Joohyun acts unusual after that night and Seungwan doesn’t know if she's just overthinking or if it’s actually occurring.

Seungwan feels her gaze, intent and burning, whenever her back is turned, but the moment she faces Joohyun, she’s always on her phone or folding clothing, eyes averted. She hasn’t caught Joohyun staring at her at all, which is more suspicious than catching her. She should ask Joohyun about it, she should make any sort of overture. But Seungwan is not brave, though she wishes she could be.

She is trying to be subtle. And if it were anyone else, it would work. But Seungwan knows Joohyun like a well loved, well worn book. And Seungwan is slyer than anyone suspects.

She’d spent so long paying attention to Joohyun that she’s unconsciously picked up on her habits. It starts small: she remembers favourite drinks and fabric softeners and it grows from there, they end up sharing dreams and hopes and things best left unsaid, and as Seungwan learns more about her, she falls deeper.

Seungwan doesn’t notice she’s falling at first. She’s taking small steps toward Joohyun when the ground crumbles beneath her feet, and she goes down, down, down. She realizes after, when she’s battered and bruised, and stuck within impassable walls. She’s fallen and she can’t get back up. Seungwan can claw at the walls all she likes, she'll end up with bloody fingers and torn nails, having not moved an inch.

Whatever she feels for Joohyun, it’s hard to get rid of, it’s difficult to face and Seungwan wants to run, but she can’t.

It won’t go away. Not with the amount of time they spend together, not with how wonderful she knows Joohyun is. Joohyun is caring and Joohyun is kind, she takes care of Seungwan and everybody else because that’s just the kind of person she is. Sometime she wishes that Joohyun was cruel, beautiful in looks and terrible in temperament. She thinks it would be easier to hate her then.

Hating Joohyun would be easier than whatever she feels now.

And Joohyun knows the way she feels. Seungwan had seen the comprehension in her eyes, the minute parting of her lips, and the tenseness that had not left her for days.

And all Seungwan can do is wait. She made her move, accidentally, but made none the less. It hovers between them, unwilling to leave. There should be a push and a pull, they should be giving in equal measure to whatever is between them. But they don’t. So Joohyun pretends nothing happened and Seungwan lets her.

In the middle of the night, when she’s lurking in the stairwell and listening to songs she knows will make her sad, Seungwan allows herself to indulge in idle fantasies. It’s always a different world. One where Joohyun is hers and she is Joohyun’s. One where Joohyun answers Seungwan’s feelings with her own.

She still does not know what Joohyun feels for her. She knows Joohyun is afraid. But she does not know why. Is she fearful of Seungwan’s feelings ruining their group dynamic? Is she scared of Seungwan’s uality? Is she afraid they’re too close? Her reaction to Seungwan's date can be interpreted multiple ways.

Pretending that nothing happened is not an answer. But it is the one Joohyun chose. And Seungwan will respect that.

But right now, Seungwan is confused. She respects Joohyun's decision, yes, but it doesn’t give her any sort of closure. And so here she stays, trapped in a pit of unrequited feelings, unanswered and brushed aside.

Seungwan wishes that she has somebody to confide in. Somebody that understands exactly what she’s going through, somebody that has or had feelings for a group member, somebody that will be able to give her decent advice. Advice that is painful and harsh and true.

Because as much as she appreciates being set up on dates and encouraged to move on by Tiffany and Taeyeon, she knows that unless she resolves whatever is between her and Joohyun, nothing will help.

They are comfort and consolation, but she needs the bitter truth.

Seungwan stands in the kitchen desperately trying to get her steak done the way she likes. The other girls had looked horrified when she mentioned that she liked her steak rare, apparently it’s too bloody. Weaklings, the lot of them. She likes her beef juicy. Lots of people do.

There’s oil and heat and smoke and she lets her guard down enough that she doesn’t notice Joohyun sneaking in.

She forgets that the older girl is home with her. Which is a rookie mistake because Joohyun is always home. She’s a homebody and will not leave the house unless she absolutely has to.

To this day, Seungwan’s only ever seen her step outside of her own free will once and that was when she had run out of fabric softener. She had come home looking like a feral cat, eyes large and teeth bared, shaking from head to toe, and clutching the bottle like a lifeline.

