Text message from: Noona

Dongsaeng ah, call me when you get this. It’s extremely urgent.

Seunghyun : Hello? Noona, what’s up? What is so urgent?

Hyeyoun : Hey! Where are you?

Seunghyun : I just landed, went through security and got my bag. And I was about to get an Uber when I saw you message. So, are you ok?

Hyeyoun : Dongsaeng ah, something happened.

Seunghyun : What?

Hyeyoun : Alice and her mom got into an accident.

Seunghyun : What about Lily?

Hyeyoun : She was at my house at the time. I’m taking care of her.

Seunghyun : Then what happened?

Hyeyoun : Her mother died at the scene. Alice lost a lot of blood.

Seunghyun : and the baby?

Hyeyoun : She lost the baby. I’m so sorry.

Seunghyun stayed silent at the end of the line and all that was heard was his laboured breathing. Finally, he burst into tears, sobbing his heart out as his sister gave him words of comfort.

Hyeyoun : Hyunnie ah, I know you love your baby so much but he’s in a better place now. He is with the angles.

Seunghyun : He? I have a son? My baby boy.

Hyeyoun : Yeah, you had a baby boy. About Alice, she broke her limbs, her ribs punctured her liver, they had to remove her spleen and there was a lot of internal bleeding in the brain.

Seunghyun : but is she okay right?

Hyeyoun : She’s on life support. She hasn’t woken up and the doctors said that there is only a 10% chance that she’s going to wake up. Come home dongsaeng ah.

Epilogue

SEUNGHYUN

I didn’t make it in time to say my final goodbye to her. She couldn’t wait for me any longer. She let go as I was travelling the last lag of my journey. Even though I spent the whole 14 hours of my flight back to Seoul crying and wishful thinking that she would miraculously pull through and we could live a long happy life together. I was afraid because I couldn’t imagine a life without her by my side, growing old without my best friend with me. But I comforted myself in the thought of Alice being at peace, probably cooking a large meal for her parents and our baby boy. Although I never got to meet him, I loved him with all my heart and I named him Alexander Choi Jungheon. And as for Lily, I officially adopted her as my own daughter. It was devastating for me to lose my fiancé weeks before the wedding but it affected her in unimaginable ways. She was only a teen and she couldn’t handle the news that she fell into a deep depression. She wouldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep, she just refused to do anything but I was with her every step of the way. I supported her through her lows and when she came to me with her college entry exam with flying colours, my heart swelled in pride like any dad would.

I poured a shot of soju and placed it in front of her grave. The wind blew a calm breeze through the trees. The leaves rattled with the rhythm. It was a warm Spring morning. It would have been a beautiful spring morning because it would’ve been our wedding day but my heart was empty. By the end of the reception we would’ve whooshed over to Paris, excitedly waiting for the arrival of our first born. I the magnificent white wedding dress on my lap. I continued to dwell on the what if and musing of a distant future that never will be. The sunflower I placed next to her picture, brighten the gloomy graveyard. I clutch my chest, everyday my heart would hurt. Maybe it is possible to die of heartache.

Throughout the years, I may have fallen in love at least four times in my life or at least I think I have. First there was Samantha, the French girl I met in college. She was my 3^rd year senior and because of some superficial facts and interaction over semesters, I filled in the blanks like a fairy tale author. Yes, I was an infatuated freshman and that the reality of it was a far cry, she was kind to me but she turned me down nicely. Then there was Irene. I really thought I loved her but I soon realized that, my love for her wasn’t as real as I thought they were. She was nice and amazing but what we loved about each other was never enough for me to forgive her and for her to stay loyal to me. Bom was my first girlfriend in high school. It may seem unfair because she embodies the combination of both love and youth. Did I really love her? Yes. The feeling of young love is unique and irreplaceable because we can only be that age once. We were innocent and it was the time of discovery. We shared these elements together like our first , late night sneaking out all of which now is a nostalgic love. Preserved in time that neither of us can touch but merely look back at. But Alice, she was my first love. Even though we were just kids, the infatuation towards her was as real as can be. We saw each other grow and change through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go. She was also there for every girlfriend and breakups I had. People around our old neighbourhood would say that we are perfect for each other, but the only thing that wasn’t perfect about us was our timing. Alice is also my last. She is my last love. She is the girl on the pedestal, the fantasy, the make-believe things that are actually true. The depth, the inside joke, she is my best friend. I’d go anywhere just to be with her. She is why I love because before her, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. She gives my past and my future meaning. She is my first and last love.

The dark clouds were starting to roll in as it was getting darker. I got up from the ground, clutching onto her dress tightly. I her picture one last time as a drop of tear trickled down my face. I slipped the small piece of paper in between the sunflowers before making my way back. Moving further and further from where my heart lays for all eternity.

To my love Alice,

No matter where you are weather you are half way across the world or right there across the street, you will always be with me and you will always be my best friend. I know you will always stand guard of my weird dreams. I will love you endlessly and you will live forever within my heart. Don’t worry about Lily, I will take care of her. I promise you that there will always be a roof above her head and food on the table. I will walk her down the aisle. I will be there helping her raise her kids. I promise you that. It’s never really a goodbye my love because we have always found a way back to each other but for now see you soon my love.

If roses grow in heaven,

Lord, please pick a bunch for us

Place them in my lover’s arms

And tell her they’re from us

Tell her that we love her and miss her

And when she turns to smile

Place a kiss upon her cheek

And hold her for awhile

Because remembering her is easy

We will do it everyday

But there’s an ache within our hearts

That will never go away.

I know my love is in good hands until the day that I will see her again.

All my heart,

Seunghyun

THE END

A million thanks to those who waited patiently as I finished this story, it took me a year and that was a really long period and wait for all of you. I guess I have arrived at the point where my works are becoming predictable. I will try to be better and grow as a writer. It may be a while until I write a good one that is worth publishing here but I hope when the time comes, you all will enjoy and give it love as much as you did to my previous writings. Thank you one and all. You guys give me strength and willpower to do what I love and that is writing stories. Kamsahamnida!