The conflict raging in Baekhyun’s mind was enough to kill him if it could. Pride was a hard thing to swallow, and despite having so little left after years of accepting the fact that he had to put himself aside in order to raise Kyungsoo, Baekhyun was subconsciously protecting it like a second child.

He couldn’t believe himself when he looked in the mirror after work ended. Inside, he knew that he wanted to go to Yixing’s little get-together. On one hand, things were a bit better with Chanyeol. The giant had nothing to be suspicious about. Hell, he thought that Kyungsoo was the product of a one night stand he had after their break-up. Surprisingly, Chanyeol seemed a bit taken back by the news, as if he was washed over by regret… But what did Baekhyun know? He couldn’t read people’s minds. With all of that being said, it was safe to mingle with his ex--at least, that’s what it felt like. It meant nothing and he had not intention of ever reigniting what died years ago.

However, on the other hand, it felt really selfish to do so. Leaving Kyungsoo behind so he could go off and spend time with his friends? It sounded so trivial. Most parents would jump at the chance to do so, but, in the end, Baekhyun couldn’t allow himself to go.

Their small house was quiet. The sound of the radio playing in the background wasn’t enough to distract Baekhyun at all. He walked out of his bedroom to poke his head in Kyungsoo’s room where the boy was coloring pictures of animals. Maybe it was homework or perhaps it was simply for recreational purposes. Baekhyun didn’t question it.

He removed himself from the room and sat in the middle of the dining room, putting his head on the small floor round table. Sighing out of pure exhaustion, he closed his eyes. For a minute, he thought he might’ve been able to actually drift off and sleepy in that uncomfortable position, but any possibility of that happening was put away when he heard knocking in the direction of the front door.

As far as he knew, he wasn’t expecting anyone. Nobody usually came around his place that late unless it was his mother, but she would’ve given him the notice before stopping by unexpectedly. Unlocking the locks, Baekhyun pulled the door open, surprised to see Yixing and Jongin. It took a second for him to realize that it wasn’t only them that were present. Behind them, Chanyeol stood by. When they made eye contact, the giant shrugged.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Baekhyun asked slowly, eyeing the two eager men in front of him.

“We decided that it wouldn’t be the same without you--and well, Minseok, but we thought we’d go get him after you,” Yixing said, stuffing his hands in his front pockets. “I know you said no when Jongin asked, but--”

“You guys, this is really nice of you,” Baekhyun said, interrupting, “but I can’t. I have Kyungsoo and I have to put him to bed. Not to mention--”

“You can bring Kyungsoo. We’re just going to go start a bonfire at the beach. Nothing too crazy,” Yixing appealed.

Baekhyun sighed, looking back behind him only to be surprised that Kyungsoo was hiding behind the archway to his bedroom. He froze, unsure of what to do. Before he could say anything, Kyungsoo beat him to it.

“I want to go.”

As if he wasn’t already in a predicament with himself as a person, but now he was at a cross road given his parental responsibilities. Trying to persuade the six year old otherwise, Baekhyun gave him an apologetic look. “You have school tomorrow, Soo. Remember?”

“It’s only seven, Baek,” Jongin added, giving a wave to Kyungsoo. “Give it an hour. Two at most.”

“I--”

“It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Baekhyun’s eyes flickered over in Chanyeol’s direction. Catching his gaze, the brunet could see where Kyungsoo got his beautiful eyes from. Gripping the door handle, Baekhyun conceded and sighed. “Fine. An hour--and that includes walking over to Minseok’s place and walking back.”

“Fine, fine,” Yixing said as he gave a slight shiver. “Might wanna bundle up a bit. It’s chilly.”

“Right... “ Baekhyun mumbled before realizing how all three of the men were standing outside his door, exposed to the elements. “You guys should come in while I dress Kyungsoo. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Nodding, Yixing motioned for Jongin and Chanyeol to follow him in as Baekhyun stepped aside. The brunet smiled at them despite being slightly unsure of any of the decisions he was making that night. On his way in, Chanyeol mouthed sorry, perhaps alluding to the situation. Responding, Baekhyun offered a shrug as he closed the door behind the giant.

“Make yourselves at home. I’ll try to not take up too much time.”

