Request by Kpop_for_my_soul123

I would like to request one between ot12 of EXO and Jungkook where Jungkook was feeling really underappreciated and everything and he didn’t want to talk to him members so he goes to EXO about it and the help him.

Word count: 3049

Jungkook was at a loss for what to do.

He had never been good at talking about himself, especially when it came to his fears and his feelings in general. It’s something he’s been aware of for a long time, but something that didn’t seem as apparent as it had been until he had become a trainee.

He remembers the words others would whisper behind his back. Remembers how others had labelled him; uncaring, stoic, emotionless.

It stung. Actually, if he was being honest it hurt more than a sting. It was like someone had stabbed him in the back… repeatedly.

The whispers had stopped once the ones who would whisper were weeded out only for him and six others to remain. It was like a dream come true when he had made it onto the debut team. Preparations begun and it was just as chaotic as he had heard. There was no time to rest, no time to lay on the ground and take a breather. Their time was spent going back and forth from the recording studio to the dance studio. Him and the six other guys, over the time they had spent literally in each others personal space had then formed a special and unbreakable bond. They supported each other for they only had one another. They were determined to make it no matter the blood, sweat and tears they would have to spill.

And make it they did.

His dream that seemed like a dream had finally come true.

They were at the top of their game and were only getting bigger and with that their bond had grown almost impossibly stronger. They supported each other and every way that they could but why did this feeling, this horrible feeling of being taken advantage of and underappreciated settle in his stomach?

His brain told him that he had nothing that he should be worried about. That he should just it up and stop making small things into something larger than it needed to be. It told him that he had no reason to feel underappreciated, like he was being taken advantage of but he just couldn’t help it.

He felt like people kept pushing him to try harder, to be better, when he was already trying as hard as he possibly could. It felt like he wasn’t reaching everyone’s expectations when he was already trying his best. Sure, he was known as the ‘Golden Maknae’ by the fans and members and it was something that he usually took pride in but recently it had started to feel like a burden, like he was expected to be good at everything all of the time and when he wasn’t it had him feeling like a disappointment.

It had started to be more about what others wanted him to do rather then what he actually wanted to do, like everything he was doing was for something else, to please someone else while he received no gratification from it.

He knew s had no idea of how he felt and he wanted nothing more than to tell them but he didn’t know how to. Would they judge him? Would they tell him to it up? Would they understand? Would they even care? He really didn’t know. He had thought about telling them many times but each time he had chickened out. He had never been good at expressing his feelings and while he had gotten much better in the last few years there was still plenty of room for improvement.

He had even thought about talking to Yugyeom many times before but just like with s he would back out at the last minute and change the subject. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was because they were all too close to him, knew him better than anyone else. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t talk to them about it. It made sense but at the same time it didn’t. It was confusing.

Why couldn’t he do it? He was the ‘Golden Maknae’ wasn’t he? He was supposed to be good at everything, right?

As soon as that thought popped into his head he grimaced. He wasn’t good at everything and if anything this proved it. If he was good at everything he would have been able to bring it up with the people closest to him with no problem. They were there to support him and vice versa however he just couldn’t do it.

As he sits in his room and phone in his hand, his finger hovers over a number that he had only called a few times before. He hesitates, wondering if this is the right thing to do before pressing call, the familiar dial tone coming from the device.

“Hey, Jungkook! This is a surprise. You don’t usually call. What’s up?” Says a voice on the other side and Jungkook knows there’s not backing out now, not when it would leave more questions than answers.

“Can I – Can I come over?” he asks timidly.

There’s a pause and Jungkook can practically see the frown on the other person’s face. It was painfully obvious by just the sound of his voice that something was wrong.

“Of course you can.” The voice says and Jungkook knows that they’re restraining themselves from asking him what’s wrong.

“Thankyou. Give me forty minutes?”

“I’ll let everyone know you’re coming.”

“I’ll see you then.”

