Jinyoung could vividly recall the last time he had witnessed the very moment Jihoon’s expression changed as he fell in love. The way his eyes misted over reminded him of the early morning dew, and the way his lips parted, trembling slightly, reminded him of how a rose fluttered slowly into bloom. Back then, Jinyoung hadn’t harboured special feelings of any sort for his best friend, so he didn’t think much of it when Jihoon decided to ask a girl out for the first time.

He and Jihoon were in middle school then, one year apart, no classes shared between them, and yet entirely inseparable for the most part. The only times during which Jihoon could be seen without Jinyoung in close proximity was as he worked his afternoon shifts at his auntie’s chicken restaurant, trying to figure out how to properly fry chicken strips without getting the fabric of his shirt burnt to a crisp, as the oil from the fryer smouldered and flew at him at seemingly impossible trajectories. Jinyoung, meanwhile, would be away at the studio where he worked as a model part-time, the same place where he first encountered Ong Seongwoo. Seongwoo, much to his chagrin, was not only devastatingly handsome but also entirely gifted at all of the things Jinyoung considerably lacked, which meant that he had an irksome tendency to unwittingly hack away at Jinyoung’s already crumbling sense of self-confidence.

The girl in question, Han Ahreum, worked at the same studio. Despite the abundance of attractive male company, however, she never displayed even the slightest traces of interest in any of them. She didn’t even bother to flirt with Seongwoo, who otherwise never failed to secure a phone number, a scheduled date, and at the very least an acknowledgment of his presence by the host of female models who requested specifically to work with him. Ahreum, at the time, was also the most beautiful person he and Jihoon agreed they had ever seen walk the face of the earth, and they used to fight over which one she’d pick between them despite knowing they would never stand a chance. Jinyoung was a mediocre student, Jihoon had yet to shed his baby fat, and Ahreum seemed the type of girl to look your way only if you possessed a certain degree of both talent and good-looks. Both of them agreed that they had passable amounts of one and an alarming shortage of the other.

But that didn’t stop Jihoon from asking her out on a date, anyway, as she was about to graduate and enter into a completely different school that Jihoon knew neither the name nor the address of. And besides, he only had the smallest scraps of dignity left to lose in case of rejection, as he had profoundly messed up the musical number his class prepared for the school festival, which had cost them first place and vanquished them to seventh. The reason? Han Ahreum was seated front row and center at the play, and the moment Jihoon’s eyes locked with hers, he had proceeded to throw all of his practice knowledge out the window in exchange for the entirely useless, yet gratifying knowledge that for once… Ahreum had seen him. The euphoria lasted only until she broke her gaze, as Jihoon had already missed an entire beat of the choreography at that point and was in the middle of conducting an accidental repeat performance of the song’s first verse.

On the day of Jihoon’s date with Ahreum (which Jinyoung never thought would happen in a million years), he remembered how Jihoon gelled his hair back to expose his forehead, put on copious amounts of eyeliner, practically emptied an entire tube of lip balm, and spritzed on enough perfume to suffocate the next unfortunate stranger he could manage to stay trapped in an enclosed space with.

And Jinyoung remembered how, when Ahreum answered the door to her apartment, wearing an off-shoulder red dress, smelling distinctly of vanilla, and welcoming Jihoon in with a million-watt smile, Jihoon had looked at her as if he was seeing for the very first time.

In awe and in wonder, in bliss and delirium… his eyes misted over, reminding Jinyoung of the early morning dew, and his lips parted, trembling slightly, the way roses fluttered slowly into bloom.

Jinyoung had no idea when he would get to see that very expression next, and Jinyoung had hoped once that it would be as Jihoon looked at him, to finally return his unanswered feelings and restore his broken heart.

But he certainly wasn’t expecting it to be as Jihoon looked at Lai Kuanlin the way he did now, who, until only a couple of hours ago had been a faceless name and a meaningless identity. Things would be much different, Jinyoung thought, if Kuanlin was the sort of person he could dislike with no effort. That way, Jinyoung would have an excuse to warn Jihoon away, to say look at me, instead. I can make you happier than he ever will. But Jinyoung had no such luxury, as he couldn’t find fault with Kuanlin’s innocence, his eagerness to debut, and his readiness to make friends even with people as wretched as he was.

The only thing Jinyoung could do as he watched his best friend fall in love with someone else was attempt to hide away his feelings even as they threatened to bubble out of him towards the surface. He kept his mouth carefully shut, as if at any moment he could snap and declare his love for Jihoon in front of everyone.

At that moment, the principal’s voice blared through the loudspeakers, interrupting Jinyoung’s depressing train of thought. “Promotion exams and auditions for the Idol Project begin in less than an hour. Please prepare and head to the assigned venues at least ten minutes prior.”

“Well, there’s our answer,” Seongwoo said. “We’d better get ourselves ready. And you guys had better make it in, or else.”