Whenever Seungwan sees that the fabric softener is getting low, she swings by the supermarket and picks up a new bottle. She likes shopping alone, she can spend as long as she wants thinking about what to buy.

Joohyun speaks when she’s cutting up the beef and Seungwan nearly slices off a finger. “I finished up the laundry. I put your things on your bed. They’re still warm and they smell nice.”

None of this is new, and Seungwan greatly appreciates her actions, but Joohyun usually doesn’t go out of her way to give status updates. There’s probably something she wants if Seungwan’s being cornered like this.

“Thanks, unnie. Did you want some steak?” She gestures to the meat on the chopping block with the tip of her knife.

Joohyun takes a long look at the bloody meat. She tries to look like she’s seriously considering it, but Seungwan knows better. Joohyun swallows heavily, gaze flitting between the bloody meat and Seungwan’s face.

“T-thank you, but I’ve already eaten.” Her response is whispered to the floor.

Seungwan, who’s been in the kitchen the entire day, knows that she’s lying, but Joohyun’s trying not to be rude, so it’d be mean to point it out.

“More for me then. I need the protein anyway. It’s summer soon, so, 'sun’s out, guns out'.” She lifts the meat with the blade of her life, slides it onto the plate, and drizzles the sesame sauce over it. She moves to leave the kitchen, knowing that if Joohyun has anything more to say, she’ll have to say it now.

“The blazer…” It’s mumbled under her breath and Seungwan wouldn’t have heard it if she didn’t have sharp ears and wasn’t hyper-aware of Joohyun’s presence. She pretends not to hear. If Joohyun wants to talk, she’ll have to make an effort. Seungwan’s been on edge for weeks and she isn’t going to make it easy.

“I left the blazer on your chair.” Joohyun is louder this time and Seungwan makes a point to stop.

She had honestly forgotten about Krystal’s blazer. She remembers putting it on a hanger and then she’s not too sure what she did with it afterwards. Seungwan should really return it. On one of her off days, when she had been incredibly bored, and without anything to do, she’d browsed the Blanc & Eclare website for fun.

She’d never really understood high fashion. The pieces are either extravagant and completely impractical, or they’re so generic that Seungwan could pick some up at the market at a fifth of the price tag.

Maybe she’s just not a fashion person. Seungwan wears things that are casual and comfortable and doesn’t require much ironing. Sometimes she thinks that Joohyun’s wardrobe consists entire of pieces that have to be ironed.

That specific blazer is part of some collection or other and the price tag had made her jaw drop. She really, really needs to return it soon. The longer it stays in her room, the more stressed she’s going to get.

“Thanks for reminding me. I need to return it soon. It’s just been hanging in my room for ages. Should I fold it and put it in a little bag? Or should I get one of those garment bags?” Seungwan has never had to return such a fancy item of clothing before.

“There’s actually quite a few recommended folds for transporting suit jackets and blazers. I’ll do it for you and then I’ll put it in one of the canvas bags that Sooyoung hid around the house.”

“The custom fruit ones?”

“Yes.”

“I wonder how many they got.”

After their latest comeback, Sooyoung and Yerim had all but forced Seulgi to design fruit versions of all of them. They had then proceed to purchase an untold number of bags with the designs. She had found one in the fridge and another beneath her pillow. Apparently one had also been stuck to the ceiling of Seulgi’s room. Seungwan does’t know why they did what they did. She suspects that they just like the chaos.

“Are you going to see her again?” Joohyun sounds a little too nonchalant, apart from the emphasis.

“Who?” Seungwan questions, sharp and severe.

"Your date.”

“Probably. I need to return her blazer.”

“That’s not what I meant.” It comes out more aggressive than either of them expect. Joohyun recoils, as if surprised by her own vehemence.

Seungwan sighs. Joohyun has straightened to her full height. She’s always been the shorter one of the two and literally staring her down is one of Joohyun’s favourite intimidation techniques. Why is she even interested in Seungwan’s date?

“What did you mean then?” She crosses her arms and stares right back.

“You know what I mean.”

“No. I don’t know what you mean.” Body language can only tell you so much. And Seungwan’s had enough. She digs her nails into her palms and relishes in the sting.

