Farewells and Forever
Of Gold and Obsidian[This chapter is dedicated to you babe, you know who you are <3 Thanks for being an inspiration in more ways than one. I love you đ]
Â
Â
Â
âYou need to be prepared for the worst.â
Â
Baekhyun felt the most sickening sense of nausea wash over him upon hearing the doctorâs ominous words. It felt as if his entire world was crashing down on him as he stumbled backwards weakly, feeling a strong pair of arms support him before he went tumbling to the ground.
Â
âWhat do you mean?â came Luhanâs panicked shriek, and Baekhyun watched numbly as Luhan shook the doctorâs shoulderâs desperately. âWhat do you mean by preparing for the worst?â
Â
âThe patientâs broken rib severely punctured his right lung, and he also lost a massive amount of blood. We have given him the necessary blood transfusions, but his vital signs arenât doing too well at the moment. We will transfer him to the ICU for further observation, and if his condition worsens, we may have to put him on life support. Whether he pulls through or not will depend on his willpower. I am so sorry.â
Â
Life support?
Â
Baekhyun let out a strangled sob and it took everything within himself to not fall apart at the seams. He could not stop his entire body from shaking like a leaf, feeling as if his heart had been ripped right out of his chest.
Â
This couldnât be. He must be having a very terrible nightmare.
Â
âChanyeol,â he whispered to himself, sounding lost and confused. âChanyeol,â he repeated again, voice broken and hoarse. Sehun held Baekhyun tightly to his chest and muttered soft reassurances in his ear, all of which went unheard. He felt so helpless to see Baekhyun like this, and the acrid taste at the back of his throat felt like a mixture of guilt and regret.
Â
It was a challenge getting Baekhyun to Chanyeolâs ward, because he practically had to be dragged along and supported with every unsteady step he took. He felt as if all his energy had been out of him, leaving behind an empty shell that would be blown away with even the slightest breeze. The most horrendous dread was eating him up from within, paralyzing him in a state of disbelief and sorrow. Baekhyun bit his lip and forced himself to draw air into his lungs, trying his hardest not to succumb to a full-blown panic attack.
Â
His sweet, sweet Chanyeol. Oh god.
Â
He paused in front of the door for a moment, looking broken and hesitant. Every single cell in Baekhyunâs body was aching with the need to see Chanyeol again, and yet he was terrified of what would greet him behind the door. He still wanted to think that this was all a dream, that he would wake up any moment and be freed from this gripping nightmare, because he knew that he wasnât prepared for the illusion to shatter right before his eyes.
Â
With trembling hands, he gathered all of his courage to push the door open, and the sight that greeted him sent his knees buckling and crashing to the ground. He landed with a heavy thud, his entire torso keeling over while he choked on gargled sobs.
Â
This wasnât Chanyeol. This couldnât be Chanyeol. The Chanyeol he knew always looked so rosy and full of life, but this Chanyeol lying on the bed in front of him was hooked up to so many different tubes and machines, making him look more like a stiff android than a human. This Chanyeol was adorned with ugly lacerations and purpling bruises along the expanse of his originally alabaster skin, and there was nothing about the way he looked which hinted at a glimmer of hope. All he resembled was a body barely fighting to survive, suspended in the in-between state of life and death.
Â
Sehun immediately fell to his feet as well, holding Baekhyun tightly, as if that would help to keep him together. His eyes burned hotly with fresh tears, chest constricting with every heartbroken cry from Baekhyun.
Â
âYeolâŠ,â Baekhyun whimpered hoarsely, watching as Luhan approached Chanyeolâs side with an equally distressed expression. Luhan stared at Chanyeol silently, allowing the tears to flow freely down his face.
Â
âWhen he left, I knew he was running away from his ex-lover. He told me he was too much of a coward to see him again, but I could tell that he loved him with all his heart. I wanted to stop him from leaving, but he was so convinced that leaving was the best option for them both. He said that he was only going to bring unhappiness to someone who had already moved on,â Luhan addressed Baekhyun with a grievous stare, his voice sounding surprisingly steady. âFor me to find out that his ex-lover was you⊠I thought to myself: what an intricate plan the heavens have laid out. I told him before he left that what is meant to be will always be, and I believe I have proven my point. Chanyeol tried his hardest to run away, but you still found him in the end. You, the one whom he thinks of every single day, the one whom he canât seem to forget,â Luhan paused to hold up a necklace with a familiar ring hung around it. âYou mustnât let him go this time round, Baekhyun. Make sure he returns to you. Tell him that you want him to stay.â
Â
Baekhyunâs eyes widened at the sight of their promise ring. The very ring that Baekhyun had kept hidden in the deepest corner of the cabinet⊠had Chanyeol been holding on to his all this while?
Â
It was as if his legs had taken on a life of its own as he stumbled quickly to Chanyeolâs side. Upon closer inspection, Chanyeolâs condition looked even worse, and Baekhyun found himself unable to breathe. He was sick to his stomach as the doctorâs words echoed in his mind.
Â
You need to be prepared for the worst.
Â
Baekhyun searched for a place on Chanyeolâs body that wasnât hooked up to the machines by extensive tubes, and he settled on holding Chanyeolâs left pinky.
