5. 

a fresh slate
a new beauty begins

There’s always a small thread of hope that people hold onto, even when they say they don’t believe in it. If there’s no hope, then there’s no disappointment. Yet there’s always that small voice in the back of your mind, telling you that there’s always tomorrow—and tomorrow could be grand. So is it worth it to hold on? Maybe after the storm, and after the waves have calmed down, the sun will illuminate the water—turning it into crystal clear hope.

Woojin hates hoping. He hates the part of his mind that looks up expectantly at the trees for one to yield the fruit of acceptance.

But in all honestly, he’s not mad—not as mad as he thought he would be in the moment of discovery. Maybe he’s just disappointed in himself, for hoping that once he was able to escape his self-condemnation, he could move on. But just like how the world moves on even if you don’t, somehow it feels like he’s the only one who wants to move forward but no one else is letting him.

“How are you doing?” Daehwi’s voice cuts in softly, placing a cup of coffee beside his laptop and sprawled out notes that he only now realizes he’s supposed to be doing homework. He hasn't been able to shake the events of last night off his mind. And even though he still feels guilty for everything he’s ever done, the trust he had built up for Jihoon had been shattered all too quickly and it sort of stings.

He takes another look at the workload in front of him and lets his head fall into his hands, “I don't know.”

“You wanna tell me what happened?” The younger is using that babying tone that would usually set him off into a spiral of complaints but he’s just so confused that he doesn’t even know what he feels about anything anymore.

Woojin closes his laptop and leans down to rest his arms above it, “He was winkly.”

“What?” Daehwi doesn’t seem to remember at first, but the name slowly comes to him. “Oh, you’re internet friend?”

Woojin nods numbly, eyes focused intently on the logo of Daehwi’s coffee cup. “It was Jihoon all along.”

“Wait, so why is that a bad thing?”

Without lifting his gaze, Woojin explains in a quiet voice, “I sort of.. read something in one of his notebooks. A while ago he said that he found out I was chamsaes and was planning to get revenge on me by getting close to me and finding out my secrets.”

He doesn’t even have to look up to known that Daehwi’s face is sporting obvious incredulity. “Wait, but he hasn’t acted on it?”

“No,” Woojin mumbles, “But he was planning to.”

The logo he’s been staring at starts to get boring and he finally sits up, leaning back into his chair. Daehwi looks at him like he’s trying to figure something out, “You said it was a long time ago, how far back?”

Woojin shrugs indifferently, “Like the beginning of October of something.”

“So what if that was his initial plan because you might not have been friends yet and he was feeling a rush of emotions and he just wrote it down but never meant to go through with it? Or even if he did, maybe he decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. I mean it could have been before your apology and maybe at the time he still felt like you deserved it.”

“What should I do?” Woojin starts to fiddle with his fingers—he could never stay still, even more so when there was something bothering him.

Daehwi puts a hand on his own, and with a reassuring smile, says, “Talk to him.”

But what would he say? What did he want to say? At first he thinks that, if anything, Jihoon should be the one explaining to him. A part of him had secretly hoped that Jihoon wouldn’t leave when he told him to. Maybe it was stupid to have hope that he would stay, that he would defend himself and say that it was no longer like that. And maybe it really wasn’t, but how was Woojin supposed to know that when Jihoon didn’t even try to tell him?

It wouldn’t surprise him if his friendship didn’t mean that much Jihoon anyways, Woojin is easily replaceable, hardly anything special. He can only make stupid jokes and he’s absolutely horrendous at making conversation. But to him, Jihoon feels like one of the easiest people to talk to, sometimes he doesn't even have to think when talking to him, the words just flow out naturally. And that’s something so rare—when he doesn’t have to be so hung up in his mind during a social interaction on every single thing he’s supposed to say and do and what the best possible way to deal with a situation is without seeming like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

He dwells on it and realizes that he doesn’t want to lose Jihoon, not over something that can be fixed. He doesn’t want to lose the texts that he receives during breaks between classes that check if he’s having a good day. He doesn’t want to lose the chance to watch Jihoon always, always get ice cream on his nose every time they use cones. He doesn’t want to hate himself every night for letting Jihoon slip out of his life because both of them are too stubborn to talk it out like normal adults. Woojin doesn’t want to have a reason to miss him, he just wants to have him.  

Jihoon knows it isn’t likely for Woojin to show up to the library that night. He paces back and front of the entrance, debating whether he would be fine studying alone or if he’d just feel weird the entire time—it’s no longer their spot if it’s only him.

He’s been feeling like utter crap since the second he had walked out of Woojin’s dorm without even trying to give him an explanation. Would it have been different if he stayed? Or would Woojin still hate him regardless because his intentions to get close to him weren’t for a reason that anyone would want. In the moment, he didn’t even have the words to say to make it better, because it really was a stupid thing to even think about doing in the first place. If he had gone through with it, he wouldn’t have been any different than the person that Jihoon had despised Woojin for being all those years ago—he would have just become the very thing he hated. 

After an indecisive ten minutes, Jihoon starts to walk away from the entrance, deciding it would be less lonely to work at home even if it meant he’d be easily distracted. But he figures it would be less painful than having to stare at the empty seat in front of him the entire time. At least at home he could stare at the wall and he wouldn’t feel like there was something missing.  

Before he can exit the building, however, his eyes trail up from the familiar pair of shoes coming towards him to find Woojin right in front of him. And suddenly, his feet don’t know how to move and he can’t run away even though he hates confrontation, especially when the outcome is likely to be negative. He holds his notebook tight to his chest, it’s a new one he had switched with the one Woojin had found because every time he looked at it he felt guilty.

