"Tae?" Minho's hand gently shaking my shoulder was what took me out of my daze. I don't think I was even thinking about anything in particular. I think I had just been staring off into space; thinking about nothing at all.
"Hey," Minho spoke softly to me, "we're here." I quickly realized here was his house. Not mine because I was no longer welcomed back there just because of who I was; who I was with.
"Yeah." I mumbled before shrugging his hand away and taking my seatbelt off. I looked over to see Minho giving me a look that was a cross between hurt and confusion and I tried to ground myself because I was not about to hurt him again because of my father.
I knew what Minho was thinking. This would be goodbye again. I was going to give into my father's wishes and be the perfect son he hoped to have. I wasn't going to be a disappointment to my family anymore and I wasn't going to be a sinner; something no son of his should be.
I sat there with my fists balled in my lap; wishing I could convey to Minho that was the last thing I wanted for myself. With Minho I was happy; I was free from the judgment and the restrictions I had placed on me my whole life. My relationship with Minho was the last thing I wanted to give up; Minho was the last person I wanted to disappoint. However, I knew that was one of the main reasons he was hurt right now. It was almost as if at this point he expected it; for me to go running back to my father because he raised me to believe that loving a man would deliver me straight to hell.
Getting out of the car while holding back the frustrated screams that always seemed to be weighing heavily on my lungs, I walked over to Minho's front door and wasn't shocked when I turned to see him sitting in his car still; now clutching the steering wheel.
"Minho?" I called to him hesitantly while debating what I could do to prove to him that I wasn't even considering leaving him at all.
Minho looked up from the steering wheel to stare at me with empty eyes before he got out of the car and walked over to meet me at the door.
"What were you thinking about?" I asked him hesitantly; scared of the answer that would come with such a blank look.
Minho just smiled weakly at me and opened the door before walking in; leaving me standing there still waiting for my answer.
"Minho?" I tried again when I walked in his house; trying to keep any panicked look off of my face because I didn't know whether or not his family was here or not.
Minho turned around abruptly, stopping me in my tracks, before he pulled me to him and crashed his lips into mine.
The kiss was not something I was used to. Usually kisses with Minho were gentle, careful, but this kiss was forced and had desperation laced into it causing me to widen my eyes in surprise before I tried kissing him back; tried following his rushed pace.
Minho pulled away quickly, with an almost guilty look on his face, and I knew he was thinking about whether or not he should be kissing me right now.
I was upset. How could I not be upset? My father had just found out for the second time that his son was gay. He had made my life a living hell when he found out the first time and to find out that I had disobeyed him, had started seeing Minho again, I was petrified of what he would possibly do now. I shuddered at the thought of the words he could be saying to my mother right now.
Of course I was thinking of whether or not he would even welcome me back in his life ever again. Whether or not my mom would be enough to convince him that either way I'm still his son or maybe he would convince her that I'm a disgrace and she would never talk to me again either.
I looked up at Minho, saw someone I saw as strong and admired so much, looking so broken and hurt and I knew that if I left him today, tried to go home and patch things up with my father, that I would regret leaving him for the rest of my life.
I leaned forward and laced my fingers with Minho's. Minho glanced at me quickly as I did this and I watched his eyes light up as he did. I knew he wanted to have hope for us, that we would last in the end, and I knew that the only way to keep this light in his eyes was through reassurance that I would stay.
"Hey," I smiled at him softly and wasn't surprised when I got a smile in return, "we should talk."
Minho eyes instantly dimmed and I silently cursed myself for not being able to convey with my looks that I didn't want to talk to him about a break up but rather a way to stay together and fight all of this.
"Yeah." Minho said as he tugged my hand and pulled me towards his room.
I noticed the house was unusually quiet and I found myself wanting to ask Minho if anyone else was home but once Minho pulled me into his room and shut the door, I figured that was an answer for now.
"Taemin," Minho started; swallowing thickly before placing his hands on both of my shoulders, "you don't- you can just..."
Minho trailed off and walked over to his bed to sit down, "I really, really love you." Minho started and my heart sunk because I could already tell where he was going with this. The prospect that Minho could break up with me had never occurred to me.
"Minho?" I started saying but Minho got up to hold both of my hands in his.
"Just let me, okay?" Minho looked at me with sincere eyes and I nodded for him to continue while fear ate away at my thoughts.
