♒♒♒

3rd of march, 2017

You know that it's going to be a bad day when you wake up at 6 am on Saturday and are able to see your own breath, when your limbs are numb and you're not sure if you can even feel your nose. Yoongi quickly rubbed the remains of sleep off his eyes and realized he's shaking all over his body, despite being completely covered by a warm, fluffy blanket. He looked around the room in confusion, trying to figure out the reason behind such a low temperature, but to his surprise the windows were closed, and he honestly didn't have another idea how to explain the problem. He could see Jin still sleeping in bed on the other side of the room, also tightly wrapped up in his blanket, breath quiet and steady, just like he didn't really minded the coldness of the room.

Yoongi sighed deeply and closed his eyes again, trying to stay calm and not worry too much. The past week had been rough, really busy and stressful, and he truly didn't need another difficulty, especially during the weekend and in his current mental state. He had been trying to work on a new song for so many days, but because of their schedule, he kept getting distracted and wasn't even able to focus. Additionally, he had had a huge fight with his father over the phone couple of days ago, who claimed that Yoongi was ignoring his family on purpose and that idol life had totally messed up with his head. It hurt Yoongi to hear such things, it really it, but as always, he didn't share his problems with anyone in the dorm. It was enough for him that he knew how the reality was really like, how he always tried his best to go and visit his parents, how he always wanted them to be proud of him. He had come through so much just to be stuck back on this stage, when he is yet again questioning the purpose of everything - his career, his life, just everything in general. He had had worse days before, when too many things had come at him at once, but it was never as bad as on that day. Yoongi sensed somewhere deeply inside his soul that something was going to end soon, and he didn't even want to try and get better. It was just too much already, he was too tired to fight back.

He felt a familiar wetness under his tightly closed eyelids, but he tried his best to not let the tears to come out. He quickly shook his head a few times to clear his head and make all those thoughts go away, then turned to his side and reached out to his bedside table and grabbed his phone from there. He was quite surprised to see a notification about new messages, especially that it had come an hour ago, so he quickly opened them up and started reading. There were all from Namjoon, short and right to the point, just like Yoongi liked getting information. And apparently that was an only positive aspect he could point out about those texts, as they were clearly stating a bad thing: the heating system went broken and they all had to move to the hotel for a few days. And as long as the news itself were pretty negative, Yoongi couldn't ignore one optimistic idea that suddenly appeared in his head. "How about staying here? Why not just let all of them leave so I can be alone, get some proper rest and just... be here by myself?". He was trying to decide whether or not he should join Namjoon who was already in the hotel and try to survive those couple of days and not actually break down, or just stay in bed for the that entire time.

He was in the middle of replying to his hyung when a new notification popped up on the screen. This time it was from Hoseok, and Yoongi was getting irritated that even him decided to annoy him on that ty, cold morning.

6:12

Are you going to the hotel soon?

"Why would he even ask that..." Yoongi thought, sincerely puzzled, typing back a short "no" as a response. How could Hoseok be even sure that Yoongi knew about the heating already? Or maybe he was with Namjoon, and Yoongi and Jin were the only ones that still hadn't left the house? Yoongi didn't even manage to exit the app before Hoseok's reply arrived.

6:12

Are you alright, hyung?

Yoongi cursed under his breath and had to stop himself before throwing his phone across the room. His hands started to shake as he was typing back "Why?" as a response. Of course Hoseok knew, of course he had realised. Yoongi sometimes forgot how his friend was able to read people, see right through them, especially Yoongi. All members knew they were close, maybe not physically, but emotionally and mentally - yes. No one else understood Yoongi like Hoseok did. Yes, he was pretty annoying with his bright personality and extra amount of energy, but he also acknowledged Yoongi's mood swings. He could perfectly adjust to him, even if it meant staying up with him in a complete silence. But that day it was too much, Yoongi didn't want any care from him, any of his warm smiles and soft hands patting his back when he couldn't hold his tears anymore. He wanted to think he didn't need Hoseok in his life, but the fact how quickly he had read his reply when it had arrived made him question if he really wanted to be alone that day.

6:13

Cause I'm staying as well.

Yoongi cursed again and was just about to send his reply when he suddenly hesitated.

Can't you just go with others and leave me alone?!

He wanted to send that, but he also didn't want Hoseok to read it. Is few days of solitude too much to ask for? He needed space, he needed some time off and silence, he wanted to be alone so no one will act like they give a about him. Yoongi sighed quietly before pressing the "send" button and shoved his phone under the pillow. He didn't care anymore what Hoseok had to say about that, Yoongi was staying home and he was going to stay there alone. He didn't need a nanny, he was way too tired to try and do something to himself. It wasn't that he hated Hoseok and didn't want him to be around, because he was probably his closest friend in that moment, but he didn't want to be always dependable on him. He understood that Hoseok was trying to pay him off for all those times when Yoongi stayed with him in the dorm during holidays when everyone else left to their families, and the sincerity and heart he was putting into his revenge meant the world to Yoongi, but he was just tired. He was tired and wanted to be left alone.

That's why he didn't even check his phone when it vibrated under the pillow, announcing that Hoseok had replied to him. Instead of that, Yoongi just closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep, quietly hoping that before he wakes up, everyone will be long gone, so he could suffer alone, away from pitiful stares and forced pats on the back.

♒♒♒

When Yoongi opened his eyes two hours later, his room was already flooded with sunshine and it seemed to be a little bit warmer than when he had waken up earlier. Yoongi felt more rested and certainly calmer now, knowing that there was nobody in the house to disturb him. He slowly stretched out his arms and legs, shuffling under his blanket for a couple of minutes, before he finally reached under his pillow to check the time on the phone. But instead of the clock, it was a notification that caught his attention. It took him a few seconds to remember that he had not replied to Hoseok before he had gone to sleep, so now he quickly opened up a message from him and run his eyes over it, slowly losing his shreds of optimism.

6:14

What the hell do you mean by that??? Are you even okay???

6:15

I'm staying in the dorm, and I don't need your approval. I will work all day anyway.

6:15

And please stop pushing your bull mood on everyone, when we only want to help you.

6:16

I told everyone you're sick so they won't worry. Enjoy your day, .

At first, Yoongi couldn't believe his eyes. He kept rereading the messages, just to be sure that they were real and that it was Hoseok who had sent them. He wanted to get mad at first, especially for this "" at the end, and he almost did, but the words used by Hoseok and the irritation he had expressed with them only made Yoongi smile. It was such a rare thing to see his younger friend mad, and even if he was angry, it always somehow turned out to be adorable. Truly speaking, Yoongi remembered only a few occasions when Hoseok was seriously mad - jokes aside, tightly clenched jaw and fists, piercing stare and aggressive moves. Yoongi couldn't help but shiver under his blanket even on the memory of that moments. He had to admit that angry Hoseok was scary and definitely not someone he would like to stand against to.

Yoongi checked some news on his phone and after a few minutes he put it away, just to turn on his back and close his eyes again, still thinking about Hoseok. He didn't want him to be irritated, not to that extend, but he also didn't want to fool him and pretend that everything was fine.

"Nothing is fine."

Yoongi sighed heavily, opening his eyes and slowly emerging from under the blanket. It was that moment when he realised that staying home meant putting on extra couple of layers of clothing. He didn't even get out of bed yet and his skin was already covered in goosebumps, his whole body shivering from cold. It took him some minutes to get dressed - he put on two tshirts and a big, warm jumper and paired it with some sports pants made from a very thick, dark blue material. Yoongi was in the middle of putting on the second pair of socks, when he heard some noises coming from the kitchen. He headed over there when he was done, not trying to hide his irritation from a fact that he wasn't in deed alone.

When he reached the main corridor leading to the living area and the kitchen, his nose was met by a pleasant, sweet scent, which woke up Yoongi's empty stomach that almost immediately started growling. He quickly started rubbing his belly, hoping that it will help reducing the sound, his face turning now into a more pitiful looking. He couldn't remember when was the last time he had eaten, and he was already thinking about something simple to prepare, when he finally reached the kitchen. Hoseok's dark eyes threw him a quick stare straightaway, before going back to watch the pancakes, currently frying on a pan. He was wearing his favourite red jacket and a black beanie, while his nose and lower part of the face were hidden behind a thick, light-grey scarf. He looked tired, Yoongi could clearly see those dark bags under his eyes, and he immediately felt bad about getting mad at him.

