6. 

the end.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

we’re finding ourselves
no rush, no force, just time
though life can throw us misery
you can find a home in me

 

 

Woojin thinks he’s finally run out of words. There’s still so much he wants to say, things he wants to figure out. But if you ever try to ask him, he wouldn’t know what to say. Because there’s really no way to describe it; it’s indescribable only because it is everything—yet somehow even everything isn’t enough to depict it.

 

It’s the alleviation of vacancy—the absence of that hollow feeling. It’s almost fictional, really—to have become so enamored with what was once held to be so wrong. They say change is inevitable, but progress is not. Maybe it was his intention to grow that considered him a second chance, but an open mind to ponder that granted it. Sometimes bad events lead to good outcomes, and the glory of his todays will always outshine the infamy of his yesterdays.

 

Daehwi would beg to differ, because glory is definitely not what Daehwi would use for Woojin, being with the look of sheer indignation he’s giving him right now.

 

“I like him.” Woojin says, upright and unwavering. He’s proud of himself, he really is. And shouldn’t Daehwi be too?

 

“What?”

 

“I like Jihoon.”

 

Daehwi looks at him for a long minute—eyes half open, hair sticking out in every direction, wearing pajamas that are way too big for him and an eye mask that has fallen to circle his neck. And truthfully, Woojin isn’t sure what time it is, but it’s quite dark out and it has been for a while, but friendship doesn’t have a curfew, and neither does his feelings. Woojin waits—he waits for the hug, the squeal of delight, really anything of the sort. He’s kind of stupid though, he always knew his expectations were.

 

Daehwi lunges forward with his hands, grabbing at his neck and shaking him vigorously. If this were anyone else, he would have them in an arm twist right away. But Daehwi—Woojin never seems to learn—is the spawn of pure malevolence in the late of the night. “What the in the ever-loving hell, Park Woojin?! You couldn’t have just told me that in the morning?”

 

Woojin grabs a hold of the younger’s shoulders. It’s all very dramatic, that a passerby could think they were performing some sort of script. “I’m basically sinking in quicksand, okay! And I need you to pull me out of it because that’s what best friends do!”

 

Daehwi sighs, leaning against the doorframe and putting a head to his forehead theatrically. “At least come in, would you?”

 

So Woojin sits on Daehwi’s couch, opposite from him. Anyone else would shift uncomfortably under his deathly glare, but Woojin has been on the receiving end of it for far too long that it hardly even fazes him anymore. If anything, he just looks like an angry puppy, and though he’s definitely, definitely capable of doing physical harm, he only ever opts for verbal attacks. Woojin’s mentality is far from apathetic, sensitive could be his middle name if he didn’t hide so well behind sarcasm and insults. But friendship is also being accepting and understanding that yes, he deserves it sometimes—and now is definitely one of those times.

 

“Listen here you feeble-minded idiot,” That’s a new one, Woojin notes, not wrong though. “I know you know that I love you, and most of the time that’s true—“

 

“Most of the time?!”

 

“Shut up.” Daehwi holds a hand up to shush him. “But that in no way permits you to show up on my porch, knocking at my door at two in the ing morning (this berating is somehow familiar to Woojin) to talk about a tomorrow problem!”

 

“I thought we had a pact.” Woojin pouts, pulling the most pitiful look of betrayal. And really, who is he kidding? He’s talking to the king of manipulation here.

 

“Unless you show up with a contract and get me to sign it, friendship rules don’t apply between midnight to at least seven in the morning unless it’s an emergency.”

 

“But this is an emergency!”

 

“Is it really? Is it really an emergency when literally everyone knows and you’re just slow to figure it out?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You see, at first I thought you were playing dumb.” Daehwi has moved to his side, having turned Woojin to face him like he’s a parent lecturing their child. Woojin winces slightly, it’s a little jarring—stirs up some memories that he doesn’t want invading his mind anymore—but he lets him continue anyways. “I was like ‘okay I know he’s dumb but he can’t be that dumb, right?’ But you always know how to prove me wrong because really? Are you really that shaken up about this discovery that you thought the smartest thing to do was show up to my house at 2am just to tell me what I already knew?”

 

Woojin instinctively shifts away from Daehwi as his voice gets louder. He knows Daehwi understands why by the look on his face; if Woojin is terribly slow at realizations, then Daehwi is quick to catch on. “S-sorry.” His voice goes quiet instantly, hands reaching out to hold his, and that one movement is what differs the moment from all of the rest. There’s comfort and unspoken affection; there’s loudness but there’s no hate. It’s everything that Woojin had hoped to have as a child, and even though it’s late, the appreciation is so much bigger.

 

“It’s okay. I know I’m being unreasonable right now but I just—“ Daehwi swipes his thumb soothingly over the back of his hand. “It’s all new to me, you know? It’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to fall for someone like this, but at least now I know why. And I didn't think that when the time came, it would be this extreme, but I swear that doesn’t even begin describe the half of it. Like, am I supposed to be breathing when I see him? Because I don't, I have to remind myself every time because it’s such a conscious thing when I’m around him.

 

“And did you know it’s possible for eyes to sparkle? Sparkle, Daehwi! That used to be the most ridiculous ing thing I’ve ever heard, but then Jihoon shows up and validates every disgusting metaphor for beauty because it’s literally his word. And don’t look at me like that because I know this is embarrassing but I can’t help what I feel, okay?!”

 

Woojin is in a full-on crisis by now and Daehwi is laughing at him.

 

“Stop making fun of me! I didn’t come here at 2am to be made fun of I came for help!”

 

Daehwi stops laughing when he’s reminded of what time it is and somehow, that triggers his lethargy again. “I can’t believe I almost forgot how you barged into my house at such an ungodly hour.”

 

“Well you’re awake now so get over it, you’re gonna suffer with me.” Woojin huffs stubbornly. Daehwi totally hates him right now but it’s nothing new.

 

“If you think that I’m going to suffer alone then you don’t know me.”

 

Woojin snorts, knowing exactly what’s about to happen. “Oh, I know you. I know you like the back of my hand.”

 

And that’s why he’s not surprised when Donghyun and Youngmin show up at Daehwi’s door at 2:30am, all to help Woojin figure out how to sort out the disarray that is his feelings for Jihoon with Daehwi because misery loves company.  

 

“First of all, where is your mother? And why hasn’t she called the police on us for late night disturbances?” Is the first thing Youngmin says when he walks in, carrying a half-asleep Donghyun with one arm.

 

“She’s out of the country. Woojin is so lucky she is, otherwise he would have come face to face with my mom holding a knife at his throat.” Woojin throws up his hands instinctively to cover his neck.

 

Donghyun stands up immediately—so fast that he almost falls over and Youngmin has to catch him. “What? You’re here alone? For how long? Why didn’t you tell us?”

 

Daehwi shrugs, “Like a week or something, and it’s not that big of a deal.”

 

Donghyun claps his hands together resolutely, “That’s it. We’re sleeping here for the week guys.”

 

“Donghyun, I’m fine—“

 

“No arguments! We’re having a week long sleepover and you’re not allowed to fight me on it.” Donghyun wanders further into the house, “Where do you keep your spare blankets?”

 

Half an hour later (it takes them this long to figure out who was going to sleep on the floor and who would take up the couch)(Daehwi ends up sleeping on the floor with Woojin), they’re sprawled about in Daehwi’s living room, with the fireplace going and Christmas music playing softly in the background.

 

“I can’t believe I have to sleep on the floor in my own house.” Daehwi grumbles, slipping under the covers and curling up next to Woojin. Youngmin and Donghyun, as fatherly as they are, refused to give up their spots on the couch because it’s three in the morning and the younger ones had called them out in the middle of their sleep, so they deserved it. “And with Woojin! He’s the one who started this mess!”

 

“Oh please, you’re clearly loving the fact that we’re staying here.” Woojin taps on Daehwi’s left arm, which is slung tightly across his waist.

 

“This means nothing. I’m just cold and coincidentally, you always seem to be warm.” Daehwi snuggles closer in spite of his petulance. He’s always reminded Woojin of a (very high maintenance) puppy—one that could potentially leave dents in your arm, but occasionally cute and cuddly.

 

“So, are we ever actually gonna get to the reason why we’re here in the first place?”

 

“Oh yeah!” Daehwi springs up, and Woojin wonders how the boy can go from drained to over-excited puppy in the span of 0.05 seconds. Woojin rolls onto his stomach to join the circle. “Woojin finally admitted his feelings for Jihoon!”