Woojin has a look on his face that Jihoon can’t really decipher despite always thinking he was good at reading emotions. Is he mad at him? He doesn’t look angry, but he doesn’t look like he’s planning to forgive him either. At this point he doesn’t know what to expect from the other boy—he was always doing the unexpected and it’s a little frustrating that he’s the only one Jihoon can never easily read.

“U-uh, hi..” Jihoon starts, but Woojin just stares at him without saying anything. “Look, about what you read last night, I didn’t mean—“

“I know that even if you do feel guilty about it, you probably think that I deserved it anyways. But I don’t think that what I did as a ten-year old should justify everything bad that happens to me.” Woojin breathes, “I don’t know if this is just me being selfish or hypocritical but—“ He pauses, looking Jihoon right in the eye and his heart drops to the floor, “I’m hurting too. Maybe not as significantly as you’ve been hurting but I don’t think my feelings should be invalid.”

Jihoon didn’t even think he could feel worse than he already is, but the stabbing at his chest is back once he realizes again that he almost became the bully—the very thing that he despised as a kid. Why was it that he thought he could use karma as an excuse when in the end he’d be nothing but a replica of the very thing that was the subject of his torment?

There’s so much he needs to be saying right now but his voice has a way of giving up on him in situations like this where he doesn’t know what to do and the thought that he might end up saying something that would make it even worse stops the words itching to coming out.

Before he can even attempt to force them out Woojin opens his mouth to speak again, “Well if that’s how it’s gonna be then fine.” He’s gonna end our friendship. “I’m gonna stick to you like a thorn on your side until you grow so fond of me that you’ll never want me to leave.”

This.. this is not what he was expecting.

“I—what?”

Woojin crosses his arms, sticking his chin out in what Jihoon thinks is supposed to be an intimidating manner but it’s more humorous than anything, “You heard me. I’m gonna bother you until you finally like me. We’re gonna be such good friends that people are gonna have to put us in history books! At least future students will have one topic to be interested in.”

Jihoon has so many questions but he doesn’t even know where to start with this because what in the world is he talking about? Is he being forgiven or is this Woojin’s idea of a punishment?

In the end he still doesn’t manage to get a word in because Woojin is spinning him around and pushing him towards the library entrance, “Let’s go, new best friend, second to none except Daehwi!”

Woojin wasn’t lying when he said he’d stick to Jihoon like a thorn on his side. And Woojin is quite possibly the most tangible, prominent thorn anyone has ever had sticking next to them too, because he is literally everywhere and Jihoon doesn’t even know how the younger even manages to find him sometimes, but whenever he turns around he’s there. It’s not even as much of a nuisance as he expects it to be (or wants it to be). Somehow, even that becomes part of his daily routine—seeing Woojin at least once before he goes home, even on days when they don’t go to the library. And Jihoon is sick of not being sick of it because he should be seething and distressed but he kind of ends up enjoying Woojin’s company, even when he sees him more than anyone else.

“So,” Woojin starts, stirring his glass of Pepsi with a straw. Jihoon doesn’t know when but somewhere during Woojin’s expedition to get Jihoon to like him, the chair in the diner that used to stay empty in the middle of them is now occupied by Woojin. There’s no longer a space between them but even then, Jihoon still thinks he’s a little too far. “How good of a job am I doing at not being an ? On a scale of 1-100?”

Jihoon lifts a hand to his chin, pretending to think hard on it. But in actuality, it’s not something that requires too much thought, because Woojin—despite his horrible jokes and his occasional snarky comments—is probably the furthest thing from being an . Jihoon would never let him know that, though. “Hmm, maybe a 20?”

He tries not to snicker at the way Woojin’s face drops immediately, “Only a 20? How much more do I have to do?!” He’s exaggerating his exasperation with large hand gestures and pouts and he’s not cute, shut the hell up Jihoon.

Jihoon puts on a high and mighty act, giving the younger a condescending smirk, “You have a long way to go before you can get on my level. My friendship is not that easy to acquire, you know.”

Woojin’s nose scrunches up in annoyance and he bites at a fry angrily. ‘If you think I’m giving up then you’ve underestimated me.” He picks up another fry and points it at Jihoon in what he thinks is supposed to be a threatening way but it’s nothing of the sort. “Just you wait, Park Jihoon. I’m gonna be your favorite person.”

Jihoon isn’t sure about ‘favorite’, but Woojin is definitely a person in his life, and a person that he spends way too much time with and knows way too much about for someone that isn’t Donghan.

He realizes this when he’s woken up by his ringtone at almost two in the morning and Donghan is throwing a pillow at him for disturbing his sleep and never learning to put his phone on silent. He trudges out of their room with his phone and brings it to his ear irritably when he reaches the bathroom.

“Good evening, person who’s going to love me.”

“I don’t love you,” Jihoon huffs groggily, “In fact, I could name five things I hate about you right at this moment. One, you woke me up. Two, you woke me up even though you knew I’d be sleeping. Three, you woke me up when you knew I'd be sleeping at two in the ing morning. Four, you called me just to annoy me. Five, you find enjoyment in my irritability. Are you sensing the pattern here?”

“Aw, you’re so cute when you’re all riled up.” Woojin coos in a teasing tone.

“I’m going to smack you upside the head first thing when I see you tomorrow morning.”

“Hey, hey. No need to get violent! I just couldn’t sleep and I was wondering what you were doing.”

“You couldn’t have just texted me?” Jihoon grits out through his teeth. “Did it never occur to you that I might have already been sleeping?”

“Sorry.” Jihoon can hear the pout in his voice and he almost wants to forgive him but then he remembers it’s two in the ing morning.

“Apologies will get you nowhere at this time of night.”

