Chapter 38         The Creeping Sadness …
                             Achieving One’s Wish No Matter Happens…

Point in time:      Last Quarter of the Year…
                              2^nd Week of December…

Location:             KPK Headquarters….

Kibum and Taemins’ Residence

And yet another moment like this, home time, excited to see Kibum waiting for him to arrive from work; tries to get rid of the looming sad thoughts in his mind. Wearing a grin, he hurriedly parks his car at the basement area then enters the lift leading him to what he considers his only heaven and earth. As he reaches the main floor, grabs his keys and eagerly opens the door and says his beloved’s name he solely adore and love …..

“Key…I am home…”

When no one answers, a spark of fear thumps his heart but remains a positive stance like he always has been especially in facing any challenges he’d meet.  The next thing comes to mind is to put his belongings at the proper area; he directly goes inside their bedroom thinking Kibum is probably just taking a shower or sleeping.

As he approaches, he calls Kibum’s name…

“Key…honey….Key…
I am home…your baby is here…”

Blindly, he gladly opens their masterbedroom instantly his eyes searches, carefully inspecting and when he does not spot who he expects to see, his heart starts to beat faster as if it has a mind of its own; pounding his chest so that instantly he places his left hand on top of his chest just to ease and be still his fast breathing heart as well as the uncontrollable movement of his chest.

Fastly, he roams the place – the kitchen area, library, theater room and the balcony then after he takes a deep breath and gathers enough strength to walk to a familiar place that he knows which at times if necessary he would enter but most of the time would not so as not to disturb Kibum when he is doing something very important work-related.

His eyes shine instantly upon seeing a beaming light from a small space gap between the door and its door frame then at once, from a previously gloomy condition; his mood quickly changes to that of a gleeful kid – skipping his way however quietly; he tiptoes towards the door careful not to create any sound of disturbance.

 As his right hand gets a hold of the door knob full of anticipation, he noiselessly pushes the door though not enough wideness just sufficient for his head to fit into. And then, sort of creating a surprise for him self – closes his eyes and blindly pops his face inside and then opens them. And calls Key….

“Key….hhhmm…where…? Key…?”

He chokes on his own sudden breathing then instantly covers his gaping mouth and in the same manner his eyes immediately filled with tears; he could no longer bear the pain and the hurt that comes with the dreadful thought and then suddenly facing and dealing with it.

Taemin gives in – his mind and body – falls down on the floor, crying softly where his worried cries fill the emptiness of the room. As the night comes deeper – Taemin continuously weeps and thus at times the noise level escalates then plummets down to snivels…

“Huh..hu…hu…
Key…please…
don’t…hhhmm…leave me…
hu..hu..ahh…”

Taemin has felt that every place in their home … is filled with loneliness and darkness deeper than the abyss. And it is unbearable for him to even experience it – he now hates the nighttime – so pitch black after all. The feeling that emanates from Taemin is an emotion he could never forget just like frozen water – icy cold – it hurts badly; it feels like a wave of painful sadness – the feeling of deep blue...

Gathering enough strength, he stands up heads to the direction of the living area, from a slightly dim light corner; he spots on a photo frame. He stands still getting some wanted energy from what came about as a result – then despite in sobs, smiles -  remembers…

“I love you so much Key…”

“I love you too Taeminnie…my baby…”

Whenever Taemin remembers the words spoken by the person he loves the most, he gives out a huge smile and happy feeling – like relaxing under the warmth of the sun akin to Key’s tender embrace – makes you want to sleep, breathe him, soft to cuddle that sort of feeling – at impulse, he says…

“In my lonely lone world, where I can see nothing at all…
Kibum is the one and only line I am holding on to.
I can’t breathe – more like the day I came to Paris
without knowing anything.
And this time, it’s even darker than before,
and I don’t know what to do – I feel lost…”

His focus brings him back to their picture – bites his lips and says…

“And thus, right now –
I badly need it for comfort and strength...”

He gets the picture frame then take a refuge for support at their favorite hang-out; the couch. Except that, now, he is alone…and has been alone for quite some time now… exactly almost a month…

Painfully, he lays his body bringing the picture with him – staring at it like it is the most important treasure in his life although at minutes pass by; along with his forced smiles, tears flow unselfishly calling his beloved's name over and over again. Until his body and mind succumb to the painful and tiring condition he is under right now – his has fallen asleep with sobs fading into the darkness of the place but the tears…

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