Making his exit from the living room area, Baekhyun scooped Kyungsoo up before closing the sliding door behind the both of them, leaving his guests to settle in his small living area. As soon as he set the little boy down on his bed, he could already read the questions flashing across the six year old’s dark, brown eyes. A surge of guilt washed over Baekhyun’s entire existence as he fought against the crashing waves with everything that he had as he knelt down to give Kyungsoo a kiss on the forehead before turning his back to lay out some warm clothes.

-

-

During the day, the weather was often gloomy and cold. When the sun disappeared, it was no exception.

Just as Baekhyun expected, Kyungsoo tired himself out from the walk, even before they reached the bonfire area that Yixing had intended to use. Within the first hour, the boy was nodding off as he played with the charred wood in the pit using a long, skinny stick he had found along the road.

Baekhyun held the sleeping boy on his lap, cradling him as he slept comfortably in his dad’s arms. Maybe he felt more focused on keeping the boy comfortable than joining his friends in on the conversation, but then again, there was a slight cold breeze and the boy kept nuzzling up against him.

As he was beginning to tune back into the conversation amongst the group, he heard Jongin ask, “Do you miss it here?”

The brunet’s ears perked and he glanced over in Chanyeol’s direction before glancing away when the giant happened to look back as if they had both thought of each other at the same time.

Clearing his throat, Chanyeol gave his old friend a grin and an uncommitted shrug. “I mean, I can’t really tell you yes, because I never really thought about it.”

“That’s understandable,” Jongin said, softly laughing. “Who’d have time in your shoes to think about some little village in the middle of nowhere?”

Minseok reached out towards the fire to warm his cold hands. “Hey, that’s not true. We have cool things here like…”

Baekhyun raised his brows. “Like…?”

“Well, we have really nice weather for one.”

“What are you talking about? Half the time, this place can’t even get any sun cause it’s so cloudy!” Chanyeol chuckled, tossing a small piece of bark over in Minseok’s direction, but missed.

“But I hear it’s great for fishing--”

Baekhyun decided to chime in. “Actually, cloudiness and rain makes fish swim deeper so unless the fishermen around here are using the dredging method, then they wouldn’t be catching much if they’re just netting the surface.”

“Leave it Baekhyun to say something smart,” Jongin joked. He looked over, smiling at Baekhyun as he gently nudged the man sitting next to him on the shoulder.

Chanyeol took notice of the interaction but later turned his eyes away when Yixing touched him by the arm to offer him another beer. The giant took it and passed another bottle that Yixing gave to him over to Jongin. When Yixing asked Baekhyun if he wanted one, the brunet politely declined.

Popping the cap off and tossing it in a metal bucket, Chanyeol took a drink before asking, “So, what is it that you guys do around here on your days off?”

“What’s that?” Minseok joked, garnering the agreement of the others. “I don’t think any of us get what you would call ‘vacation days’. Uh, maybe after work? Does that count as a vacation?”

“I think the only vacation I get is when old man Lee decides to give me a random day off and I usually don’t know when that is.”

“Yeah, so you’re pretty lucky,” Yixing said, pointing at Chanyeol.

“How lucky can I be if I’m spending my vacation here?” The words slipped out of his lips before the giant could filter the words through his mind. It sounded harsh, but it wasn’t how he meant it. However, his friends were gracious enough to let it slide...for the most part.

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” Minseok asked, pretending to be extremely offended. He might’ve been, just like the others, but not so much in a way that it would’ve actually started an argument. Maybe it was because of the fact that living in such place where the waves crash and go, one eventually learns to live and let die. Chanyeol’s statement included.

Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun shook his head. “Let him be. I’m sure he’s had some fun during his short time here. Isn’t that right, Yeol?”

In a way, it was kind of a lifeline question to be thrown as if giving the man a chance to redeem himself after the flat comment he had just made.

Biting his tongue, Chanyeol took the line, yet played it off. “I suppose seeing you guys is one of the few good things that has happened.”

“Well, we’re all really glad to see you again, too, Chanyeol.” Yixing gave him a light punch on the shoulder, as playful as could be, and the giant turned his face down, grinning.

