It's already late, yet he's still sitting there, headphone placed perfectly covering his ears. Soft light from the monitor beamed against his light—almost pale—skin. The only sound that can be heard—despite from the music that being played in his headphones—was the sound produced by his fingers which clicked the mouse every some minutes...

...until his cellphone which is placed near the mouse suddenly rang noisily.

He rejected the call without looking at its screen, feeling that his work was disturbed. He is almost done, for God's sake, everyone can disturb him later, but not now.

Just after he placed his palm on the mouse again, the same noises came out from the cellphone. This time he let out the groan before took off the headphone and snatched his cellphone almost impatiently.

"Who the willing to disturb me at—" he took a pause from his almost-sounds-like-a-rap protest to glanced at the clock before gulped, " —1 AM?"

Why the time ran so fast anyways? He could swear, the last time he saw the clock, it was 11 PM.

A dry-but-airy laugh could be heard softly from the cellphone's speaker, and Jihoon didn't need to see at his phone's screen to reecognize the caller.

"Go to sleep, Soonyoung," he huffed, didn't think it was necessary to call the coreographer with 'hyung'.

"Why should I?" the other male replied, and Jihoon can sense a playfulness hidden in his rough voice. "You haven't either."

Jihoon huffed. He want to say something like, 'But you need rest. I'm fine. It's almost done afterall', but somehow he couldn't bring it to escape from his lips.

"I'm busy," instead of it, thus lame sentences came out.

"Are you still busy tomorrow?" Soonyoung was replying too fast for his own standard that Jihoon raised his eyebrows. "Uh, I mean today. Like... this evening, perhaps?"

"Are you trying to take me out for dinner or something," Jihoon chuckled, but suddenly his teasing tone was dissapear again, replaced with his familiar stiff tone. "Because it wasn't fun if you want to make fun of me with that way. If you are bored enough, go play some games or stream some MV on YouTube. You know I'm busy."

That's kinda rude, even to his own ears.

But appearantly Soonyoung didn't take his words seriously.

"Do you want to... like, visit me?"

Jihoon tapped his fingers against the table's surface.

"You need a good rest, and being visited by twelve noisy boys isn't a good idea."

"I'm only asking you, Lee Jihoon."

There was a silence, while Jihoon only stared blankly at the monitor's screen before Soonyoung (fake) coughed.

"I'll think about it. Now, go to sleep."

"Will do. But bring me chrysanthemum tomorrow."

Jihoon raised his eyebrows again when he heard another odd request, but Soonyoung already cut the call off before he can say good night.

***

Here is him. Standing across a hospital with a rucksack on his back that hiding a yellow chrysanthemum flower—hopefully it hasn't wilt yet until reaching Soonyoung's hand. He doesn't even know where did he got this hestitation from—but he had promised, so he was about to cross the street...

...when he saw a familiar figure came out from the taxi in front of the hospital. It was Seokmin—of course Jihoon could recognize him. The tall male didn't turned around, didn't realized that Jihoon was looking at him. His left hand is holding a bunch of red roses, that made Jihoon feels as if the flowers is slapping his face. As Seokmin entered the hospital, Jihoon call another taxi to take him back to the dorm.

***

He couldn't help but stare at his cellphone's screen like for every two minutes, and he hate himself for being too shameless. Every single buzz came from the gadget made his head turned fast to it, causing him to think that he may broke his own neck if he continue doing that.

Soonyoung didn't call.

He turned off his cellphone, being too frustrated. Somehow he felt a huge desire to yell at Seokmin who actually was one of his roomate, but he didn't know what to say either, so he just turned around to face the wall.

It was the moment when suddenly he felt an odd—yet somehow familiar—fragrant that came out from his opened rucksack which placed exactly next to his pillow. He held his desire to let out a sigh—he didn't want to wake his roomates up.

Hands roamed to get the flower out from his rucksack, trying his best to made no noises. His heart clenched.

Why it feels hurt?

He ran his fingertips to the yellow petals, feeling its smoothness before suddenly picked one of it, followed with another.