 

Donghyun and Youngmin share a look, and then Youngmin looks back at Woojin with a what the hell glare and he’s seen that look way too many times—glares should really be named after him. “That’s why we’re here? You called a family emergency in the middle of the night, because Woojin was finally the last person on Earth to discover this information?”

 

Woojin slams his face into his pillow, groaning. “Ugh, you guys are acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world!”

 

“Honey, that’s because it was.” Woojin flings Daehwi’s arm off of his shoulder. He looks to Donghyun in hope for at least one person to be on his side, but apparently he knew too.

 

“You’re not very.. subtle? With your heart eyes you know.” Donghyun makes finger hearts and places them over his eyes for emphasis.

 

“What do you mean heart eyes?” Woojin pales slightly, “You.. you can actually see those when I look at him? I thought that was only metaphorical!”

 

“You could very well be an anime character because they literally bulge out of their sockets every time you see him.” Youngmin snickers. This really isn’t the sort of talk that’s helping Woojin calm down, if anything, it’s only making him ten times more anxious. If his friends could read him like a book, then wouldn’t Jihoon be able to? Jihoon is, after all, quite the expert at observing people and their emotions. Why wouldn’t he have figured it out by now?

 

His head falls face first onto his pillow again, and this time, he wraps it around his head and rolls to the other side of the room, taking the blanket with him.

 

“Hey! It’s cold, come back!”

 

In the end, Daehwi has to get up and roll Woojin back to the couches. He’s fully wrapped in the blanket by now and refuses to get out of it.

 

“So, what are you gonna do?”

 

“I don’t know. What should I do?” Woojin sighs, “If I know Jihoon, he’ll be avoiding me for the next few days, maybe weeks.”

 

Daehwi unravels him from the blanket and lays it over the both of them. Donghyun props himself on his elbow, “I think you should find him and tell him exactly how you feel.”

 

“Yeah, just because you kissed doesn’t mean he knows what you’re feeling. He could be thinking that you just did it in the heat of the moment and that it didn’t mean anything.” Daehwi adds, to which Donghyun and Youngmin’s eyes both widen at.

 

“You kissed him?!”

 

Woojin turns crimson, pulling the blanket further over his head. His muffled voice comes out, “We were in the library next to a bookshelf and I kind of stopped him from talking by kissing him.”

 

Donghyun’s hands fly up to cover his gasp of shock. “And then what happened?”

 

“Um..” Woojin stalls for a while, partly because he’s scared his voice will give out the second he recalls what had happened out loud with his own mouth. “I—It got a little heated and then I,” His voice starts to get quiet, “tried to slip his flannel off and he got up and ran away.”

 

“What?!” He hears Donghyun’s voice pierce the air.

 

“Oh my God, Woojin.”

 

Daehwi smacks him on the arm, “Woojin! You tried to undress him in the library?!”

 

“It was the heat of the moment!” Woojin sits up, screeching defensively.

 

Daehwi’s shriek is even louder, “What were you planning on doing in the library??”

 

“I don’t know! I couldn’t think, stop judging me!”

 

‘Wow, didn’t pin you as the wild type.” Donghyun flicks Youngmin’s forehead.

 

Woojin groans, “I’m not wild! I just got caught up in the moment!”

 

“Okay can we stop putting this image in my head?” Daehwi fakes a gag, scrunching his nose up.

 

The four of them spend an hour talking, most of it is slurred and incomprehensible that anyone who walked in on them would think they were drunk. They talk until they fall asleep, with Donghyun giving each of them a kiss on the forehead (despite Woojin’s protests). Woojin hugs a tired Daehwi to sleep, patting his hair while Daehwi hums until he’s snoring.

 

 

 

 

Woojin tries to talk to Jihoon the next day. And he would, if only he had been able to find him. It turns out, Jihoon is better at avoiding him than he expects, because he’s not in his usual places anymore. He doesn’t pick up Woojin’s calls or answer his texts, and Woojin doesn’t even know Donghan’s phone number and hasn’t even really met him yet for him to be able to ask him. At first, he contemplates actually showing up at Jihoon’s house, but the thought of meeting Donghan in that situation doesn’t sound like a good idea, so he eventually ends up giving up completely for the day.

 

Woojin leaves the library after his last search for Jihoon, heading towards his dorms when he sees a familiar head of messy brown hair and a bright yellow sweater that’s most definitely part of Jihoon’s closet. The boy turns around and by now, Woojin is right in front of him. He looks startled, like he’s about to run away any second. Woojin speaks up before he can.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jihoon is still wide-eyed, his face almost falls when Woojin apologizes. “I didn’t mean to come on to you like that without your permission and I might have taken it too far and I’m sorry.”

 

The older is looking down, kicking at the floor with his left foot but he still doesn’t say anything.

 

Woojin continues, “But that doesn’t mean it was a mistake.” Jihoon’s head up at that, eyebrows drawn together, scrutinizing. “I know it might have seemed like an impulsive spur of the moment act, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t feelings behind it. I hope you don’t think it was like that.”

 

He takes a deep breath before expelling his next words in a heavy exhale, “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re on my mind way too much for this to be normal and every time I look at you I’m reminded of how you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and that was the most disgusting thing that’s ever come out of my mouth but I don’t know how to stop myself. And I’m scared to be brutally rejected after this because you’re an 11 and I’m a solid 4 and you deserve so much better than me.

 

“I didn’t plan on talking for this long so basically the point is I like you a lot and I just— wanted you to.. know that, I guess.”

 

Woojin isn’t even sure if he’s breathing right now, he feels extremely lightheaded and the last thing he wants to do is look at Jihoon’s face because he knows what’s coming. So he keeps his gaze on the floor, huffing to catch his breath. There’s only silence for a while, and it’s deafening. Woojin wants nothing more than for the ground under his feet to swallow him up. He waits with baited breath for his reply.

 

“I—“ Jihoon’s voice cuts in softly, and Woojin’s head snaps up. “I feel it too,” Jihoon gulps visibly, looking Woojin in the eyes, “what you’re feeling.”

 

Woojin can’t hide the shock on his face, but he’s trying his hardest not to let the excitement show. How could he not? There’s a whole stunner in front of him, telling him that he likes him too. And it’s not a surprise that Woojin would fall for Jihoon, but Jihoon liking Woojin? That wasn’t even a thing that he could have considered possible before this. “C-cool.” They stand there, red-faced for a while, rocking back and forth on their heels. “Could I ask you something?”

 

Jihoon nods slowly. “Why did you run away yesterday?”

 

The brunette opens his mouth to talk but closes it shortly after. It takes him a while to talk, “I got scared. That after it was over, you’d realize that it was a mistake. I’ve only ever had one real relationship and it ended badly. I just.. didn’t want it to escalate and then find out it didn’t mean anything. And I know I’ve had meaningless hookups in the past but you’re.. different. And then after a while I had stop meeting people altogether because it felt wrong. I always knew my heart wasn't in anything that I've done with those people but I realized I enjoyed oyur company a lot more than any of those people. And I guess I was afraid that I might lose that.”

 

Woojin doesn’t know what Jihoon’s last relationship had done to him, he would never speak to Woojin about that kind of stuff. But he knows that if Jihoon has been this broken, and insists that it wasn’t fully due to him, then the guy he hated must have been a complete dickhead. “I would never do that to you.”

 

“I want to believe that it’s just,” Jihoon still doesn’t look at him, “I have a hard time trusting people after that.”

 

Woojin wants nothing more than for Jihoon to feel secure around him. He knows that trust is hard to gain, especially after it’s been broken time and time again. “How about a trial then?”

 

Jihoon tilts his head in confusion, “A what?”

 

“A one-month trial like Netflix or something. I’ll be your boyfriend for one month and you can decide whether or not you want to continue to be with me after the month is over.”

 

Woojin smiles when he finally gets a laugh out of Jihoon, “You’re really something, aren’t you?”

 

“So, what do you say?”

 

Woojin waits hopefully for his response. And even though Jihoon had just told him he felt the same just minutes ago, he’s still nervous that he might not want to give them a shot. Jihoon draws his lower lip between his teeth. Woojin finds the action adorable, but also kind of provoking—it brings him back to last night when he was the one biting down—

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

Woojin’s mouth curves into a half-grin, “That’s not a no, right?”

 

Jihoon wrinkles his nose, contemplating playfully, “It's not a yes either.”

 

“But it’s not a no.”

