“So… he called you just because he wanted to talk to someone?” – That’s what Kiha says when I told him about our first phone call.

“I think so. He said he needed someone to talk to.”

“Why does it have to be you?” – I could figure out some disturbance in his voice.

“Because…” – I decide to be honest – “He once asked me if I was alright during the ‘Zeze’ controversies and he said that he could relate to the situation. He gave me a lot of advice and he also encouraged me not to fall behind. I guess…” – I hesitate in a few seconds – “He just wanted to help me.”

Kiha still looks at me with some kind of weird face to the point I don’t really like. I feel like his eyes are wondering if I speak the truth, which annoyed me a bit.

“So…” – I stress my voice – “I told him that if he needs help, I could help him too.”

“Alright.” – Kiha finally says something and it sounds so effortless.

“We’re friends, oppa. Can’t you believe it? I’m friends with G-Dragon. That’s a great chance. I never thought that I could be friends with G-Dragon.” I try to calm him down, not knowing why I have a feeling that he is mad right now.

“That’s fine. You don’t need to explain. I’m fine.” – Kiha’s voice sounds sarcastic and I hate it.

“Really? Don’t say things that aren’t true, oppa.” – I hug him tight – “Don’t be mad, please.”

“Alright.” – Kiha finally gives in and hugs me back – “Just… don’t be too close. I’m your boyfriend after all.”

“I know.”

I know. I know a million times that I should not get too close to that guy. Even if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I would be telling myself not to get close to someone like him. Not that person. I’m still afraid that things will happen if I ever get close to somebody, especially someone like him.

Well, despite for the fact he’s too publicized, he seems nice. It’s great to have a friend like that, a friend who gets to know you in a way that makes you feel so peaceful. The way he gets to know me makes me feel like it’s all natural, it’s all by the flow of time and air who brings random people close to each other. It’s been a while to have such a great friend who has the similar taste of life.

I have guy friends too, like Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo is too busy with his secret girlfriend, and even if he does have time for me, we don’t communicate deeper that much. We don’t talk about the taste of life; we don’t talk about how each other’s life has been going on; and we don’t talk about random things in our life. We usually talk about silly things and update each other’s stories, that sometimes I find it cute and refreshing but I don’t think I take so much interest in it. But, Jiyong is different. He makes me feel connected. He talks about things which make me wonder how it has affected him like: his sense of music and feelings; like his sense of judgement and fame; like his sense of being loved and loving someone. Those things make me wonder how he has been going through those things, because I feel like I’m going through all of those too. We’re connected in a way that sometimes I wonder how could it happen. I guess that’s a string pulling us close. I don’t really like getting close to someone in a short time, because I feel like I can be tricked. But I don’t think I hate it when we’re getting close. Something about that guy makes me feel… not too bad… to give a try.

I finally have a long break after the concert in Japan at the very end of the year. That’s good. We’re so exhausted for the show already. And we should have a break to celebrate the end of the year with our families. I miss home and I miss my bed. I’ve always missed the feeling of lying on my bed without worrying that I might be late for the next day morning to go to work. Seoul has been cold for a while, which makes the coziness inside here more desirable for me. Winter always makes me feel so lonely, and memories will always go back in one of the coldest day. I hope it’s not today.

Well, I still see her photos sometimes on Instagram. To be honest, it still breaks my heart. But I know at least this time, I’m not going back to her anymore. I’d rather look for something else, even if it’s temporary. I know I don’t need her at all. I… don’t need anyone at all, do I?

Scrolling down the feed of Instagram, I see a video posted by Jieun. She’s having concerts right now? At the end of the year? It must be for her album though. She seems happy through the video. It’s her recording of the fans singing her song. That girl barely updates her Instagram by the way. She’s not even following me back and I wonder why. But I’m not that Instagram-obsession to even care about the following-follower stuff.

It’s been a while since our last talk. That talk. The first phone call. Her voice. I think I don’t remember her voice anymore. Somehow, I want to remember how it sounds like.

The last day of my concert really wore me out. Though, I finally ended everything in a very good way and I was so satisfied. The fans made a little surprise for me and I was so touched. Sometimes, I wonder if I really have the fate to be standing on stage to meet these lovely people. I’m just… feeling really blessed right now. Everything seems to be alright in my life. Not always too good, but it’s not bad at all.

“Jieun ah, so are you joining the drama?”

Yoo Inna states randomly in the middle of our sleeping talk. We always do that every two weeks, sometimes we meet each other once a week. I know it’s easy to get bored of each other when you meet somebody so regularly but I don’t think I get bored of her. She could be annoying sometimes, but spending time with her is worth for being annoyed. I feel like she’s a baby despite being in her real ages and the really doesn’t exist at all. She’s more like a sister, a real sister to me.

“Oh… I’m still thinking.” – I roll my eyes – “It’s an interesting drama.”