“Hmm, I don’t know, you seemed to have softened up. I knew I was getting to you.” Jihoon’s eyes roll so hard that he swears he’ll be looking backwards permanently if he continues to put up with Woojin any longer.

“Hardly, now go to sleep, you needy imbecile.”

“Wow, I love our pet names. I’m so thankful for you too, birdbrain!” He hears Woojin’s annoying laugh as he groans tiredly. He’s sitting on the bathroom floor against the door, almost about to fall asleep when the line goes quiet for a moment, “Can you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?”

The youngers voice has gotten softer, but it’s definitely still low and Jihoon gets stuck wondering if his voice has always been this deep and now he kind of hates himself because now he can’t stop his awareness of Woojin’s low, raspy voice while he’s asking him to keep him company.

“I share a room with Donghan, you know. If I’m up on the phone he’s going to start a war tomorrow morning.”

“Oh.. alright.” The disappointment in his voice twists his insides and now he actually feels bad. “That’s okay then, sleep well Jihoon.”

The younger hangs up before he can get another word in and he still feels horrible as he listens to the line go dead. As he walks back to his bed he tries not to let it bother him, but after a few minutes of tossing and turning, he picks up his phone again and sends a text to the younger boy.

(2:17) jihoon : I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.. but just this /one/ time.

Jihoon wakes up with his arm hanging off the side of the couch, blanket half covering his legs and half draped onto the floor. His phone is still lying on his cheek and he’s a little sore when he sits up. He checks his phone to see four new texts from Woojin but the only one he can focus on is the one that says rise and shine, sunshine ;)

Since when did Woojin start winking?

“What have you been up to these days?” Daehwi asks him as he plops onto the armchair across his bed.

Woojin raises an eyebrow, “Why do you sound like we haven’t seen each other in years?”

He watches the pout form on Daehwi’s face, “Feels like it’s been years, you only ever spend time with Jihoon.”

Woojin feels the corners of his lips tug into a smirk, his eyebrows are now waggling at the younger, “Are you jealous?”

“Of course not!” Daehwi quips defensively, “I’m just..” The younger starts to frown, “You skipped out on our designated game night and games are hard to play with only three people, you know.”

Woojin’s smirk drops immediately, “, Daehwi I’m so sorry I was so caught up in school work—“

“No, it’s fine I understand that it’s just..” Daehwi starts to kick softly at his bag on the floor in front of him, voice becoming almost inaudible, “I kind of miss you.”

Woojin bites the inside of his cheek, looking apologetically at the boy across from him. “Hey, you know what, let’s make today Woojin and Daehwi day, okay? Just you and me, we can do whatever you want.”

The younger perks up slightly, “Really? You’ll even go shopping with me?”

Woojin winces at that, he hears the younger snicker, knowing very well that he took forever at the mall and Woojin is terrible at standing around for long. “Yeah, even that.”

The smile on Daehwi’s face is worth it though, and the younger is jumping up excitedly and throwing his arms around him. “Yay! You’re the best!”

Woojin sighs and pats the younger back, “I really am.”

Daehwi is still dragging him across the second floor almost an hour into their time at the mall and Woojin thinks that he might just collapse at any moment but he doesn’t even have enough time to do that because Daehwi never stops moving.

They’re nearing the shop that Jinyoung works in and he can tell that Daehwi is starting to walk slower. Woojin nudges his side softly, “You wanna go inside Zara?”

“No!” Daehwi almost shouts at his suggestion, ears heating up when people start to look at them. “Are you crazy? Just because I’ve gotten better at talking to him over text doesn’t mean I can face him in real life!”

“You’re gonna have to do it at one point, Daehwi. What if he’s been waiting for you to show up?”

If it’s even possible, Daehwi gets redder at that. “I doubt it. He’s not even gonna want to talk to me anymore if I continue to mess up and forget how to speak every time I see him.”

Before Daehwi can continue to mope about his inability to talk to Jinyoung face-to-face, Woojin is pushing them into the store, dodging all of Daehwi’s attempts to grab him by the neck. “What the heck are you doing?!”

Woojin takes the younger by the arm and drags him to the section Jinyoung is folding clothes in. The other boy hasn’t noticed them yet, Woojin needs to work fast at getting his attention before Daehwi can make a run for it. He pulls Daehwi towards a counter where there are chokers on display. “Oh hey, Daehwi! There are chokers here! Isn’t this the kind you’ve been looking for?”

He’s speaking a little too loudly for it to be a normal conversation and it may seem unnatural but it does get Jinyoung to turn his head towards them. Daehwi hits him in the shoulder but he moves away just as Jinyoung starts to walk towards them.

“Oh, hey guys! I haven’t seen you in a while.” Jinyoung’s eyes fall onto Daehwi, who’s clinging onto Woojin’s arm like his life depended on it. “Hi Daehwi, sorry I fell asleep during our conversation yesterday, I was really tired from work.”

“I-it’s okay!” Daehwi manages to squeak out, squeezing tighter at Woojin’s arm that Woojin feels like he might end up stopping his blood flow.

“So Daehwi was telling me that you guys were talking about the new horror movie that’s coming out. Why don’t you guys go see it together?” He tries to ignore the fingernails digging into his skin.

“That would be cool, but Daehwi told me he hates horror movies.”

“He was just kidding about that!” Woojin forces out a laugh, wondering how Jinyoung is even buying any of this because his is voice is the fakest thing he’s ever heard, even Woojin isn’t convincing himself. “He actually really loves horror movies.”

“Oh, really?” Jinyoung turns to Daehwi, eyes lit up in surprise, “Then maybe you wanna go check it out with me next weekend?”

Woojin raises his foot to kick at Daehwi’s calf softly when the younger doesn’t speak. “U-uh, yeah totally! Just.. text me the details!”