 

“Guess you’ll have to wait a bit more.” Jihoon’s gives him a sly smile before walking away, leaving Woojin standing in the hallway with a stupid grin on his face.

 

 

 

Woojin doesn’t sleep that night. Instead, he spends it watching every romantic movie Daehwi recommends to him, in an attempt to figure what it is that people do in relationships. He is absolutely taken by Jihoon because the boy hasn’t even given him an answer yet he’s still googling ‘how to be the perfect boyfriend’ at five in the morning. He omits the obligatory flowers from his plan because he knows that Jihoon would spend positively no time caring for them and they would probably die within a week. He does keep the chocolate suggestion though, because he knows how much Jihoon loves fudge.

 

But when morning comes and the sun peaks through Daehwi’s blinds, it hits him. That Jihoon could give him his answer today, and he could have thought about it overnight and decide that he didn’t want to give Woojin a chance after all. He tries to stop himself from being too negative about it.

 

And then he gets stuck on the thought of Jihoon alone. Jihoon. The only thing that ever occupies his mind nowadays his Jihoon. And really, there’s not much about Jihoon’s that’s different from everyone else. He’s passionate and hard-working like Youngmin, caring and compassionate like Donghyun, great at getting what he wants but is also sweet and adorable like Daehwi. There’s no single defining quality that sets Jihoon completely apart from the rest. He’s just.. Jihoon. Yet that one thing alone is enough to have Woojin falling for him. Free falling in hopes that he’ll catch him and end his fear of hitting the ground too hard.

 

Donghyun makes them breakfast in the morning, and they spend most of the meal listening to Daehwi freak out about his movie date with Jinyoung. He’s losing his composure about how he should dress today, and then Woojin reminds him that it’s a movie date and they won’t even be able to see each other anyways.

 

“He’s gonna see me before the movie and I need to look jaw-dropping!”

 

“Daehwi this isn’t prom; you’re going to the movies. I’m sure anything casual will be fine, you’re adorable either way.” Donghyun reassures the pouting blonde.

 

“If being casual was good enough don’t you think he’d notice me by now?”

 

Woojin bring a hand to hit his own forehead, “Are you kidding me, Daehwi? You’re going on a date with him today. A date. You taunt me about how oblivious I am about Jihoon but you’re telling me you can’t tell that Jinyoung is interested in you?”

 

Daehwi drags all four of them into his room and forces them to sit as he shows them outfit options. It feels like something out of the movies that Woojin had watched last night. After an hour (wow, it really did take as long as it did in the movies for someone to pick an outfit) they all collectively agree on the last one. Woojin doesn’t know why the three sitting down on the bed are more tired than Daehwi, who had been going back and forth into his bathroom changing into multiple outfits, but Daehwi is still a hyper puppy trying to figure out what the best way is for him to subtly hint at Jinyoung to hold his hand.

 

 

 

Daehwi prompts Youngmin to drop him off half an hour earlier than their meet up time is supposed to be. He ignores the wolf-whistles they thrown behind him as he walks into the theater. He spends most of his waiting time checking his hair over and over again, legs bouncing impatiently as he regrets his decision to show up extra early more and more because now he has zero distractions. Come five, Jinyoung is striding up to him right on time, hair off of his forehead in the very way that makes Daehwi’s heart flutter and now he’s even more self-conscious because Jinyoung looks amazing and he’s not even sure he’s on his level, despite spending hours on his outfit this morning.

 

“Hey,” Jinyoung greets softly, one hand in the pocket of his long jacket and God, his smile is beautiful.

 

“Hi.” Daehwi manages shyly, hands squeezing tightly onto his clutch that Youngmin had lent him.

 

“Do you want to get some popcorn or something before we head in?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” They make conversation as they’re in line. Jinyoung talks about how he met some older friends through his cousin. They had helped him a lot around campus, giving him a tour and making sure he knew all of the shortcuts and tunnels.

 

“You’re friends with Minhyun? The tall, angelic president of the student body?”

 

Jinyoung laughs at the description, “Oh trust me, he’s not completely angelic but yeah that’s him.”

 

When they reach the counter, Daehwi doesn’t expect to see Seonho, a friend from his calculus class, working the cash register.

 

“Hi Daehwi, what can I get you two?” Seonho has that grin on his face and Daehwi knows exactly what he’s in for. He tries to act as nonchalant as possible.

 

“Oh, you know him?”

 

“He’s a friend in one of my classes this semester.” Daehwi whispers.

 

Jinyoung nods, “Oh, uh do you want anything else besides popcorn?”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

Jinyoung points at the menu above Seonho, “We’ll take set B.”

 

“Alright, a set B for the two lovebirds over here, Guanlin!” Seonho yells out behind him, and dies of laughter as Daehwi covers his red ears. Jinyoung is chuckling beside him but Daehwi is too embarrassed to lift his head. I’m gonna come back next week and kill him.

 

They find their seats in the middle of the theater. Daehwi has to hold himself back from eating all of the popcorn before the movie starts.

 

“Sorry if what Seonho said back there was awkward.”

 

Jinyoung waves him off, “No, it’s fine. I didn’t mind.” Daehwi almost chokes on his drink. “You seem to know a lot of people, hey?”

 

Daehwi shrugs, “I’m able to make friends naturally I guess, and it helps when I have to miss a class.” He realizes how that sounds after it comes out of his mouth. “Wait that sounds bad.”

 

Jinyoung laughs, “I really hope you didn’t befriend me just to get bio notes from me.”

 

“No of course not!” Daehwi denies vehemently. He’s usually great at conversation, but in front of Jinyoung he becomes a stuttering wreck. It really is a curse.

 

“I’m just kidding.” Jinyoung pats his thigh and there a million things rushing through Daehwi’s mind, he’s starting to get dizzy. “I’m glad we became friends. I always wanted to talk to you in high school.”

 

Daehwi’s eyes widen, “You did?”

 

“Yeah, but I always felt like you were a little unapproachable. You were so popular and everyone loved you, I felt like I wouldn’t make a good friend since I’m not very interesting or anything.”

 

“You’re really fun to talk to.” Daehwi blurts out, “Um, I mean I enjoy talking to you a lot.”

 

Jinyoung smiles at him, “That’s good to know.”

 

Just then, the lights turn off and the previews start to play. Jinyoung sits back into his seat and Daehwi does the same. Somewhere during the movie, their hands do the cliché meeting in the popcorn bucket. It’s the closest he gets to his plan of getting Jinyoung to hold his hand, but he’s really not complaining.

 

Jinyoung walks him home after, and talking to him has become much easier. He’s eases a little more every time Jinyoung laughs, and Daehwi even ends up playfully hitting him a few times. He feels a little regretful once they reach his porch; he really doesn’t want the day to end.

 

“I had fun today.” Jinyoung says with his head tilted slightly—it’s adorable.

 

Daehwi fiddles with his fingers, “I did too.”

 

“I’ll text you later, okay?”

 

Daehwi nods, “Tell me when you get home.”

 

He waves Jinyoung off, and doesn’t want to think about how Jinyoung lingers a little too long facing him. It takes him a while to turn his back to him, but when he does, Daehwi falls back immediately onto his front door with a dreamy sigh. Today is going to occupy his mind for a long time.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Woojin is restless at the dinner table at Daehwi’s that night. He hadn’t seen Jihoon all day and he wasn’t texting him either. Woojin didn’t want to push, so he didn’t send the first text. Instead, he spent the entirety of the day overthinking the possible reasons why Jihoon wasn’t talking to him.

 

1. He still needs more time to think it over
2. He regrets telling him he’d think about it because he doesn’t actually want to
3. He only said he liked him back because he felt bad for him and now he’s trying to figure out how to get out of the situation

 

And though he wishes the first one would be the reason for it, and is probably the most plausible one, his mind still circles the last two reasons. And as much as his friends try to assure him that he shouldn’t be too worried about it, he can’t help but be.

 

He would never stop telling himself how Jihoon is infinitely out of his league. His alluring eyes, his smile, his entire being really. How considerate and supportive he is, how passionate he is about the things he loves, his courage, his vibrancy. How is someone as wonderful as him still single?

 

But then again he guesses he’s thankful for it, because he might actually have a chance.

 

He lies on his place on the floor, spending his time before bed scrolling through google again. Youngmin tells him to go to sleep tonight, and that he’s not allowed to stay up watching movies because he had walked into three poles in the park today due to fatigue and they don’t wanna be chasing him around, making sure he doesn’t hurt himself.