“Yeah you should. By the way, our company is working on that drama too.”

I look at her. That’s the weirdest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

“You say YG is producing that drama?”

“Yeah.” – Inna says in the most innocent voice and she has no idea why I look so shock – “Why? I think they want to try new thing.”

“Well, it’s weird to hear a famous entertainment in music is producing a drama, unnie.”

“We’re famous for everything, Jing ah.” – Inna becomes more active in her words – “I’m an actress too, kid. Don’t forget about that.”

“Unnie, I wish you could join the drama with me.” – I honestly say, knowing that it already sounds impossible.

“Let’s see if they invite me to some minor role… or even a cameo.” Inna laughs like a kid.

I wonder if there’s any cast from YG. I only know the main lead is going to be Lee Junki and Kang Haneul. I feel like if I ever take this role, I will end up being a target for haters because they are all big stars. Also, other important roles are sure to be males and that will probably increase the hates for me. But, I really want to try a historical drama this time. I always want to challenge my acting ability, since I like to act really much. Somehow, being called an actress is too much for me but if there’s a title like singer-actress then I really think I should try, right?

“By the way, Jieunie…” – I know it would be another random comment whenever she calls my name – “How’s your relationship going on? Good?”

“Yeah it’s good.” – I pause in silence for a while – “But since I’m getting a little busy nowadays, we don’t have a lot of time together anymore. So if I get the role, it might be even harder.”

It’s true. It’s been a busy year for me. And if I take the role, the next year is going to be another busy year. Despite that fact, we’re still going strong so I guess it won’t be affected that much. Kiha still supports me in my favor of acting, which makes me feel more blessed.

“But it will be fine. We’ll be fine.” – I smile thinking of him.

“You remind me of my old self.” – Inna in contradictory doesn’t smile – “But I won’t say anything more.”

I know her enough to know what she wanted to say. She has been in a painful experience when a relationship just diminished because of the lack of interaction between two people. Well, that’s not her only case at all. It’s everyone’s case and relationship is always natural in that way. No more interaction means no more love, most of people will be parted away. I wonder how we are going to deal with that, but I’m not going to foresee anything bad right now. I just want to appreciate every moment right now, with him. Sometimes, foreseeing things too much will make you feel insecure. It’s not helping a relationship at all.

“Hey.” – Another random thing will be popped up by Yoo Inna – “Is G-Dragon still texing you?”

Only when she mentions that makes me wonder how long has it been since the last time we talked on the phone. He must be busy with his tours. We haven’t talked since then actually because I have been so busy with my life. We’re both busy people, aren’t we?

“No. Why do you ask?” – I wonder how her randomness could be connected to that guy.

“I suddenly remember that one time when you screamed just because of his texts.” – Inna smirks, which makes me already sick of it. – “He’s not a guy who usually texts people randomly, just so you know.”

“How do you know?” – I find a chance to in revenge – “Did he use to text you? Woaaaa….”

“Babo Jieun.” – She picks my cheek hard and it really hurts – “We work in the same company after all. I often talk to him when we meet in the cafeteria. I know him a little bit in person.”

“Really?” – I cannot believe this girl, I mean this unnie.

“Whatever Jieun. I’m just saying that he must not think of someone as a regular person if he texts them often.”

That hits me, really.

“Actually unnie…” – I confess – “We talked on the phone before.”

“What?” – Inna almost screamed after I know I have to be prepared for her dolphin sounds – “When?”

“Well.. he texted me several times on random stuff, to be honest. Like congratulations on my album last time, then asking about the controversies and giving advice. And then one day, he just said that he needed someone to talk to and then he called me.” – I choke after saying that, thinking it was funny back then – “He’s kinda different from what I have expected.”

Inna still looks at me, her eyes make me feel like I’m being super weird for saying those stuffs.

“What?”

“Nothing.” – Inna is such a bad liar.

“You’d better tell me.” – I tick her body, making the dolphin screaming again.

“Alright alright.” – Inna finally gives in – “Well, I don’t want to say but I think he likes you.”

“You’re crazy.” – I think my voice becomes bigger than her voice.

“No. I mean he has good impressions with you. He wants to get close to you.”

That actually sounds right. I can feel his effort on making friends with me, getting close to me.

“That’s good Jieun. You too can be friends. Good friends.” – Inna makes a ‘hm’ sound before continueing – “You too are alike after all.”

“Our company is going to produce a drama.” – Seungri states in between their alcohol-talks.

I roll my eyes. We always hear irrelevant things from this guy that I get used to these kind of news, especially in this occasion when we drink together. Sometimes, it does help the members to know some useful information; nonetheless, I just go along with it by nodding pretending that I’m actually listening.

“Really? What kind of drama?” – Daesung pours another shot.

Daesung is really nice by responding to that random news while I’m on the phone, Youngbae and Seunghyun hyung are talking about something else.