“Alright, cool! I have to get back to work but I’ll see you next Saturday!” Jinyoung waves them off and he feels Daehwi physically deflate into a pile of goo next to him when he’s finally out of sight. The blonde is crouched on the floor, head in his arms.

“I can’t believe.. you did that to me.”

Woojin brings the younger boy up to his feet, “You should be thanking me, I just got you a date with Bae Jinyoung!”

The evil glint in Daehwi’s eyes, Woojin knows by now, is an indication to start running for his life. And so he does.

They end up at Woojin’s favorite diner after the mall. Woojin’s arm is now sore and Daehwi had been freaking out for quite a long time after he realized he was just asked out on a maybe-date by Bae Jinyoung and now he doesn’t know what to do with himself. As Woojin reaches for the door, Daehwi is still ranting to him about how annoying it was that Jinyoung looked that good and how he wasn’t allowed to part his hair like that because his forehead was remarkable and it made him a little weak in the knees. The turn the corner to sit at Woojin’s (and Jihoon’s) usual spot, only to find Jihoon there alone.

Daehwi nudges his side, leaning in to whisper, “Is that Jihoon?”

Woojin nods awkwardly. He’s starting to freak out a little because Daehwi and Jihoon have never spoken properly and he really wants them to like each other. He’s not sure if they’re going to get along but he prays to God that they do because Jihoon has already looked up and spotted them.

The two of them walk towards the brunette and Woojin takes his seat beside him, Daehwi sitting on his left. “Hey, what are you doing here alone?”

“Well I was craving fries but you wouldn’t answer my texts so I decided to come alone.”

Woojin fumbles to pull his phone out of his pocket and guilt pools in his stomach as he sees the unread messages from Jihoon. “Shoot, sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you, I told Daehwi we’d spend the day together and I didn’t check my phone.”

Jihoon leans over to smile at Daehwi, “Hi, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah, we should go out for dinner again soon!” Woojin starts to relax when the atmosphere clears out of any awkwardness. Daehwi and Jihoon get along really well and Woojin almost feels left out, being in the middle of a conversation that he can’t really relate to.

“Yeah I’ve been in choir since middle school! I’m not great but singing has always been a hobby of mine.” Woojin narrows his eyes at the blonde. Daehwi was always one to downplay his skills, but as far as Woojin knows, Daehwi has an amazing tone, definitely a voice he’d listen to every day.

“I was in choir too! At first it was because I was a theater kid and they were putting on a musical and I wanted to get more experience in singing. But I grew to enjoy it, even though I’m nothing special.”

“You were a theater kid?” Woojin interjects, surprised there are still things he doesn’t know about Jihoon. They talk every day but there’s always something new with him.

“Yeah, I love acting. I decided not to go into it in college but for the entirety high school it was my life. I miss it a lot.”

“Well then, just because you didn’t tell me about it, you’re gonna have to demonstrate your skills one time.”

Jihoon snorts, “Hey, to be fair I haven’t even seen you dance yet.”

“Okay then let’s make a deal. Next week you show me some of your acting chops and your singing and then I’ll take you to one of my dance practices.” Woojin extends a hand for the brunette to shake, and Jihoon takes it, solidifying their deal. Neither of them notice how they don’t pull away for a while, almost forgetting about Daehwi’s presence until the younger clears his throat and asks them what they want to eat.

On the bus ride home, Woojin notices the look Daehwi’s been giving him. “What?”

The younger turns to look out the window and shrugs, “I don’t know, I just didn’t expect you two to be so friendly. Whenever you’re on the phone with him you guys are constantly bickering. It’s kind of different witnessing it in person.”

Woojin is confused at that because how could they be different? Surely they acted the same whether it was on the phone or in person. “What do you mean different?”

“I don’t know,” Daehwi purses his lips, “Like, when you’re on the phone all you can hear is the arguing, but when you’re speaking face-to-face the bickering is still there but I don’t see any of that in your eyes, or your body language for that matter. Do you even realize how close you two sit together? You literally tugged your chair so close to him I swear they were touching.”

He hadn’t noticed it before but he had a habit of pulling his chair in closer every time they went to eat at the diner recently. It’s only because he wants to hear Jihoon better in the midst of the conversations throughout the restaurant and the talking behind the counter.

“I mean, we don’t actually hate each other, I think. We just argue playfully, I guess. It’s just kind of how we work?”

“Yeah you seem to work really well together.” Daehwi gives him a sly smile.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?”

Daehwi only snorts at him, shifting to rest his head on Woojin’s shoulder. “No reason.”

The next day, Woojin is in his room with Jihoon and he’s dead set on getting Jihoon to sing for him today. And Woojin knows that as much as Jihoon tries to appear like he’s a self-assured all around character, his self-esteem ebbs low. Which is kind of ridiculous when he thinks about it, because Jihoon has so much going for him—his looks aren’t even half of his glory.

“Oh hey, how come I’ve never noticed this before?” Jihoon points at the wall of Woojin’s certificates, most of which he had gotten from various dance competitions. Woojin doesn’t even bother explaining them though because this isn’t what the focus should be on.

“Jihoon, you’ve been stalling for twenty minutes now. Are you gonna sing or not?”

Jihoon lets out an exasperated sigh, “Look, I’m really nothing special. I don’t know what you’re expecting but it won’t be much.”

“That really doesn’t matter to me,” Woojin reassures him, “I just wanna hear you do something other than insult me for once.”

The older tilts his head and looks at him in a way that says you’re exaggerating, “You’re stupid, I don’t always insult you.”

Woojin gives him a pointed look and Jihoon realizes what had just come out of his mouth, “Okay, fine. But just a snippet! And don’t expect anything.”

