A Chance Encounter. Chapter Twelve.

Chanyeol left a while back, and I’ve settled in front of my laptop comfortably. I really don’t know what it is. Am I just too shocked to react? It’s as if my hyper-functioning mind has conveniently buried all of my thoughts about Chanyeol and Bona. Alright, so she made up some lie to make me seem bad, and perhaps get closer to him. And then what? He fell in love with her instead? It makes me wonder if he even regarded our relationship seriously. I refuse to think of Chanyeol as someone who can be easily manipulated. If Bona lied to him, and fed in bad thoughts about me, it still wouldn’t have been enough for Chanyeol to break off our relationship, just like that. What I can’t seem to understand is why this isn’t affecting me as much as I thought I would? I hope this means I’ve moved on. That’s something I’d definitely like.

Well, over the period of past two months, I did end up analyzing our relationship quite often. And everything almost came to the same conclusion – our relationship wasn’t as perfect as it seemed like. I was just delusional to think that it was. Or maybe, subconsciously, I was aware it wasn’t really working out, but I wanted it to work out so bad that I chose to ignore it. At one point I felt my relationship was the only thing that could make me superior to Bona, since I had an inherent urge to compete with her for everything. Perhaps, it was for stealing my parents’ attention, or maybe it was for bossing me around in high-school. I don’t know. But whenever I face her, I simply go back to being the same teenaged high-schooler who thought her parents would appreciate it if she gave into Bona’s demands. When Bona and her family had moved in with us temporarily, Mum had especially instructed me to be considerate and polite towards them. And I did nothing but stick to that promise I’d made to Mum. I suppose what Mum didn’t realize was Bona was actually a self-centered brat, who was simply taking advantage of my situation.

However, meeting Chanyeol was the turning point in my life. Initially, the only thing I cared about was making Bona jealous – she was struggling at college, had flunked a couple of tests, and none of her fellow mates were keen on befriending her because of her conceited mannerisms. I thought of it as the perfect payback, I wanted to show her how well I was doing. But then, one day, Bona came over, crying uncontrollably. We had a lengthy conversation about how miserable she’d been, and how she’d been incredibly jealous of me for being smart enough to do well at college. For the first time she seemed vulnerable and that confused me, because Bona hadn’t even been so miserable when she’d first moved in with us, right after her father’s death. I decided to put everything behind us. For once, I wanted to be mature and forgive her. And I was certain I was in love with Chanyeol at that time. I realized it’d been quite juvenile of me to even think of competing with her. I felt bad for her. So, I did my best to make her feel better – I began complying with all of her requests again. I was already content with the way my life was – if all I had to do was let someone else boss around me so they could feel happy, then what was the harm?

It wasn’t like Bona meant anything harmful; she simply wanted people’s attention. It was as if nothing had changed, Bona could still bark her orders, and I merely obliged to do whatever she wanted me to. If anything, it made her seem a little less miserable. She started visiting me often. But sometimes, I did have to shoot her down saying I already had plans with Chanyeol. Surprisingly, she never yelled, instead she simply said, “It must be nice to have someone special.” And I’d simply agreed for I was madly in love with him.

I don’t really know how things transpired to such an extent that I found myself agreeing to be Bona’s maid of honor, for her wedding, with my ex. I suppose it had become a habit of mine to agree to whatever she said. And also, I thought of it as a way to move on. If I could attend Chanyeol’s wedding and not be affected by it, it’d imply that I’ve put him behind. All I had to do was do what I did best – fulfill Bona’s demands. But this time, I wasn’t happy or content and Bona’s orders started to irk me. I felt as if she did things to displease me on purpose. I’ve been rather collected till now; I’ve done most of the things she’s asked me to. And maybe I still will, because my mind still doesn’t seem to have processed the fact that she was the one that foiled my relationship with Chanyeol. I feel anyone else in my place would have confronted Bona, accused her of being vile. But I can’t seem to bring myself to do that. It’s as if my mind has adapted some weird state of calmness that I don’t even feel angry. Perhaps, I’ve become truly indifferent towards the both of them. That’s what I wanted, wasn’t it? Maybe my two months of Yoga did help! My Yoga instructor always said how we’d find nirvana if we truly delved into it.

And now, I’m laughing at myself like an idiot. I can’t do this…I’m not made for serious thoughts. I’ve always led a colorful life; there was never a dull moment. And if there was, I had my overly-imaginative brain to keep me entertained. My imagination’s always been helpful; I mean I wouldn’t be making Webtoons otherwise. Did I mention I just received a pay-raise? Yeah, courtesy of Momo: The Savior Arthropod. Anyway, I believe life’s as tragic as we make it out to be. Sure, there were moments when I felt inferior and insignificant because of Bona, and the lack of attention from my parents, but I chose to deal with it by trying my best to gain their attention back, instead of locking myself up in my room and whining about the entire world hating me or something.

I suppose Chanyeol was my Achilles heel of some kind, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to accept our break-up and move on, like I usually would have. And that irked me. But now, I feel as if I’m getting closer to the finish-line – perhaps I’d wake up tomorrow and not think about him at all. Maybe he’d simply seem like a stranger at Bona’s wedding. I’m still her maid of honor, by the way. I’ve decided not to cause a scene – you know the whole -slapping and exclaiming “You stole my boyfriend!” crap. And a full-fledged cat-fight would follow, and the guy would apologize and beg the ex-girlfriend to take him back, and eventually get back with his girlfriend in the end. Maybe that’s another reason why I’ve decided not to do anything about it; I don’t want the guy to go back to his ex-girlfriend! I mean… it’s okay that Bona made up a bunch of lies to get together with him. They can get married or whatever. If Chanyeol and I were meant to be, he would have never believed her! But he did, and that’s the end of it. I’m going to attend their wedding, be a dutiful maid of honor and maybe…maybe I could convince Yixing to be my date?

I’m totally getting the hang of asking a guy o