“M-move in? With you?” Seungwan thinks that she misheard. There’s not way Jessica is asking her to move in. Not after just one date.

“Yes.” Well, Jessica certainly moves fast. She’s bewildering and Seungwan suspects she knows why Taeyeon’s relationship with her is so...unique.

That or Taeyeon’s got a masochistic streak the size of Greenland (much bigger than anyone suspects).

Seungwan doesn’t want to know.

“Why?” She fiddles with both sleeves and tries to ignore the stain on her shirt. They’re both pretending that Jessica didn’t burst into tears. And that Seungwan isn’t terrible at giving comfort. It’s for the best.

“Trust me on this. You move in with me, you’ll sort out those pesky feelings. How are you supposed to make an objective judgement when you are literally living with the girl of your dreams?”

Seungwan considers it carefully. Jessica has a point. She lives with Joohyun, she works with Joohyun, she spends every waking moment within Joohyun’s sphere of influence. It’s surprising that she didn’t notice until Jessica mentions it.

It’s an indication of how much everything is getting to her, that Seungwan genuinely contemplates accepting Jessica’s offer. Usually she would spend weeks agonising over a decision like this. She is horribly indecisive and she knows it. Everyone knows it. It’s a weakness that she has never remedied.

The offer is tempting, so so tempting, but she does not want to leave Joohyun. Not like this. There’s never been something of this intensity between them and she’s worried that she’s going to cross a line. She isn’t even sure where the lines are drawn. She hopes she hasn’t crossed any.

Yes, she wants to run away from her feelings. But she doesn’t want Joohyun to think that she’s abandoning her. Doesn’t want Joohyun to think that she’s being cast aside or replaced by someone else. She knows it is a fear that plagues her often. And Seungwan will willingly take all the hurt, if it means that Joohyun will be spared.

She thinks she might be too soft. She thinks Joohyun makes her too weak. Seungwan thinks that she should care, but she doesn’t.

She wants to move in with Jessica. But Joohyun...Joohyun is...

“Don’t think about her.” Jessica reads her mind. It is uncanny.

“I wasn’t.” Seungwan has never been a particularly good liar.

“Of course you are. I recognise that face. It’s my face. Don’t think about the consequences, don’t think about how she’ll react, just do what you need to. Moving out isn’t about her. It’s about you.”

Of course Jessica would be able to read her face. They may have just met, but the girl is already terrifyingly well versed in Seungwan’s many emotions. That and Seungwan has always been too expressive. It gives her away far too often.

“Isn’t it selfish? Just running away from it all? Joohyun-unnie deserves better than this.” ‘Better than me’ remains unsaid. She thinks that Joohyun deserves someone that’s less insecure, less cowardly, someone that’s nothing like Seungwan.

“You’re not running away forever. Sometimes you need to be selfish and put yourself first. Trust me. Being around her all the time doesn’t help at all. Once you move in, you’ll realise it too.”

“I...don’t know.” She is still hesitant, still unsure, much like always.

Jessica sighs. Eyes flickering down before boring into hers. They are cold and Seungwan flinches.

“Let’s talk feelings. So, you like Irene?”

“Yes. I like Joohyun-unnie.”

“Fine. Why?”

“W-what?” Nobody has asked her this before. They always commiserate with her, they always comfort her, they always let her take the easy way out. She never has to explain; they always side with her.

“Don’t play the fool Seungwan. We’re both better than that.” She should have known that Jessica won’t make this easy.

Jessica knows what Seungwan is thinking and feeling. Possibly better than herself. It alarms her more than it should. It angers her more that it should.

“Why do you want to know?” Seungwan hurls it like an insult, hoping that Jessica will be taken aback.

She isn’t. She just looks unimpressed.

“Are you this defensive because you don’t want to tell me? Or because you don’t know how to answer?” In that moment, Jessica no longer has any semblance of warmth or comfort. There’s a glint in her eyes that’s hard. And Seungwan knows that she’s being cruel to be kind. And that she’s been caught out.

“I-I...I’ll move in with you.”  She can’t answer the question, not right now; she knows that Jessica won’t accept anything else but the truth and she is not ready. She wonders if she ever will be.

Seungwan doesn’t even understand it herself. How is she supposed to explain it to someone else? How can she explain what Joohyun means to her? She knows it is feeling and fact, but she cannot put it into words. It remains nameless and formless and it haunts her so. 