Despite the years having gone by and the fact that they had--technically--gained a new member, which was the child in Baekhyun’s arms, these guys were his friends… When people closed one chapter of their lives to jump start another, it was rare for old friends to stay friends, and though they never communicated past the first year he was gone, Chanyeol felt as though nothing had changed dramatically. The way he felt in that moment was somewhat indescribable… If any words could describe it all, it felt as though he had shed his celebrity skin and was just another one of the boys.

Coming away from his thoughts, Chanyeol looked over at Baekhyun again who was moving pieces of Kyungsoo’s hair away from the boy’s face and tucking it behind his ears. He saw Jongin attentively watch the brunet before quietly asking, “Do you want me to hold him for you for a bit?”

Gently refusing, Baekhyun shook his head but was sure to let him know that he was grateful for the offer. “Thank you, Jongin, but I’m okay… I should actually go home right about now and put Kyungsoo to bed.”

Giving the young parent a playful, pouty face, Minseok asked, “Already?”

Apologetically, Baekhyun sighed and nodded. “It’s still a school night, so I should be going to bed soon, too, if I’m going to wake him up on time.”

Making sure he was holding Kyungsoo firmly, Baekhyun slowly stood up and repositioned the six year old so he could comfortably hold him on the way home. Kyungsoo stirred from his sleep for a few moments, groggily saying “Dad…” before falling back asleep on his dad’s shoulder. As he gave a nod of goodbye to the others, Chanyeol stood up as well, surprising everyone.

“I’ll walk you home,” the giant stated. It wasn’t said aggressively, which made the brunet raise a brow. Not to say that it was odd to have Chanyeol want to walk him home… In fact, he had done that millions of times before.

It was tempting, but Baekhyun decided against being attracted to the latter’s pull. What they had and what they were was in the past, and as hard as it was to keep reminding himself that every time he felt like wandering back into the arms of that familiar face, he knew that he just had to keep his distance.

“No, I’m alright. I’m not too far from here, anyways.”

“It’s a ten minute walk and the street lights around here are barely functional,” Chanyeol reasoned. He didn’t really understand why he felt the need to walk Baekhyun home. Something inside of him just wanted to.

“It’s really not that big of a deal--”

In that moment, Jongin pushed himself off the giant log they had been sitting on and put a hand softly against Baekhyun’s back. “You know what? I can walk you home. Chanyeol should stay here.” He turned his attention to Chanyeol. “You should stay! I mean, this is all for you, you know. I can walk Baekhyun home and I’ll hurry back as fast as I can.”

Chanyeol wanted to tell his old friend no, but he couldn’t. At least, not without making a fool out of himself. Biting down on his tongue, he nodded, agreeing to let Jongin take Baekhyun home.

It only took a second after opening his mouth for Baekhyun to realize that the best thing to do was just to let one of them accompany him. Sighing, he turned over to Jongin and smiled weakly. “Thank you, Jongin.”

“Anything for you,” the latter quietly said, playfully grinning.

The brunet didn’t seem to mind as he chuckled and began walking away. He waved one last time before turning his back with Jongin walking beside him, hand on the brunet’s lower back as he climbed up the small incline back to one of the main roads.

Chanyeol never took his eyes off of the two, even if it was obvious by the way his head was craned, but he made no attempt to hide his (less than) obvious curiosity… Or was it jealousy? He scoffed at himself only to have the others next to him validate what his pride was denying him of.

“You really know how to hide your jealousy, Yeol,” Minseok snickered, taking another sip from his bottle. “What was that all about?”

Despite laughing himself, Yixing went to the giant’s defense. “Leave the man alone. Being in this place makes you a little nostalgic. Isn’t that right?”

Chanyeol frowned. “I’m not jealous. Nostalgic? Maybe. Jealous, no.”

“It’s doesn’t look like it.”

Shooting Minseok a slight look of annoyance, the musician rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Is it wrong for me to want an old friend to get home safe? Especially now that he has a…” Chanyeol paused for a split second. His jaw was tight. “A son.”

“No, that’s perfectly fine,” Minseok agreed, “however, Baekhyun’s not just an old friend, and we all know that.”

“Okay, fine.” The giant was not a fan of the topic. “But I wasn’t jealous.”