Does he love me.
Does he love me not.

He continued, picking the petals, counting them.

What will the petals answer to me?

Does he love me.
Does he love me not.

His fingers stopped moving, leaving the stem of the flower—there's no longer any petals on it.

He gritted his teeth, and before he could get his sanity again, he shoved the petals to his mouth, let them choked his throat.

***

"Wash your hand first before eat!" Jeonghan said, lightly slapped Chan's hand before it can reach his breakfast.

"Okaaay," Chan huffed and walk to the bathroom.

The door was closed, so he thought that the bathroom is being used, but as he didn't listen any sound from inside, he decided to open the doorknob. But he was right: the bathroom is being used. Jihoon was standing in front of the wastafel, back facing him.

"...Jihoon-hyung?"

Jihoon lift up his left arm, giving the maknae a figure to stay at his spot. He vomited to the wastafel, wiped his mouth with his trembling hand then turned to Chan.

"Get out," his voice was shaking. "And don't tell anyone."

For some second, Chan hestitated, but he approach the composer instead, gently rubbed Jihoon's nape as he started to puke again. His eyes noticed it: the petals which came out from Jihoon's pale lips—it was still pretty, eventough came out from a wrong place. He was panic, but he tried to be calm—he need to be calm, for Jihoon's sake.

"If you dare to tell anyone—"

"I won't," he cut off, gently wiped a stain near Jihoon's lips—no need to be digusted. He didn't know what happened, but he hate seeing his hyung at this kind of state. "Let's wash our hand. Breakfast is waiting."

***

He was ready to go—even already bought another chrysanthemum which is hidden inside of his rucksack now, he just need to bring it out from his room—when he saw Seokmin coming from upstairs.

"Where are you going?" Seungcheol asked, noticing the masker he wore.

Seokmin lower his masker that it rested on his chin.

"Soonyoung's place."

"Oh, can I go too?" Chan asked, suddenly popped his head from other room when he heard Soonyoung's name.

"No," Seokmin replied, opened the door and slipped out before closed it quickly, earning a whine from disappointed Chan.

And Jihoon's grip on his rucksack loosen.

***

He leaned his back on studio's wall, panted heavily beside the wastafel. Slowly he slid down, as if his knees unable to hold his own weight. His trembled hand hugged his knees, blonde hair stuck to his forehead because of his cold-sweating. He hasn't ate all the petals yet, and here he is, shuddering after emptying his own stomach.

He often spend his time here composing alone, so at least no one will see him broken down like this, right?

But suddenly he felt a pair of warm, skinny hands wrapped around his body. He lifted his face, and found Soonyoung's slanty eyes was looking at him.

"I'm tired of waiting, so I come for you instead," Soonyoung rubbed Jihoon's back in order to give him some comfort. "Okay, that's cheesy. Actually they give me some days out from hospital just in case I want to see my family. So Seokmin picked me up. But when I arrived in dorm, you weren't there."

"Sorry..." Jihoon bite his lower lip, looking down to avert his gaze from Soonyoung.

"Chrysanthemum actually given as goodbye. Usually to dead people," Soonyoung suddenly change the topic, made Jihoon widen his eyes and grip Soonyoung's clothes tighter. "At first I want to give up. But you didn't came with the flower. And the shameless side of me thinking that you didn't want to give me a goodbye."

"But when I arrived at dorm, I came to your room and found the stem of chrysanthemum under your pillow. And some petals scattered," Soonyoung took a short pause to clean his dry throat. "I asked to everyone what it is, and they're all clueless, until suddenly Chan secretly told me to see you directly if I want to know."

"Your goodbye is literally choking me," Jihoon replied sarcasticly, leaning his head on Soonyoung's chest.

"Don't do that again," Soonyoung said, run his fingers through Jihoon's soft hair, earning a sigh from the petite composer. "I'm sorry about that. I'll fight. I still want to see you tomorrow, I still want to dance, I still want to make Seventeen and Carats proud."

Jihoon only tighten the hug, didn't replying again. But he knows, the petals won't choke him anymore.

***