A Preface

            I’ve been told that I stand out – and not in the good way. My voice has always been too loud for the sensitive ears of the too old and my humor too dark for the sensitive hearts of the too dramatic. My hair just the right shade of brown to make everyone think that I’ve dyed it. My skin just the right shade for people to wonder if I’m mixed (and, I am, but regardless). My eyes just the right shade for people to assume I wear contacts. My freckles just apparent enough for people to think that I take a marker to my face. So yeah, I stand out. I was, apparently, born to stand out.

            Yet despite all this standing out I find it so ridiculously hard to stand up, namely, for myself. My stand outedness put a target on my back as early as Pre-K and I’ve been running from the constant stream of slurs and words since. I guess that means I’m a coward. But I like to believe I’m just being smart. So maybe I’m a smart coward.

            Which is why it’s so out of character for me to be standing in front of the whole world singing my heart out. I certainly didn’t plan to be here. Never once did I dream of being on stage. It just happened. Because I’m a coward. Because I’m smart. But mostly because I stand out.

            It all began at thirteen with the unfortunate death of my poor mother; crackhead, convict, and skilled at being neglectful.

            I wish I could say I miss her.

            Well, on the rare I occasion I do, in fact, miss her. But mostly out of filial duty. And guilt.

The Passing of Erin Catherine Bailey:

August 9, 2012

The first thing I saw was a needle – used.

The last thing I saw was her body – moved.

            Sometimes I wonder if I had just gotten home from school earlier that day I could have prevented her early death. Sometimes I recognize that I’m better off now than I ever would have been had I continued living with her. Hindsight is like that.

            Besides, the death of my Mom isn’t really what this story is all about. However, I do owe it to her in that she definitely pulled the trigger, so to speak, on the start of a new life for me. A new life for Jessica Tanner Bailey. It began with a flight halfway across the world.

Note:

I flew to South Korea

AN: Hopefully this little introduction is enticing enough for you to keep reading (: