We cried together on the hospital bed way into the night. 

Eventually we stopped crying together and just sat holding onto each other.

‘I’m sorry’ were the first words she whispered to me.

‘Why? You have nothing to be sorry for,’ I whispered back her hair and kissing her head.

‘I lost your baby.’ She barely breathed out.

‘You didn’t do anything, you did nothing wrong.  Don’t think like that.’ I told her wrapped my arms around her tighter.

‘We didn’t even talk about having kids together, not really.’ She said, she sounded like she was half talking to herself.

‘Yeah, I know.  You did want kids?’ I asked apprehensively.

‘Yeah, I do, I really do.’ She whispered back. ‘Do you? You’re so young, sometimes, sometimes I worry about that.’

‘Baby, I couldn’t think of anything I want more than kids with you.’ I told her. ‘Why would you worry, I’m not that young.’

‘You’d be a good dad.’ She told me dreamily.

‘And you would be an excellent mother.  One day we will get the chance.  Today just isn’t that day.’

‘Yeah, you’re right.  I just, I didn’t expect to feel so, empty.’ She told me sadly.

‘Me either my love.’ I told her, feeling the exact emptiness, she was describing weighing me down.

‘I’m sorry this happened to you.’ I told her.

She drew her face up to look me in the eyes.  Her beautiful brown eyes looking so sad and ravaged by the week’s events, she blinked once and said, ‘I’m sorry it happened to you too.’

I felt my heart melt.  ‘When they let me, I’m going to take you home and look after you.’

‘I’m sorry you had to come back here, you need to sleep.’ She told me.

‘No, I’m right where I need to be.’ I told her. 

We fell asleep together, awkwardly on the bed.  Our tears had dried as I woke up aching all over.  I looked down at Jen, she was still sleeping, but her face looked so sad as she slept.

I decided to stretch while she was still asleep.  I made my way to the bathroom and then to the café to get coffee, and while I was there I checked my phone, intending to make some calls.

I had messages from everyone, Jonghyun asking if everything was ok, my manager trying to find out where I was and if everything was ok.  Jongin, Key, Jinki, Minho, Sarah.

Sarah said she was sorry she wasn’t there yet, but she would arrive today and come to the hospital.

I looked somewhat dumbfounded at her message wondering if I should tell her what had happened. 

I called my manager first and told him what happened.  He was a great guy wh