I woke up, uncomfortably.  I had no idea what time it was, or even where I was. I had no memory of going to bed last night.  My eyes adjusted to the light as I realized I actually hadn’t gone to bed.  I was on the sofa in the living room with the blanket I had pulled out for me and Jen last night.

Jen! , I whipped about in a panic.  She wasn’t here.  I fell backward into the sofa my mind on overdrive before I noticed a piece of paper on the table.  Immediately I reached out to grab it. 

T.  I’m sorry to leave you before you woke, you looked so peaceful I just couldn’t bring myself wake you up.  I have left your clothes in the bedroom.  Thank you for a lovely day.  J xxx’

There was a p.s with her phone number.

I sighed loudly.  Somewhere inside I was hurt, I wanted to wake up and she would be here, but the other half of me was also scared.  I knew she knew who I was now.  My last thought from the night hit me full in the face and I could hear it clear as day when she moaned my name during our kiss. ‘Taemin’.

Damn baby.

I knew she’d have to be told, find out at some point.  I don’t know how I felt at her being a fan though.  In some ways, I felt partly betrayed.  She showed no signs of being a fan.  She was the perfect stranger and I felt lied to.  Would it really have been easier if she screamed at me while I tried to have a conversation with her though? I felt conflicted. 

There was only one person I wanted to talk to about this, only one person who I knew could give me serious advice without making fun of me.

I reached for my phone and found Jinki’s number and began a text to him.

T: Bro I need some advice.  I don’t exactly know what to say though. 

I wrote out that I met a girl, how she made me feel, and how I was feeling now realizing she did know what I did.

I sent the text and decided to use the bathroom.  My mind was still traveling faster than I could process anything clearly as I brushed my teeth followed by calling the chef to get some breakfast.

I must have checked my phone every 5 minutes for the next two hours.  I sat on the terrace overlooking the beach in the morning sun as I ate and waited.  I didn’t want to text Jen yet not until I knew what to say. 

I had my head in my arms on the table gazing into the distance when my phone finally buzzed at me. 

I jumped up grabbing it reading what would hopefully be Jinki’s reply.

J: Taemin relax.  If she is a fan so what? Maybe she hasn’t acted like it because she doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.  She’s, what, British you said? They tend to have a better idea of acting tactfully than most people.  If you like her so much just be yourself.  Be normal as much as you can be.  If she spent the whole day with you and didn’t bring up the fact you’re an idol once she must have something she likes about you that is real, not just the pop star persona.  But think carefully before really falling for her.  Be careful in public.  Don’t be seen.  You know what’s in the contracts.  No relationships.  If you want this to go somewhere you’ll need to discuss that.  Make sure she understands the situation you are in.  Everything can be worked out.  But take it slowly.  You’ve only just met her.  It’s not like your marrying her tomorrow.  Love you J xxx