"I love you. I do. But," There it was, here it comes, "Taemin, I don't want you to get hurt again. The last thing I want is that and it seems like because you're with me you're always getting hurt."
My heart plummeted because of course he was going to blame himself. After everything we went though together he was going to do this to protect me. He wasn't scared of me leaving him as much anymore but more scared of me getting hurt through being with him.
"I love you." I tried but Minho just gave me a sweet smile before he nodded.
"I know but Taemin, I can't let you get hurt anymore because of me." I almost bitterly laughed out loud at Minho's statement because he had never hurt me.
"It's my father!" I tried not to shout, "I was getting hurt because of my father." Minho paused for a moment, looked a bit taken back but mostly conflicted, before I pressed on, "I don't want what he wants for me anymore. I hated living like that. That wasn't living." I knew I needed to convince Minho now that all those years I had been so wrong. All those times I had told Kibum that he shouldn't have been the way he is, I was wrong. All those times I constantly belittled myself up, told myself that I wasn't a good person, and I would go to hell, I was wrong.
"I'm here." I said as I grabbed Minho's hand and placed it over my heart, "I'm here because it's not all bad." I felt myself choking up especially when Minho's eyes widened as he realized what I meant.
"Taemin, you were there because of me!" Minho cried out as he tried to pull his hand from mine and I stared in disbelief; shocked he would even try to pin me being suicidal on himself.
"No!" I said, suddenly finding myself more afraid then when my father found out for the first time; suddenly so afraid that maybe it would be too much for Minho. Maybe loving me with all my extra baggage was too much for him, "I decided to kiss you. I decided to like you more then a friend. I decided to fall in love with you." I said as I grabbed at Minho's hand again as it began to slip from mine.
Minho and I stared at each other for a few moments; just breathing and taking each other in. Minho's eyes were wide; he looked so lost and scared. I'm sure my look reflected something much similar but at this point I knew I had to look desperate, panicked even; so scared I would lose him again.
"You're so brave." Minho finally cracked a smile before he moved a hand to my cheek to caress the soft skin, "When did I get so lucky."
I managed to crack a smile too when I honestly felt like breaking down in sobs instead. Hearing that from him, hearing that I was brave, really did mean a lot. Maybe I had gotten to a point where I could be considered brave in his eyes; be considered something better than I used to think I was.
"Are we-" I started off but when he nodded slowly with a wide grin I broke off instead to wrap my arms around him in a tight hug.
"I'm sorry." Minho whispered as he kissed my hair and I didn't bother asking what he felt the need to apologize for because I knew he felt the need to do so.
"I'm sorry too." I was glad when Minho didn't ask me what I was apologizing for either because there were things I felt the need to apologize for as well.
When I pulled back from Minho, I found myself staring at him lovingly and found no hesitation in myself as I leaned forward to press my lips softly to his.
Minho responded to the kiss immediately; pulling me closer to him by my waist as he moved his lips slowly against mine. I felt myself melting in his arms; feeling secure like I always did whenever he held me like this.
Minho backed me up until the back of my knees hit his mattress and guided me to lay down so that he was on top of me; propped up by his elbows.
"Hey." Minho whispered with a shy smile as he stared at me with adoration.
"Hi." I giggled as I felt the urge to hide my face because even though I had been this close to Minho before it felt more intimate in a way.
Minho grinned at my response before he closed the short distance between our lips with a delicate kiss. Bringing my arms up, I rested one on the back of his neck and let the other roam his back; occasionally grabbing the fabric as Minho deepened the kiss.
Minho broke the kiss to move me up his bed until my head hit a pillow and then settled back between my legs; looking at me with a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.
"Is anyone home?" I finally asked the question I had been contemplating asking him since we walked in the door.
"No." Minho said slowly as he narrowed his eyes in thought; trying to figure out what I was thinking about.
I cleared my throat rather awkwardly before I moved my hands to the hem of my t-shirt; hesitating slightly while maintaining eye contact with Minho.
"Could we... should we..." I trailed off while silently cursing myself for losing my words now. I needed to prove to Minho that I was his and I wasn't going to leave him.
"Do you..." Minho seemed just as lost for words as I was as he broke off and stared at me with wide eyes. I figured he knew what I was talking about and slowly nodded my head while praying I wasn't turning red even though my cheeks felt uncomfortably hot.
"Tae?" Minho started slowly before taking one of my hands away from the hem of my shirt to lace it with his, "I don't want to hurt you anymore." Minho settled on that and I found myself grabbing a fistful of my shirt as I looked away from him; still unable to convey to him what I wanted to.