Woojin waits in silence as Jihoon gathers the courage to start singing. And when he does, it’s soothing—charming. Woojin doesn’t think he could get any softer—with his grey oversized sweater and soft brown locks falling in front of his eyes. But his voice makes him even softer and he’s just so enticing.

He finishes with pink dusted across his cheeks and Woojin kind of wants to die at the sight. He can’t even stop himself from breaking out into a full grin and he’s clapping and ‘whoop’-ing and Jihoon gets even more embarrassed.

“S-stop overreacting..” Jihoon stammers out and covers his face with his sleeves.

“Or maybe you should just stop doubting yourself.” Woojin insists, “You must have been great in your musicals.”

‘N-no not really. I did better in plays because I think I’m a better actor than I am a singer. I only ever got small parts during musicals but plays were where I really shined.”

There’s a change to his tone as he gets into talking about his life in theater. He remembers watching his first play and being envious of the main actor, because at the time, he didn’t think he had anything going for him. He recalls pacing back and forth in front of the sign-up sheets outside the drama class for almost half an hour, before finally signing his name down in a hurry and running away. He had practiced non-stop for his audition, working himself to the bone until he had the scene so perfect and until even Donghan had remembered some of his lines from having to be his audience all the time. He talks about how he had been given a pretty significant character despite it being his first time, and after receiving so many praises from his teachers and other students, he started to feel like he finally belonged somewhere.

Jihoon continues on about his love for the play he did in the eleventh grade but Woojin is lost. He’s so, so lost in Jihoon’s eyes—how they form crescents when he laughs as he explains the one time one of the background actors gave everyone a huge laugh because of a wardrobe malfunction, how there’s so much joy and delight in them. Woojin is baffled at himself for never truly noticing before, just how beautiful he is. And really, if he could, he would give Jihoon his eyes, just so he could see—so he could understand how radiant he is.

It’s too much to take in—the flutter of his eyelashes that make Woojin feel so serene, the tranquil of his voice and the beckoning of his cherry lips. He’s so lost that it takes him a while to notice that Jihoon is now looking at him with concern.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Woojin shakes his head free of thoughts and clears his throat, “Uh, yeah I’m just a little sleepy.”

“Wow, did I bore you that much?” His tone is playful but Woojin still feels horrible.

“No! I didn’t mean sleepy I meant uhh—“ He tries to think of a better word to use but Jihoon is too impatient to deal with his sluggishness and frankly, Woojin lacks the vocabulary to prove his point, so he’s thankful when Jihoon shrugs it off.

“It’s okay, really. It’s getting late anyways, I should go.”

Woojin wants to tell him to stay. For some reason he doesn’t feel like a day is enough to see Jihoon, even when he sees him every day. But he can’t say anything when Jihoon packs up his stuff, and he can only say goodnight when he walks out the door.

“Goodnight, Woojin.”

The word barely leaves his mouth, “Goodnight.”

that sweet syrup called you
your temptation is my sin

Woojin takes him to dance practice after school one day. Jihoon usually isn’t intimidated by other people but Taehyun gives him a once over the second he steps in behind Woojin and he kind of wants to make a run for it if it weren’t for Woojin holding onto his arm. And even though Woojin had warned him about Taehyun, he thought he would be able to handle it. He now understands that sometimes, Woojin is right.

After Woojin explains to Taehyun that Jihoon is his friend who came to watch him practice, and debunks an accusation from Taehyun about him being some sort of spy for the other team to steal pieces of their choreography, the younger boy leads him to the front of the dance floor and sits him against the mirror.

“Are you sure I can sit here? Aren’t I blocking you guys or something?”

“You’re fine, don’t worry. And you’ll be sitting, it’s not like we need that one small part of the mirror that badly.”

“Alright.” Jihoon agrees but still crumples his body up as much as possible to avoid taking up unnecessary space, pouting when Woojin notices and laughs at him. For the duration of their warm up he just sits there and watches because he feels like if he takes out his phone he’ll look inconsiderate. It’s not boring though because he realizes what Woojin means when he says their cardio is vigorous. By the time they’re done Woojin is almost collapsed on the floor, sweating indecently and his hair is even messier than it usually is but as expected, it doesn’t even make him look horrible, not in the slightest. It’s even more spine-tingling when he finally notices that Woojin is in a loose tank and his arms are suddenly the only things he can focus on. It infuriates him.

Their competition piece, from what he can tell with his little knowledge of dancing, is really good. Not a single person falls behind, they’re in perfect synchronization that it has Jihoon wondering if it’s just his eyes that are seeing it wrong or if they are just that amazing. But Woojin, he really is the star of the show. And then Jihoon figures that he probably was seeing things when he thought that the group was perfectly in sync because he’s not sure how he’d be able to tell when he can’t even seem to get his eyes off of Woojin.

Jihoon is so enraptured by him—the way he moves across the floor with so much sureness, like he knows it’s where he belongs. And he does.

He regrets ever thinking good things about Woojin however, when the younger one decides that his part in the front and center is the perfect chance to be the biggest, teasing little he can.

They’re face to face now and Woojin isn’t even looking in the mirror, his eyes are directly on Jihoon. Jihoon wishes he could stop staring because it’s probably way too obvious how affected he is by his dancing but his body never listens to him when it comes to Woojin because he just can’t look away.

Their sudden stare off becomes what Jihoon thinks is the biggest struggle of his life and if he thought that it couldn’t get worse then he should really just never trust himself again because who the thought it was okay to put grinding in this choreo? Who the thought it was okay to put Woojin in the front and center during the grinding in this choreo? Who the  thought it was okay to put Woojin in the front and center during the grinding in this choreo and didn’t think to warn him that he was going to be on eye to eye level with Woojin when he was doing this grinding?