 

He expects to feel better in the morning but he doesn’t. He feels hopeless when he still has zero messages and no Jihoon in front of him telling him how he feels. It’s driving him crazy. He spends the day studying just so he can get Jihoon off of his mind. For the most part it works, especially since he decides not to go to the library, because Lord knows how distracted he would be just looking at the chair Jihoon was kissing him on.

 

He has papers sprawled out across the table in the nearest Starbucks, on his second seasonal latte and his pen works away on calculations. At one point, he sits back and enjoys the Christmas music playing through the café, observing the people around him. One thing he notices out of all the rest, however, is the brunette that walks into the café as soon as his eyes fall onto the door.

 

Jihoon doesn’t seem to notice him, immediately going to stand in line. Woojin is frantic about fixing his state of being. He didn't expect him to be here and he’s not sure how he looks but he hopes he looks nice enough to not get rejected. The minutes that Jihoon stands at the counter, waiting for his drink feels like hours to Woojin as he waits for the older to notice him. When Jihoon finally gets his drink, he’s walking in his direction, and finally meets his eyes.

 

He’s startled, clearing not knowing Woojin was here either. He looks like he’s deciding whether or not he should go up to him, and Woojin really hopes he does but also really hopes he doesn’t. But he does, and he looks adorable in his long coat and beanie and Woojin is having an even more hard time keeping himself together.

 

“Hey, I didn’t know you were here.” Jihoon sits down opposite of him, posture more polite than usual, like he has to think about it.

 

“Yeah I’ve been studying here almost the entire day.”

 

Neither of them know what to say for a while, so they just sit there. Woojin continues to work on his sample exam questions, but his head is in a completely different place right now. Jihoon is sitting in front of him, fingers tapping at his drink. He’s probably realized by now that Woojin isn’t actually doing any work because it’s quite obvious that he’s just been doodling on the side of the paper for the past few minutes.

 

Jihoon snorts at him, “Doesn’t look like you’re doing much work.”

 

Woojin scrunches his nose, “Yeah well, you’re a little distracting.”

 

Jihoon is looking at him and Woojin doesn’t know if it’s with endearment or with pity for what he’s eventually going to tell him.

 

It turns out it's the former, much to Woojin’s relief. “I’ve decided to start my free trial today.”

 

Woojin looks up in shock, “W-wait, really?”

 

Jihoon nods, “But I hope the ‘free’ means you’ll pay for our dates.”

 

“Yes.” Woojin says absentmindedly. And after seeing the smile form on Jihoon’s face, he knows he’ll never be able to resist anything the sly little fox tries to coax him into. “God, you’re lucky I like you as much as I do.”

 

He takes pride in Jihoon’s blush. The older regains his composure shortly after, “Actually, I think you’re the lucky one.”

 

They smile at each other and Woojin is finally (a little) at ease. “So,” He starts, “What do we do now?”

 

Jihoon snorts in the of course you would ask that way.

 

 

 

But Woojin is kidding, because he’s very well aware he had spent the entire weekend on his phone, searching for things to do with Jihoon if he had accepted his offer. He starts to plan a loose itinerary when he gets back to Daehwi’s place because he’s just that lame.

 

They walk downtown to a dessert café, which Jihoon is exceptionally excited about. He’s jumping up and down like a bunny when he realizes where Woojin is taking him and it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen.

 

The portions are huge, Woojin learns as a huge bowl of the mango shaved ice he ordered is placed in front of him. Jihoon had gotten a strawberry one, and it was the same size as his head.

 

“Wow.” Jihoon gapes at the bowl in front of him, “This looks like heaven.”

 

“Only the best for one of its angels.”

 

Woojin snickers at Jihoon’s spluttering, “Oh my god, you did not just say that.”

 

Woojin realizes he really enjoys watching Jihoon eat. Really, he enjoys watching Jihoon do anything that makes him happy. He has ice cream on the side of his lips and his face goes the same color as the strawberries when Woojin lifts a hand to wipe it off.

 

“What kind of shows are you watching?” Jihoon mutters, “Why do you know all of the good moves?”

 

He shrugs, “I did my research.”

 

Jihoon scoffs at that, “You did research on what to do on dates?”

 

“And things to say on said date and moves that are good to do on the first date that won’t earn you an elbow to the stomach.” Woojin adds and realizes that it does sound lame when it comes out of his mouth.

 

“Of course you would.” Jihoon spoons another mouth full of ice cream, “But it’s working.”

 

A self-satisfied smile creeps onto his face, “Good.”

 

“Don’t get too cocky, though. This is a trial so you need to do your best to impress me.” Jihoon says, pointing at him with his spoon.

 

“Of course, your majesty.”

 

Woojin takes him to an arcade after that. And he doesn’t know if he’s purposely letting Jihoon win or if he’s just losing his touch because they’re 6 to 3 and Jihoon is absolutely destroying him at his own game. As much as he loves to see Jihoon smile, it’s hurting his pride.

 

“That’s it, I need to redeem myself. Time for some dance dance revolution.”

 

Jihoon tugs him back by his arm, “What? No! That’s foul play!”

 

Woojin wags his finger, “Nu-uh there were no rules. We’re playing this.”

 

He drags an unwilling Jihoon to the machine and hops on excitedly, jumping to get his legs warmed up. Jihoon is glaring him down as he leans on the bar behind his dance pad. “You’re doing way too much for someone who already knows he’s gonna win.”

 

“You getting cocky on my behalf, I love it.”

 

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Just swipe the card, will you?”

 

To no one’s surprise, Woojin wins over Jihoon, even on difficult. Jihoon tries not to act like a sore loser but Woojin can tell he’s upset from the pout on his face.

 

“Hey, stop frowning will you?” Woojin cups Jihoon’s face with his hands, lifting the corners of his mouth up with his thumbs. “You’re still winning.”

 

“You’re not just letting me win, are you?”

 

Woojin clutches at his heart in mock-offense, “You think I’m throwing my pride away for you on purpose? You’re a pro gamer aren’t you?”

 

Jihoon smirks haughtily, then feigns innocence, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have no idea what I’m doing I’m just playing the games.”

 

Woojin narrows his eyes at the younger, pinching his cheeks and with a sickeningly sweet voice dripping of sarcasm says, “You’re a cunning little snake, aren’t you?”

 

Jihoon removes Woojin’s hands from his face and pats his own, “Don’t act like you didn’t already know.” He sends him a wink before skipping off towards the shooting games.

 

Woojin is left standing there with his mouth agape, “You—you’re not allowed to be winkly in real life!”

 

 

 

 

 

Over the course of the month Jihoon hangs out with Woojin as usual, and really, it’s not too different from how they were before the whole trial boyfriend thing happened. Jihoon realizes just how much they had already been acting like a couple even before this. Woojin has always been the perfect balance of sweet, fun and considerate—the only difference now is that he has way too many corny pick-up lines and they would all be horrible if he wasn’t so endearing in everything he did.

 

Woojin invites him to his family’s Christmas dinner. They stroll up to Daehwi’s house with a container of seasonal sugar cookies that they bought from the supermarket last minute because Woojin has absolutely no idea how to work an oven and Jihoon doesn’t want to have Woojin over, burning Donghan’s house down so they settle for store bought cookies—at least they know they aren’t going to accidentally give anyone food poisoning with these.

 

Jihoon greets Daehwi, Youngmin and Donghyun again. They all make him feel right at home and Jihoon gets comfortable right away, even Daehwi’s mom acts like she’s known him for years. Woojin complains about how Daehwi’s mom already likes Jihoon more than she likes him, and Daehwi, to no one’s surprise, agrees with him, further putting a dent in his mood.

 

Woojin is quick to forgive the blonde when he opens his present from him.

 

“Dude, as if!” Woojin marvels at the new set of headphones he takes out of the wrapper.

 

“You’ve been complaining for months about how you broken your last pair and that earphones were annoying, so here’s to hoping you finally shut up!”

 

Woojin hugs Daehwi anyways, and Jihoon always loves to watch his dynamic with the younger boy. It’s clear as day how much Woojin loves and cares for Daehwi, and even if he doesn’t show it in words, he definitely shows it in his actions. It’s one of the most precious things he has ever seen. It only further reminds him of how amazing Woojin is at caring for the people around him, like he doesn’t want to spend a single second regretting.

 

Jihoon doesn’t expect anything big from Woojin. Jihoon had gotten him a sweater with actual color and insisted that he wore it sometimes in the midst of his black, and he agreed. They all laughed when they realized that Woojin had gotten him a black hoodie to counter all of the color in his wardrobe.

