(Seol ah)

I woke up early in the morning and went to my old apartment. I didn't bring so many stuff with me since I won't need much, I only brought my clothes, books, and laptop. I bought a phone on my way here, I have to call Jake since he will come here this evening, he already knows that I'll be moving here.

It's been a long time... I miss this place, I miss this street and the corner store that used to sell my favorite ice cream. Myungsoo used to buy it for me every time he comes to see me, the image of him walking or driving me home can't leave my memory, I still remember how he used to smile to me and tell me to go in "Sleep well!" "Dream of me!" "I'll call you once I get home" "I love you" He used to say these words a lot back then. I came here to get away from him and forget him, but why am I only thinking about him?

 I opened the door and looked around... This place is still the same, nothing has changed. I have a lot of memories in here, it's full of happy memories and good times I spent with him, I would do anything for these happy days to come back. 

I tried to distract myself so I was organizing my stuff, but everything reminds me of him. Our matching outfits, all these things that he gave me, and this room who once was full of our laughter and sweet moments. I probably made the wrong decision by coming here, but I don't regret anything, he once was in my life and since I don't have much time to spend in this world I'll probably live by keeping him in my memory, no matter how much I hate him right now for doing that to me I just can't stop loving him and it's killing me. I don't care about what he did or will do... I wish... If only he was here with me, if only...

This is so painful, it's getting too hard to endure this pain, and these painkillers aren't doing anything anymore, they're so useless.

My heart is aching, all my body is aching... Am I dying? It was so unbearable that I took all the pills that I have just so I can make the pain go away. I haven't always been healthy but I never experienced any of this, I'm scared to death. I can't stay here alone, I'm losing my mind... I can't stop crying.

Myungsoo yah... I wish you were here... I don't care, I don't care anymore, I just want to see him at least one last time. Where is my phone? I have to call him...

Here it is..Why isn't he picking up... Please, Myungsoo... I suddenly started coughing severely... which made me fall to the ground. What's on my hand... Is this b-b-blood???  

(Instead of putting just the song/lyrics I prefer putting this music video with English subtitles. Imagine that the person in the video is Seol ah, that's exactly how she's feeling. And painkillers are all that she has right now )

My vision was blurry and I couldn't stand up, my phone was ringing but I couldn't reach it. Someone was knocking at the door.

"Seol ah! Seol ah open the door!! I know you're there! Can you hear me? Are you okay? Please open the door!!! It's me Myungsoo.." I heard his voice..

Myungsoo... I was calling his name, I was shouting but no voice was coming out, my eyes felt so heavy and I was dizzy, the pain started disappearing and Myungsoo's voice started fading away, am I dying?

(Myungsoo)

After I finished talking to the doctor I was still in shock and I didn't pay attention that there was a missed call from Seol ah. I was sitting on the floor holding my head... I still can't believe it. This has to be a lie, he's probably talking about someone else. 

I took my phone so I can look at her face... Oh... she called me... I kept calling her back but she didn't answer, she never called me in these last two months since the day we broke up. Something must have happened to her, I should go to her place.

I kept knocking on the door but nobody seemed to be there, a middle-aged woman came to me. "The girl that was living here just moved out this morning." She said.

"What? Do you know where did she go? Please tell me if you do... She's not okay... Please tell me, I have to find her." 

"She didn't say anything about where she is going. I'm sorry I have no idea where she is." She said.

"Didn't she mention anything at all? Like did she say that she's going to her hometown, or leaving the country or going to a friend's house? Please just try to remember... I need your help!" 

She kept thinking for a while then said "Oh! She said something about going back to where she used to be living but I don't remember much, I don't know where that place is."

"Thank you! Thank you so much." I said then quickly left.

She must have gone to her old apartment. I have to find her, why isn't she picking up for God's sake... 

I finally arrived in her place, I kept knocking on the door and calling her name but she wasn't responding, I heard the sound of something that fell on the floor, I know she's there but she isn't opening the door... She even changed the passcode number. What should I do? God... I'll just call the emergency, I was standing in front of the door walking back and forth about to lose my mind, why are they taking too long... 

