A notification from my phone comes up as I am lying on the bed for the last day in Korea before flying to Taipei for the next concert. I am already exhausted thinking of traveling around the world for touring, despite the fact that I could meet our supporters. Of course, it would be the best moment for both of us but I could not deny the fact that it did tire me out. Reaching my phone, I see the group chat of our boys.

Well, at least these guys would make my night. I hope so.

BIGBANG Dong Youngbae: check this out

BIGBANG Dong Youngbae: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NMQl74qrR8

It was always this Youngbae’s youtube thing. I pretty know that he has a thing for Youtube. He watches almost everything about Bigbang, especially Bigbang’s reaction. Well, sometimes he shows me some funny videos, which helps a lot in some cases.

DS: IU?

DS: Wow the video is beautiful

DS: And the singer too

DS: Where do you get this hyung?

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: Yeoksi Jieunie

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: Seunghyun hyung she sang your part in a low voice wow

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: She’s really pretty though

BIGBANG Choi Seunghyun: Respect

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: Jiyong hyung she demonstrated your part pretty good too

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: Eh

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: It’s already a million views wow

BIGBANG Dong Youngbae: Someone sent me actually

BIGBANG Dong Youngbae: A fan I think

DS: They must be a shipper of you and IU

DS: Her famous crush in the past

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: kkkkkkkk

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: She must be sad when your news came up hyung

BIGBANG Dong Youngbae: Shut up Seunghyun ah

BIGBANG Kwon Jiyong: Shut up Lee Seunghyun

DS: kkkkkkkkkkk

BIGBANG Choi Seunghyun: Poor little Seunghyunie

BIGBANG Lee Seunghyun: Waeeeeeee????????

I choke over those question marks. We always end our conversations like that. Our little Seunghyun would always be our muses.

That girl is incredible, to be honest. I did not really notice her that much when she was first introduced in the music industry. Well, actually I know her through ‘her famous crush in the past’ for Youngbae. She was crazy for him, to be honest. I found that quite childish. But actually that girl has been gaining attention through her songs also. What was it called again? ‘Good day’? Yeah that was it.

She actually was really good. When she noticed Youngbae’s dance moves, I was taken back. Noone in the studio could ever know the identity of us until she spoke out. I believed we did a great job in hiding ourselves until she mentioned Youngbae. In a second, I also thought that she knew it was me and Youngbae. But then I remember Youngbae had messed up in the middle of the song when he hit the high notes in his real voice. But, she was actually really good, I admit.

“Seunghyun hyung’s part is really hard. How could she manage to do that?” That's my first question.

“How could she… sound so real when she sang my part?” That's the second question in my mind.

I am curious. Sometimes, it hit me in the head as I might do something crazy out of curiousity.

It is a Thursday night and I am still getting busy in the studio alone for my next album. I spent most of the time at the studio because it would be the first time in my entire career to produce this album. It has become a mark of my career too, I believe. It is stressful, but I am enjoying it at least. I am happy while working, which somehow annoys people around me as they feel that is weird.

I almost wrap every track up but I still need to review all of the tracks as well as the recordings. I want this album to stand out and reflect how hard I’ve been working on. It is my child to be honest. I feel like I become bigger, feel like a mom actually. Jonghoon oppa said that I’d been developing some wrinkles due to the great amounts of sleepless nights, which I found quite ridiculous but I started to panic as well. I don’t want to get old, actually.

Suddenly, a text comes up. The sound breaks the silence, while I was enjoying it.

“Gosh it was 2 in the morning. Who is this anyway?”

I take a quick look at the screen, not intending to check it out. I am too tired to even think about reading some text messages at midnight until the name really freaks me out.

It's‘G-DRAGON’. I thought my eyes was blurred so I try to wipe my eyes and wipe my brain to convince myself that it was just illusional. But no, it is real. The name is still vividly there, and I am.. literally frozen. My hand are shaking.

I remember we barely talked at all, excepted for that time we had to do some discussions about the special stage with Myungsoo sunbaenim. I was shy, actually. I did not really think of things to talk about. Well, I also didn’t have the intention to talk to him. I was afraid, afraid of messing something up and I could not even control it by myself. I felt like I would always mess everything up in some ways. That was why I kept my distance away from people, except for some other people. I didn’t really do friends with male idols and singers, especially someone like him. He’s too famous, too… drama? Not that drama, but his life seems to involve with dramas a lot. He gains too much attentions. But sometimes I feel like he’s actually not an idol. He’s kind of more like an artist. And yeah, I respect him really much. I’m a BIGBANG fan after all.

