Mask

After taking one last look at yourself at the mirror in the boutel room, you twisted the doorknob open and stepped out. No, you’re not going to the airport yet. In a few hours, yes, but not yet.

You hailed a taxi, and as you sat there silently, you reached into your bag. It was there, the thing that you needed. Stepping out of the car, you stared at the building before you. People were starting to gather. You took a deep breath before entering the place with a determined face.

Before finally leaving, you would, for the last time, do the thing that made you come to Korea in the first place:  watch INFINTE perform onstage. The memory of the boys leaving the previous night pained you so much that it was making it too hard for you to go. In the end, you came to a decision: You wanted your last memory of them to be the one which you had come with when you first arrived in Korea. You wanted to see them again as idols to help ease the pain of leaving. After all, the dream is about to end, and when you wake up, you’ll be back to the reality of being just another fangirl.

As you found your seat amongst the audience, you groped inside your bag for that thing again. You took it out and looked at it. It had been your shield, your protection from getting discovered. And today, you were going to use it for the last time. You took the handkerchief and tied it around your face.

The Mysterious Masked Fan is back.

Suddenly, the crowd started to cheer, and excited screams echoed through the hall. You didn’t need to glance up to know who had come up onstage.

“Annyeonhaseyo! INFINITE-imnida!”

And the crowd goes wild again. Who wouldn’t? The boys looked amazing in their brown leather suits. Each was fully made-up, hair set perfectly, game faces on. They were so different from how you remembered them last night.

Stop it ~~~~! You came here to etch this image of them into your brain, not the one from last night!

The painful tug at your chest came again, but you tried to ignore it and just focused on the boys who were starting to get into their places onstage in preparation for the short number before the fansigning. Your breath rose sharply when the music started to blare loudly. Paradise. How fitting.

{A/N : Play and watch this please!}

The boys started to dance. 99.9 – no, 100% synch. Yes, this is the INFINITE you had to live with for the rest of your life. Idols. Celebrities. Stars. Too far to reach and can only be admired from afar.

Myungsoo, Hoya, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Sungjong – they all looked so serious that you almost thought they were different people. When Sungyeol started to sing, tears suddenly started falling down your cheeks. You didn’t even know that you were already crying. All you could think of was how different he was, how different from the choding who kept bugging you to no end. He didn’t have that annoying mischievous grin. He was Lee Sungyeol, the idol.

And then, there was Sunggyu.

Yeogi isseo deo deo, butak halkke

Deo deo, jalhae julgge

Deo deo, ajigeun mot bonae nikka

Stay here, I’ll keep requesting it, I’ll do better, I’ll give you more. Because I still can’t send you off.

Your handkerchief was getting soaked from your tears, but you kept you eyes on him, taking in the view, taking in the image and laminating it on your mind. For the rest of your life, this is the image of him that you would be seeing: not the kind and timid oppa you had, but the charismatic leader of INFINITE, Kim Sunggyu. Finally, his solo part came.

Jogeum manneol deo deo, jaba dulkke

Deo deo, bara bolkke

Deo deo, shimjangi shigeul ttae kkaji

I’ll hold you for a bit more, I’ll look at you more, more, more. Until my heart stops.

Just like the way he had always done in their previous performances, he also knelt down and held his hand out, as if telling someone not to leave. This time, however, you could swear that there was more intensity in his expression, enough to make you want to reach your hand out as well and link it through his. But you couldn’t because it was time to let go, and the only thing you can bring back with you when you leave would be memories. Memories and a boutel room key card.

You stopped yourself from crying any more and tried to let your handkerchief dry. There was a mini interview, and the boys were talking animatedly, almost as if they hadn’t cried with you just the night before. Soon, it was already time for the fansigning, and although you had already gotten their signs previously, you still followed the throng of girls who were lining up towards the table where the members were seated. After all, it was the last time you could see them up close.

First, there was Hoya. Like before, he still didn’t act surprised when he saw you masked. However, he remembered you from the previous fansigning events, and he gave you a little smile before signing the paper you handed to him. Next to him was Dongwoo. When he saw you, he immediately smiled and took the paper you were holding. L was next, and with a dazzling smile, he signed on the paper like he was shooting a CF. Beside him, Sungjong immediately perked up upon seeing you.

“Noona! You’re here again!” he said delightedly. You clenched your jaw as you tried to swallow back the lump that had resurfaced on your throat.

You make me call you oppa, but here you are, calling me noona.

Woohyun, like usual, gave you a greasy smile. “So, you’re still not taking off that mask, huh?” he asked teasingly. “Well, that’s fine. You can do it next time when you come to the next event,” he said before handing you back the signed paper.

No, Woohyun oppa. There won’t be a ‘next time’.

Sungyeol had his head down when you approached him, but when he looked up, his face almost turned white in surprise.

