Chapter 51.

I didn’t see her before the show started, I tried to look for her but I couldn’t see her anywhere.  I just had to go out and perform with the guys and not think about it.  I asked one of the staff to go and look for her, help her. 

It was as the show finished I realized Chanyeol was no where to be seen.  It made me feel angry again but this time it was mixed with guilt, as I stepped off the stage the staff I had asked to find her told me she had already left but didn’t know where to or who with.  I didn’t dare to ask them if they knew where he had gone too.

I tried looking around for Sarah, but Jongin told me that she had left already with Kyungsoo.

I knew I could not go back to our hotel room in my current state.  I had to calm down before I saw her again.  Inside myself, I knew I was being irrational.  Unfair.  I knew I couldn’t control her and I knew I had to trust her.  We had had this conversation so many times.  I was just finding it so hard to do. 

I asked Jinki to hold back with me a while.  He could tell there was something I wanted to discuss with him, not in front of the others, so he agreed.  I could have asked any of them for advice, but Jinki was always the one not to judge you no matter how much you ed up. 

I told him everything that happened.  He knew the majority of the story anyway, but I told him in detail what had happened tonight.  How I felt and how I was a little afraid at my own anger. 

‘What if I do it again?’ I whispered after my long explanation.  ‘I don’t want to be that guy, I don’t want to be the guy that hurts his girl like this.  I don’t want to be this angry, this jealous.’ I took a deep breath and wiped my face.

He looked at me long and hard, his face was