She doesn’t want to hurt her. She doesn’t want to scare her. She wants Joohyun to be happy and healthy and carefree, and if it means keeping her emotional turmoil buried, then Seungwan will do that. Joohyun means so much to her, and Seungwan does not want to damage their relationship beyond repair.

Being around Joohyun these past few weeks is driving her insane. She’s been keeping her emotions on a short leash, suppressing them and ignoring them, unwilling to let them lose in case she distresses Joohyun.

But Seungwan is terribly, terribly human and it doesn’t matter how hard she tries to be good, she’s bound to slip up eventually.

Seungwan is nice, she is selfless, she gives too much and takes too little. She quashes all selfish desire, any negative emotion, and puts everyone else ahead. She keeps it all under lock and key and makes sure to never slip up.

It’s that aspect of her that now wakes. It roars, furious, from the deep, dark forgotten parts of herself that Seungwan ignores.

“Because you never explain. Because you never give a single, tiny hint about what’s happening in your head. I can’t read minds you know.” Seungwan knows how it feels to hurt. And Seungwan knows how to hurt.

Joohyun looks shocked. There’s a nervous flick of pink tongue before perfect teeth sink into a lower lip. She takes in a deep breath, gathering herself. “What’s gotten into you? This isn’t like you at all, Seungwan.”

Just because she puts Joohyun on a pedestal doesn’t mean she’s ignorant of her flaws. It seems that she knows Joohyun better than Joohyun knows her. The gnawing bitterness inside her multiples tenfold at the realisation and Seungwan chuckles, mirthless and cold.

“This is exactly like me. It’s not my fault you didn’t notice.”

She moves swiftly out of the kitchen. This time it is Joohyun who’s left behind.
 

Seungwan finds herself on Taeyeon’s couch once again. Taeyeon and Tiffany look suitably terrified and she sits in quiet satisfaction. She takes a sip from her apology tea. It’s just the way she likes it. She can practically taste their despair and it is exquisite.

She tries to remain displeased, but finds that she can’t, not with the two of them looking so apologetic. They’re on their knees, looking at her with large, guilty eyes and she can’t find the heart to stay angry. She’d gotten a little revenge early today anyway. Seungwan wonders when they’ll notice.

After erupting at Joohyun yesterday, she finds herself more mellow and relaxed. There’s no longer any tension in her shoulders and she had slept like the dead last night. She is also far more receptive to apologies that she should be.

The room is brightly lit today and not as ominous as before. Krystal’s sprawled on a nearby beanbag sipping bubble tea. It’s a welcome surprise.

Seungwan starts off, “I’m not angry, I’m ju-“

“Disappointed?” She glowers very, very slightly at Krystal’s interruption.

“Yes, thank you.”

“No problem, dad.”

Tiffany somehow thinks that this is an appropriate time to cut in.”Ohhhhh. .” She wiggles her eyes brows suggestively. Seungwan and Krystal somehow manage to blurt out denials at the same time.

“I’m not into that.” “She’s not into that.” Someone gives away more than they should.

“Well, well, well. This is enlightening.” There’s a gleam in Tiffany’s eyes that Seungwan is beginning to recognise. It’s the look she gets when she plots. It never ends well for those involved.

“I don’t get it?” Taeyeon is confused. She turns from person to person, looking for answers.

There’s a quiet sigh before Tiffany leans down to whisper in her ear, When it’s over, Taeyeon is a scandalised red and very, very quiet. She mumbles something inaudible before fleeing the basement.

“So, how was the date?” It’s Tiffany that breaks the silence, so blasé that Seungwan has to blink twice.

“It was good.”

“Well obviously, I’ve been told we’re pretty great at this.” Her smug grin is infuriating. Seungwan didn’t know it was possible for Tiffany to look this annoying.

“It was good, but Krystal isn’t looking for anything serious and I’m hung up over Joohyun-unnie. Did you think setting me up with random people would magically make my feelings for her vanish. This isn’t a movie you know.”

“Hey! I’m not random people!”Krystal chooses this moment to pipe up. Seungwan ignores her.

“I need help dealing with my feelings. I don’t need to meet somebody new. And I don’t need to go on more dates.” When Seungwan stares her straight in the eyes, unblinking. Tiffany’s eyes stop twinkling.

