(Seol ah)

After a really long flight, we finally arrived in London. It's been a really long time, I haven't been here since Anna's death.

I missed the weather, it's quite cold even though it's springtime. I still remember being here in the airport with Anna couple of times, I still remember how she used to react when we finally meet after months. I'm going to her parents' house since I have nowhere to go. I was planning to stay in a hotel but when Jake talked to them and told them that I'll come back here they insisted that I should stay in their house. 

I'm so nervous, I feel so bad, and a part of me doesn't really wanna go there. How would I meet Anna's parents? I should have been there for them just like when they were there for me when I lost my parents. They lost their only child who was like a sister to me but all I did was running away. I never even called to check on them. 

Once we got to the neighborhood. I stopped for a second. Everything is still the same, the houses, the streets, the park. I missed these places. I missed my old life, my parents, and Anna... 

"Are you okay?" Jake asked, looking back at me as I stopped walking in the middle of the street.

"I'm... I don't know. I feel weird. Do you think it's the right thing to do? I don't think I can face them... maybe it will be better if I just stay in a hotel." I said looking down.

"Don't worry about that, I talked to them and told them everything. They were so worried about you and they can't wait to see you. Let's go! They must be waiting for us right now." He smiled at me as he grabbed my arm.

We're finally there. Right in front of the house. I took a deep breath as I heard someone opening the door. 

"Cassie? Are you finally here? We were so worried about you. I'm so happy to see again." Anna's mom said as she hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry for disappearing, I should've stayed in touch with you... I'm so sorry"  My tears started falling down. My eyes were already swollen from crying too much.

"Come in sweetie. We were waiting for you." Anna's dad said. Then continued."You don't have to apologize. We know that you've been through so much, and accepting that your only friend is not in this world anymore was definitely so hard for you, that's why we wanted to give you some space. The fact that Anna's not here anymore is still hard to accept for us too. But we don't want to lose you too Cassie, you're like a second daughter to us." 

"That's right, you're welcome here. Make yourself at home, you can stay here as long as you want. We already prepared a room for you. " Anna's mom said as she handed me and jake a cup of juice.

We were all sitting in the living room chatting. They've been asking me so many questions about all the 4years I spent in Korea. 

After two hours, Jake left to his place. Anna's mom wanted to show me the room I'll be staying in.  It was exactly next to Anna's room. She caught me staring at the closed door, it's been years but I still can't believe it, I still have a pointless hope that if I enter the room I'll see Anna standing there.

"Is it still..." I said with a shaky voice.

"Yes, it's still the same. Wanna take a look?"  She offered.

"Can I?" I asked with my eyes still focusing on that pink door.

"Of course, you're her best friend after all. You two have so many memories in this room. I probably have to leave you alone now. Be strong" She patted on my shoulder.

"Wait... I still don't know... It was so sudden. How did she pass away? Can you please tell me what happened?"

"Anna was sick, she had leukemia. She had it for three years. But we discovered that way too late. The doctor informed us that she didn't have much time left. When she first heard that, it was so hard for her. I still remember one day she came to me at midnight saying 'mom, I don't wanna die... It's too soon, I still want to do so many things in my life, I still have dreams.' Hearing her saying these words broke my heart. There was nothing we could do..." She couldn't hold her tears back.

"Why didn't you tell me this... I could have at least come, I could have been there for her, she was depressed but I had no idea about what she was going through... " I kneeled down and started crying.  

"It was her last wish... She knew she was going to die, so she wanted to go and see you. She wanted to spend her last days with you. Her father and I were surely against letting her travel like that but she kept insisting until we accepted. I was going to go there with her but... " She was crying too hard that she couldn't keep talking. "But...but for some reason, the night before we were planning to go to Korea her breathing became shallow and raspy so we had to call the ambulance in the middle of the night. She lost consciousness before the ambulance got here. By the time she was transferred to the hospital, she had already passed away. It was so sudden... She suffered so much in her last few days. She was always so tired, she even had difficulty eating because was sore, my little baby went through some really tough days"

 My heart was aching hearing that she went through a really rough time. She was dying yet she would call me every night. She needed me but all that I did was talking to her about how happy I was at my new university... I'm such an awful person. I didn't notice anything even when she talked to me for the last time at the same night she passed away...

Her mom left. I was still in front of the door, I finally opened it. 