Yixing ran a hand through his hair as he chuckled. “Look, I’m on your side, but the looks you were throwing in Jongin’s direction were kind of funny.”

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol took a swing of his drink, purposely swallowing large gulps in increments. He needed to loosen up and stop thinking so damn hard about certain things--and people. “Can we talk about something else?” he blatantly asked, unable to take the heat from both of his friends.

As the laughter subsided, Minseok took a long look at Chanyeol before heaving a big sigh. “Listen, all jokes aside, we’re really glad you came to spend some time with us. I mean, it was a little weird because we’ve always been so used to you and Baekhyun being a thing, but that was nearly seven years ago.”

“Right.”

Yixing nodded. “I’m telling you. It's nostalgia.”

“Sometimes you just miss the past,” Minseok shrugged. “Doesn’t mean we have to go back to it. It’s not like we can, but that’s how life is, you know? You have to keep moving forward.”

“Exactly,” Chanyeol muttered in a way as if to scold himself for the drifting feelings he often caught himself holding inside. How stupid was he to feel those things in the first place? As much as he denied that it was jealousy, whatever it was, it was nothing.

He hadn’t seen Baekhyun in so long so maybe he was feeling a bit nostalgic. Everything he felt up until that point was all because he missed the past, not because there was actually something there. And Kyungsoo? For all he knew, his curiosity for the boy was probably because of the fact that he was still in shock that the boy he once knew was already a parent. There was nothing special there. No jealousy. No feelings… Nothing.

However, as Chanyeol finished all that was left inside of his bottle, the hardest part about repeating those things to himself was believing it.

-

-

It was well past twelve and Baekhyun still couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned multiple times, hoping and praying that he’d knock out after finding a comfortable position, but by the time twelve fifteen rolled around, he sat up from his futon, defeated and restless.

He hadn’t gotten a full night’s rest ever since Chanyeol arrived back in town, on that night specifically, it was hopeless.

He rose out of bed and pushed the covers off to the side. Making a quick trip to the living area, he picked up the small, old radio and returned back into this bedroom. Baekhyun laid back down, setting the radio close to his head as he toyed with the mini antenna in the hopes of catching a signal, and after playing with the tuning coil for a while, he managed to catch onto a frequency with minimal noise.

Closing his eyes, let the music fill his ears and allowed himself to become distracted from the thoughts that were keeping him awake in the dead of night, but it wasn’t long until the song faded out and the radio host began speaking. Normally, this wouldn’t have bothered Baekhyun, but the particular person on air defeated the entire purpose of taking the radio in his private room.

“How was that new track by The Band Copper? Pretty amazing, right? That track was actually chosen by yours truly before he left us to go on vacation in the sun, which reminds me! There’s about a week left until Chanyeol comes back so tell all your friends who stopped listening because--”

Groaning, Baekhyun took the radio in both hands and picked the batteries out from the back. He couldn’t catch a break.

-

-

Chanyeol was home around the time when Sehun returned from school and one of the reasons why he knew this was because of the fact that he had heard the boy yelling. Looking out the window of his bedroom, he watched as the boy opened the gates to his parents’ home, holding Kyungsoo’s hand as both stepped onto the property. Once they were out from his view, he went downstairs and was met with Yoora climbing up the stairs at the same time that he was descending.

“Oh, good. You’ve decided to crawl out of your cave,” she said, ignoring the look on her brother’s face as she turned around and began going down. “I just realized we’re out of peppers and a few other things. Mom and dad should be coming home soon so I need to prepare dinner for them.”

“So, what do you want me to do?” Chanyeol asked, following behind her.

“Watch the kids, please,” Yoora said, dropping her voice as the boys entered through the front door. “I won’t take long.”

“Yoora--”

“Hi, mom! Uncle!” Sehun’s greetings were loud, which only made the smile on Yoora’s face bigger. “Grandma Byun said that Kyungsoo could play here for a while!”

“That’s fine, honey,” Yoora answered before she met eyes with Chanyeol again. “I know you say that you’re not good with kids, but--”

“I’m not--”

“But I really need your help right now. Besides, they’re only going to play.”

Glancing over at the two boys, Chanyeol saw as Sehun began pulled one of his toys out of his backpack, but what really caught his attention was the way Kyungsoo often glanced back at him. “Yoora, I’m going to lose one of them.”