“See you then.” The voice says and Jungkook hangs up not to long after.

He gets into motion quickly, throwing on a pair of jeans and a large hoodie. He looks around for a pen and a piece of paper and when he finds one he writes a quick note. ‘Went for a walk. Be back later’ it says. He silently tiptoes out of his room and into the kitchen to stick the note onto the fridge. Once he’s done that he makes his way to the door and toes on a pair of comfortable shoes and when they’re on his feet he opens to door slowly and carefully knowing that the door, when opened to fast, creaks. He almost dances in triumph when he managed to get to the other side without the door making even one little noise but restrains himself.

Just as quietly as he had escaped the confines on their dorm he walks down the stairs and soon makes it onto the street. Once he’s there he pulls up his hood and starts on the semi-short walk to his destination.

It’s nice walking alone in the dark of the night. It gives you time to think, to be left alone with your thoughts but right now the last thing he wants is to be left alone with the thoughts that had been circulating around in his head.

He sighs, his warm breath creating a white cloud as he exhales deeply. He shoves his hands into his pockets to keep his hands warm. The weather had started to get colder in the last few weeks as it transitioned from summer to autumn.

It took him nearly a half an hour to reach his destination and he knew exactly where to go to bypass the front door and the eyes of anyone who happened to be lurking around the building. If anyone spotted him anywhere near this particular building it wouldn’t do him and many others any good.

When he enters the back entrance of the building he heads straight for the elevator, finger pressing the number eleven. It only takes a few seconds for him to arrive at the floor and he steps off the metal rectangle and heads towards the door at the end of the hall, knocking on it twice once he reaches it.

He doesn’t have to wait long for it to open, the familiar face of Chanyeol greeting him.

“Hey! Come in, come in.” he says, voice sounding much deeper in person then what it had on the phone.

Jungkook scurries in when Chanyeol steps to the side to let him through. “Thanks for letting me come over.” He says and Chanyeol shakes him off.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to have a different face to look at then all of these ugly mugs.”

“Hey! I heard that!” Comes an offended voice from another room and Jungkook can’t help but crack a smile.

“Come on Baekhyun you know it’s true!” Chanyeol’s voice booms throughout the apartment and Jungkook winces. If anyone was asleep the certainly wouldn’t be after that. Chanyeol notices the younger reaction and pats him on the shoulder laughing.

“It’s okay, they’re used to it but it doesn’t matter. Most of them aren’t even home. It’s just you, me Baekhyun, Sehun and Junmyeon anyway. The others are out doing god knows what.” He tells him and Jungkook nods. “We were all just watching a movie together. Wanna come and join?” he asks.

“Sure.” Jungkook knows that Chanyeol it trying to get him feeling comfortable before he gets into what’s wrong and he really appreciated the gesture.

Chanyeol leads him to the lounge room where the other three are sitting, all absorbed in whatever movie is on the screen and each holding a bowl of something different.

“Hey losers, scooch over and make some room for Jungkook.” They all turn their heads towards them.

“Hey Jungkook.” Junmyeon smiles at him kindly and makes some room between his and Sehun who gives his own smile and wave in greeting. Baekhyun is too busy fighting with Chanyeol over the bowl of popcorn to utter his own greeting. “Come sit here.” He pats the newly made spot between them and Jungkook squishes himself there. With the amount of space available on the couch it’s impossible for any of them not to be touching each other.

“Thankyou Junmyeon hyung and Sehun hyung.” He says. They haven’t spent a whole to of time together but during their first meeting they had managed to squash the ‘sunbaenim’ from their vocabularies when talking with them in private.

“It’s not a problem.” Junmeyon says and Sehun just holds to bowl of assorted lollies out to him. Jungkook takes a handful and Sehun settles the bowl back in his lap, arms wrapped around it like it’s a piece of treasure and not a bowl full of sugar and bad decisions.