“Thanks not the answer I was going for. But I’ll take it. I’m telling you now, if you can’t answer to my satisfaction by the time you want to leave, I won’t let you. We’ve bonded over this tragic , we’re tragic friends now and I’m not letting you this up. ”

It’s tough love. Jessica will help her even if Seungwan dislikes her methods. Out of everyone she’s asked, Jessica is the most confronting, the most helpful. The most alike.

Seungwan knows that if she doesn’t take this chance, she won’t get another one. So she grabs it with both hands and does not let go.

“I’m okay with that.” She has to be.

“Also, before you move in, you need to talk to her. Really talk to her. Tell her that you need time for yourself. That you need time apart. And most importantly, that you’re doing this for you, and it’s not her fault. She’s going to feel like this is an attack and you need to reassure her that it isn’t. Otherwise it’ll only get messier than it already is. Understand?”

“Yes.” Seungwan is already dreading the conversation. She can imagine the look on Joohyun’s face, see the anger and confusion that she’ll use to mask the hurt.

She doesn’t want to do this. She knows that she has to.

"Good. Now let’s work out the details. We need to make sure this doesn’t clash with your schedule. Do you have anything on soon?”

“Yea, but it’s all individual stuff.” They don’t have a comeback anytime soon and Seungwan had planned to spend months brooding over Joohyun and listening to sad songs. That’s not looking likely now. Jessica doesn’t seem like one to brood. She’s not likely to let Seungwan either.

“That’s actually pretty convenient. It’s fate!” Jessica claps twice before she continues. “How do you feel about moving in tomorrow?”

“Are you offering to help or?” Tomorrow is fine but Seungwan needs someone with a car, there’s not way she can make it all the way to Jessica’s apartment on public transport or a taxi. Especially not with her luggage. The media would go into a frenzy.

“Dear god, no. Manual labour is not my thing.” A vindictive smile slithers across her face. “I’ll call Tae to help you. She’s got a car and it’s the least she could do after leaving without a hello. She won’t say no. Not to me.”

“You do know she’s a little terrified of you, right? I can see why now.”

“That’s my charm. And it works!” Jessica tosses her hair dramatically.

“Does it really?” Seungwan raises an eyebrow.

“She keeps coming back for more doesn’t she? And you’re one to talk about scary women. Irene isn’t exactly sugar and spice and everything nice.” Jessica aims exactly where Taeyeon did. Seungwan wonders if it’s going to be a common occurrence.

“Yes she is.” Joohyun is all of those things and more.

Jessica whistles sharply. “Whatever you say, I’m not going to argue with you, you’re blinded by love. I’ll never win.”

“I am not blinded by love!”

“That’s the delusion talking, sweetie.”

They talk about other things, lighter things and it’s almost as if Jessica never cried and confessed and Seungwan isn’t moving in tomorrow. There’s a bubble of comfort surrounding them.

Taeyeon’s message brings them back to their harsh reality. Hey, I’m parked. I’ll wait for you in the lobby. Unless you’re not going home tonight. Which you better be, because I drove all the way here to pick you up.

She reads it aloud. Jessica rolls her eyes. “Tae is so passive aggressive. Wow. If she doesn’t want you to stay, she should just say so.”

“I should get going. Before she decides to come up here and drag me out.” Seungwan sneezes and it surprises her, that’s when she notices that Jessica’s apartment is a lot cooler than hers. She shivers in her seat and rubs her hands over her thighs.

“Ah, sorry.”

“Bless you.” Jessica slaps a hand over . The sound snaps into Seungwan’s ears and she winces. It sounded painful.

“Oh . I’m sorry. I cried all over you, you must be freezing. I’ll go and get you something warm.”

“And dry!” Seungwan calls after her.

“That too!”

That’s when she remembers Krystal’s blazer. And it’s nightmare fuel price tag.

“Can you get me a jacket too? I need to return this to Krystal but I don’t see her often enough. Not to mention I don’t know what to return it in.” Mentioning that’s she’s terrified of the price probably isn’t a good idea. Especially not to Jessica. Definitely not to Jessica.

“Yea sure, I’ll grab you a hoodie. I’m sure you’ll be able to return those easily, since you’re  moving in and all.”

Seungwan types out a reply while she’s waiting for Jessica to return. OMW! Thanks for coming back to pick me up.

Soft things hit her in the face one by one and drop down into her lap. It feels familiar.

“Did you just throw clothes at me? God, that is such a Krystal move!”