“Did you feel better after?” Taeyeon interrupts, making her presence known to the room. There’s half a bottle of soju in her hand and she’s swaying slightly. Tiffany hurriedly pulls her onto the couch.

“I…” Seungwan thinks back. She had enjoyed herself and she had felt better after.

“I did.” It comes out only slightly grudging.

“Then that’s all that matters. Tiff and I aren’t setting you up with people just for fun. Well we are, but it’s not just romantically. You’ve been spending too much time around Joohyun-ssi. You don’t like going out and that’s fine.” Taeyeon puts the bottle to her lips and takes loud gulps.

Tiffany continues for her. “If you stay in the house, you’ll be around her. You’ll be in your own room, doing your own thing, but we all know she’ll get into your head one way or another. These dates are a way of helping you let off steam. If you laugh and eat and enjoy yourself, you’ll be less likely to think about her.”

“Exactly!” At Taeyeon’s exclamation, Tiffany turns to stare into her yes. After a beat, they nod at each other and Taeyeon takes back over.

“Look, trust us ok. You’ll either meet someone that will sweep you off your feet or you’ll have fun, expand your comfort zone, and make some new friends. There are practically no downsides. Just think of it as hanging out with friends. Who you might or might not be into. Doesn’t matter, just have fun."

Seungwan considers their words. They have a point. And her night with Krystal was the most relaxing thing she had done in a while. Even if it was completely unexpected.

“Our date was pretty cool wasn’t it?” Krystal smiles at her, earnest and puppy-like and Seungwan can’t help but smile back.

“Yes it was.”

“Good.”

“Seungwan?”

“I want to keep doing this.”

“Good. Can you think of anything else that might help?”

“Not at the moment. No.”

“Ok. Well if you do, tell us okay? We like feedback and we’re doing this to help you out. If you feel uncomfortable or just don’t want to, we can stop at anytime.”

“I will. Thank you, Tiffany-unnie, Taeyeon-unnie.”

“Oi! Thank me too!”

“I already did. After the date. Remember?”

“Yea. You didn’t look that moved though!”

“Well you weren’t that moving. Oh. Also, I still have your blazer.”

“Huh. I was wondering where that went.”

“When do you want it back?”

“Keep it for a bit. Wear it on your next date. I helped out with this one.”

“…..”

Seungwan worries about Krystal’s matchmaking skills.
 

Seungwan’s in her room, dusting off her bookshelf when her phone vibrates multiples times. She knows it’s about her date tonight. She thinks it’s pretty terrible planning telling her about her date on the day.

She should probably tell them that.

Instead of instructions, she gets three very, very long messages.

Ok. Well your next date is tonight. I’ll come and give you a lift. You’ll be eating at her house today, so you don’t need to worry about being hounded by the paps. Ok, here’s some advice. If there’s a piece of decor that doesn’t match, DO NOT comment on it or she’ll glare at you for the entire night. DO NOT get any food on her outfit, because she WILL end you. DO NOT ignore her and play with your phone or she’ll log into your account and change your password so you’ll have to pay attention to her. And lastly, treat her like the princess that she is or I WILL end you. Good luck, knock ‘em dead kid.

Taeyeon seems to have a very interesting relationship with her date, whoever it is.

She moves on to the next.

Don’t worry sweetie, you’ll be fine. She’s lovely and nowhere near as scary as she looks. Though Tae might tell you differently… Make sure you compliment her hair and makeup, she always spends ages getting it perfect and eyeliner like that deserves to be recognised. Oh and TALK to her. Not small talk, talk talk, the deep stuff, you know what I mean. You remind me of her, you know. You’re both quiet people with loud personalities when people get to know you and I think that the two of you have the potential for a beautiful friendship. Oh and if you hurt her, I’ll have to bring out the burn book. Good luck, hun. xoxo T

After reading through Tiffany’s vaguely threatening message, Seungwan opens Krystal’s.

Ok. Pro tip. You want to look good, because otherwise, even though you are a top shelf cutie, you’ll look like a hobo next to her. Trust me on this. Remember the blazer I so chivalrously lent you? Wear it. Trust me. You’ll score bonus points. Ok, well that’s all the date advice I got. You’re both old-fashioned anyway. You can talk about things ‘back in the day’ and all that. Pls don’t die.

She now has a very, very good idea of who her date may be. Oh dear.