Suddenly the room is way hotter than he remembers it being for it being winter and he was stupid to not take off his coat because he’s sweating a lot—maybe even more than Woojin and this point and he’s finally found it in him to look away but all he can hope for is that Woojin is dense enough to not have realized how flustered he had gotten. But of course, the universe hates him and when he flits his gaze back to the younger boy, he just smirks at him.

Oh he definitely knows that he’s getting to him, and he’s having fun with it. Woojin knows he’s in his element here, he’s purposely trying to get a rise out of him because he’s quite possibly very aware that he’s the definition of delectable on the dance floor and it’s every kind of torturing.

And that’s not even the end either because when the song finishes he winks softly before turning to the back for their end formation. He winks.

Park Woojin just winked at him.

This is every kind of not okay and Jihoon immediately regrets coming along because he really, really didn’t need that in his life and he doesn’t need that image replaying in his mind, no sir. Was this his plan in the first place? To bring Jihoon here, sit him smack dab in front of the middle of the mirror, knowing damn well he would have a killing part right in front of him? Jihoon can’t even begin to find a word that describes how rude Park Woojin is, all that’s running through his mind as he’s looking at him is  no one asked you.

After practice finishes Jihoon is waiting outside the studio doors for Woojin, trying to coming up with an excuse if the younger decides to bring him that moment. He’s usually great at lying, hiding his feelings so he doesn’t have to explain himself. So why is it that the voice in his head won’t stop going Woojin Woojin Woojin Woojin?

“Hey,” Woojin comes out of the studio, still glistening and Jihoon tries his best to look put together, “So, how was it?”

“It was alright, I guess.” Jihoon forces out without stumbling, hoping he sounds as aloof as he wants to. “Would have been a smarter move to put you in the back of the formation though.”

Woojin chuckles and flashes his annoying smile and Jihoon just wants to leave already, “Ohh, I get it. You’re embarrassed because I caught you ogling me.”

“I did what?!” Jihoon splutters out. Definitely not put together at all. He’s very much falling apart in front of the annoying raven-haired boy, and not even slowly—he’s unwinding so fast he feels like a cue ball, speeding down the table on his way to break everything in his path, and it would be fan-ing-tastic if Woojin is one of those things.

“You were staring me down so hard, don’t act like you don’t know.”

Jihoon is absolutely incredulous, and not at the accusation being a lie, but at the fact that Woojin can see right through him. But he’s not supposed to be the tease, why can’t he think of a comeback? “What do you mean I was staring you down? You were the one who wouldn’t look away! And you know how competitive I am, I wasn’t gonna back down either!”

“Riight.” Woojin sends him a wink again before walking away and Jihoon actually put him in a headlock.

Woojin grabs his arms and tries to wriggle out of his hold. “You know, people who are sure of themselves don’t try this vehemently to prove their point.”

Jihoon releases the younger, shoving him away. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re still blushing.” Woojin pats his cheek before walking away, leaving Jihoon seething.

There’s light snow falling from the sky as they walk down the sidewalk. Christmas lights are everywhere he looks and Jihoon is in love with the ambiance of it all. The soft breeze of the winter wind, the jingling bells, the laughter of children, and the warmth of a stranger’s smile. Something about the holiday made him feel warm inside, and even though he had stopped getting presents long ago, he’s still able to enjoy the music and the decorations, and definitely enjoys seeing the huge Christmas tree near the fountain in the middle of the city. It really is one of the most beautiful times of the year.

He’s been rubbing his hands together for the longest time, having forgotten to bring a pair of gloves (to be fair, he didn’t think he’d be spending much time outside anyways but Woojin wanted to walk outside for a bit and he loved the scenery of the outlets at night too much to disagree). Woojin finally notices that he looks like he’s freezing, but he doesn’t seem to be as affected by the temperature, “Are you cold?”

Jihoon nods, teeth chattering and a strong shiver goes through his body. For a second, he thinks Woojin might do something annoyingly heart-racing like hold his hands or something, but instead, the younger grabs onto the sleeve of his coat and drags him to a near café. “Let’s go get hot chocolate!”

Jihoon finds the selca they had taken in the café framed on Woojin’s desk, right next to a picture of him with Daehwi, Youngmin and Donghyun. Woojin had his arm slung around him, holding up a peace sign and flashing his snaggletooth. And Jihoon thinks he looks happy, happier than he’s been in a long time.

“I look great in that picture.” Woojin’s voice comes from behind him, with a pompous smirk.

Jihoon rolls his eyes— he’s definitely not wrong, but he’s definitely not getting the satisfaction of getting Jihoon to admit it either. “Not as good as I do.”

“I remember you spilled your hot chocolate on me like three seconds after, though.”

Jihoon sneers at the younger, “You spill your hot chocolate on me. And then you justified it by saying the color of my sweater was ugly anyways.”

“Well, was I wrong?”

Jihoon goes into a full-on rant about how people should stop judging the clothes he wears, interspersed with hiccups and he has to give up because Woojin is trying to stifle his laughter and he knows that he’s already laughing at him in his head—not his definition of a powerful, convincing argument.

They’re eating sandwiches they bought from the school cafeteria on Woojin’s small coffee table because they didn’t have luck in finding a free table anywhere around the campus. Jihoon suddenly becomes conscious of eating in front of him, even though he knows it’s not a big deal. But he can’t not be self-conscious when Woojin is practically staring at him as he’s eating.

