Chapter 14 - Before U Go

I won’t make any more small excuses
So make that kind of look on your face no more

Just know this before you go
That I was the one man who loved only you

- “Before U Go”, TVXQ

This was the moment. “This would be the last I can stand on this stage,” Jaejoong thought as he looked at the faces in the audience and tried to memorize each one of them who came to support him.

He's finished his set of songs at his Beginning of the End Concert in Seoul. In 2 days, he'll be leaving for the army, and he gave this time to say good bye to all his fans.

"Thank you... Thank you very much. It'll be a short time, so please be healthy and happy." He said and tried to cheer up the audience.

"Uhh.. Some people..." But the emotions got to him first. He teared up and couldn't speak. He bowed to hide his face and started to cry.

The fans too started to cry and shout his name.

He tried to keep it together but he crouched and couldn't face the audience. Standing back up, he said with tears in his eyes, “Sorry, I've told you I'll never cry." But right after saying that, he cried through the microphone and hid his face again.

He faced the audience while tears flowed in his eyes. "Frankly speaking... We... More than anyone.." He told them all as he weeped. "We've walked on the rough road together. More than any other singer... More than anyone." His voice shook and you could see the pain in his eyes.

Fans throughout the whole stadium cried with him. These were fans who lasted ever since TVXQ's debut days.

"But because we've spent such a hard time... Looking at it, we're strong," he said. "So, I thought the time of 2 years wouldn't be longer than we would expect... And I thought that we could endure it well... "

He started to cry again.

He looked at his fans who were crying with him. "As we've spent a hard time... And I didn't think I could endure those but... "

He confessed, "2 years will be a long time honestly." Then he cried even harder and crouched down. You could hear the wails of the audience who felt the same pain as him.

He looked at his fans with pain in his eyes, "You guys...  I was never parted from you for that long... Not even once." He remembered fighting so hard to reach his fans, but in the end it still has to come to this. It's like no matter how much effort he put, it wouldn't make a difference. He would be cut off from everyone once in the army. He cried through the mic.

Fans we're shouting "We love you" and “We'll wait for you!"

But Jaejoong was relating joining the army with so many things from his life. Back in the past, for mistakes, him and Yunho were beaten.. And Changmin and Yoochun and Junsu too... All of them were starved and did not get sleep. They performed through injuries and illnesses.. The five of them had to look out for each other. He fought and clawed to be free from that prison, but now he's going back to a similar place... This time, alone..

"Ah, if someone scolds me in the army, you can't protect me, can you?" He laughed through the tears.

"Aigoo... Makes me crazy!" He laughed softly and sighed.

He looked at the audience again, "I'm going to say goodbye." He walked away while wiping his tears...

"Thanks for coming today!"

This is it…

"Ah why did I cry... " But he couldn’t contain himself and broke down again. He sobbed heavily while his back was turned from the audience. Fans were screaming for him.

After a while he composed himself and stood up.

"Thank you for coming today! Thank you for giving me the best present." He waved goodbye. His tears have now stopped. "Thank you so much for making the best time for me before I enlist. Please wait for me to make the best time again.. Until I'm back don't waste your energy and keep to yourself! Please welcome me back with a smile. From the bottom of my heart... I'm so thankful to all of you today. Thank you very much."

He pointed at the back rows. "I saw you a little bit earlier! Thank you everyone seating in the back." And to the whole stadium, “I will come back safely! Thank you!" He waved to his fans who were cheering for him. "Go home safely! See you again! See ya!" He smiled widely as he went off the stage.

Backstage he was still tearing up. His manager and the staff were patting him, congratulating him and saying their goodbyes.

"This will be the death of me.." He thought to himself. He prepared and had already talked and said farewell to his family and friends who have supported him unrelentlessly...  and to Yoochun and Junsu who fought by him through these years... Now to his fans whose existence graciously allowed him to shine brightly...

Suddenly…  Yunho's face kept flashing in his mind... Yunho, the one who...  the one who... "Ahh!" He cried again.

If he could be totally selfish... It’s not fame or fortune that he desired.. but… deep down, he simply wanted to be by Yunho