 

“I will never get over how in sync you guys are.” Daehwi comments.

 

“Wait, there’s still one more thing.” Woojin announces, reaching back behind the couch to grab another box. He places in carefully in Jihoon’s lap. “Open it.”

 

Jihoon finds a neatly decorated jar, lined with gold ribbon and filled with paper stars. “What are these?”

 

“I spent like five days straight on this, but basically it's a jar of stars and each one has a compliment on it. Open one every morning, and an extra if you’re having a bad day.”

 

Jihoon gapes at him, “You hand wrote all of the messages on these papers?”

 

“Yeah, my hands wanted to cry after writing and folding all 350 of these. I cramped up like 50 times.”

 

“350? Woojin, what the hell.” Jihoon marvels at the jar filled to the top with paper stars. He knows there’s so much work put into it, so much work for him. “You really didn’t have to go through so much work for me.”

 

Woojin places a hand on his own, “I know that sometimes you struggle with realizing your self-worth. I just want these to be small reminders to you.”

 

“You guys are disgusting.” Youngmin cringes. Donghyun is next to him, watching on with a big smile.

 

“Shut up Youngmin, they’re so cute!”

 

And then later that night, Woojin is looking at him with a gleam in his eyes as the group lazes around comfortably with Christmas music filling the air. The soft city lights filter through the curtains and Jihoon can’t look away; the changing hues of his eyes, brown with specks of gold—it’s frustratingly mesmerizing. His clumsiness, his quirkiness, everything about him. Woojin is hot soup on the coldest night, melting him into his overwhelming warmth.

 

Jihoon hears something dangling above them, and they both look up to see a mistletoe hanging from a fishing rod that Youngmin had someone gotten his hands on.

 

“What the hell, Youngmin.” Woojin flicks at the mistletoe with a scoff.

 

“You can’t deny the mistletoe, you know.” Daehwi sings teasingly. Everyone is looking at them expectantly and the heat rises to Jihoon’s face.

 

Woojin turns back to him, “Um, I don’t know if you’re okay with this.”

 

“I—I think I’m gonna implement a no kissing rule for the remainder of the trial.”

 

“What? Why?” Woojin is full on pouting by now and Jihoon wants to relent but he knows that it isn’t a good idea. Especially in front of Woojin’s friends, he doesn’t want to turn into a puddle of goo right in front of them.

 

“Because that’s foul play! You can’t do things like that during the trial, it’s gonna influence my decision. And by influence I mean I won’t even have to make a decision.”

 

Woojin chuckles, “So you’re implying that you like it when I kiss you and if I do then there’s no going back after falling for me?”

 

“No!” Jihoon protests instantly, “Just don’t do it!” He huffs, hands grabbing at the collar of his ugly Christmas sweater to hide his face with. Woojin’s sudden confidence is starting to stress him out and he doesn’t know how much longer he can take a suave Woojin.

 

“So are you going to kiss or what?” Daehwi pipes up.

 

Woojin sighs, “You know they’re not gonna give up until they get something.”

 

Jihoon contemplates for a while, before leaning over to place a soft kiss on Woojin’s cheek. He revels in the way Woojin immediately gets shy, and the cheering by his friends behind them isn’t exactly helping.

 

“Y-You should really warn a guy before you do something like that.” Woojin stammers, holding a hand to his cheek.

 

Jihoon chuckles, “Aw, are you shy?”

 

“Shut up.” Woojin mutters, then turns to the rest of the group, clapping his hands together. “Okay, we’re not ending this night without me crushing you all in uno.”

 

 

  

 

---

 

 

 

 

we write the script
of our life’s stage
one hand on the pen
two hearts on the page

 

 

Jihoon opens a paper star every morning. Sometimes they’re filled with suave Woojin and his lame pick-up lines, and sometimes his awkwardness drips off of the paper. But one thing that’s consistent is its ability to put a smile on Jihoon’s face every day. And they really do lighten his mood when he’s having a bad day.

 

He opens another one the minute he wakes up. The new semester is starting up and the thought of going back to school after the Christmas break is unpleasant.

 

Do you have a map? Cause I’m getting lost in your eyes (seriously tell them to stop sparkling ://)

 

Jihoon chuckles, reading a star had become his favorite routine of the day, other than seeing Woojin, of course. When he checks the date on his phone, he realizes that the day has come. The end of their trial, and Jihoon has to let Woojin know how he feels. But really, there’s no mystery in it anyways. From the very start of the trial Jihoon knew that it would never be a no. And from the way Woojin has been treating him for the entire duration of the month, he’s even more definite in his answer. It makes him feel giddy, the thought of going to see Woojin today and making it official.

 

He slips on the sweater that Woojin bought him and tussles his hair in that curly, messy style that Woojin said he likes. They agree to meet up at the café they had their first date at, and Woojin is already there, waving him to a table.

 

“Hey.” Woojin greets him with a smile. Jihoon settles in the seat across from him. “You know what’s annoying?”

 

Jihoon tilts his head curiously, “What?”

 

“You look ethereal even in casual clothes. It hurts my pride.” Woojin pouts, earning a laugh from Jihoon.

 

“You look fine yourself.” Jihoon assures him.

 

Woojin frowns even more, “Just fine?”

 

Jihoon rolls his eyes at him, he really is a piece of work, but he adores him anyways, “Alright, you look amazing. Good?”

 

Woojin pats himself on the back with a pleased smile, “Thank you, I already knew that.” Jihoon laughs as Woojin winces at the swift kick he makes to his shin.

 

After they finish their food, they walk down the streets of the city, hand in hand.

 

“So how is Daehwi doing with Jinyoung?” Jihoon inquires, swinging his and Woojin’s hands.

 

“They’re still going on dates but being oblivious to the fact that they’re practically dating already.”

 

Jihoon snorts, “Who do you think is gonna confess first?”

 

“Definitely Jinyoung. Daehwi is too scared to even think about doing it.”

 

“Really? I think Daehwi might pluck up the courage to do it himself.” Jihoon muses. He knows that Daehwi is a strong person, maybe he could end up being the one to confess.

 

“You wanna bet on it?”

 

“Sure, I could use more of your money.” He sticks his tongue out at Woojin, who squeezes his hand through their gloves hard. Woojin stops them when they reach the park, placing his hands on Jihoon’s cheeks to warm him up.

 

“You know, today’s the last day of your free trial.”

 

Jihoon holds back a smile, putting a hand on his chin to look calculative, “Ah yes, that’s today isn’t it?”

 

Woojin slips his hands into his pockets almost self-consciously, staring at the ground as he says, ”So, what do you think?”

 

He’s clearly nervous, and Jihoon doesn’t know why he’s so unsure of his answer when he’s made it perfectly clear that he loves being with him. It’s still in his nature to though, “I think we should stop kidding ourselves.”

 

Woojin lifts his head to look at Jihoon wearily, biting his lips and swaying on his heels, “What?”

 

Jihoon takes Woojin’s hands out of his pocket and holds them in his, “I think we both know that we’ve been official for a while already, so let’s stop kidding ourselves.”

 

Woojin finally heaves a sigh of relief, his worry being replaced with a smile, “So does that mean I’m your boyfriend boyfriend now?”

 

Jihoon laughs, eyeing his excited expression, “Yes, you’re my boyfriend boyfriend now.”

 

Woojin takes a step closer to him, releasing their hands and pulling Jihoon into him by his waist, “And that means the no-kiss rule doesn’t apply anymore, right?”

 

Jihoon scoffs, smacking him lightly on the forehead before resting his hands on his shoulders, “Of course that would be your first priority.”

 

He doesn’t fight him when he does though. Woojin leans in slowly, molding their lips together softly. It’s nothing like their first—no overwhelming heat, no teeth clashing—just a natural, short kiss but it makes Jihoon’s heart flutter all the same.

 

After they pull apart, Jihoon has to pretend he’s calm and collected, “Alright boyfriend boyfriend, calm down.”

 

Woojin grins widely, “You know, it’s even better when you say the word twice.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Lee Daehwi! You’re all grown up now!” Donghyun cries, pulling Daehwi into a giant bear hug and it doesn’t look like the blonde can breathe.

 

“Donghyun I love you but p-put me down you’re cutting off my air supply. And we’re in public!” Donghyun lets the younger back onto the ground, cupping his face in his hands affectionately, oblivious to all of the stares being casted at them by the other people in the school cafeteria.