Thankfully, Woojin doesn’t seem to be too focused on just looking at him anymore and asks him more about his theater days. He’s glad that he’s interested in it because it’s been so long since Jihoon has been able to talk to someone about it. He’s always felt a little empty after high school, and sure, he liked his major, but acting was always his favorite outlet. He realizes how much he’s smiling when his cheeks start to hurt and Woojin is looking at him amusedly.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jihoon asks awkwardly, hiding behind his sandwich.

Woojin just continues to gaze at him for a while with those eyes and it’s making him nervous—but definitely not in the butterflies kind of way, just in the I get uncomfortable if people look at me too long kind of nervous. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re perfect?”

Jihoon stares slack-jawed at the boy in front of him, doubting his ears because what.

“In another life I might have fallen in love with you on your smile alone.”

“Thank you.” Jihoon says with gratitude and not at all trying to hide the obvious color rising to his cheeks. He’s always been told he had a nice smile, and he’s not going to let himself feel any different just because Woojin is the one saying it. He’s not any different, it’s just a compliment, and Jihoon is used to hearing them. His heart is hardly racing. Of course, he can’t really come up with an explanation as to why his sandwich quite literally comes apart onto the plastic on the table, leaving him holding only the bread.

And Woojin, after being the reason of his sudden ungainliness, has the audacity to laugh at him, “Someone’s flustered.” He’s waggling his eyebrows and Jihoon wants nothing more than to permanently freeze his facial features so he doesn’t have to make those annoying expressions ever again.

“I’m not flustered, I’m just.. clumsy.” Woojin is still laughing at him but Jihoon is still hung on whether or not he was just messing with him or if it was genuine.

“Whatever you say.” Woojin sends him a wink and he’s ready to get and up leave.

‘You need to stop stealing my trademark!” Jihoon whines, “It doesn’t suit you.”

“Would you rather me do jazz hands from now on?” Woojin raises his hands and starts to shake them dramatically, dancing along playfully.

Jihoon scoffs, “I hate you.” He picks up a piece of chicken that had fallen out of his sandwich and shoves it into the younger’s mouth.

“I don’t know why,” Woojin starts (after almost choking on the piece of chicken), “But for some reason It means a lot to me when you say that.”

Jihoon throws him a weird look because it’s not every day someone shows you gratitude for telling then that you hate them. “What are you talking about, Woojin? Are you drunk?”

The younger rolls his eyes, “No, I just mean.. it makes me kind of happy, because I know you’re saying it playfully, and you don’t mean it. I just feel like it says a lot about how far I— we’ve come. And even though I’ll spend the rest of my life being sorry, I’ll also spend the rest of it making it up to you.”

Jihoon can only hope Woojin doesn’t hear the way his breath hitches. He finds it amazing how he’s been able to hold himself together the entire time, especially with everything that Woojin has said to him. He’s salvation and destruction all at once, out to get him with his sweet words and melting smiles. And Jihoon swears Woojin knows what he’s doing to him, and he’s having fun with it. But even then, none of it seems fake. Now that he thinks about it, Woojin is always making a show of how Jihoon has become one of the most important people in his life, and that will never lose its novelty. And though he’d love to show him gratitude back, for getting him to open up again and helping him realize that there are people who love him, he’s still Park Emotionally Stunted Jihoon, so he casually brushes it off.

Though there’s still something that’s been bugging him, and it takes him a while to force it out of himself. He looks down at his crumbled sandwich, putting it back together as he finally brings it up, “Are you really not mad at me for the whole winkly revenge thing?”

He doesn’t want to look up, doesn’t want to see a look on Woojin’s face that would make him regret bringing it back to light. They were doing fine, but Jihoon just wants to make sure if Woojin is genuinely okay. “I was mad at first. But after thinking about it for a while, I thought that it was an instinctive thing to do, especially to someone who treated you like I did.”

“I really didn’t want to go through with it after you apologized though, I promise. I was genuine about our friendship, I still am.”

Jihoon chews on his lip as he watches Woojin’s expression. The younger just smiles softly, “I know. You were just caught up in your emotions when you found out. I might have done the same if I was in your place. But if you say that you didn’t mean to go through with it, then I believe you.” The younger pops a fry into his mouth before adding, “And besides, I would never deprive myself of the joy of watching you never eat ice cream properly.”

It’s crazy how worlds away more mature Woojin is now, even more than him. And Jihoon can only hope that neither of them this up, because if he has to admit it, Woojin has such a meaningful and influential role in his life.

“You’re a real softie, aren’t you?”

Even Woojin’s closed-mouth smiles are charming. “I give credit where its due.”

December means finals are coming up, which also means you have some expectations for yourself to stay sane until the last question, until you realize that’s ing ridiculous and you kind of really want to run into a cave and hibernate forever.

Woojin is a lot more than a little stressed, to say the very least. He had started his studying extra early, giving himself at least three weeks in advanced to make sure he had everything down solid. But after day two he’s slowly starting to give up on himself and he’s not even sure if he’s been retaining everything he’s been reading for the past two days.

There are these pretty white lights hanging on the wall beside their table in the library, and Woojin gets distracted staring at them. He’s been procrastinating for an hour now and he can’t seem to get back into it no matter how much he’s yelling at himself in his head.

Jihoon has been aloof with him the entire night. Woojin knows he's not angry, because he wouldn’t be with him in the library if he was. But there’s definitely something wrong, and it might have been something he did but he’s a little too dense to figure it out. He can’t remember anything that might have been said that could have hurt his feelings, or anything that he had done to make the older so standoffish. It’s not like Jihoon is giving him the time of day either, because every time he tries to speak, Jihoon stops him with a finger to his mouth and shushes him, claiming he’s trying to focus on studying. And Woojin would have been convinced if Jihoon had thrown him a single sarcastic comment, but today has been absolutely free of them and it’s starting to bother him.