I keep knocking and calling her but there is no answer. Suddenly, I saw someone coming towards me, a foreign guy around my age, "What are you doing here? Get lost." He said in an angry tone.

"Who are you?" I asked. But he wasn't responding. He was trying to lock the door, and he did. How did he know the passcode number? Who is he...

He glared at me. "You're the worst person I've ever seen, don't ever dare to come near her." He said and quickly got in.

I'm confused, I don't know who he is or how he knows the passcode number but that's not important right now, I have to see Seol ah and make sure she's alright.

Once he opened the door and we got in, she was lying on the floor lifelessly. And... Is that blood? I was so shocked to see her like that, where have I been all this time? How come I didn't know that she was this sick? My eyes widened and I covered my mouth with my hand, I froze in my place and I couldn't move... Eun Seol ah... why is she like that...

"What's with this empty bottle of pills? Oh my God Cassie what did you do... " He said as he was trying to wake her up.

"What are you doing? Call an ambulance quickly, she's not okay. Come on, what are you waiting for!" He said loudly.

"I-I already did..." I said with a trembling voice. 

"God, you're so useless." He said as he picked her up and headed out. 

I could hear the sound of the ambulance but I was still standing there in shock trying to understand what has just happened, I quickly got back to my senses and followed them but the ambulance had already left when I was out. 

I was shaking... And there was no taxi out there, wh-what should I do... I kept running until I got to the closest hospital from there. It was the one where I spent a couple of days, I asked for her room number and instantly went there.

They wouldn't let me in, I was going crazy. And there was that person from earlier standing on my way. "I told you to get lost." He said.

"Who are you to tell me that? Move away, I need to see my girl."

"Your girl? Now you finally remember she's your girl? Where were you all this time huh? Where have you been when she was suffering all alone? She was so sick, she wasn't okay but she still came here right after she heard that you were hurt. Anna's parents and I didn't want her to come here but she didn't even care about what we thought. She was just like "Myungsoo needs me, I have to be there for him." But you? All that you did was hanging out with other persons. You have no right to be here.  Get lost now before I make you. " He was so mad at me.

He was right... I'm the worst person ever. I left the girl I love the most when she needed me the most. She's dying now... I won't let this happen. I will save her. I have to save her no matter what.

I went to see the doctor and he told me about the surgery, but it has less than 10% chance to survive? I'm going crazy seriously... What should I do? What if we lost her in the middle of the surgery? I can't lose her, I can't live without her... My Seol ah... 

I was waiting near her room. I then realized that the person who was there is her friend Jake. I'm so grateful that he's there for her and he really cares about her but he's being too much.  I was sitting on the floor holding that necklace she gave me a long time ago, she loved me so much... Even though we weren't together, I used to watch her every day, she never saw me but I have always been with her... How can I live without her... Seol ah please stay with me... I'm so sorry, I'll never do that again, I'll never let you go... Just stay with me. So many tears were flowing down my cheek before I realized it. I love you Seol ah yah... Please tell me that it's just a bad dream and that you're fine and you will stay with me forever... Please, Seol ah yah... It's too early for you to leave this world, just stay a bit more and let's finish our life at the same time and day... I promise I'll stay next to you until then.

"Are you crying? Why are you still here? Just go back to your fans and glorious life. She doesn't need you anymore. She has me now, I won't let you hurt her anymore." Jake said.

The doctor came out from Seol ah's room. I quickly stood up. "Doctor, is she okay? Everything is fine, right? I want to see her!" Jake said.  

"She woke up now, she will have to stay here. I can't let her go anywhere like this. Her condition has gotten worse than I expected. But she is fine right now. You know that she doesn't have much time left right? I'm not sure if she'll be able to have the surgery like this." The doctor said.

After I heard this I slowly walked away looking at the floor, she's probably so mad at me and seeing me would make her even worse. I'd better just go away.

"Myungsoo-ssi, she's asking for you. She wants to see you." The doctor said.

"Me?" I said all surprised.

"She wants to see him?" Jake squeaked out.

"Yes, go see her. She's waiting for you." The doctor smiled at me.

I don't know if I'll be able to control my emotions when I see her but... God! I want to see her so bad.