(Seol ah)

I wiped my tears and got out of the room. Okay, Myungsoo, you did the right thing, I was thinking whether I should tell you what just happened or not and I was so worried that you'll be hurt because of me, but it's fine now that you decided to end this. This way you won't be hurt, I'll go through all of this alone.

I was on my way out when I suddenly bumped into someone. "I'm sorry,"  I said as I bowed then kept walking.

"Wait, who are you? Are you working here?" He asked.

"Um... not anymore, I'm...  Eun Seol ah."  I said.

"Eun Seol ah? Oh, you're the famous Seol ah? The one wrote some of Infinite songs and that one solo song L sang? You're quite talented. It's a pity that you're his ex-girlfriend." He said.

Ex-girlfriend? We just broke up but how does he know that already? Wait... Seems like everybody knows that except me... How did something like this happen so fast? What happened... Is he really sick me? Does that mean that what he said was true? ... he really doesn't feel anything for me anymore? How could he do that...

"But since you're not his girlfriend anymore, that shouldn't be a problem for us. I liked your songs, and I heard that they were quite successful. You're a good songwriter. It would be great if you can go back to what you were doing." He added.

"What are you talking about?"  I asked.

"Can't you get the hints? I thought you were smarter than that. I'm JYP CEO and we've now become one company. And I've been interested in hiring some talented songwriters, you must be so lucky that I've met you right at this very moment."  He said.

"Thanks for your offer but I'm not thinking about going back here. I have other things to do, excuse me." I was about to leave. 

 "You're gonna get paid three times more than they used to pay you. And you'll be working with famous people. Like really famous. I don't think you're in a place to refuse such an offer."   He said.

Seriously? Who does he think he is? I'm so done with these rich people, they only care about money and profits. They keep thinking that evryone is running after money just like them, that's so frustrating. I was so angry when I suddenly remembered what the doctor said. The surgery... I need money for that. I don't think I can stand seeing Myungsoo every day, I don't want to. But that's my only hope. I'll do it, at least until I get the money I need. And if everything goes well, I'll never come back here again.

"Think about it," He gave me his business card. " Call this number when you make up your mind." He said.

I went out and it was raining so hard again today. Why does it always rain when we break up? Everything became meaningless in a matter of few minutes. Should I just accept the offer of that person and leave once I'll be fine? But who knows if I'll survive after having the surgery? Or should I just go out and have fun since I'm still alive? I wanted to spend my last days with him... I guess I'll just go home, I'm feeling too weak to do anything. I'm crying again. Why does my life have to be like this? What did I do wrong? Why me?

(Myungsoo)

Two months have passed, Seol ah came back to the company. I overheard her conversation with JYP CEO but I didn't think she would accept his offer, she's not someone who does things she doesn't want to do for money, it's odd.

I keep watching her every time she's around, something must be wrong with her. I know she's sad and heartbroken because of our breakup but I just don't know, I don't have a good feeling about this.

I know I have to get myself together but I just can't... I keep thinking about her, I keep wanting to hug her, I keep wanting to be with her. And even now I'm waiting for her. She doesn't know that but I've never stopped worrying or caring about her, I always wait for her to get here every morning I'm here so I can see her face and make sure that she's okay. But I don't know why she's not here yet. While waiting for her, I kept looking at her pictures on my phone when a tear fell down my cheek. I felt someone holding me. I miss her back hugs. My Seol ah... I know she didn't believe me. I know that she knows I still love her so much and miss her every second. I was a fool, I was an idiot for sending her away, I want to hold her even tighter right now.

 I turned back to see her face and hold her in my arms. I missed being this close to her.

Wait... Suzy?? What are you doing? I thought... 

I suddenly saw Seol ah standing there looking at us. Wait! No, please no... 

She was standing there crying and when our eyes met she quickly ran away. I tried to follow her but Suzy stopped me.

"What are you doing? What on the earth did you just do Bae Suzy?" 

Suzy: You were crying... I just wanted to comfort you...

"That's not how... Ahh! What should I do now? She must have misunderstood..."

Suzy: Myungsoo wait...

"Not now Suzy! Not now, let's talk later." I said as I quickly ran to follow Seol ah but she wasn't anywhere near the company. Where did she go? I should keep looking for her, she must still be somewhere around here.

(Seol ah) 

I couldn't believe what I just saw... How could he do this to me? Everything was a lie... Everything was a freaking lie. He never loved me, why did he do this to me... I hate him, I hate him so much.