The sit down in relative silence, it only broken when Sehun, Chanyeol and Baekhyun start bickering between one another causing Junmyeon to come in and act as a mediator to stop popcorn and lollies from being used as projectiles. Jungkook finds himself laughing and forgetting about the thoughts plaguing his mind.

When the movies finishes Chanyeol claps, prompting the rest of them to join is as well.

“Well that was a great movie!” Chanyeol says louder than what was really needed but none of them says anything.

“Yeah it was alright.” Sehun comments absentmindedly and Chanyeol shoots the man an affronted look.

“It was amazing what are you talking about you little brat.” Sehun just shrugs in response.

“Yah! Be careful Chanyeol. You nearly spilled the popcorn.” Baekhyun scolds the giant.

“Okay, calm down everyone.” Junmyeon says calmly.

There’s a small pit of dread building up within Jungkook. The movie is over and he knows what that means. He had come to them for a reason which they as of yet don’t know but very soon they will. Jungkook can’t help but have the same worries that had gone through his head in regards to telling s come up again.

“So Jungkook, what’s going on?” Junmyeon asks him and the other three turn to look at him. It’s obvious that Chanyeol had told them that something was wrong. They were all clued in and wondering the same thing. They wanted to help him figure out whatever it was that was on his mind but he was still deciding whether or not he really wanted to say it.

“Come on man, what’s up?” This time it’s Chanyeol that asks when he doesn’t say anything. He feels Sehun’s thigh pressing closer against his own and the contact is actually quite comforting. From their interactions Jungkook knows that Sehun prefers to use actions rather than words.

“I just, I don’t know. It’s silly when I really think about it.” Junmyeon shakes his head at that.

“You’re obviously troubled about it so I wouldn’t call it silly at all.” He tells Jungkook who bites his lip and looks down as if ashamed.

“Trust your hyungs Jungkookie.” Baekhyun nearly coos. “We can help with whatever problems you’re having. If you need us to beat someone up we’ll do that for you as well but if you want someone murdered you’re going to have to find someone else cause unfortunately I don’t go that far.” He says and it definitely gets a little laugh out of Jungkook.

“I know someone.” Sehun says blankly but there’s amusement shining in his eyes. Jungkook really likes hanging out with them and wonders why he doesn’t more often as there’s never a dull moment.

Junmyeon smiles. “Okay, joking aside. What’s wrong? Do we have to pry it out of you?”

“Or tickle it out?” Chanyeol smiles and winks.

“Ah, no thankyou.” Jungkook not so discretely covers his sides. He is extremely ticklish and would probably confess to horrible crimes for someone to stop that torture.

“Spill.” Junmyeon nudges Baekhyun who pokes his tongue out at his leader who simply rolls his eyes, to use to the insolence s could have.

Jungkook takes a breath. “It’s just, you know, expectations and stuff.” They all nod in understanding and Junmyeon gives and encouraging squeeze on the shoulder, prompting him to continue. “I feel like everyone is expecting too much of me, that everyones expectations are higher then what I can actually do. I keep getting pushed to go harder and be better because someone else told me to not because it’s actually something I want to do and I hate that feeling. I absolutely hate it. It’s just too overwhelming and it honestly feels like I’m going to crack.” He pours everything out. “Is it normal to feel like this?”

“You have every right to feel like that Jungkook. It’s completely normal.” Junmyeon tells him but he still can’t beat the feeling that he’s being unreasonable and selfish for having those thoughts.

“We all have the expectations of others put upon us. We are idols, it comes with the territory as bad as that sounds but you have to make sure that you don’t run yourself into the ground trying to live up to those expectations.” Chanyeol says wisely and Jungkook tries not to look stunned at his insightful words but he’s pretty sure he’s failed majorly. “Hey, I can be wise sometimes.” He says looking at Jungkook in mock offense.

Sehun snorts at the giant who glares at him, the younger looking smug and totally proud of himself.