Jinyoung had no idea if he was capable of making it anywhere. His only motivator was the prospect of debuting with Jihoon, but that had since been shattered by the realization that his skill level was nowhere near where Jihoon’s had gotten. All of a sudden, he felt a set of hands against his own, the warmth of skin coursing through him as it made contact with his trembling fingers. He looked at Daehwi, who was regarding him with a worried expression and had reached for his hand in an attempt to ease his distress. In an instant, Jinyoung felt a small piece of his burden being lifted from his shoulders, and Jinyoung wondered to himself why Daehwi’s presence had an immediate calming effect on him. In reassurance, he slid his fingers against Daehwi’s, gently interlocking them together.

“Of course we’ll make it,” Daniel said then. “We’ve worked our asses off for this. Well, except you.”

Jinyoung turned to Seongwoo, who seemed to have adopted a new and exciting hobby of pissing the Student Council President off at every single chance he could grasp onto.

“Don’t be too surprised if I blow your mind with my stellar acting,” Seongwoo said, confirming Jinyoung’s belief. “And don’t be too jealous of that girl I’ll be stage-kissing. I’ll reserve my first real kiss in two years just for you.”

“How thoughtful.” Daniel rolled his eyes in an attempt to conceal the effect Seongwoo’s words had on him. Jinyoung wondered how he had gotten so good at reading those sorts of things. He could see from a distance the unbearable tension that existed between Seongwoo and Daniel, how at least one of them was bound to snap at any given moment. He could see how Kuanlin regarded his best friend, and looked at Jihoon the way only he himself had, as far as he could remember.

The only person he couldn’t manage to get a read on was Daehwi, which felt ironic as Daehwi seemed to understand him the most for some mysterious reason. And even though he had recently found out that Daehwi also had feelings for Kuanlin, he couldn’t quite shake away the feeling that Daehwi was hiding something else, something more unspeakable and damning behind the mask of his cheerful persona.

 “So we’ll debut as a six-member group, then?” Daehwi said, the excitement apparent in his voice. “I can hardly wait.”

Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he thought of the idea yet. He had no complaints about debuting with Jihoon, who had promised him they’d make it together, with Seongwoo and Daniel whose talents would prove to be assets to any idol group, and with Daehwi, whose comforting presence he had grown quite font of. But Kuanlin was a different story, especially if debuting with him meant having to endure through the saccharine looks he and Jihoon exchanged so frequently.

“I can hear Woojin crying in the distance,” Jihoon said. “That guy will probably want in if he makes it and hears of this.”

“Jaehwan-hyung might have a few things to say about this as well,” Jinyoung replied, remembering his insufferable roommate. “Although I have no idea if that guy can dance.”

“He can do it without looking like a fool, at least,” Jihoon said. “Trust me, I’ve seen it. There are worse things in this world.”

Jinyoung stifled a laugh. He found it so easy to smile at Jihoon’s remarks, no matter how sarcastic. He wondered how long it would take for him to finally give up on his best friend. He had no idea how he’d do it, but that would certainly be the easy way out.

He watched as Kuanlin took Jihoon’s hand in his own and laid it on his lap, and Jinyoung had to turn away in order not to unravel at their display of intimacy. Daehwi entered into his line of sight, and Jinyoung noticed how hard he was trying to keep his expression neutral.

He decided that he didn’t the like the idea of Daehwi being in love with Kuanlin, either. Hurting him for stealing Jihoon away was one thing, but hurting Daehwi even unintentionally was another. What was so great about the guy, anyway? His personality wasn’t particularly distasteful, but neither was he any better a person than Jinyoung thought himself to be.

Neither a friend nor a foe. Neither a comrade nor an adversary.

Jinyoung wondered at random if Jihoon or Daehwi had ever considered the number of times they’d have to suffer through a stiff neck by having to crane it upwards to look at him. Kuanlin's height was a little frightening, which, coupled with his thin frame, made it look as if he was about to be blown away by the slightest gust of wind at any minute.

“Jisung-hyung might just want to join us as well,” Daniel added. “I mean, he says he’s given up on being an idol but that’s because he didn’t know chances like this could ever show up in his lifetime. But if he drags Sungwoon-hyung in with him… I may have to rethink this debut-with-everyone strategy for a bit.”

“Well, that’s ten members,” Kuanlin said. “There’s room for just one more.”

They were about to reach the eleven member threshold, and yet none of them had even gone through the auditions themselves. “Guys, let’s just get through exams first before we even begin to think of such things,” Jihoon reminded, reflecting Jinyoung’s concerns.  “But promise me you’ll all make it.”

Jinyoung had made promises to Jihoon before.

I promise that I’ll never leave you. I promise that we’ll always be together. I promise to find my way back to you, no matter how many paths I stumble through and get lost upon.

This time, the promise was different.

I promise to make it with you. But I also promise to learn to let you go. Somehow. If that means I can make it easier for the both of us.

“We promise.”

With a sigh, Jinyoung stood up from the practice room floor. “I’ll just head to my room now. I need to get changed into performance clothes.”

“Do you by any chance need a stylist to consult?” Jihoon asked, grinning at him askew. “Because I volunteer my services.”