Jihoon gets up toward the bookshelves and Woojin follows him. He’s scanning the row of the closest one, ignoring Woojin’s presence even when Woojin knows he senses him.

“Jihoon, why are you doing this?”

The older doesn’t even spare him a look, walking slowly down the aisle and scanning the names. “I’m looking for a book that Yoojung told me would help me out.”

“No I mean why aren’t you speaking to me?”

“I’m speaking to you now, aren’t I?”

“This is the most you’ve said to me said all day.” Jihoon goes silent again, running his fingers down the spines of books. Woojin sighs, forking his fingers through his hair. “Hey.” Woojin says softly, “Will you please tell me what’s wrong so I can try to fix it?”

Jihoon turns to him with an exasperated look. Woojin tries not to pay attention to the mistletoe hanging above them, who the hell thought to hang a mistletoe in the library? That’s just a recipe for disaster.

His eyes fly back to Jihoon, who has his eyes shut, looking impatient. “Well maybe sometimes people just don’t. want. to. talk. Woojin.”

“Why don’t you want to talk to me? What did I do?” Woojin places his hands on Jihoon’s shoulders, turning the older to face him. When they’re face to face, Woojin realizes how close they are. Jihoon’s doe eyes are looking at him in an attempt to look as indignant as he can but all Woojin sees is uncertainty. And then his eyes find his lips—cherry red from being bitten, and for a long few seconds all Woojin can think about is if he was biting down on them himself.

Whatever Woojin is about to say dies on his lips as he follows Jihoon’s gaze towards them. His breaths become short and sharp, becoming more and more aware of their proximity. He thinks that if Jihoon doesn’t start talking soon then they’re going to be in quite apparent predicament.

Woojin doesn’t even know when he had taken Jihoon’s hand in his, but the latter probably hadn’t noticed either. His fingers tap rhythmically against his palm. Woojin swallows hard, a heat rising in his stomach. Jihoon finally realizes their hands and pulls his away, eyes darting to the side.

“Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” More silence. “Jihoon..”

“You wanna know what’s wrong?” The older explodes, cocking his head back towards him, eyes flashing. Woojin thinks it’s a good thing that it’s already eleven in the evening and most people are gone by now since they would be quite a disturbance if it were day time. “You! You are the problem! You always have this stupid smile dangling on the corner of your lips and you always have this look in your eyes that I can’t decipher but it’s there whenever you say something nice to me and I don’t know what to make of it!”

Jihoon pauses to inhale a sharp breath, lips set in a grim line. “You say all these things and I hate it because you’re not allowed to say things you don’t mean. And I have no ing idea why I even care or why I overthink everything you say as if it matters that much to me but it does because it’s you and you make me feel a myriad of emotions that I can’t even explain and all of this is just so confusing but you don’t seem to be having a hard time at all!”

His eyes are flashing with something that looks like anger but Woojin knows it isn’t quite that. He’s not even sure if he’s in the right mindset to be able to tell anyways because he’s still trying to process what Jihoon is saying.

“And you’re supposed to be annoying and a pain in the but I enjoy being with you way more than I think I should and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do—“

There’s a whole list of practical things Woojin could have done but apparently, in the moment the most sensible thing to do was to cut Jihoon off with his lips. Woojin plunges forward, crashes their lips together in a searing kiss. He’s not sure who led who against the bookcase but in an instant his body is pressed tightly against Jihoon’s, resting his hands on the small of his back to pull him in even closer. Jihoon’s fingers knot loosely in his hair, as he kisses back impatiently—needily. There’s no finesse to it, at first it’s just teeth clashing and clumsy until they manage to find the perfect rhythm. It’s frenzied and hot—like the tension building up between them is starting to resolve. Jihoon is sweet on his tongue, like strawberries as he parts his lips to let him taste him.

And then Jihoon is leading him back towards their table, pushing him down onto the chair and moving to straddle him. His hands are still pulling through his hair, fingers raking against the surface of his scalp and Woojin lets out a soft growl into his mouth. Woojin’s hands move to explore Jihoon’s body, sliding down the expanse of his back to his hips, fingers digging lightly into his soft curves, and then they settle on his , squeezing tightly and pulling the older even closer to him. The friction he causes by pressing him closer to him elecits a moan from Jihoon that sends a tingle down his spine, pooling in his gut and he mumbles a soft, low “” against his plush lips.

Jihoon is nipping at his lips, rolling his hips slowly and unwinding Woojin down to the last thread because holy  he’s good at this. Breathing almost becomes a conscious thought when all Woojin can focus on is Jihoon’s mouth on his own, tongue its way into his mouth. And he sure as hell can’t form coherent thoughts when Jihoon is running his hands down his chest, fingers hovering dangerously close to the hem of his jeans.

When Woojin gets caught up in the moment and works his fingers to slip Jihoon’s flannel off, the older freezes, slowly pulling away. They just look at each other for a second, all disheveled and red. And then Jihoon is getting off of him, grabbing his bag and rushing towards the exit, leaving no time for Woojin to even process what had just happened.

Woojin just sits there, staring emptily at the bookshelf where he and Jihoon were a while ago, and then at his useless legs that couldn’t find it in them to follow him. For a while just sits there, and wonders what went wrong.

They had been so close just seconds ago, and now Jihoon is impossibly far. 

A/N: 

you guys know how i end my chapters by now, like honestly who is even surprised

so im sad to say but this is going to be the last time you're going to have to wait for a chapter, because this story ends next week )): im gonna get super sappy at the end of this i've grown so attached to this story and this journey with all of you has been so great with all of your support and encouragement (and hate but i probably deserve that), so thank you for sticking with me ♡