You Drove Me To This by 1234cve
Requested: January 24, 2012
Completed: January 28, 2012
Title [ 10 / 10 ]
Creativity:It clearly relates to your one shot. Also, it is the most important line in the entire piece which I suppose was good considering the genre.
Characters [ 20 / 50 ]
Development:Even for a one shot the characters were far too abrupt in manner and consistency. Furthermore, I’m not sure if you meant for it to be drabbles but the piece itself was very short when compared to the plot.
Ryeowookwas rather crazy even though he was normal. You also didn’t expand on his background and his connections. Thought it was a one shot, there was still plenty of room and time for you to talk about it.
Kyuhyun was a normal guy, nothing spectacular or interesting about him.
Sungmin was a bubbly, cliché personality.
Voice:Kyuhyun and Sungmin could’ve been the same person with their lack of difference in speech and body language. Their thoughts were similar as well and the only notable difference was Sungmin’s more feminine nature.
Ryeowook had his own psychotic voice.
Grammar/Spelling [ 23 / 25 ]
Correct Usage:Your grammar was fine for the most part. There was nothing consistently bad about it.
Tenses:There were no problems with your tenses for the most part.
Plot [ 33 / 75 ]
Intrigue:One-shots usually have eye-catching plots to make up for their lack of ability to properly develop their characters. However, your plot was lacking in believability because you tried to rely on your character’s emotional instability. Using characters as the main support for one-shot style stories is dangerous and ends up making everything a bit over the top.
Originality:I suppose it was original. The main reason it was original was because of how hysterically crazy it all was. Its lack of realism was what made it stand on its own.
Mark Downs: Your plot was weak. Cast aside any characters, style, etc. The plot by itself was inept.
Story Structure [ 45 / 75]
Point of View Coordination: Yes you did. That was good. I’m glad you didn’t do any POV flip-flopping. Authors try to do that with one-shots and it just doesn’t work.
Realism (in terms of story setting): As I said in the Plot portion, there’s a lack of realism. If there isn’t a lack of realism, then you didn’t inform your readers about what made the story realistic. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense.
You see, it felt like you knew what was going on with all of the allusions but as readers, we had no idea what those allusions were well, alluding to. With one-shots it’s somewhat blatant, but you have to tell us what is going on because there’s so little time to explain everything in a crafty way.
Functionality: You gave too much room to think. We ended up confused and coming out with the general thought “Okay…so Ryeowook was a psycho and killed his ex-lover and Sungmin.”
Style [ 24 / 60 ]
Personality:There was nothing particularly outstanding about your style of writing in this particular piece.
Description: There isn’t much description to critique.
Dialogue: Your dialogue is fine in formatting and wording. It came naturally for the most part. There’s nothing much to say since the piece was so short.
Clichés: The idea of having Ryeowook want revenge against his cheating ex has been used before. The non-cliché part was him killing everyone…sort of. I’ve seen that before too but it certainly wasn’t as common as the revenge-seeker idea.
“Flow”: The pacing is ridiculously quick. There’s no time for us to absorb anything and the change in Ryeowook’s personality and actions is way too out there. He suddenly decided that it was time to kill Kyuhyun for betraying him. All of it happened within a day – by what I could tell. I’m not sure if you meant to have a time lapse but if you did, it wasn’t evident.
Formatting:The font, again, bothered me. I understand that you may want to write in 13.5 font but it is a bit misleading in terms of length. I suppose you could’ve used more “bulk” in your story because it appeared that you struggled with lengthening your pieces.
Literary Devices [ 2 / 5 ]
Metaphors, similes, alliteration, aphorisms, repetition, etc. : Some.
Extras/Bonuses [ 1 / -- ]
Readers Enjoyment: They appeared to like the story.
Particular Snippets of…: There was nothing that really popped out at me except for the dialogue spoken by Ryeowook as he killed them and then himself.
Enjoyment:It was too fast for my tastes. If I’m going to read something heavy I expect more development, even from a one shot. There were good and bad things about the piece so I’m not saying that it was dreadful to read.
Total [ 158 / 300 ]
I like Kyuwook. This piece split up my Kyuwook. There’s nothing else I really have to say since I’m assuming this was written before your re-upload of “Love Isn’t Blind”. If it was written afterwards, then I’m praying that you will refer to “Love Isn’t Blind” for writing style.
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