“If you think you could do any better why don’t you bless up with your own words of wisdom.” Chanyeol challenges him and Sehun perks up at the words. Jungkook’s sure he hears Junmyeon mumble “It always has to be a damn competition between those two” but he can’t be sure if he had heard that correctly.

“Living a life that’s dictated by other people and their wants will only make you unhappy. It doesn’t matter what other people’s expectations of you are, as long as you live by your own expectations you’re bound to be happier than if you weren’t. They’ll always be those who think you can be better then what you currently are but it’s up to you to decide if that’s actually possible for you and if it’s something that you want.” Sehun finishes and Baekhyun slow claps.

“Look at you maknae. Where’d you learn all of that from huh?” Baekhyun reaches over to poke his cheek, the younger slapping his hand away. “Have you been listening to Junmyeon?” he teases playfully.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Junmyeon breaks it up before it could escalate into something else. “To sum it up we all have other peoples expectations pressed onto us, even me. I’m expected to be a good leader and there are times when I think I’m not but my members are always there to reassure me that I am. I’m sure you all do the same for Namjoon as well.” Jungkook nods. “The only thing that matters is if you’re happy and that you have people there to catch you when you feel like you’re going to fall.”

Jungkook doesn’t know how he could voice his thanks to them. They didn’t do a lot but they really lifted the weight that had settled itself on his heart.

“I’m guessing that you haven’t told your members about this so I encourage to you do so. I’m sure they’ll say the same thing.” Junmyeon adds and Jungkook nods in affirmation.

“I will and thankyou so much for listening to my whining.”

“Pft, please. If you want to hear real whining come around when Jongdae’s complaining about something. Now that’s a real whine.” Sehun waves him off and Jungkook laughs.

“Enough of all of this emotional stuff. You want to play some league of legands? We have plenty of gaming laptops. You can use Kyungsoo’s. He’s barely ever uses it.” Baekhyun suggests.

“Uh sure but I don’t really know how to play that. I’m more of an overwatch person.”

“That’s okay. We’re still trying to teach Junmyeon how to play, the noob.”

“Yah! Byun Baekhyun!” Junmyeon yells at the man in question. Then in a smaller voice, “I’m just not that good at games, okay.” He admits.

“It’s okay hyung. Baekhyun likes to think he’s good at them when he’s really not.” Says Chanyeol.

“You take that back right now you overgrown child!”

“Beat me and I just might!”

“You’re on.” Baekhyun accepts that challenge.

“Fifty bucks says Baekhyun loses.” Sehun whispers to Junmyeon.

“Done.”

Jungkook trails after them, smiling at the frantic yells coming from Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They really had helped him and he makes multiple mental notes to talk to him members when he gets back. But right now all he wants to do is witness the battle of the century.

Firstly I want to apologise for this not including OT12. At the time that I wrote it I hadn't actually seen the OT12 part and by the time I did see it I had already written it. Kookie is such a cutie I love him so much. It's weird to think that Sehun is three years older than him.

I'm actually going to try and keep this short this time. I got my book list for first semester and I am actually quite surprised that it's not going to break my bank this time. I consider under $300 for school books a bargain. It feels weird that it's 2018. Time has gone both fast and slow. I was thinking about doing a Q&A type of thingy just so you guys can get to know me a little better so if there's anything you want to know or are curious about comment it and I'll compile it all and answer it then post so you all can read it. That's only if you want to lol. [EDIT: Come and ask me questions on curiouscat!]

I'm sure you're all aware of what's been happening that last couple of days so I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just going to say how important it is to not take things out of context and to get the whole story rather than just little parts.

Oh I watched Room Number 7 and it was such a good movie. Kyungsoo did so good! :) My Universe album should be here soon. Can't wait.

Also, what did you guys do on new years eve? I went to a pool hall in the city and played with some friends. It was a good time.

Well, did I succeed? Until next time!