"Hey."

Yoongi said slowly, his voice quiet and hoarse, while Hoseok's reply seemed to cut through the air like a sharp knife.

"Hey."

The older boy slipped his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, feeling the tension gathering between him and Hoseok. He didn't know what he should lay his eyes on, he kept shifting his stare from Hoseok's face to his hands, then to the stack of pancakes on the table and a cup of steaming hot tea standing on the counter next to his friend. He could feel his own hands shaking a little bit, and he would rather think it's because of the temperature than discomfort of the situation.

"I'll be done soon. 2 more minutes and kitchen is yours."

Hoseok looked over his shoulder and send his friend a quick, but somehow sad, smile. Yoongi leaned against the counter, nodding his head softly and not taking his eyes off Hoseok's face. "He looks so exhausted..." he thought to himself again, examining friend's slow movements and half-closed eyes. "Where the hell is that angry Hoseok calling me an in text messages?".

There was a one thought that came to Yoongi's mind, and he almost got to believe that Hoseok looked like he had been crying, but he quickly shook that idea out of his head.

"Is there something wrong?"

Those few words kinda slipped out of Yoongi's mouth uncontrollably, more as a silence breaker, but he couldn't conceal the worry in his voice. Hoseok didn't reply, or maybe he did, if throwing a pan into the sink with an exaggerated force counts as a response. The sudden noise made Yoongi jerk a bit, but he somehow managed to stop his mouth from cursing. He knew Hoseok hated hearing curse words around the house.

"Are you insa-"

"I'm sorry, hyung. I'm fine."

Hoseok voice was quiet and shaky, and it was hard to tell if it was caused by a coldness of the dorm or something else. Yoongi didn't even try to hide his consternation with the whole situation, looking at Hoseok with disbelief painted all over his face. He didn't like how his friend was acting, and he wish he could look him in the eyes rather then admiring his back, so he could maybe find some clues as for why was Hoseok so annoyed that morning.

"Do you want to talk?"

Hoseok froze for a few moments, then turned around slowly and made his away in Yoongi direction, trying his best to avoid any eyes contact.

"No, hyung. I'll just leave you alone, you wanted to rest, right?"

He grabbed his tea and began heading to his room, staying as far away from Yoongi as possible, who was still standing in the same spot, his eyes glued to Hoseok's face, and mouth opened slightly in a silent protest. He was carefully watching his dongsaeng's moves, trying to come up with a good response, but he didn't even had a chance to reply.

"Oh, and about those texts. I'm sorry. I got kinda carried away there."

Hoseok spoke up again, finally meeting Yoongi's stare and looking him straight in the eyes. The older boy almost gasped at how red Hoseok's eyes were, and he wondered how could he not notice that earlier.

"Yea, nevermind, I understand." Yoongi said, much softer and calmer now, watching the younger boy's face carefully. Even tough he really didn't understand anything in this whole situation, he was getting more and more worried. He started off as a depressed and egoistic prick who wanted everybody to be gone, and he was now put in a position where he put Hoseok before himself, and it felt new in his mind, but it wasn't uneasy.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Yoongi reached out with his right hand and gently brushed Hoseok's hair off his face so he could see him better, but his friend quickly shook his hand off and continued his way to his room.

"I don't wanna talk about it. Just take care."

Hoseok said with a weak voice, throwing Yoongi a last quick stare before heading to the bedroom again. It took Yoongi a few seconds to process what had just happened, and it even caused a nice little series of curse words coming out of his mouth. He quickly caught his friend up and grabbed his arm, squeezing it maybe a bit too hard than it was necessary. Hoseok froze for a second before turning around and sending Yoongi an annoyed stare. The older boy didn't let him speak though, quickly pulling him closer to himself, so he could properly look him in the eyes. He couldn't hide his irritation anymore, he hated when his dongsaengs were acting like spoiled brats, and even though Hoseok was the nicest person he had ever know, Yoongi wished he was more mature and open when it came to the problems he was facing.