I run away as soon as he saw me, that's it. I'm going to die anyway I don't want money, I don't want to see him again. I just want to be left alone. I kept running until I got somewhere. I don't know where I am, and I'm so exhausted. I hate how I easily get tired, I hate being sick... I can't stand this anymore. I kept walking in no direction until... this place... I know this place. This is where I first met him... this pond... I haven't been here for so many years, I almost forgot about this place.

I slowly got closer to the place where I was sitting that day... This place... If I didn't come here...  I probably would have never been in any relationship with him. I wouldn't have been hurt like this, this place... I hate this place. I hate him.

No one was there. I was kneeling down crying and screaming "Yah Kim Myungsoo! Was I that easy to replace? It hasn't even been few months since we broke up and now you're already dating someone else? Were you always that into her? If you were then why were you with me? Why me? What did I do to deserve this... I loved you so much... I loved you so much, you liar. You're a really bad person... How could you do this to me? How could you..." 

I cried so much until I passed out.  I woke up in the hospital, a nurse said that someone was passing by, he saw and brought me here. She said that I needed to rest more and that I was too sick to go anywhere but I couldn't care less, I waited until she left then I quietly went out of the hospital. I don't care anymore.

I went to my apartment. I'm leaving this place. The apartment that I've been staying in was a place that is a bit close to the company. I didn't want to be there. I called the owner of the apartment where I was living a few years ago when I first came to Korea. I will go back there. I'm pretty sure he will have no idea I'll be there. Wait... Who am I kidding? He doesn't even care, it's not like he'll be looking for me or something. He has a girlfriend now. I have to move on and live peacefully until I die. I'm gonna get a part-time job so I can afford to pay rent and food and I'm gonna stay there for the rest of my life and die alone.

But I can't do all if this all alone... The doctor said that day after day, I'll get weaker and it'll get harder for me to do the daily tasks. I started to feel that already.He said that someone has to be there for me and take care of me... I'm scared, I'm so scared. I went to the closest shop to make a phone call. I broke my phone so I can't use it anymore.

I called Jake. He's the only person I thought of, I'm sure he'll be there for me, I don't want to be a burden for anyone but I need at least a friend to keep me company... I can't do this alone.

I told him everything and he said that he'll take the first plane to Korea and he will come here as fast as possible. 

I'm really thankful for having a friend like him.

(Myungsoo) 

I keep trying to call her but her phone is off again. I went to her apartment earlier but she's not there. Where did you go Eun Seol ah... Just where on the earth are you again?

(Next morning)

My phone started ringing, oh! I hope it's Seol ah!

Oh... this is the doctor who treated me. Why is he calling me all of sudden?

"Hello, Kim Myungsoo-ssi?" He asked.

"Yes, it's me, doctor. What's up?"

"You've been here a few months ago, and we're still keeping your number. I called to ask you about your girlfriend Eun Seol ah. I can't reach her, her phone is off. She was supposed to come yesterday in the morning to take her medicines but she didn't. It's really hard to find these somewhere else, and she must be in so much pain without them since she must have no pills left. Can you please tell her to come here as soon as possible?" He said.

"Wait... What are you talking about? What pills? And... pain? Why is she in pain? Is something wrong with her?"

"Didn't she tell you that she's sick? She has pancreatic cancer, she doesn't have much left to live. Also, she decided not to have the surgery. I hope you can be with her in such hard time. Even when she heard that she was dying, she only thought about you, she was so worried that you'll be hurt because of that." He said. 

No... That's not true. This can't be real. My Seol ah is... d-d-dying? Cancer? Sh-sh-she has cancer??? No, she's not. She's fine. She has to be fine. This can't be happening... 

What did I do?...

 She's... I left when she needed me the most... I'm so stupid. I'm so freaking stupid. 

Since the day she got here, she looked so pale and so weak... Yet she still took good care of me. But what did I do for her? 

I'll never forgive myself if something bad happens to her. I have to see her, I have to go see her right now no matter what.

(Seol ah)

(The night before)

I've packed all my stuff. I'm gonna be moving tomorrow. That's it. My pills are all gone now... Nevermind, I'll just get normal painkillers from the pharmacy.

I went to the pharmacy and brought painkiller and sleeping pills as well. I know I won't be able to sleep tonight after all that happened. I'll need them, I don't want to think about anything. I don't want to think about him... But I can't do that. 

I feel so lost without him... No matter what I do, no matter what he does, I still love him. I still miss him so much... why am I like this? He lied to me.. He likes someone else... He'll never be there for me again, but why am I doing this to myself? Why... Just why...