“How—You—Wha—“ he stammered, eyes opened so wide, they almost looked like they would pop out of their sockets. You put a finger against your mouth, or rather, your handkerchief, and shushed him. When he finally recovered, he took the paper but still kept his eyes on you. You continued to look at him through the slits on your handkerchief and noticed that there was something different about him. Realizing that it was because his eyebrows were lined, you felt a twinge on your chest again as you remembered how you always used to bicker over it. Sungyeol handed you back the paper, and when you reached out for it, he held your hand for a fleeting second. “Goodbye, slave,” his eyes seemed to say.

Finally, you were at the end of the table. And there he was, with his head bowed, just like the first time you attended their fan event. He looked rather tired, and when he looked up to see your masked face, he gave you a wan smile.

“Oh. It’s you.” Sunggyu took the paper in his hand and paused. “Do you want me to write anything in particular? Your name, maybe?”

You tried your best not to break down in tears as you traced the message on the paper.

“Annyeong?” he asked. “Okay then. Hello.” He smiled again before giving you back the paper.

Yes, Sunggyu oppa, ‘Annyeong’. But not ‘hello’. Today, it’s ‘goodbye’.

You turned away before he could see the trail of tears that was now lining your mask.

+

When the fan event was finished, INFINITE went backstage to change.

“The masked fan came again,” Dongwoo proclaimed excitedly.

“I know. I saw her,” Hoya replied.

“I wonder when she’ll take that mask off,” Woohyun said. “Hey Yeollie, did you write her another one of your messages?” he teased.

Surprisingly, Sungyeol didn’t say anything back. He just stood there looking like he was in his own world.

“Do you think ~~~~-ah is already at the airport?” Sungjong piped in.

“Probably,” Myungsoo said.

Suddenly, they heard a little commotion from behind the stage. When they walked over to see what was causing it, they found the hall already empty, save for two people who seemed to be arguing at one side.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” one of the girls screamed. “You think you can get INFINITE oppas to pay attention to you just because you’re wearing that stupid mask?!”

The other girl was just standing there silently with her head down, and the boys gasped when they saw that it was none other than their masked fan. They walked closer towards the two who were still oblivious to their presence.

“You think you’re special, huh?” the first girl said menacingly as she closed in on her. “You think you can get close to my INFINITE oppas?!”

Sungyeol’s fist clenched as he watched the sight before him.

“YOU BTCH! DON’T EVER COME TO THEIR EVENT AGAIN!” she screamed. “What’s behind that mask, anyway? I bet you’re hiding your face because it’s ugly!”

With that, the girl reached over to rip the mask off her face.

“NO!” Sungyeol yelled as he ran to stop her. But it was too late. The mask was off, and your face was exposed for all of the members to see. The girl was smirking at you, but Sungyeol came up to her and gave her the most withering glare.

“Leave,” he said in a low voice.

“But Sungyeol oppa I—“

“LEAVE!” he bellowed. At that, the girl scurried away in fear.

You, however, was just frozen there, looking at the members who were staring at you with shock evident on their faces.

“~~~~-ah…” Sungjong whispered, finally breaking the silence. “You’re our masked fan?”

You couldn’t say anything but just stare dumbly at them.

“B-but… I thought you didn’t know about INFINITE…”

At that moment, Sunggyu suddenly turned his back and walked away with an unreadable expression on his face. Without even thinking about it, you were already running after him, your feet moving as if they had a mind of their own.

“Sunggyu oppa!” you cried when you finally caught up with him. You held out a hand over his shoulder and made him turn towards you.  When you saw his face, however, you staggered backwards. Hurt, anger, betrayal, and all sorts of emotions were painted in his eyes, and you didn’t need any more words to know what you had to do. You slowly dropped your hand from his shoulder and just watched in silence as he walked away.

Surprisingly, the tears didn’t come. It seemed like your mind has gone blank, and the only thing left in it is the image of his pained eyes. Finally turning around, you were faced with the sight of the other members who were looking at you with the same, although less intense, expression as their hyung. Before you could say a word, they already walked past you, following Sunggyu out of the hall. For a minute, you just kept standing there, rooted to the same ground, not looking at anywhere else but the spot where they once stood. There was a dead weight inside your heart, and it caused a dull, agonizing ache. Still, the tears wouldn’t come. They just wouldn’t come.

You wouldn’t even have known that Sungyeol was still there with you if he hadn’t walked towards you and put his arm over your shoulder.

“~~~~-ah…”

And then, it broke loose. Like a dam which couldn’t contain its raging waters any longer, the tears spilled over your cheeks, broken sobs arising from your chest with every furious drop that fell from your eyes. Not even thinking anymore, you threw yourself at him, sobbing through his chest, soaking his stage costume with your tears. You couldn’t even tell what you were crying about – the fact that Sunggyu hated you now or that you’d have to leave without being able to do anything about it.

“I’m sorry ~~~~-ah,” he said, as he awkwardly patted your back.

You didn’t speak and just continued to sob uncontrollably, hoping that the pain would have gone away by the time you already run out of tears.