?

“Then what’s the point of taking a break? Noona, I don’t get you.” Taeho says with a big pout as he makes his way out of my room. I just shake my head while chuckling at my silly brother. No matter how much he annoys me, he’s still my cute little brother after all.

But no, he’s not taking my precious laptop.

_ _ _

K Y U N G S O O

“Dr. Do, what’s this I’m hearing that you’ll take a break from duties for a week?”

I close my clipboard as I turn to my colleague. “Gossips are indeed faster than lightning. Yes, I just sent the memo to the director about it. He understood my situation, thankfully. I haven’t been myself since. . . and I don’t want my work to be affected any longer.” I explain as we walk down the hospital hall. I feel a tap on my back from him and I just smile while keeping head down. “I know it’s only been like. . . six months since everything happened and you’ve been different, man. I think this is a good thing.” Dr. Yang says with an apologetic tone.

I just smile it away.

It still breaks me into pieces whenever the thought comes to mind.

Long before everything happened. . . we were already gone.

‘Us’ was gone for a very long time already.

And then, she was. . .

She was gone.

I big my goodbye to him before taking the door to my left that leads me downstairs, to the on-call room. The time off I took is actually more than a week cause prep-time for my vacation and all that is an additional two days for me, tomorrow’s my last day before my time off. I place my clipboard on my desk before taking a seat on the couch. I grab my phone to call my mom. “Hello, dear. How are you?” She answers right away after a few rings. I lean on the couch more while adjusting my glasses higher. “I’m alright. I fixed everything I need to fix, I’m off by the day after tomorrow, now I’m just waiting for my ticket and pass to be emailed, for the flight and for the island resort.” I explain to my mom as clearly as possible.

He was the one who convinced me into this after all.

“That’s good son. Remember, you don’t have to feel bad for taking a break and just. . . enjoying yourself. It’s not a bad thing, okay?” She assures for the nth time. I roll out a sigh, my thumb repeatedly pushing the ball pen cap up and down, releasing my anxiety through it. “I know that, mom. I just. . . I just feel weird doing this at all. I mean, it’s only been six months since she passed away. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this as if I’m celebrating.” I mumble out, my tongue refraining me from giving her a coherent response. “For God’s sake, Kyungsoo-yah. . . For the millionth time, you should never feel responsible for anything that has happened. And don’t you forget what she did to you before she left, son.” She hisses, I could already sense her blood pressure rising once again with such topic.

I give out a frustrated chuckle.

“Yea, but it doesn’t mean I should feel good that she left just because she did something wrong, mom. I mean. . . we were about to get married. I. . . I still loved her.” I reply with the same intensity. “You were technically in a fixed marriage, son. . .  but anyway, just relax, okay. Don’t tire yourself too much. Remember, you might be saving lives but don’t take yours for granted.” She reminds, as always, finally making me smile.

“Thanks, mom.”

I did not consider it as fixed marriage. Yes, we were introduced by our families for a purpose and they tried to get us together through time. . . and all those times, I ended up learning how to love her. I was ready to create a family with her, I had so many plans for us. Having her assured me that my life was going somewhere, somehow. It might not be the deepest love I have ever felt but I knew our relationship gave us direction in life. Knowing that I`ll have a person to be with for the rest of my life was more than enough. Love, for me, was something you can just learn how to do.

But I guess, sometimes, we expect more from people because we know we`re willing to do the same for them. Then I realized we weren`t on the same place at all.

Especially now. . .

(Only the foreword contains the 1st person POV, the rest are 3rd person POV)

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey, it's Otornim! It's been a while and I know I've been leaving out unfinished fanfics couple times now, especially Gotta Be Yours(BaekhyunxOC) but after taking a break in the middle of writing it, it became really challenging when I came back. It's as if I've lost my power for the fic and I was lost in the story line. I really did not want to make any story until I finish it honestly but no matter how I try, I realized I just can't force it right now so I've decided to release this story that I've been wanting to do for quite a while now and come back to the other when I've adjusted with my new found soul writing this one(wtf Eudene). Explanation, things inside of me just generally changed, somehow, when I got into a relationship over a year ago and a lot of my perspective, especially in relationships and romance changed, not in a bad way, d'worry, we're still going strong, but anyway. . .

 At least in my opinion, I feel like I always do much better when I write Kyungsoo fics first, it eases me into writing a better Baekhyun fic. I love Baekhyun but of course, Kyungsoo is still my top leading man (lol)   Sorry for ranting, lol. 

Enjoy!