Â
âChanyeol,â he whispered, blinking away his tears desperately so that he could look at Chanyeolâs face properly. âCan you hear me, baby? Iâm Baekhyun. Iâm here now, so wonât you please open your eyes?â
Â
The only response he received was the slow rise and fall of Chanyeolâs chest. Baekhyun held on to his finger even tighter, praying and hoping for a miracle. âDonât run away from me anymore. Come back, Yeol. I need you,â he cried hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut. âI know youâre strong, so you are definitely going to pull through, okay? Do this for me, please.â
Â
âOh my ing god.â
Â
Baekhyun raised his head to see Kai standing at the doorway, hair disheveled and face contorted in a state of disbelief. Kyungsoo appeared seconds later, holding on to Kaiâs elbow tightly as if to stabilize the distraught male.
Â
âChanyeol!â came Kaiâs heartrending cry, and Baekhyun burst into tears together with him. Kai shuffled forwards one heavy step at a time, unable to keep his eyes off his best friend, who looked as if his life was hanging on a very fragile thread. âPark Chanyeol, you bastard,â Kai sobbed under his breath, gritting his teeth tightly together. âAfter months of hearing absolutely nothing from you, it had to take a ing car accident for us to meet again. You better ing wake up, or IâllâŠ,â his voice trailed off shakily, and Kyungsoo rubbed soothing circles on his back. The pain and shock were too great, and it was overriding any rational train of thought.
Â
Suddenly, the machines started blinking and beeping rapidly, and the ominous sound sent Baekhyunâs heart plummeting. He let out a terrified mewl as his eyes darted around wildly, trying to take in what was happening. A team of doctors and nurses hurried in soon after, and Baekhyun could tell from their flustered expressions that the beeping wasnât a good sign.
Â
âPlease leave the room,â the doctor called out urgently, but Baekhyun held on to Chanyeolâs pinky even tighter.
Â
âDonât leave me, Chanyeol. Donât leave me behind,â Baekhyun cried, barely registering the fact that there was someone hoisting him to his feet. He was completely delirious as he was dragged out of the ICU, overwhelmed by a crippling sense of loss and despair.
Â
No no no no no no.
Â
âIâm so sorry, Baekhyun,â Sehun cried, holding Baekhyun tightly against his chest. âHeâll be okay. Chanyeolâs going to be okay.â
Â
However, no miracles occurred that night, no matter how hard Baekhyun prayed for one. After crying himself hoarse for hours, and after he had no more tears left to cry, the doctors delivered the bad news.
Â
The love of his life was not going to wake up.
Â
Chanyeol was going to have to spend the rest of his life on a hospital bed, depending on machines to keep him breathing.
Â
He didnât even give Baekhyun a chance to say goodbye.
Â
--
Â
A piece of Baekhyun died with the passing of each day, and Baekhyun didnât know whether hope or despair was the stronger emotion. As long as Chanyeolâs heart continued to beat, Baekhyun clung on to that tiny bit of hope that one day, he would open his eyes again and smile at Baekhyun with that silly grin of his.
Â
Once upon a time, Chanyeol promised him a forever, and Baekhyun wanted to hold him to his promise. He was going to believe in Chanyeol.
Â
âGood morning Yeol,â Baekhyun smiled tenderly at Chanyeolâs sleeping form. âIâm here today again. How are you doing? I hope you have been having sweet dreams. But I really miss you, so donât sleep forever, okay?â
Â
No response.
Â
Baekhyun remained silent and watched the steady rise and fall of Chanyeolâs chest, a comforting scene which kept him grounded and at peace. Chanyeol was still fighting for another day. Chanyeol was a warrior.
Â
He sat there numbly, shivering in spite of himself. That terrible pang in his chest had returned, stabbing at him like a thousand needles. It was a dizzying sort of pain, a kind of ache that locked you up in a swirling abyss of your darkest thoughts, but Baekhyun promised himself that he was not going to cry.
Â
He had promised himself not to cry in front of Chanyeol, because what was there to cry about? Chanyeol was going to wake up. Chanyeol wouldnât leave him behind like this.
Â
Right?
Â
âThe sun is shining really brightly today. Itâs the kind of day you like best. Warm and sunny, with the slightest breeze. We used to go out on picnics on days like this. You remember, donât you?â Baekhyun toyed with the ring hung around his neck. âWhen you wake up, letâs go again. Weâll make sandwiches together, even though you are dumb and at simple things like spreading peanut butter. But thatâs okay! Anything will taste good when weâre together.â
Â
Baekhyun reached into his bag to retrieve a crumpled white envelope. âThis letter, I think I have possibly read it a thousand times since that day. Even though I managed to convince myself that I was over you, and even when I managed to bury whatever I felt for you, I secretly read it whenever something reminds me of you. I used to hate myself whenever I succumbedâwhy was I being so pathetic for missing someone who brought me so much pain? My chest would hurt so much whenever I take out the letter. In fact, some words are probably unrecognizable now from all the tears that I had inadvertently spilled on its pages,â Baekhyun chuckled softly. âI used to think to myself: will this pain only stop if I rip the heart out of my chest? This horrible ache that I was feeling, was it my bodyâs way of telling me to give up? After all, human beings feel pain as a response to harm or danger. Pain tells us to let go of the things that hurt us. And so I convinced myself that this pain wasnât from love or longing. I told myself that this pain was unhealthy, that I will need to relinquish it before it destroyed me. But you know what? I have never been more wrong.â
Comments