Jackson finished writing the journal, and was put to sleep. Later on, he was sent to the operation room. The surgery took 4 hours. It was a very difficult one but successful. Jackson could normally breathe and eat for the first time in months. After 5 days he was sent back to the dorms where he was received with lots of love and enthusiasm.

For the first time in months Jackson could look at Mark and talk to him with no symptoms. He was relieved this was the probe he had fallen out of love with Mark. Jackson had to act a bit in order to not raise any suspicious. He had to pretend he care about Mark’s breaking up. However, he felt nothing at all, it was the normal consequence of the procedure. He no longer loved Mark in any sense.

What is done is done- Jackson thought.

But Mark… well, he did notice the change in Jackson’s attitude, he tried to brush it off though. There were so many fan meetings, photo sessions, interviews, etc. Mark couldn’t actually get a hold of his friendship with Jackson. The fire and sparks in Jackson’s eyes were no longer there and Mark felt terrible.

One day while everybody was about to leave for Australia Mark went to look for his shoes in BamBam’s room. He wanted to used them and he knew that the maknae had asked to use them before so, while looking among a huge pile of boxes he found what he was looking for and a bit more. There was a black notebook with the character 王, Mark assumed it was from Jackson and after placing all the boxes into their original place he took the shoes and the notebook.

I'm gonna give it to Gaga- Mark thought

Jackson wasn’t around so he took the copybook with him to the airport. Once he landed he wanted to room with Jackson to give the copybook back but he had no such luck.

Mark sat in his hotel room and looked at the notebook that was resting on his bed, Mark felt it was calling him, there was something intriguing about it, he couldn't  contain his impulses...

Mark started to read all the entries and he couldn’t stop himself up until he reached the end, he hadn’t noticed the signs, he never knew the reason of why Jackson was acting the way he did before. Tears were furiously escaping his eyes. Mark was so afraid of reaching the end, he was terrified…

Last Journal Entry.

Mark Tuan I love you, Wǒ ài nǐ, Saranghae. This is it. I’m writing my last entry. Is there anybody interested in knowing my story?It’s the kind of sad one-sided love.

Mark, I have loved you as a friend for years since July 3^rd 2011 around 10 pm. It was the first time we met, remember? After that we became fellow trainees and best friends. When did I fell in love with you? I have not an answer to that. I just did it.

I’m sorry Mark, I wish our friendship could have survived this madness but apparently it’s impossible. I didn’t want to be a burden. I tried to fight back this feeling but it is overwhelming. I told you before, didn’t I? I believe there’s not a happily ever after in love, so I guess this is just the confirmation. I, by no means, blame you. This disease came to me and I didn’t stop it at the right time. I endured as much as I could but when I collapsed today I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Loving you is beautifully painful. You know, the flowers blossoming now inside of me are so pretty, they are called gardenias and they have a pretty pale yellow color.

The more I love you, the more flowers blossom inside of me. The more I wish you could have told me you loved me the same way I do. It’s in vain though because Mark you don’t feel the same, because you’re already in love with someone else and that person isn’t me and won’t ever be me.

I loved you intensively, all of you. Your looks are out of this world, your face is so small, so perfect, your almond eyes are so full of life. You have for sure captured two stars to put one in each of your eyes, your smile is pure life. Your body, your hands, your arms, your legs, all of you screams perfection. But what I love more it isn’t what I can see with my eyes; Mark your heart is made of gold. You always care for others in a silent manner; you’re so patient, so tender, so kind, so devoted to work. You treated me so well, you never yelled at me and you put up with all my pranks.

I misinterpreted your I love you’s, they were not meant to be the ones I wanted to hear, you were the best friend I could have ever asked for.

I understand why you chose Sana and not me, she is everything I won’t ever be: taller, more reserved, and incredible beautiful. I know I’m not as handsome as some people think I’m aware of who I am, while I’m average you’re outstanding, you are gorgeous.

I have no more energy to keep writing Mark. Let me tell you that the last thought in my mind before falling again into unconsciousness is that I love you with all my energies- if I have any left- I’m going to go soon into the operation room and I’m scared but this decision, a very selfish one I admit, it’s my only way.

At some point I realized that some people can stay around me but outside my heart. I’m sorry Mark I love you, but I’m letting this feeling go.

J-

Mark read the last lines and he understood, he finally understood all the suffering he caused to Jackson. It was too late for an apology, Mark knew Jackson had removed him from his system-literally with the surgery- and there was no turning back. So he cried for hours and hours, until he felt asleep.

While dreaming Mark uttered these words:

“Yeppeosseo, nal barabwa judeon geu nunbit.
Nal bulleojudeon geu moksori. Da, da. Geu modeun ge naegen.

Yeppeosseo Gaga”

That night Mark had a nightmare, were Jackson was being kidnapped, he was taken away by some crazy saesangs, and he was never going to see Jackson again. He was shivering and woke up sweating.

Out of the blue he started coughing, he couldn’t breathe something was itching in his throat…

..A white rose petal was floating around Mark’s hotel room…

Mmm, well, let me see… I think I like white roses. Yes, I like them!!! I think they are so elegant, their smell is so fragrant, I just love them- said an enthusiastic Jackson

。・゜★・。・。☆。・゜★・。・。☆。・゜★・。・。☆。・゜★・。・。☆

The translation of Mark’s words is:

“You were beautiful, Your eyes that looked at me. Your voice that called out to me. Everything, everything has passed. You were beautiful Gaga”