"Just tell me, for sake! Are we friends or no?!"

Yoongi raise his voice noticeably, despite trying hard not to scream at his friend. Hoseok didn't even look surprised though, his eyes looking blankly at Yoongi's fingers tied around his arm.

"I know you too well to ignore all of this. I always tell you when I need you and..." the older boy started off again with a bit softer, but still determined expression on his face, cursing under his breath at his own tongue slip. "...when I need your help, I never hide anything from you, yet you're acting like this to me?"

It all did sound a little bit too dramatic and emotional than Yoongi wanted it to be, but at least it had a slight impact and made Hoseok's tensed body loosen up a bit. He rose his eyes to meet Yoongi's, and when the older boy was already hoping to see his usual, bright smile, Hoseok hit him with another cold stare, clenching his teeth and spitting out words like he was trying hard to not burst out completely. His was voice was quiet, but strong and forcible, causing Yoongi to a step back.

"You're asking me all those questions, but have you ever wondered how much I am worrying about you? Did you even realise how much you pissed me off this morning? How I only wanted to help yet you pushed me away again? Did you thought about all of this? Did you, Min Yoongi?!"

When Yoongi heard his full name coming out of Hoseok's mouth, he knew it was bad, it was very, very bad. Hoseok's face was turning more and more red with very word he was saying, his fists clenched tightly like he was getting ready to hit his hyung any minute. Yoongi yet didn't take his eyes off his friend even for a second, still strongly holding his arm and trying to not lose his own confidence. Hoseok's words hit him hard, of course he was too busy worrying about himself to realise how other people felt. He couldn't stop looking into Hoseok's eyes, even though it was so hard to see them filling up with tears.

"I'm sorry, Ho-"

" your "sorry", you !"

Yoongi opened his mouth in surprise, swallowing the rest of the sentence he wanted to say. Hoseok's scream made him drop his stare to the ground, and even though he never let anyone to treat him like that, he knew that he had well deserved it.

"You're always ing sorry yet you didn't even thought about me in all of this! Do you think it's easy to be strong every time you feel bad? Do you realise how many times I needed you to be there for me but I didn't want to bother you? Do you ing realise that?! Do you ing realise that?!?!?!"

At this point Hoseok was screaming at the top of his lungs, despite his voice being hoarse and weak already. And Yoongi was just standing there in front of him, like a small tree facing a typhoon, and was too ashamed to even look Hoseok in the eyes. He felt like , like a total garbage. The only person that truly cared about him was teaching him a hard lesson, and Yoongi was already loosing hope of somehow settling down this argument, when all of the sudden it became quiet.

"Hoseok…"

He tried with a soft voice, lifting his stare a bit to meet Hoseok's eyes, but he failed to do so. His friend's face was completely hidden behind his pale hands, his frame was shivering with each and every breath he was taking, quiet sniffing filling up the space between them. Yoongi was petrified, he couldn't force any more words out of his tightly squeezed throat even he wanted to. He hated seeing Hoseok crying, if there was a view that triggered him the most, it was seeing his sunshine friend broken. And knowing and he was the reason behind his tears, Yoongi felt thousands of needles piercing his already shattered heart.

He hesitated for a few seconds, before he finally put his arms around Hoseok's shoulders, pulling him in for a loose embrace. He thought that he would be met by younger's fists and another curse words, but feeling Hoseok softly sinking into his chest made a small smile crawl onto Yoongi's lips. It was a matter of a moment until he felt his friend's arms wrapping tightly around his waist and his wet nose digging into his neck. It was all slightly hard to move thanks to the all the layers of clothing they were wearing, but it didn't prevent Yoongi from pulling Hoseok even closer to himself while rubbing his back in a comforting way. He could hear the younger boy mumbling something into his neck and he tried really hard to distinguish at least few words out of this mess, but he failed miserably.