“Actually, it’s a Jessica move. She learnt it from me. Now go get changed and head down before Tae thinks you’re having your wicked way with me. You don’t want that. Though...jealous Tae is pretty cute...”

“Get changed here?!” She chooses to ignore Jessica’s last words.

“What no. The guest room is down the hall, second door on the right. Get acquainted. You’ll be sleeping there when you move in.”

“Oh thank god.”

“Tae’s still waiting you know.” It’s said sugary sweet and Seungwan bolts.

She  dashes into the guest room with an arm full of clothing and rushes to get changed. Only when she’s fully clothed does she realise that she’s in a soft grey shirt and a pink hoodie. It’s a very Jessica ensemble. And it does not suit her in the slightest. She hopes that it isn’t Blanc & Eclare.

She hears Jessica yell out. “If you’re done in there, I’ll be waiting by the door. Just leave the shirt and blazer on the bed, I’ll take care of them.”

Seungwan does as Jessica says.

She thinks about familiarising herself with the room, but decides not to. Taeyeon is still waiting and she doesn’t want a repeat of whatever it was this afternoon.

Looking back now, Seungwan understands. At least, she thinks she does. Jessica has feelings for Taeyeon and Tiffany. Taeyeon and Tiffany have feelings for Jessica. Except  they’re not doing a goddam thing about it except setting Jessica up with other people. And Jessica goes along with it to spend more time with them.

Taeyeon was obviously not happy about her date with Jessica. So Seungwan ponders why they even planned it to begin with. There’s obviously something there between the three of them.

They could be happy. If only they'd let themselves.

Then again, things are already needlessly complicated between her and Joohyun, and there’s only the two of them. Not to mention, Taeyeon, Jessica and Tiffany have a decade of emotional baggage to sort through.

It’s none of her business, but she’s still curious. Who fell for who first? Was it mutual at the time? Who made the first move? Why did Taeyeon and Tiffany end up together, and not Taeyeon and Jessica? Or Tiffany and Jessica?

These are all questions that Seungwan knows she won’t receive answers for. She might if she asked. It’ll probably reopen old wounds and cause unnecessary mental anguish to everyone involved. She decides not to pry. Her own heartache is enough.

She’ll find out eventually. It’s a curious tangle of thorns and Seungwan is too closely involved to come out unscathed. Especially now.

She hurries out to meet Jessica at the door. She’s leaning back casually against it, hands behind her head, feet crossed at the ankles.

“So, do I get a kiss too?” It’s said with a pout and Seungwan rears back due to some base instinct.

“W-what?” Seungwan thinks that her heart might give out if Jessica is always like this.

“Krystal got one.”

“I’d really rather not. I want to make it home alive.”

“Awwwww. Fine. Be a spoilsport.”

“I’ll do a hug though?” Taeyeon won’t mind a hug will she?

“Eh. Good enough.”

It’s not much of a hug. Their statures are too similar and since they both tend to raise their arms when hugging, it ends up as chest bump instead. Seungwan is the one that’s knocked back. Jessica is the stronger one, after all.

She finds Taeyeon leaning against a counter in the lobby, hood drawn over her head and face mask on. Her eyes seem to be glaring and she waves Seungwan over without a word.

She stomps off to the car in silence and Seungwan follows. She thinks carefully about how to break the news that she’s moving in with Jessica. She doesn’t notice that Taeyeon’s stopped until she bumps into her.

“Sorry.”

“What is this?” Taeyeon whirls around and holds her phone in front of Seungwan’s face with accusing eyes. She sounds absolutely  devastated. Tae, will you please help Seungwan move in tomorrow? We’re pretty close now. She’ll owe you one. X

Seungwan swears Taeyeon’s heart breaks then and there. It’s a sharp, clear sound and she can feel the hurt.

Taeyeon’s heart breaks in that dingy underground parking lot and there’s nothing Seungwan can do to prevent it.

’s sake, Jessica. Now, Seungwan doesn’t know her well at all, but she can say with complete confidence that pulling something like that is classic Jessica. She’s not even giving her a chance to slowly ease Taeyeon into it.

She slumps against the car door, posture screaming defeat. Her shoulders start to tremble and Seungwan knows that she’s going to start crying soon. When Taeyeon cries, she won’t listen to reason.

Seungwan blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“It’s not what it looks like.” She squeezes her eyes shut. It’s cliche and clearly not the right thing to say. She doesn’t know why she said it.