 

“Tell us the story.” Youngmin says curiously.

 

“Yeah,” Woojin pipes in beside Jihoon, mouth stuffed with his sandwich. “Who confessed first?”

 

 

Daehwi strolls down the streets alongside Jinyoung, after dinner at a restaurant near his house. This is the third time they’ve gone out this week alone and it’s starting to worry Daehwi that Jinyoung is only thinking of him as a friend. Otherwise, wouldn’t he have said something by now?

 

As much as he wants to reach out for his hand, wants to expect a goodnight kiss every time they reach his porch, he knows he can’t. And maybe he never will.

 

As they're nearing his house, he notices a car behind them driving quickly. He grabs onto Jinyoung’s arm, pulling him towards him just in time for the car to roll past them without hurting him. They stumble back into a stone wall, and Jinyoung is so close that Daehwi can feel his breath on his forehead. He’s frozen still but Jinyoung doesn’t seem to be affected. He looks after the car that had passed them, waving a scolding finger at them, “Who told them it was okay to drive that fast in a back lane?” Jinyoung looks back at him, sizing him up, “Are you okay?”

 

Daehwi is brought out of his reverie and scoffs, “You’re the one who almost got hit and you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

 

Jinyoung frowns, pulling Daehwi from off of the wall and dusting off his shoulders. “We hit the wall pretty hard when you pulled me in.” Jinyoung leaves his hands resting his shoulders, leaning in to look at Daehwi’s face as if he’d have gotten injured there.

 

The blonde pouts, “How about a ‘thank you Daehwi’ or ‘you saved my life Daehwi I owe you all of my life savings—“

 

The last thing he sees is Jinyoung’s smile before his eyes flutter closed when Jinyoung’s lips meet his own. It’s only a short peck, but Daehwi feels lightheaded. “Thank you.” Jinyoung says softly.

 

“Y-You’re gonna have to explain what that meant or I might take it the wrong way.” Daehwi stammers, hands rising up to cover his cheeks. Maybe he could blame the blush on the cold weather.

 

Jinyoung just looks at him with his stupid, perfect smile. “Is there really explanation needed?”

 

“For me, yeah.” Daehwi says breathlessly. He’s not even thinking about how cold it is, there’s only one thing on his mind.

 

“Well, If it wasn’t already obvious, I like you.”

 

Daehwi’s eyes widen, still in disbelief, “W-what? Seriously?”

 

The other just laughs at him, “I just kissed you and you’re doubting me?”

 

“Sorry I’m just.. having a hard time believing it.” Daehwi slides his head further into his jacket, almost covering his entire face.

 

“You can’t disappear into your jacket, you know.” Jinyoung’s tone is light and playful and how dare he be so composed when Daehwi is a stammering mess.

 

“I can try.” Daehwi squeaks, slipping the hood of his jacket on for good measure.

 

To his surprise, Jinyoung takes his hand and leads them down the street again. Daehwi’s glad it’s dark and he’s hidden in his jacket because the expression on his face right now is probably disgustingly smitten.

 

“If anything, it should be me who’s worried about how you feel. You haven’t given me an answer yet, speak now or I’ll continue to hold your hand until we reach your house.”

 

“I’ve liked you longer than you’ve liked me.” Daehwi bursts out, sighing at his lack of self-control.

 

Jinyoung looks genuinely surprised, “Really?”

 

Daehwi nods shyly, “I thought it’s been obvious since high school.”

 

“High school..” Jinyoung muses, maybe even disbelievingly. “That means I’m still in the running for the longer crush.”

 

Daehwi gasps out loud, earning a laugh from Jinyoung, “You’re lying to me right now.”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head amusedly, “Nope.”

 

 

 

“Ha! I told you Jinyoung would be the one to confess first. Pay up.” Woojin sticks his hand in front of Jihoon, and Jihoon would love to wipe the smug smirk off of his face but he places ten dollars in his hand anyways.

 

“What?! You bet on my love life?” Daehwi asks incredulously.

 

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it so I put my head to good use.” Woojin waves the bill in the air proudly, and Jihoon punches him in the thigh.

 

“You pay up too, Donghyun.” Youngmin and Donghyun have their own money exchange on the other side of the table, much to Daehwi’s dismay. Woojin is laughing and high-fiving Youngmin.

 

“You guys bet too?!” Daehwi glares at Donghyun, who holds his hands up defensively.

 

“I had faith that you would build up the courage and be the one to tell him how you feel! I only did it with good intentions.”

 

Daehwi scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “You guys are ridiculous.”

 

Youngmin ignores the pouting blonde, and then turns to Jihoon and Woojin. “We’re gonna do movie night tonight, you guys coming?”

 

“Actually, we’re going to have dinner at Jihoon’s place.” Woojin says, and Jihoon can hear the worry in his voice.

 

“Oh my God, you’re meeting the family?” Daehwi squeals, and then puts on a serious face, pointing a finger at Woojin, “Don’t mess it up, I know you have a tendency for doing that but please, don’t mess it up.”

 

Woojin grabs Daehwi’s finger and pulls his across the table to flick his forehead. Truthfully, Jihoon is nervous too. Woojin has never met Donghan in person yet and he’s not sure how their interactions will be like. He wants more than anything for his family to like Woojin as much as he does. But he assures himself that Woojin will do great—even though he never wants to admit it, Woojin has a way with words, so really, there’s nothing to worry about.

 

 

 

 

They walk hand in hand to Jihoon’s door after school. Jihoon gives Woojin a reassuring squeeze before the door opens and Donghan’s parents greet them. “Hello! You must be Woojin!”

 

“Hi Mr and Mrs. Kim.” Woojin bows, smiling politely. They lead them into the house, and his mom (she had insisted for years that Jihoon refer to her as mom and he had finally relented) tells them to wait in Jihoon’s room while they set up the dinner table.

 

Jihoon brings Woojin into his and Donghan’s shared room, where Donghan is seated on his bed, scrolling through his phone.

 

“Oh hey, you’re here.” Donghan slings an arm around him, and extends an arm out to Woojin. “Hey, I’m Donghan.”

 

Woojin takes his hand stiffly, “Woojin.”

 

“Don’t scare him too much.” Jihoon hits Donghan’s chest, knowing how protective Donghan could get of him.

 

“Hey, we’re practically friends already.” He can see the glint in Donghan’s eye as he turns to Woojin and Jihoon knows that he’s screwed. “I even know your Starbucks order word for word because that’s how much Jihoon never stops talk about you.”

 

Jihoon laughs awkwardly and Woojin’s amused look, and then smacks Donghan on the back. Out of all the goddamn things in the world that Donghan could tell Woojin, he didn’t have to tell him that.

 

“I’m gonna go help mom with dinner. Why don’t you guys get to know each other? And please, don’t tell him any more embarrassing things.” Jihoon grits his teeth, glaring down Donghan before giving Woojin’s hand another reassuring squeeze, “You’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

 

Jihoon heads to the kitchen where his parents are, asking if there’s anything he can help with.

 

“No that’s fine honey, just rest, okay?” Jihoon plops down onto one of the chairs with a sigh. Donghan is really going to be the death of him. “He’s cute, you know.”

 

The corners of his mouth quirk up at her smile, “Yeah, he is.”

 

“And you seem much happier nowadays.” His dad adds from across the table.

 

Jihoon nods shyly, “He makes me happy.”

 

His dad smiles warmly, sipping on his coffee, “That’s great to hear.”

 

After a few minutes of his mom insisting that she didn’t need any help, he heads back to his room, but stops himself a second away from opening the door, listening in to their conversation.

 

“He talks about you guys a lot.” He hears Woojin say, “He says he doesn’t express it enough to you guys, but he’s thankful for you every day. He really loves you all like his own family.”

 

Donghan chuckles, “Yeah, I’m sure we all know that. Even though he doesn’t know how to show it sometimes, we know his heart.”

 

There’s silence before he hears Donghan speak up again. “You make him really happy. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in a while.”

 

Woojin’s voice is small, but it still tugs on his heartstrings, “He means a lot to me, and I’d never do anything to lose his smile.” He knows Woojin is doing the fiddling thing with his fingers right now, he’s still nervous but he’s making conversation and Jihoon is proud that he’s trying his best, “I’m not sure if you know what happened in the past, but I want to assure you that I would never hurt him like that again.”

 

“I know.” Donghan is understanding. Jihoon tells him every day that he’s proud of how far Woojin has come since then, and he lets him know that he feels safe around him. “And Jihoon knows that too. You treat him well and that’s all I can ask for.”