"It's alright, don't cry. I'm sorry, Hobi."

Yoongi said softly, brushing Hoseok's hair with his fingers. Younger's body stopped shaking already and his breath seemed to be much calmer and steadier, so Yoongi wanted to try his luck and comfort not only Hoseok's body, but also his mind. He understood now what was all the fuss about, and he wanted to make sure that they settle it properly.

"Hyung is sorry, okay? Since today you have to always tell me everything, even if I am an , hm?"

The last part made Hoseok chuckle, but the sound of it was almost completely muted by his thick, fluffy scarf. Yoongi decided to spoil his friend with a generous amount of sweet talk and warm touches, as he sincerely felt like he owed him that. He himself was starting to feel better and better with every giggle coming out of Hoseok's mouth, guilt and worry slowly evaporating from his body, making space for the feeling of pure peace and joy.

Yoongi finally pulled away slightly, just enough to be able to face Hoseok, who also wasn't really rushing to escape the warm embrace he was locked in. Younger's face was all wet from tears, but bright and smiling again, and that was enough to make Yoongi's lips curve into even a bigger grin.

"Don't be mad at me, alright?"

Hoseok looked at him fondly and slowly nodded in response, sending a shiver down Yoongi's spine with his stare only. The older boy was glad to see the smile back on friend's face, his cheeks flushed pink and and eyes bright and sparkly. It took him some time to realise that he wasn't cold anymore, and that he really didn't want Hoseok gone from between his arms, so he squeezed his slightly and pulled even closer to himself, the gentle smell of younger's shampoo filling his nostrils.

"I'm sorry as well. After your fight with dad I was really worried, and when you said you're not going to the hotel... eh, it was such a dumb decision, seriously." Hoseok started off this time, placing his hands on Yoongi's chest, just like he was trying to fit perfectly between his arms.

"It's so cold here yet I'm stuck with you! Just because you're so stubborn!" He finished of with a loud laugh, making Yoongi throw his head back and giggle along, filling the small space between them with a cheerful laughter.

The older boy didn't remember when was the last time he had felt such a relief. It was surely a great lesson for him and he didn't want to repeat that, but in the same time he felt it brought something new and fresh in his friendship with Hoseok, and he couldn't yet decide if he liked it or no. It was surely very pleasant to have him so close, all happy and giggly, but in the same time, he didn't want to let him down the next time he would have to help him. Yoongi knew himself well, he was a responsible guy, but being having another person relying on you in their worst was a completely different thing. It was scary, but it also made Yoongi want to try harder to keep a smile on Hoseok's face.

"It's because I care about you."

Those few words floated in the air above both of them, only their steady breaths serving as a response. Yoongi didn't even realise when those words had managed to slip out of his mouth, and despite the sentence being completely innocent, it made Yoongi too abashed to look at Hoseok. He never felt comfortable with talking about his feelings and revealing too much about himself, but the atmosphere had done its job and Yoongi felt confident enough to share what's in his head.

"Awww, you're so cute!"

Hoseok's high-pitched shriek and his small hands hitting his chest playfully brought Yoongi back to earth, and even though he felt embarrassed, he couldn't help but return the sweet grin Hoseok was gifting him with. He surely was the closest person he had at that time, the only one who understood and was able to put up with his . Yoongi couldn't help himself but touch Hoseok's flushed pink cheek, caressing younger's skin with his fingers. He felt his body tense up for a second, but after the first surprise caused by a sudden affection, he fell even deeper into Yoongi's arms, making a silly, overly shocked face.

"Nah. You're the cute one, Hoseok-ah."

Yoongi was truly surprised how he managed to prevent his voice from shaking. He finally decided to stop trying to justify his actions as his brain apparently had stopped working a while ago anyway. He wanted to be with Hoseok then, in that specific moment and all those yet to come.

"Oy, hyung, what's with you?"

