It was the longest flight.  I just wanted to get out and race home, but I didn’t I decided to go to the dorms first.  Jonghyun and Minho were going there, so I went with them, and I thought, it’s ok, she said she would be there.  I raced to Jongin and banged as hard as I could on his door until he answered.

‘Hey what’s the rush?’ he said. 

‘I NEED THE RING NOW’ I practically screamed at him.

‘Ok calm down.’ He went to get it as I stood in the doorway anxiously. 

He came back with the small box in his hand, I ripped it from him and shouted thanks as I ran out the building, not wanting, or thinking about getting in a car to make the journey quicker, but running as it felt like I was moving quicker.  I didn’t even notice the rain soaking me as I ran.

The house was dark and quiet when I walked inside, shaking the rain out of my hair and shivering.  I was soaked through from running all the way here.  The house gave me an eerie feeling.  Goosebumps prickled my neck and my ears got hot.  I knew something was wrong instantly and I didn’t like it at all. 

I swallowed hard walking through the hallway, I checked in the kitchen, everything was dark, no sign of life.  I began to panic.

‘JEN!’ I shrieked ‘BABY, WHERE ARE YOU?’ the panic in my voice was conspicuous now, she hadn’t just gone? Please god, tell me she hadn’t just gone.  Not yet. Not like this. I had to see her once more.  I could fix this.  If I found her I could fix this.

I began running, opening every door, and banging my way through the house, the urgency with which I needed to find her causing me to freak out.

‘Don’t be gone, don’t be gone, don’t be gone, don’t be gone’ I repeated over and over, becoming my mantra, as I crashed up the stairs and walked into the main bedroom, our bedroom.

She was there.  Her back to me kneeling on the floor.  She was sat in front of her bag zipping it up as I walked in.

‘My love’ I sighed, she turned around taking me in, stood there out of breath, soaking wet filled with terror.  I didn’t move.  My eyes traveled to the bag she had just picked up.  I swallowed hard feeling a lump rising in the back of my throat.

‘Please ... .’ I whispered a lone tear escaping my eyes, my voice catching in my throat.  I knew then it was useless.  It wouldn’t work.  She wouldn’t stay no matter what I said right now.  I knew in the back of my mind, this was it, she was going and she wasn’t coming back.  I had known it all along.

I knew this was the end, but I couldn’t accept it.  I didn’t want to believe it.

‘I’m sorry’ she whispered moving towards me slowly.  Her voice was low and rough, she had been crying for some time, her exquisite face was swollen with tears, as it had been so often lately.  I was frozen, afraid to look away from her.