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- Ahn Jinae

  ‘Madam Son, your husband has arrived.’

                       I glance up from the jigsaw pieces that I am arranging with the three-year-old boy beside me, sending a look of confusion to my personal assistant. My husband? What is he doing here? I give a soft pat on the little boy’s head, standing up right after telling him that I will be back to play with him again shortly.

                      ‘What is my husband doing here? I thought I told you to inform him that I’ll be here for the whole day?’

                       Kwon Haein, my personal assistant of five years, gives me a bow instead, a look of regret on her face. ‘My apologies, madam. I did inform his secretary before we came here, and there was no problem this morning. But it seems that your mother-in-law is on her way to Seoul, so I was instructed to stop whatever activity you are doing and bring you back to the main house. I tried my best to say that you have planned this visit already, but I’m afraid that I cannot do more, now that the President is here.’

                       I let out a sigh, turning my head towards the children playing around the house. My mother-in-law always comes unannounced, and she expects everyone to be there at the house no matter what the time is. Fine, there is not much I can do anyway. ‘Alright, but tell him to wait.’

                        ‘Excuse me, madam?’ Haein asks, possibly startled to hear my words. This is my first time asking my husband to wait for me instead of heeding to his words immediately, after all. ‘But… he’s waiting outside for you.’

                        I give her a small smile and a nod, waving her away. ‘He came here without a word to me; he ought to wait a little for me, shouldn’t he?’

                       She returns my smile, giving me another bow, a sign that she understands my instructions. ‘Yes, madam. I’ll wait for you outside then.’

                       ‘Madam Son, is there a problem?’ An elderly woman, Mrs. Lee Bokja, also the owner of the foster children’s home, comes out asking after Haein leaves. There are soft lines and creases on her face due to the aging process, but her strength and passion in taking care of more than twenty children here has always made me admire her. I met her due to some circumstances many years back, and ever since she introduced me to this children’s home, I have been visiting them regularly every year.

                       I shake my head, sending a smile to the elder. ‘Nothing’s wrong, Mrs. Lee. Say, will it be alright if I cook lunch for the children today? I feel like I haven’t cooked for them in a while.’

                      Before Mrs. Lee is able to come up with a reply, the little boy that I had been playing with a while ago stands up, running to hug my legs. He looks up at me, his eyes shining brightly. I cannot help but grin when he smiles widely, showing off his rows of baby teeth, some of them missing.

                      ‘Moonki wants to eat ahjumma’s chicken soup! Moonki wants chicken soup!’

                      ‘Moonki! You should not address Madam Son like that, you’re being rude,’ Mrs. Lee says in a hush, trying to pry off the boy from my legs as she smiles apologetically at me.

                      I wave my hands to her, motioning that it is alright. ‘Don’t scold him, Mrs. Lee. I don’t mind him calling me that; I was the one who told the children to call me that. It’s easier to talk with them this way.’

                      My words earn a sigh of relief from her, and she bows slightly, informing me that she will prepare the ingredients for me to cook. After she leaves, I crouch down for a moment to be at the same level as Moonki.

                    ‘Do you like my chicken soup that much?’ I ask, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

                     Beaming, he nods vigorously to my question. ‘Moonki loves ahjumma’s chicken soup the most! Moonki loves everything about ahjumma!’ His innocent words send warmth to my entire body. The boy had been the newest and the youngest orphan in the children’s home and he had only met me a few times, yet every time I visited, he is the one to get the most excited. I wonder if I possibly remind him of his late-mother.

                   ‘Alright, then can you help me to tell your older brothers and sisters that they should come down for lunch?’ The boys nods excitedly again, and I send him off with a kiss on his cheek.

                  It makes me chuckle when he blushes happily after receiving the kiss, racing up the stairs without looking back and screaming the other children’s names once he reaches the floor above.

                  I have never wanted to have a child so badly.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

                ‘You made me wait for an hour,’ the cold voice that greets me once I get inside the car makes me feel bitter. If it is someone else, I would have exited the car and slam the door behind me, but the words came from my husband. I have no choice but to hang my head low and look guilty.

                  ‘I’m sorry, Hyunwoo. I had made a promise to cook lunch for them, so I can’t really go back on my words,’ I say, silently swallowing the little lie.

                   Of course I only cooked because I wanted to make him wait for me a bit. I have thought that if I do that, he would come in to call me out and I could have invited him for lunch there too, but of course he did not. Son Hyunwoo will never step in a place like that.

                   My husband gives out a grunt, his gaze occupied by his phone. ‘You could have cancelled it, it’s not like they would do anything about it anyway. Mother is already arrived in the country an hour ago, how would she feel if she comes to our house with no one to greet her?’

                   If she wants to be greeted that badly, she could have informed earlier that she was coming, is what I want to say, but I know better. Folding my hands neatly on my lap, I give a solemn nod. ‘I know, I’m sorry. I should have known better.’

                  All these seven years of marriage with him, I have always given in for his mother. He had even cancelled important meetings and deals before, running off to meet her whenever she flies to the country unannounced. He cherishes his mother more than anyone else, and I had no problem with it, if not for the fact that he makes me feel a hundred times more worthless whenever the subject is regarding his mother. When it comes to his mother, he will not hesitate to dump me on the streets if she asks him to.

                 ‘It’s good if you can understand. Apologize to mother after this if we’re late to see her,’ he says, still not tearing his gaze away from his phone. ‘Oh, and another thing. Can you stop going to that orphanage? I don’t like my wife visiting that kind of place too often.’

                 ‘What?’ I exclaim, forgetting for a moment that he dislikes it when I raise my voice. It is enough that he takes away my freedom whenever his mother is here, now