Rolling her eyes, Yoora walked around him to grab her wallet off a side table. “It’s not going to take long. I promise. The store’s practically down the street.”

Reluctantly, Chanyeol nodded. As much as he didn’t want to look after children, there wasn’t really much choice. “Fine, but hurry back.”

“Thank you, thank you.” She kissed him on the cheek before going over to Sehun to kiss him on the forehead. “Behave. You, too, Kyungsoo!”

The six year old watched as his aunt waved at him. In return, he gave a weak wave back.

The door shut behind her and within seconds, Chanyeol was left in charge of two children. It didn’t seem like such a difficult thing to do considering that all he had to do was keep an eye on them for fifteen minutes at most.

After pulling out three action figures, Sehun decided that the gang needed a car mobile. He thought for a second and remembered the toys Chanyeol had gotten him that his mother kept upstairs in her old, childhood bedroom.

Looking up at Kyungsoo with excited eyes, Sehun put a finger up in the air as if to indicate that he had just gotten a bright idea. “I’ll be right back, Soo! I have to go look for their car upstairs!”

“Okay,” the latter replied a bit indifferently as he picked up one of the figures.

Sehun didn’t mind the response as he jetted up the stairs, slipping on one of the steps and falling on his right knee. It didn’t hinder him, however, but Chanyeol still scolded him.

“Don’t run on the stairs! At least, slow down!”

It took a few moments for Chanyeol to realize that he was alone with Kyungsoo. He had been so awkward with the boy in the past before, and he didn’t know why. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Kyungsoo barely responded to any of his questions or attempts to interact.

Chanyeol felt his heart stop when Kyungsoo ceased playing with the toy and looked up at him as if he could see right through the man. Then, to the giant’s surprise, the six year old talked to him in a voice that cracked midway through the one word that was said.

“Hi.”

The giant had to blink a few times before he realized that the child was actually interacting with him. “Hey…” It was all Chanyeol could muster up before he cleared his throat.

Out of the blue, Kyungsoo then asked, “Do you have a family?”

Taken aback, Chanyeol raised a brow as he slowly approached Kyungsoo, who was sitting on the floor with his knees up against his chest. “Yeah, I do. I have Yoora, Sehun, my mom, and my dad.”

Staring blankly at him for a couple of seconds, Kyungsoo pursed his lips together. “Do you have a boy?”

Frowning, Chanyeol knelt and took a seat on the floor across from Kyungsoo. “What do you mean?”

“Like… A boy.” Kyungsoo said it adamantly, as if repeating the words would’ve clarified Chanyeol’s confusion easily. “Do you have a boy?”

“I don’t...have a boy,” Chanyeol replied slowly, unsure if that particular answer was correct. Then, for a moment, he thought that it might’ve been incorrect after all when the six year old looked down, seemingly disappointed.

“Okay.”

By the tone of his voice, Chanyeol was sure that he had answered that question wrong. “Did you mean to ask if I had a toy?” he asked, grasping at straws. Maybe he misheard. “Just like these action figures Sehun has?”

Kyungsoo didn’t answer.

One wrong answer and Chanyeol felt like he was back to square one.

“I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” Chanyeol looked down at the action figure in Kyungsoo’s small hand. “What did you mean by boy?”

“My dad told me that you don’t know about--”

“Soo! I got it!” Sehun yelled from the second floor, causing Kyungsoo and Chanyeol to turn their eyes on him. “I’m coming down! And I won’t run, Uncle. Promise!”

Chanyeol was the first to recover from the surprise, turning his eyes back on Kyungsoo who continued to watch as Sehun made his return. Touching the boy on his shoulder, the giant attempted to grab back his attention.

“Hey, what were you going to say about your dad?”

However, as soon as Kyungsoo looked at him in the eyes, Chanyeol knew that he would never know what the boy intended to say.

 

a/n: I didn't mean to make this update long but since I kept saying I'd update earlier this week and DIDN'T... Here you go. ♥ Leave me comments, I am a lonely author-nim >:( jk lol 

PS: sorry for typos. All of my betas are busy and I didn't want to bother them C':