Jinyoung shook his head vigorously. The last thing he needed at this point was yet another excuse for his professors to bump his grade another step down because of Jihoon’s perpetual lapses in judgment when it came to making even the simplest of fashion choices.

“I’ll pass,” Jinyoung said. “But I volunteer... no, I require you to consult me about your outfit before you step anywhere near the stage. If I see any more clashing prints or neon laces, I swear you’ll never hear the end of it.”

“We’d better head out as well,” Seongwoo said, pulling at Daniel’s hand to stand him up as well. “I’ve reached quota on viewing Daniel’s chocolate abs for the day, but I guess it can’t be helped this time.”

“Just change in the bathroom, why don’t you,” Daniel said. “And don’t act as if I’ve never seen you half- either.”

Seongwoo brought a finger to Daniel’s lip. “Please. Not in front of the kids.”

“I should probably start preparing, myself,” Kuanlin said. He looked to Jinyoung then, smiling at him like a puppy. Jinyoung held an offhand debate in his head as to whether he should pet Kuanlin or ignore him. He decided on a smile back.

It’s a truce, for now. But only because I can’t afford to get distracted. But if you so much as make Jihoon upset, don’t think I’ll ever forgive you.

“Wanna get changed together, Daehwi?” Kuanlin offered, catching Jinyoung off-guard. Images of Kuanlin and Daehwi seeing each other’s bare skin flashed through his mind like a movie sequence, and Jinyoung intuitively tugged Daehwi’s hand with enough force to pull Daehwi against him. Jinyoung wrapped an arm around Daehwi’s shoulder protectively, unsure of what he was doing half the time.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jinyoung said. “I’m bringing Daehwi with me.”

“What for, hyung?” Kuanlin asked.

“Jinyoung?” Daehwi looked tentatively at his right shoulder, where Jinyoung’s hand was resting.

Jinyoung was well-aware of how Daehwi might’ve wanted to be alone with Kuanlin then, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He looked to Jihoon then, who was regarding him with an unreadable expression that could’ve been anywhere between suspicion and bewilderment. Jinyoung returned his gaze with one of his own apologetically.

I’m sorry, hyung. But let me be selfish just this once.

“I’ll dress him myself,” Jinyoung said, noting how Daehwi’s head snapped in his direction as he said it. “We’re performing together, so we need to coordinate.”

“Done yet?” Jinyoung asked, knocking on the door of the bathroom where Daehwi was changing into clothes he had picked out himself. “You’ve been in there for the longest time, Daehwi-ya. We might not make it to our own performance at this rate.”

“Just one more minute!” Daehwi called out. “I’m not done with makeup. And I… I really don’t think I’m wearing this right.”

“Come out of there for a sec,” Jinyoung replied. “Let me help you out.”

“I don’t want to… I’m really embarrassed. Are you sure this sort of outfit looks alright?”

“Just let me look at you, Daehwi-ya.” Jinyoung said, heaving a sigh. “Please?”

A few moments of silence echoed across the room before Jinyoung heard the door knob click and saw the door itself swing open. Daehwi stepped out of the bathroom then, and Jinyoung could barely keep his jaw from dropping at sight of him.

Daehwi was wearing a white silk shirt that was in Jinyoung’s size, so it wore loosely around him and exposed his collarbone. Jinyoung had also forgotten to consider how low the neckline of his shirt went, and he wanted to slap himself for feeling suddenly grateful for the oversight. The pants Jinyoung picked out hugged Daehwi’s waist and accentuated the delicate curves of his figure, and the choker Jinyoung had asked him to wear as an accent piece didn’t do his ability to reason out with himself any favors. The way Daehwi applied his own makeup also added a certain glow to his features, made his eyes look larger, his lips redder, and his skin more flawless than was humanly possible.

Daehwi looked positively ravishing, and Jinyoung had no idea whether to applaud himself for putting together such an attractive outfit, or ask Daehwi to politely step back inside the bathroom and remove everything because the sight of him was slowly eating away at Jinyoung’s sanity.

He remained speechless for a solid ten seconds, just drinking in the sight of Daehwi before him. Apart from Jihoon and Han Ahreum, he had never seen anyone else look so beautiful.

“J-Jinyoung?” Daehwi began, still waiting for any sort of reaction. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Jinyoung tore his gaze away from Daehwi’s body to look him in the eye. “This outfit, uhm…”

He struggled to find the right words to say. Daehwi pouted, folding his arms across himself. “I knew it, I look really weird in this. I’ll just change into something else.”

Daehwi moved to re-enter the bathroom and change, and Jinyoung would’ve gladly let him if his treasonous body didn’t move of its own accord to grab at Daehwi’s arm and stop him. Daehwi looked to him, confusion settling in his features.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung began. “I was just… speechless for a moment there. You look amazing, Daehwi-ya. Extremely beautiful.”

Daehwi’s cheeks blushed pink. “Stop it, hyung. That’s not true.”

Jinyoung found himself surprised by how much he disl