 

He takes this as his time to barge in, interrupting the moment and saving Woojin from talking any longer because he knows he’s going to run out of words soon enough. “I’m back, I hope you’re not talking bad about me.”

 

“Oh yeah I told him how you used to throw tantrums all the time and that you’re so spoiled and bratty.” Woojin chuckles with Donghan, and Jihoon thinks that he should sever any chance of these two teaming up and taking him down.

 

“Ha ha, very funny.” Jihoon walks over to Woojin, grabbing his hand. “Let’s go, dinner is ready.”

 

It turns out, Jihoon really didn’t have to be worried for Woojin because he does perfectly fine speaking to his parents. They love his wit and his humility, and Woojin knows all of the right things to say to make them happy. For a brief moment, they hold hands under the table, and Jihoon relays a thank you for being here with me through his eyes.

 

“Oh, I almost forgot! I have a photo album of Jihoon’s high school days and his days in plays and musicals!”

 

Jihoon groans in horror, “Mom, no!”

 

He’s not able to stop her from showing them to Woojin, and he doesn’t even hide his laughter when he sees a picture of Jihoon in a wig, looking a tad bit uncomfortable in his heels.

 

As the night comes to a close, they say their goodbyes and his parents tell Woojin to make sure to come visit them again. Donghan hugs him goodbye, and pats Woojin on the back.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jihoon tells Donghan before the two of them leave for Woojin’s dorm.

 

The second Woojin reaches his bed he flops onto it, breathing heavily. “That was the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever had to do.”

 

Jihoon takes a seat on the edge of his bed, patting Woojin’s thigh. “You did great, they loved you.”

 

“I sure hope they did.” Woojin sits back up and pulls Jihoon towards him, sending them both falling onto his pillow as he hugs him. Jihoon hears a loud thunder outside and winces noticeably. Woojin props himself onto his elbow, eyes focused on Jihoon but he can’t even shy away because he’s still stuck on how loud it is outside. “Are you scared of thunderstorms?”

 

Jihoon closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing the build-up of tears before they can hit him, “It was raining hard the night my dad kicked me out of my house and all I did that night was cry.” He feels Woojin’s fingers interlock with his, a thumb rubbing the back of his hand soothingly. “And now I don’t like storms or being alone during them because I’m scared that someone else is going to up and leave me.”

 

Jihoon turns into Woojin, nuzzling into his chest and wrapping his arms around his torso. Woojin his hair, placing a kiss to the top of his head.

 

“A part of why Donghan and I share a room is because I didn’t want to be alone in the case of a storm. So his dad knocked down the wall of the neighboring room and made one big room that Donghan and I could share.” Jihoon muffles into his chest, unsure whether or not Woojin was able to understand him properly.

 

He seems to have, though, because he responds, “They’ve done so much for you, it’s sweet.”

 

“Yeah.” He mutters softly.

 

Woojin holds him tighter, “I want you to show them you love them once in a while, okay?”

 

Jihoon feels a tightness in his chest. He knows that he’s never been great at expression his emotions, but Donghan and his family deserve everything that he’s able to give them and more. He wishes that one day he’ll be able to show him just how much they mean to him. “I will, I promise.”

 

 

 

 

Bad days come and go, sometimes they’re inevitable, especially with school going on and Jihoon trying to take on more than he can handle so he doesn’t have to spend too long in school. Sometimes it takes a toll on him, but Woojin and Donghan are there to comfort him and have faith in him that he’ll succeed after all the hard work he puts towards everything he does. But he’s not sure if today qualifies as a bad day, for a while, he feels that it’s just a day. A day where he doesn’t feel great, he just feels empty.

 

Woojin comes jogging up to him on a bench outside. Jihoon doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the tree in front of him or how long he’s been outside.

 

The younger stops in front of him, panting, “Hey, what’s up? You sounded sad over the phone.”

 

Jihoon chuckles quietly for the first time that day, “I texted you.”

 

Woojin frowns, sitting next to him, “You didn’t wink once.” Woojin cups his face in his hands, turning him to look at him. “Hey, were you crying?”

 

He hasn’t looked in a mirror at all that day, but he knows his face is probably puffy. “I didn’t tell you, but I got a call last week.” He starts, his voice is hollow and void of his usual mirth, “They told me that my father.. he passed away. And I’m the only blood-relative left to handle his funeral.”

 

And Woojin, having only thought about finding Jihoon, probably only just notices that they’re sitting in front of a funeral chapel. Woojin doesn’t say anything, and he’s grateful. What is there to say to someone when their father dies, when they know that they had never loved their child to begin with? Jihoon isn’t looking for a sorry, or for condolences. He just wants Woojin’s presence, he gives him an infinite amount of strength even in the hardest times.

 

Woojin stays with him the entire day, sitting in the hall as friends and coworkers of his father come to pay their respects. He cleans the hall up after people leave, throwing away the food trays and empty alcohol bottles. And then he sits with him in front of his father’s casket, holding his hand.

 

“I didn’t know how to feel when I got the call.” His voice croaks out hoarsely. “Usually people would feel tortured, hysterical. But I just felt.. empty.”

 

He takes a deep breath, staring at the picture of his father. He’s not smiling in it, and Jihoon wonders if he ever once smiled around him.

 

“So I have no ing idea why it is that today, I’m crying over someone who never loved me.” A tear rolls down his cheek, and he doesn’t bother to wipe it away. “He never once acted like a father to me, so why am I here, handling his funeral like I was anyone of importance to him? The old man didn't even find a new family after I left. I expected the next time I saw him for him to be with a new woman, and kid that wouldn't disappoint him. But he stayed alone all of these years.” Jihoon chuckles bitterly.

 

Woojin holds him in his arms and Jihoon cries harder. He his back, leaning his head on his own. “It’s natural to cry over this. You spent a lot of your life with him, he’s your father. But just because you didn't get to talk to him before he died and he was alone after you left, doesn’t mean he deserves your forgiveness. Take this as a means of closure. You’ll handle this funeral, and let him know that you’re thankful that he and your mom brought you into this world, but now you’re doing just fine without him, and you have a family that will take care of you.”

 

 

Jihoon doesn’t let go of Woojin’s hand for the rest of the night.

 

 

 

 

Woojin’s step-mother calls him as soon as spring comes. She tells him that they’ve been cleaning the house and she has packed the rest of his stuff, and that he can pick up the box anytime he wants. Woojin hasn’t been to his home since the summer, and he hasn’t seen his father since the memories of his mother came back. He’s scared to face him—to look him and the eyes and know that he stood by and did nothing when his mother had yelled at him, hurt him for being different.

 

Jihoon tells him he’ll come with him for support. Youngmin drives them to his house and tells them he’ll be picking up a few things at a nearby supermarket while he’s waiting for them. Woojin looks at his house and it feels unfamiliar. He had only lived in it for four years, but it still felt foreign to him.

 

He doorbells and his stepmother opens the door, smiling politely and letting them inside. She tells him that his father in his office, but he declines her offer to greet him.

 

They step into his old room. It’s still furnished but quite empty, save for the box of things on his bed. He had forgotten what it even looked like, since he was so used to his dorm room. Woojin plops onto his bed next to the box of his things, rummaging through the items at the top. It’s nothing too special, just some old clothes he left behind and a bunch books and action figures. Jihoon takes a seat on the other side of the box.

 

“It’s a nice house.” Jihoon comments, looking around the room.

 

Woojin nods, pursing his lips, “Yeah.”

 

There’s a picture sticking out on one side of the box that he reaches for. He sees a face that he hasn’t seen in years, and only ever in his nightmares. It’s like she’s looking at him and all of the tormenting floods his mind, piercing his ears. He drops the picture and covers both ears, wincing and leaning over to rest his head in his lap.

 

“W-Woojin, what’s wrong?” Jihoon moves in front of him, removing his hands from his ears and lifting his head to look up at him. Woojin feels dizzy, doesn’t remember how to breath and Jihoon is patting his back, working him through his panic.

 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I’m here. Breathe, Woojin, breathe.” Jihoon’s voice manages to calm him down slowly, and the voices soon drown out, replaced by the words of comfort. Jihoon hugs him after he evens out his breathing, his hair for a long while. 

 

“Sorry I didn’t warn you about my panic attacks I—“ Woojin coughs, “I haven’t had one in a while.”

 

“It’s okay.” Jihoon squeezes him tighter, “At least I know now.”