G-DRAGON: You did a great job, Jieun.

Oh, I just remember that we did agree that one time to call us by our real names. He was not reluctant at all, but for me it was different. I could not really call him by his name. I felt like it was rude, or was weird. Was he trying to get close to me, or he just preferred to be called like that, I had no idea. But still, hearing his ‘Jieun’ feels so weird. I could not get used to it at all.

By the way, what did he mean by that? I did what?

IU: Oh hello sunbaenim.

It really takes her a while to reply. Did I scare her?

Kwon Jiyong: You seems surprised huh?

IU: No sunbaenim.

IU: It’s late and I didn’t think you’re still awake.

IU: By the way sunbaenim…

IU: What do you mean I did a great job?

I choke. This girl is clueless about that but she is still so polite by saying hello. I feel amused with this girl, somehow.

Kwon Jiyong: If you

Kwon Jiyong: Melody Forest Camp

IU: Ah……..

IU: Thank you sunbaenim it was such a honor

IU: I really like that song

Kwon Jiyong: Any specific reasons?

IU: Yea?

Kwon Jiyong: For liking the song

IU: Oh…

IU: The lyrics are really sad sunbaenim

IU: The feels are demonstrated so well through the lyrics

Kwon Jiyong: Ah…..

Kwon Jiyong: So you really like sad songs huh?

IU: Oh…

IU: Actually it depends sunbaenim.

Kwon Jiyong: How?

IU: There are songs that are really slow and soft but it brings your mood up really well. But there are some upbeat songs but when you look at the lyrics it really touches your feelings. I think the most important element in a song is the feeling demonstrated by the lyrics.

Kwon Jiyong: Alright

Kwon Jiyong: I agree

There I am again. Sometimes, when I speak what's in my mind, I let out all of it before it's too late. I am regretting actually, after saying things toward a senior that I respect a lot. I should not do it, mumbling things too much in front of a senior. I feel like I was bragging a lot. It's so awkward after that line. He must think of me as an arrogant child. I am not, but I sound like, right?

“Eotteokhae?” I hit my head.

G-DRAGON: Why do you stay up late?

This man is really unexpected. I am… again frozen.

Jieun: Oh I was working late sunbaenim.

G-DRAGON: Working?

G-DRAGON: You’re in the studio?

Jieun: Yeah sunbaenim

Jieun: I actually will release an album next month

G-DRAGON: Ah…

G-DRAGON: Digital monster is back

Jieun: No no no sunbaenim

Jieun: I hope it does well this time

Jieun: It’s my first time producing an album too

G-DRAGON: Wow

G-DRAGON: Self-produced album?

Jieun: Yeah sunbaenim

G-DRAGON: It’s hard, right?

Jieun: Yeah sunbaenim

Jieun: I barely sleep at all

Jieun: Were you be able to sleep during those days, sunbaenim?

G-DRAGON: Actually yes

G-DRAGON: I was forced to sleep by people around me

G-DRAGON: Despite I could not

G-DRAGON: But yeah, it’s tiring.

G-DRAGON: But Jieun-sshi can make it right

G-DRAGON: You’re really good. You will be fine.

My heart feels warm. He's such a good senior. I find these conversations peaceful and relaxing when I was tiring myself with these producing processes. In a second, I just feel glad that he texted me. Am I crazy?

Jieun: Thank you sunbaenim. I will try my best.

G-DRAGON: If you need any help, let me know.

Jieun: Yeah sunbaenim. Thank you so much.

G-DRAGON: Jieun-sshi

Jieun: Yea sunbaenim?

G-DRAGON: I thought we agreed too call each other in a more comfortable way.

G-DRAGON: No sunbaenim

Jieun: Oh…

Jieun: You mean….

Jieun: Oppa?

G-DRAGON: Yeah Jieun

G-DRAGON: And you know you can call my name too

G-DRAGON: In case you forget

G-DRAGON: It’s Jiyong

I gaspe. What is wrong with me? I feel weird toward these conversations.

But, I just do not want to stop. He seems… nice?

IU: Yeah

IU: Jiyong oppa

That girl was intimidated, in some way. But I feel like I was attracted somehow by this kind of person, which is weird for me. I never really pay attention to these girls. But there is something about this girl that makes me want to… know more. She is mysterious, and… refreshing.

Name changed from ‘IU’ to ‘Jieun’

Name changed from ‘G-DRAGON’ to ‘Kwon Jiyong’