Kwon Jiyong: Want to talk about it?

I stare at the screen, being dumbfound. All of a sudden, I don’t know if I want to tell him or not but my fingers keeps moving against the keyboard.

Jieun: It’s too much to hear judgements about your song from people who don’t even know you, right?

Kwon Jiyong: Right

Jieun: It’s tired to care about what people think of you.

Jieun: They don’t even know much about my perception nor my imagination and all they say is I’m doing it for seeking fame.

Jieun: They don’t even know how much I endure for the fame I gained. I’m never really desperate for fame that much, but I do want to have it.

Jieun: But is it alright to be just a little selfish, right?

Jieun: I just don’t understand people.

Jieun: What do they want from me after all?

I let out all of my angers. I never really know it’s easier to talk to someone that is not close than talking to some close friends. I just don’t know but this man makes me feel like he will not judge me for saying these things. I have a feeling that he will understand my words.

I wonder if she cries. Reading these words makes me imagine her face with tears and I don’t really know why. To be honest, I could relate to her in many things, including these things. I have been wondering the same thing just like what she said, and I think I’ve spent my whole life until now to find those answers. I did figure out the answer for those questions, which was that there would never be any answer. After finding out, it makes me even sadden for this world: not all the questions will be answered.

Kwon Jiyong: People are greedy, Jieun ah.

Kwon Jiyong: They always expect people to understand them first.

Kwon Jiyong: There are just a few people who is willing to understand you.

Kwon Jiyong: So they expect people like us to understand what they want.

Kwon Jiyong: And give them what they want.

I wonder which category will she put herself in.

Jieun: I’m listening to people, oppa.

Jieun: I always try to understand them all.

Jieun: But it seems like they will never understand me.

Jieun: Jiyong oppa?

Jieun: Which type are you?

Kwon Jiyong: I don’t really know

Kwon Jiyong: Which type am I?

Jieun: I think you’re the type who will eventually understand people even if you want people to understand you.

Jieun: How about that?

My fingers are frozen a bit. Her words trigger me, at how I am trying to be right now. How could she know when I don’t even know myself that much?

Kwon Jiyong: How can you tell?

Jieun: I’m just guessing. But am I right?

Kwon Jiyong: Well

Kwon Jiyong: I guess your destiny is really a BIGBANG’s fan.

Kwon Jiyong: You match your idol

Kwon Jiyong: Fangirl

Is he trying to change the topic of the conversation? I feel like I have guessed it right. He must feel that way by the way he talks. Actually, I think I could look through him a little bit when we spent time together during the Summer festival three months ago. He always acts cold around people, but he’s eventually a caring person. I never forget how he always waits for everyone to leave with his greeting. He’s too nice for being the longterm worker in this industry. I could see the way people around treats him, even some older entertainers were also behaving with respects. He looks unapproachable, but he’s friendly than actual look. When he said something, I remember he always smiled with his hand putting on the face hiding half of his face. I didn’t know if I had made it obvious but I think I was caught looking at him a lot. Taeyang sunbaenim has always been one of my favourite singers, but I think this time, he caught me more attentions. It’s weird, right?

Jieun: This oppa

Jieun: What do you mean?

He lifts up my mood somehow.

Kwon Jiyong: BIGBANG is proud to have a fan like you though

Jieun: Thank you sunbaenim

Jieun: No

Jieun: Thank you oppa

Kwon Jiyong: Jieun ah

Kwon Jiyong: Being in spotlight has either loss or gain.

Kwon Jiyong: You gain something, and you will lose something else.

Kwon Jiyong: It’s a price for being loved and being successful.

Kwon Jiyong: Nothing is perfect.

Kwon Jiyong: Jieun ah

Kwon Jiyong: For example, you’re more insecure when you gain more love.

Kwon Jiyong: But you’re also more insecure when you love more.

Kwon Jiyong: There’s no way around.

Kwon Jiyong: You will end up feeling insecure even if you’re loved or you love.

Kwon Jiyong: So you just have to choose between the feeling of being loved or of loving someone.

Kwon Jiyong: So

Kwon Jiyong: Just choose what makes you feel like you’re not going to regret

Kwon Jiyong: Right?

Kwon Jiyong: Be strong

Kwon Jiyong: Lee Jieun

Am I being nosy? I don’t know but my words keep flooding. I feel like she’s a mirror of myself. I saw my old self somewhere in this child. I used to keep wondering what the hell is wrong for doing this and that; I used to keep asking myself why the hell can’t I do that and this; and I used to fool myself that I have to live for other people. And now, I feel like this girl will end up feeling the same way I felt. Honestly, I can’t bear standing here watching her suffering like that, because I have suffered enough. She’s still young. She’s still successful. I luckily survived through those years, but I doubt if she could. She’s a great artist. I don’t want this industry to lose someone like her. And I just don’t want her to fall too.

Jieun: Jiyong oppa

Jieun: You must be tired too?

What is that? She’s not ok at all and now she cares for me?

Kwon Jiyong: Hm?

Kwon Jiyong: Why do you say so?

Jieun: You’ve been through a lot too, right?

Jieun: So you know these things a lot.

Kwon Jiyong: Why do you think that?

Jieun: All of your words.

Jieun: It sounds…

Jieun: Sincere

Kwon Jiyong: Um

Kwon Jiyong: So I don’t want you to feel all of it.

Jieun: Why?

Kwon Jiyong: Hm?

Jieun: Why don’t you want me to feel?

Kwon Jiyong: Cause you’re my friend.

Kwon Jiyong: Jieun ah.

I feel really ambiguous in those words. But he makes me feel safe, somehow. Something in his words makes me just… want to stay right there. We could be friends, right?

Jieun: Thank you Jiyong oppa.

Jieun: I really appreciate.

Kwon Jiyong: My pleasure.

Kwon Jiyong: It’s also great to have a friend as a fan.

Kwon Jiyong: Kid

Jieun: What

Jieun: This oppa

Jieun: Alright

Kwon Jiyong: Kid

Jieun: Yea?

Kwon Jiyong: Since we’re friends, feel free to talk if you need someone to talk to.

It’s alright to have a friend to talk to right? This is not too bad. Not too bad at all.

Jieun: You too.

Jieun: If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.