Yoongi realized that his face must had been serious enough to spark some questions in Hoseok's head, as his big eyes and slightly opened mouth expressed nothing else but pure astonishment. Of course it was odd, affectionate Yoongi was always a very rare and weird phenomenon, and it most often meant that he wanted someone to drive him somewhere or buy him food. But this time it was different, it felt different. Even the simple hug that was already lasting for an extended amount of time felt somehow new, even though cuddles were a go-to method for Hoseok when he was comforting Yoongi.

The younger's eyes were staring at him with curiosity, a small, mischievous smile still glued to his pink lips. He didn't know if it was all because of the atmosphere, or simply because it was Hoseok, but Yoongi felt the safest in his life, like he could spend the rest of his day just staring at his friend and having him in his arms. He felt lost, so lost he couldn’t describe it.

"Nothing. I just said that you're important to me."

(HOSEOK'S POV)

Hoseok suddenly felt like a heatwave had just hit him, leaving the warmth spreading slowly all over his body. The way Yoongi was looking at him made his breath hitch in his throat, yet he couldn’t stop smiling. He felt his hyung’s soft fingertips gliding against his jawline like he was learning his face all over again. Hoseok wanted to respond with something equally important, but his mind went completely blank, so he quickly hid his face in the crook of Yoongi’s neck, planting a small kiss behind his ear before doing so. He immediately felt Yoongi’s arms tightening around him, and his heart almost skipped a beat when his hyung started nuzzling his nose behind his ear as well. Hoseok could felt Yoongi’s warm breath ghosting over his skin, and he was just about to laugh his own nervousness off, when he heard a soft whisper, older boy’s lips so close to his ear he could almost felt them brushing against his skin.

“I don’t know, Hoseok, I don’t know anymore.”

Hoseok quickly pulled away, worried that something is wrong, just to be met by a pair of dark, calm eyes. He opened his mouth wanting to say something, to not leave Yoongi hanging, but for the first time he didn’t had idea what to say. He just looked up at Yoongi, this time pulling him closer to himself, and sent an encouraging smile, resting on his hands on older neck.

Hoseok didn’t planned that, he didn’t even dreamed about that, but when he heard those two words, he was glad Yoongi’s arms where there to hold him or he would surely not be able to stand still.

“Kiss me.”

The second heatwave hit Hoseok even stronger, making him gasp for air like he had just run a marathon, Yoongi’s skin suddenly so hot under his fingers he thought he’ll burnt himself, and his eyes looking somewhere deep inside of him that it made Hoseok shiver uncontrollably. And even though he saw the seriousness on his hyung’s face, he wasn’t able to move a muscle, and while he was still tasting those two tender words, he saw Yoongi’s lips mouthing it again, and again, and again, and before he even realized, their faces were just inches away, their heavy breathes mixing with each other in the small space separating their bodies. He wanted it, he wanted it so badly, but it was so sudden he didn’t know anything anymore. All he knew was that he loved how close Yoongi was right now, how warm and safe he made him feel and the way he was looking at him stripped him down from all the confidence he had ever had.

“Come on.”

Hoseok managed to whisper with a shaky voice, before Yoongi’s lips crushed against his in quick, strong kiss. He felt his arms pulling him even closer, his fingers digging deeply into his jacket, his lips trying to find the best way to taste him. Hoseok forgot how to breath, all he wanted to inhale was Yoongi’s scent. Despite the coldness of the room, he suddenly felt like he had a fever, only the older boy’s cold fingers slipping under the layers of his shirts reassuring him he wasn’t burning alive. His lips were moving on their own, Yoongi was leading him in that passionate dance, caressing his back and preventing him from completely melting into a puddle. They were terrible at this and great in the same time. Hoseok’s nose was always in the way when Yoongi was crooking his head to the other side, yet his tongue seemed to be much more vigorous and willing to play than Yoongi’s, lazily responding to all the little twitches and touches.

They got lost, they sunk too deep to stop, top hungry of each other to even think about pulling away. None of them understood what had actually happened and how they had gotten to that point, but their lips were way too busy to complain about anything.

Hoseok woke up freezing and worried, crying himself throughout the morning and hating everything about Yoongi. Now he knew that he won’t be cold at night anymore, and the only things irritating him will be Yoongi’s lips, marking his skin and setting a fire inside his heart.