“Historical drama. I heard there’s a lot of popular actors participating in.”

“Oh… that’s Jiyong hyung’s favourite.” – Daesung suddenly grins looking at me.

I smirk, my eyes still looking at the phone.

“I heard IU’s going to take the lead.”

My fingers stop. Jieun? She’s an actress, isn’t she? Yeah, she’s an actress after all. Sometimes, I just forget that she acts too. She’s too prosperous for her music already.

“Why do you always know so much Seungri-sshi?” I look at him, trying to be serious.

“It’s called ‘business chain’ hyung.” – I’m already sick of his business stuff – “She’s still considering. But I think 90% she will take it.”

“How do you know? You’re not her.”

“It’s called ‘sixth sense’ hyung.” – Seungri is being himself and I’m so annoyed.

“Alright. So?” – I try to make him sound stupid.

“The drama is going to be lit. Our company will be more popular, won’t it?” – The conclusion really makes him turn into a weirdo, if I don’t want to say an idiot.

“Right.” – I respond in reluctance.

“IU-sshi surely likes to act, huh? There are not a lot of successful artists that want to expand their careers into acting. But she does really like to act.” – Daesung finally says something.

She does. She said she had been loving acting during her early ages. And now she’s about to do it again. And the drama is historical, my favourite genre. I wonder if she’s really going to take the lead.

“This type of girl is kinda rare nowadays, isn’t it?”

“You’re always too exaggerative.” – I drop a comment and go back to my phone.

“Everyone says that, hyung.” – Seungri whines.

“Fine. Fine.” – I finally give in.

But actually, she seems to be acknowledged like that.

I’m going to take the lead. After many days of consideration, I think I should try to do something more challenging. I started watching the Chinese version and she looks alike Yoo Inna, which I find it so weird and interesting. I wonder how the script is going to be since they say that the Korean version will be a little different from the originial one. I’m a bit nervous but I think I’ll be fine. This is another chance for me. After the news of my confirmation, the reactions are expected anyway. There are a lot of people who would just throw judgements into my face, most of them surely could be fans of idols or fans of the original one. I’m fine with that, as long as there are people supporting me. I get many congratulations from my friends too, so I should be fine. And, I think I do expect a text from Jiyong oppa. I don’t know why but I just feel like I do. We’re friends, right?

She’s really taking the drama. I don’t check news often but it pops up out of nowhere when I check news on occasion. She’s always in the spotlight actually, I admit. Should I send her a text message?

A text preview appears as I’m scrolling down the media. There he is. To be honest, I feel happy a little bit.

Kwon Jiyong: Hey singer

Kwon Jiyong: You’re going to quit singing and start acting?

I choke. This guy surely jokes around a lot. Maybe that’s his charm? Well, I read somewhere saying that a humorous man is more likely to attract women. That makes sense, actually. Jiyong oppa is charming for many girls.

Jieun: kkkkkkk

Jieun: Sorry for letting you down but it’s just temporary

Jieun: I’m still in love with singing

Kwon Jiyong: I thought I could eliminate a strong candidate in this industry

Jieun: No no

Jieun: I’m nothing compared to you

Kwon Jiyong: Don’t be too modest Jieun ah

Kwon Jiyong: Everyone now starts to get scared of you

Kwon Jiyong: Digital monster

Jieun: Oppa kkkkkk

Jieun: If you want to congratulate on my acting, you should do it properly.

Kwon Jiyong: Why do you think it’s a congratulation?

Oh my gosh, I feel so embarrassed.

Jieun: If it’s not then

Jieun: What’s up oppa?

I laugh at her comments. She’s cute. I bet she is flustered because of my words, which are just for a joke. I never think she would take that serious.

Kwon Jiyong: kkkkkkkkk

Kwon Jiyong: Jieun ah oppa is just joking

Kwon Jiyong: Congratulation on your new drama

Kwon Jiyong: Do it well

Kwon Jiyong: Actress Lee Jieun

I should be angry, but I think my lips are curving. He’s really funny. This guy knows how to make a joke and captivate a girl’s heart. If I were me before, maybe I could fall for his charms. But the case is I’m me right now, which is, different.

Jieun: Jiyong oppa

Jieun: Jinjja

Jieun: Thanks oppa

Jieun: I’m so nervous

Kwon Jiyong: Why?

Kwon Jiyong: You love acting, don’t you?

Jieun: Yeah

Jieun: But it’s my first time doing a historical drama.

Jieun: And also it’s a remake.

Kwon Jiyong: That’s why you’d better do it well

Kwon Jiyong: Or I will be very disappointed

Jieun: Why?

I’m looking forward to her acting. I never watch her acting before actually. Maybe this is my first time, since it’s a historical drama. Maybe I should start watching drama again?

Kwon Jiyong: Because

Kwon Jiyong: Historical drama is my favourite.