Taeyeon slides down to hug at her knees, hair falling over her face. She looks smaller and sadder than Seungwan’s ever seen and she’d lean down to hold her, if she didn’t know that Taeyeon would flinch at the touch. She doesn’t want Seungwan anywhere near her right now.

“She wasn’t supposed to like you this much. It’s not meant to be this way. We didn’t think she would...” The words are choked out of a gasping throat, Taeyeon looks as if she’s struggling to breathe.

Her words rouse something inside of Seungwan. Icy and growling, it curls protectively around Jessica. She bares her teeth and chooses her words carefully. She wants this to hurt. She needs to make a point.

“She loves you. You bloody idiot. It doesn’t matter who you throw at her, it doesn’t matter what excuse you make up, it’s not going to work. Girls like Jessica are willing to wait forever. No matter how miserable it makes them.” Seungwan knows this because she knows herself. She knows that she’s a girl like that.

“We just want her to be happy.” Seungwan thinks that they're idiots. The lot of them. And that she is one too.

“Then get your head out of your and make a move. And I mean a good one. Not one where you two throw her at someone you know she won’t like and then pretending that you’re doing her a favour. That’s a ty move.”

“When did you get this wise, kiddo?” Taeyeon’s upright again. She no longer looks like she’ll break at the slightest touch.

“When you set me up with someone you both love and she hit me in the face with the cold hard truth. Repeatedly.”

“She does that, doesn’t she.”

“Yea.”

“I’m sorry Seungwan. I wanted to help and ended up getting you involved in all this.” Taeyeon attempts to surreptitiously wipe at her eyes.

Seungwan averts her gaze.

“It’s fine. Jessica knocked some sense into me and I’m going to make you get your together and then get you guys together.”

“Wow, she really sank her claws into you.

“And whose fault is that?”

“Down kitty, down.”

It’s late when Seungwan returns to her building.

The elevator is out of order and she has to go up seven flights of stairs. Her calves are on fire by the time she gets to her floor. Her phone battery is running low and the darkness is daunting.

She lets out a long, relieved sigh when she finally enters the safety of home. She had found all the shadows vaguely threatening on the walk up. A light bulb had even flickered ominously before going out. Seungwan needs to watch less horror movies.

She hums a cheerful tune quietly as she pads inside. She doesn’t turn on the lights, instead she uses her phone to see. All the members are sure to be asleep. There’s no way she’s risking waking them up, not when there’s bound to be questions about her late arrival home. She does not want to deal with Sooyoung or Yerim tonight.

Joohyun. She freezes when she remembers Joohyun. She spins stiffly on the spot and turns to face the couch. No Joohyun lurking about. Seungwan relaxes and heads off to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

When she’s all finished, she tiptoes into her room, ready for a good night’s sleep. Jessica’s shirt is really, really comfortable and Seungwan really wants to sleep in it. Nobody has to know. She does not want Taeyeon to get the wrong idea.

Her bed looks heavenly and Seungwan dives onto it. She lands next to the lump of blankets with a bounce and buries her face into a pillow. It’s warm and it smells like Joohyun. Seungwan sighs in contentment. In fact, it smells exactly like Joohyun.

Seungwan freezes when the blankets move. Arms wrap around her waist and pull her backwards, until she’s lying flush against a soft body. She feels warm breaths against the back of her neck.

She doesn’t need to turn around, she always recognises Joohyun’s embrace. She's missed it. But Seungwan is strong and she will not yield.

“Seungwan-ah.” It’s mumbled into her ear, sleepy and soft and Seungwan melts. She doesn’t usually get to experience Joohyun like this. She decides to indulge, if only for a little while.

“Unnie, what are you doing here?” Her breath catches slightly when deft fingers start to trace patterns over her stomach.

Joohyun nuzzles into her, nosing beneath her jaw and somehow getting even closer before she answers, “I missed you and you weren’t home and your bed smells like you...and...and…” she trails off with a yawn, face still buried in Seungwan’s neck.

Seungwan knows that in her sleepy state, Joohyun is at her most vulnerable. And her most honest. That if she asks anything, Joohyun will answer. She catches Joohyun’s fingers and smoothes over them, holding them still. She tamps down the temptation. She will not ask tonight. Not when Joohyun will tell her something else tomorrow.

“Shhhh. It’s ok. Just go to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

But not the day after. As much as she wants to stay in Joohyun’s arm’s forever, she has to leave. It’s for the best.

She gives Joohyun tonight.