"You've never hurt me." I whispered before moving my other hand to his cheek, "Promise."
Minho let go of my hand and nodded surely at me, "We can stop anytime you want to."
I smiled at Minho's words, at how he always took care to make sure I was as comfortable with him as I could be, before I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his; trying to convey the feelings I couldn't with words through my actions.
Minho laid me back down on his mattress as his tongue explored my mouth and I found myself letting out tiny sighs whenever he would lightly bite my lower lip. I tangled my hands in his hair; clinging to him as his mouth worked it's way down my neck and he ravished the spots he already knew were sensitive.
Minho pulled away from me and sat on his heels while his hands rested at the hem of my shirt; waiting for my permission to take it off.
I nodded slowly to him suddenly scared he would think I was too skinny and not toned enough but when Minho tossed the shirt to the side and admired my bare skin I felt my cheeks heating up as I resisted the urge to cover myself.
Minho chuckled at my shyness before he pulled his shirt over his head; leaving me practically drooling over his toned chest.
"First time?" Minho giggled as he caught me staring at his chest before he stopped and gave me a serious look, "Wait, it is your first time, isn't it?"
I almost chuckled at how shocked he looked but then I understood what he was talking about and I found my cheeks reddening faster than I would've liked.
I nodded in reply to Minho even though I knew he was aware that he was the first person I had ever been in a relationship with.
I half expected Minho to interrogate me, ask me if I even knew how gay couples had , but instead I got a smug look from him as he mumbled 'good' before leaning back down to capture my lips with his.
I tried not to think about what I was doing, what my actions would cause in the minds of others, as I kissed Minho back passionately and drowned out every negative thought I ever had about being in a relationship with him. I didn't think about the way this act in my father's mind would definitely earn me a one way ticket to hell. I didn't think about the disapproval that would come from him if he found out I gave my ity to another man.
Instead I thought about how happy I was with Minho. How glad I was that he seemed to read me perfectly and understand me so well. How he made perfect just like everything else; laughing with me when it got awkward while still being serious when he gave me loving looks. I thought about how perfect it was; the way our legs got tangled together and our noses kept bumping whenever he'd lean back down to leave kisses all over my face. The way he scolded me for muffling any noise I made with my arm because he thought I sounded beautiful and he wanted to hear every noise I made. The way he held me close as I came down from my high; kissing as much my bare skin as he could in between whispering how much he loved me.
Laying awake next to him in his bed afterwards as I listened to his steady breathing as he slept, I decided that if they believed being with him like this would send me to hell then maybe I didn't want heaven.
Waking up in the morning to kisses from Minho instantly became one of my favorite things when I was greeted with his bright smile as he left lazy kisses on my lips while still groggy from sleep.
"How did you sleep?" Minho asked me as he pulled me into his arms and rested his chin on my shoulder and I became very aware of how the two of us were.
"Fine." I said while biting my lower lip to stop myself from grinning as I recalled details from the night before making me want to just spend all day in bed with Minho instead of having to face the conflict from the day before.
"Do you want to shower?" Minho asked me after a yawn and I found myself pouting at the thought of leaving the warm sheets before nodding and turning to face him.
"Or we could just stay here longer?" I gave Minho my best pleading look while he chuckled before leaning forward to leave a chaste kiss on my lips.
"You have no idea how tempting that sounds," Minho said as his fingers ran up and down my bare arm before he pulled me up against him, "but if we do that I don't know if I'll be able to let you go."
I flashed Minho a smile at that before I laced my fingers with his, "And who says I'd want to leave?"
Minho pushed me down on the mattress before he leaned over me while giving me a smug look, "You don't have to leave. I'd be fine with keeping you here all day."
Minho had just leaned down to kiss me when someone knocked on his door and his step mother's voice could be heard from the other side; telling him he had slept long enough and to get up.
Both Minho's and my eyes widened as I realized yet again how we were but his step mother only paused by his door for a moment before we heard her retreating footsteps and I let out a sigh of relief as Minho began laughing.
"I don't think they know you're here." Minho said while smiling at me before he got off me and, much to my dismay, got out of bed too.
"Minho?" I called to him as he made his way to the bathroom connected to his bedroom.
"Are you going to join me?" Minho asked me while trying to hide his grin and honestly how could I say no to that?