 

They don’t stay long. Woojin gets a glimpse of his father just as he walks out the door but he doesn’t linger long enough to say something. His step-mother bids him goodbye and Youngmin is already waiting outside for them.

 

Later, Woojin sits at his desk, pen in hand and a blank page of a notebook opened up in front of him. He’s not sure what he wants to write at first, but with his resolve to end his grudge, the words finally come to him.

 

Dear Mom,

 

I went back home after months of not visiting. It felt new to me, like it wasn’t even my own home. I found a picture of you in a box of my things today. Just a few months ago, the memories of everything you’ve ever done to me came back to haunt me. For the longest time I convinced myself that you were like any other mother was supposed to be before you died. I told myself that you loved me and that you cared for me. But now I know that it was just me trying to save myself from hurting after you left. I want you to know that recently, I met Jihoon. I’ve known him for a while, but he’s come back into my life again and I’m doing everything I can to make up for the monster you molded me into. I hope you know that he is one of the most important things in the world to me and that I don’t have any regrets about loving him. I just wanted you to know that I’m happy. Daehwi makes me happy, Donghyun and Youngmin make me happy, and Jihoon makes me happy. They make me happier than you ever could, and they’re sure as hell doing a much better job than you. I’m not going to forgive you, but I don’t want to hate you anymore either. From now on, I won’t think about you anymore. You’re part of my past and that's where you’ll stay. And I’m going to move on and I’m going to spend my life with the people who love me.

 

Sincerely,

A kid you used to know

 

 

 

 

 

 

The summer heat hits them quicker than they expect. Woojin spent the last few months with Youngmin, who taught him how to drive. He had always been eager to get his license, but knew it was useless if he didn’t have a car to drive around. Youngmin convinced him to go for it anyways, saying that he’d lend him his car once in a while, as long as he paid for gas on the days he uses it. He also made it very clear that any damage made to his car would be a death sentence.

 

And that’s how Woojin rolls up to Jihoon’s house one day in mid-June, calling him out spontaneously amidst Jihoon’s protests about him not giving him enough time to get ready.

 

“Shut up, loser. You’d look great in a garbage bag so just come out, will you?”

 

When Jihoon steps out, he doesn’t notice him. He’s looking around for him, until Woojin honks at him from the curb. He rolls down the passenger window and yells out, “What are you waiting for?”

 

He watches Jihoon’s mouth drop comically at the sight of Woojin in the driver’s seat of the car with no Youngmin. “Woojin, what the hell! Did you steal Youngmin’s car without his permission? You’re not allowed to be driving alone!” Jihoon spurts out a multitude of questions and nagging as he approaches the car. 

 

Woojin scoffs, picking up his license to flaunt in front of Jihoon, “Guess who passed his test?”

 

Jihoon gasps, opening the passenger door and jumping excitedly into the car. “You passed?! When?”

 

“Just this morning,” Woojin drives away from Jihoon’s house, “And then I convinced Youngmin to let me take the car for the day.”

 

“Please tell him that I have nothing to do with the possible damages you might do.”

 

Woojin takes him to a street market about half an hour away. They spend most of the afternoon eating food from street vendors and watching performances until it gets dark. And later they’re walking along a path walk beside the beach, hand in hand as the sound of the waves surrounds them.

 

“You know, one of the biggest things I will never be able to get over is not winning prom king.” Jihoon says with a gloomy sigh.

 

“How did you not win prom king?” Woojin questions bewilderedly, “I heard you were really popular at your school.”

 

The expression on Jihoon’s face is positively miffed, “Yeah well, the gay, sleeps around a lot popular is pretty different from the star of the basketball team popular.”

 

Woojin thinks for a while, before stopping by the flowers near a bench and pulls out a long stem of them. He bends it into a circle and ties the ends together, grabbing Jihoon’s hand and pulling him towards the sand.

 

“What are you doing?” Jihoon asks when Woojin lets go. Woojin takes his phone out of his pocket and puts a slow song on, laying his sweater down onto the sand and tossing his phone onto it.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, your 2018 prom king, Park Jihoon, woo!” Woojin places his do-it-yourself flower crown on top of Jihoon’s head. He earns a signature Park Jihoon eye roll but he’s laughing.

 

“God, you’re so extra.”  

 

Woojin brings Jihoon’s hands up to circle his neck, and places his own on Jihoon’s waist. “Only for you, princess.”

 

“Hey, that’s king to you.” He huffs, stepping closer to him as they slow dance to the faint music of Woojin’s phone.

 

“I hope you know that I’m a lot of work.” Jihoon says pointedly, never losing eye contact with him.

 

“I know.”

 

“And I get moody a lot and I might snap at you from time to time.”

 

“Yep.”

 

Jihoon does the endearing head tilt that makes Woojin melt in his hands. His voice in unsure this time, “And you’re one hundred percent sure you’re okay with that?”

 

“Hey,” Woojin raises a hand to brush the hair from out of Jihoon’s eyes, “Like I always say, you’re hot and we’re both a mess.” Jihoon snorts, “Together we’re a hot mess. But we work well together, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

 

Jihoon brings their lips together, soft and unbearably tender, and Woojin doesn’t know what better fitting puzzle there is than when they’re together like this.

 

And then there’s Jihoon, who brightens up the night on his own. The summer night amplifies his beauty; he shimmers like fairy lights twinkling against the water. He’s hypnotic like the splashing of the blue waves. Woojin wonders how the stars feel, knowing there’s someone on Earth who shines brighter than them. Jihoon is the cadence of rain, a mesmerizing symphony. He’s the invasion in his head that he never wants to leave, but even when he opens his eyes Woojin knows that Jihoon will be right there and there’s no need for a sweet escape, because he’s his reality.

 

And Jihoon knows he’s made from pottery, with cracks and grooves, the pattern of his history hidden behind his back. But those cracks are starting to fill with light, and with the light comes truths that can’t be taught. There’s so much he’s learned from the people around him in the past year alone. They let him know that they’re there to push him to grow and succeed, the hope whispering in his ear when everything seems like it could come crashing down. They’re the pillars who hold him up to be strong, and out of everyone in the world, he’s glad the important people in his life are able to be his.

 

“I love you.” Woojin whispers against Jihoon’s cheek, pulling back to look at him.

 

Jihoon leans in to peck him on the lips, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you too.”

 

The moment is interrupted when they hear familiar screams calling them from the sidewalk.

 

“Woojin! Jihoon!”

 

They turn to see Donghyun and Youngmin, Daehwi and Jinyoung, and Donghan waving at them, running towards them.

 

“What are you guys doing here?” Woojin asks, taken aback, “How did you even find us?”

 

“Seongwoo’s boyfriend Daniel said he saw you two down at the beach and Seongwoo told us he could drive us down here after his shift.” Youngmin explains. The group is laying out picnic blankets and setting out containers of food. Daehwi takes Jinyoung by the hand and brings him closer to the water, splashing around near the edge.

 

Donghan comes up to Jihoon and tackles him with a hug. “You didn’t think you guys could come to the beach without us did you?”  

 

They spend the night eating the burgers they had taken to-go from Seongwoo’s diner (which is probably the reason why he agreed to drive them all down here), lighting sparklers and running down the beach. Donghyun brings his guitar and sings them songs, and they even convince Jihoon to sing one with Donghan.

 

 

Jihoon looks around and sees everyone that means the world to him. He sees Daehwi, Donghyun and Youngmin, the people he had found a home in. He sees Donghan, his favorite person in the entire world, who he knows will never give up on him no matter how much of a pain he is. And then he sees Woojin, the one who taught him to love again. He’s imperfection and stutters and stupid jokes but he’s his—He’s a moment of freedom in the darkness of the world, and now he’s slowly starting to see the beauty of it.

 

Jihoon knows that he’ll always be surrounded by love, and no one can tell him that he doesn’t deserve it.

 

 

wipe the tears from your ivory face
and turn those cherry lips around
my heart is a kingdom
and you wear the crown

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

 

♡

 

 

 

 

 

A/N:  it's officially the end friends. guess who's crying?? me. i'm sobbing. 

thank you so much to everyone who's encouraged me and supported me through my journey of my first chaptered fic. all of your kind words have meant the world to me and i have nothing but love for everyone who ever spoke to me about any of my stories. i felt like this story really helped me grow as a writer, and i hope my future works are able to inspire you and interest you as much as this one did. a special thanks to daquad for being by my side and always supporting me as a writer, i love you guys so much ♡