Everything is still the same. The walls that are painted in grey and light pink. Her really comfy bed... And... the memory wall. All the pictures are still there. Our graduation pictures, our elementary school pictures, the Christmas cards I gave her, the huge teddy bear on her bed. It was her favorite thing in the world. And... The photo album she made after we graduated. I slowly took it. Every single picture in that album has a special meaning. I had a camera and I used to take so many pictures of nature and animals and her. Anna loved my pictures she was even collecting them and putting them in this album, at that time I was still confused about what I'll be doing after high school but I still remember her saying that I should be a photographer. She even said that she'll become my number one fan and she'll buy all my pictures... 

I took her music player. It was still there, no one has used it since she was gone. I turned it on and... oh my God this song... we loved this song so much, we used to sing it together. I put the headsets on and started listening to it with my eyes closed. That song brings back all the memories I had with her.

The lyrics hit me so hard. I never imagined I'll be here listening to this song by myself and crying in Anna's room. I thought that coming here will make me forget a little about Myungsoo but it's making it worse, this place makes me think of all the precious people that I lost. I wish he was here, I wish he would hug me at this very moment. I feel so lonely and it's killing me. I miss him so much.

(A few days later)

(Myungsoo)

 (In the morning)

I woke feeling so tired and dizzy. Is it the morning already? I don't remember when or how I fell asleep. I looked at my phone, it's 11 am. It's Sunday! I'm late, Seol ah will... wait! It was a nightmare, right? That was just a bad dream. She must be in her apartment now waiting for me.

I washed up and got ready, still trying to convince myself that what happened a few days ago was nothing but a bad dream. 

I went to her apartment wishing she'll be there. The pass code in her door is still the same, my birthday. 

I slowly entered, "Seol ah! Oppa's here, are still sleeping?" I called her name but something was strange. She wasn't responding. Seol ah always wakes up early, why isn't she responding? Is she sick? "Seol ah? Seol ah yah where are you?" I went to her bedroom. Her closet was empty, the bed was empty. Is she really gone? I was sitting on the floor next to her bed, waiting for her to show up but she never did. I can still smell her scent across the room. Every corner of this small place reminds me of her, of us, of our laughter that filled the place, our little fights, our love. How could she do such thing? Was it really that easy for her? Move on, she said? is that even possible? Where are you Eun Seol ah... Just where are you... I miss you

( A week later)

(In the practice room of Woollim Entertainment)

Sungyyu: Where is Myungsoo?

Sungjong: Isn't he with Suzy working on the duet?

Hoya: They usually work here. But he's not in the company.

Dongwoo: He's probably still in the dorm. 

Sunggyu: Didn't he say he'll come after us? 

Woohyun: I'm calling him but he's not picking up. 

Sungyeol: It's so unlike him... Since Seol ah left all he does is sleeping and getting drunk. He must still be in the dorm, he drunk so much yesterday.

Hoya: He did?

Sungyeol: Yes, everyone was sleeping when he came back home late at night, he passed out in the middle of the room, I had to carry him to his bad.

Woohyun: That kid... does he ever think of his image? you guys stay here, I'll go get him.

(30 min later, in the dorm)

Myungsoo: It's sunny! Close the curtains!

Woohyun: Yah Kim Myungsoo!!

Myungsoo: Just 5 more minutes... I'm sleepy!

Woohyun: Do you know what times is it? Did you forget who you are? What are you doing here? you're supposed to be in the company. 

 Myungsoo: I don't wanna go. I don't feel like doing anything.

Woohyun: Are you going to keep acting like this? Like you're the only one who's hurt? Yah Kim Myungsoo, man up! We all miss her, we were all her friends, she was like a little sister to me. Do you think that I'm happy now that she left? Do you think she'll be happy if you keep being like this? She did everything for you, you idiot! She broke her own heart and sacrificed her own happiness just so you can be more successful, so you won't leave Infinite. She even made a freaking deal with our CEO and she's been secretly crying and suffering because she had no other choice. Do you think she's the one who wanted to leave? She did everything for you and you're now being like this? ruining everything? Just getting drunk and sleeping all the time... Do you know how she's going to feel if she sees you like this? Can't you just stop it... 

Myungsoo: What did you just say? What are you talking about? She... did what? what deal? 

The shock was all over Myungsoo's face. He had no idea why she did what she did.