"I'll be gone for about a month so I expect you to take care of yourself, okay? "

That was what N has told him when he found the leader packing his bag that morning. 

"Where are you going? "He has asked as he help pass some items to N. 

"Japan. "N tells him simply. 

"Again? You've been there twice this year, hyung. Do you really love it there so much? "He wonders and N chuckles. 

"Yes, Jaehwanie. I love it there. "He admits and Jaehwan pouts. 

"More than you like it here? With us? "He demands and N just laughs. 

"Of course not. "He denies. "I love being with you the most but this is my job. I'm sure you'll understand, right? "

Ken sighs. Yes, of course he understands but that doesn't mean that he's happy about it. He rarely even get to see N these day and just when he thought he'll be able to spend some time with him, he's leaving again. 

"Don't make that face. I'll be back before you know it. Besides--"N's attempt to comfort Ken is interrupted by Hongbin walking in on them. 

"You're leaving again, hyung? "Hongbin asks in an amused tone and N nods.

"I'll be away longer this time so can I count on you to look after everything? "N asks, not even bothering to look at the visual. 

"Of course."Hongbin says,sitting down on the floor next to N and without being asked to, he helps him pack; folding his clothes and setting them inside the luggage. 

"Make sure Wonshik don't sleep at his studio. "N reminds and Hongbin just nods absent mindedly. "And Hyuk... keep an eye on him. He's been going out too much lately. I don't even know with who. I don't want to come home to see him in a scandal or something. And Taekwoon and Jaehwan, they have musicals so they probably won't be home that much. And they'll probably forget to eat too. So if you can, maybe you should--"

"I know, hyung. You don't have to remind me. "Hongbin assures and N heaves a sigh, suddenly looking very troubled. 

"I don't know how I'll manage without you, Hongbin. "he admits. "Thank goodness I can always count on you. You're like my saviour. "He compliments and Hongbin smiles. 

"I'm glad to be. "He says cheekily. 

And Ken, who's been standing there since the beginning, suddenly feels feelings that he shouldn't feel. He feels left out and upset and hurt and dissapointed but most of all; he feels worthless. "Am I useless? "He blurts out, which managed to attract N's attention. 

"W-what? "N demands, suprised at the sudden question. 

"I'm right here. Even before Hongbin came, I'm here . I'm even older than him but you tell all those things only to him, not to me. Am I that useless to you? "Ken asks in a monotone. 

N blinks, still not understanding what Ken is trying to tell him. "What things, Jaehwan? What are you talking about? "

Ken huffs. "You told Hongbin to look after us but you didn't tell me that! Why is it? Do you trust him more than me? Is he more reliable than I am? Am I really that useless to you? "

"That's not what I mean! You misunderstood! "N retaliates, shocked that Ken would ever think like that. 

"Did I? Then tell me why you only say those things to Hongbin and not me? "Ken insists. 

Hongbin looks troubled with the sudden argument, he feels guilty and responsible all of sudden. "Hyung , Hakyeon-hyung was just--"

"Shut up, Hongbin. I'm not talking to you. "Ken reprimand before turning to N once more. "Come on, tell me the reason, hyung. "

N swallows hard. He doesn't really have a reason for telling Hongbin all that. It's just an instinct since he have a lot of trust in Hongbin. But he never means to disregard Ken or even any other members. 

"You don't have a reason, do you? I'm just that worthless to you, right? You don't even have faith in me. "Ken taunts in a small voice and guilt immediately struck N. 

"Jaehwan, that's really not what it means. I never see you as worthless, I swear. I just--"

Ken scoffs. "I may act childish most of the time, hyung. But I'm not a child . I'm a full grown adult that can take care of myself just fine and I can also take care of others; if only you would give me a chance and have faith in me. But you don't. "

N shakes his head desperately. "Jaehwan, it's not that. I believe you, I have faith in you and I know you're a capable adult. It was just my instinct, okay? Please don't overthink. "He pleads but Ken is no longer listening to him. 

"I'll show you and prove you that I'm an adult and that I'm not as unreliable as you think. "Ken says in finality before storming out of the room, leaving behind a confused and guilty N and Hongbin. 

Ken was complaining and grumbling alone in his room when there's a knock at the door. 

"What is it?! "He snaps, throwing the door open only to come face to face to N. 

"I'm going now. "N tells him softly, a bit apologetic even. 

Ken scowls. "So?! Just go then, why tell me? I'm not even that reliable for you to have faith in me so why bother telling me things? Just go and tell Hongbin. "He says grudgingly, crossing his arms. 

N sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm at fault. "He admits but it does nothing to soothe Ken's anger. "I understand that you're upset . "He says. "But at least give me a goodbye hug. I'm going for a long time, you know? "He reminds. 

Ken huffs, glaring at N's open arms. "No. I'm not hugging you. "He refuse and tries to ignore how N's face fall. 

"Why not? "N asks quietly. 

"Hongbin is reliable to you and Hongbin doesn't hug you. So if I want to be as reliable as he is, I won't hug you. "Ken reasons and N frowns as it doesn't even make sense to him. 

"But Jaehwan --"

"No. "Ken says strictly. 

N takes a deep breath, then he drop his arms. "Alright then. I'll just go. "He says, turning his back against Ken and walking away. 

Ken watches him with anger filled eyes but just as he was about to walk out the door, Ken changed his mind. 

Ken rushes towards N and pulls him into a hug. "I'll be reliable later. "He mumbles and N smiles. 

"You're fine just the way you are, Jaehwan . "