Minho drove me to Jonghyun's and Kibum's apartment after an extremely awkward conversation with his step mother who had this knowing look on her face when I walked downstairs with Minho in the smallest clothes he had.
I knew eventually I'd have to go back to my house to grab some of my things. I figured I'd go when both of my parents were out but I wasn't putting my father above changing the locks to keep me out so I planned on borrowing some of Kibum's things till I at least talked to my mother. Then again, the fear that my father had turned her against me again was something that weighed heavily on my mind after checking my phone and finding no missed calls from either of them.
When Kibum answered the door, I tried to keep up the facade that I was fine but as soon as I saw his eyes looking at me with worry I found myself sobbing in his arms; unable to stop myself even though I was scaring him because he had no idea what had happened to me.
"That sick bastard." Kibum had said when I finally managed to stop crying and him, Jonghyun, Minho, and I were sitting in their living room as I told the two of them what had happened between my father and I.
"So what are you going to do?" Jonghyun asked me with concern in his eyes and I gripped Minho's hand tighter as I thought about how it would be if my dad never tried to contact me again.
"Could I move in with you two?" I asked hesitantly before adding quickly, "I'll pay rent and be quiet and go out when you two want to be alone." Jonghyun and Kibum began laughing at me before Kibum got up to sit next to me.
"Of course you can." Kibum looked at Jonghyun, "I'm pretty sure we don't even need to discuss it." Jonghyun nodded happily at him while giving me a bright smile and I felt a weight lift off my shoulder that I hadn't even realized was there because of course they would be there for me when I needed them.
"But Taemin," Jonghyun said giving me a knowing look, "Where did you go last night then?"
I widened my eyes at Jonghyun before silently cursing when Kibum stood up quickly and shot Minho a deadly look.
"You did not!" Kibum said in disbelief while looking between Minho and I.
"We-" I broke off when Kibum gasped and I looked over to see Minho nodding his head with a proud smile on his face.
"Hey!" I cried out as I hit his shoulder and gave him a betrayed look.
"What?" Minho laughed, "It wasn't like you were going to lie to them anyway. They would've noticed you limping soon enough." My eyes widened at Minho's words but after seeing the horrified look on Kibum's face I couldn't help but break down laughing.
"Taemin!" Kibum said in a shrill tone, " isn't something to take lightly!" This got Jonghyun laughing as he got up and put an arm around his boyfriend.
"What's wrong with Taemin having ?" Jonghyun asked Kibum while trying to hide his smile as he boyfriend threw him a horrified look.
"Everything!" Kibum said before looking between Minho and I, "Especially if it's with this ."
Minho and I both fell silent at Kibum's statement and Kibum threw his hands up in apology.
"Still not a ." Minho said while trying to keep the laughter out of his voice and Kibum managed to crack a smile at this.
"Fine, I'm glad you had a nice night Taemin but some house rules," Kibum started as Jonghyun rolled his eyes, "No bringing you're boyfriend home for the night unless Jonghyun and I are in another country. Seriously." Kibum gave Minho a stern look, "And if I ever come home to you two making out on my couch I'm throwing you out on the streets. Are we clear?"
I couldn't help but chuckle at Kibum's words before I nodded, "Yes, Kibum, we're clear."
Kibum gave me a satisfied look before he glared daggers at Minho, "I'm interrogating him later. You better have been gentle with him."
The four of us broke out into laughter at that even though I knew Kibum would keep true to his words and actually interrogate me later.
I was so focused on the three of them that I almost missed my phone ringing. I quickly picked it up before the call could go to my voicemail and wasn't very surprised to hear my mother's voice on the other line.
"Taemin, we need to talk."
Hello everyone!! I know this is totally late (and there's no - for those of you looking forward to it I swear I tried... it just didn't fit...) but I hope this chapter didn't too much and you can forgive me!!
I just started college again... so you know what that means... and I'm being considered for a full time position now so IDK how uploading is going to work from now on...
But did you guys see the cover art!!! I love it soo much!!!
But anyway... comments are loved as always!! Subscribe, upvote... whatever you want... It all means so much to me!!! Especailly since this fic is coming to an end! So to all you silent readers... if there's anything you've been wanting to say (even if it's hate lol) now's the time
But seriously guys, thanks for making this something I look forward to getting to work on every week!! Shawols have definitely gotten themselves a new fic writer bc I plan on doing this for as long as someone wants to read it!
Until next time >.<