“Wow.” I breathed.

Tiffany just woke me up for our approach and we were now glued to our window. I personally thought that New York City looked like a living breathing monster from here.  Its lights were flickering up at us and I had no idea what time it was, but I got the impression this place never slept.

“Welcome to America, Tae...” Tiffany said, smiling.    

It’s not my first time to this country, but being on the other side of it makes it feel like a completely different world.  While Los Angeles was vast, New York was tall and if we were talking about first impressions, I’d consider New York more intimidating.  The airport was loaded with people waiting for us and the other SM artists that we traveled with more so than last time we were here.

I got the impression that maybe, just maybe, we were starting to gain more attention in America. 

It was so different be shouted at in English rather than Korean. 

I was very glad I put some effort into my English.  Tiffany did help a lot last night.   We didn’t sleep at all because she was preparing me…  Our intentions were good.

 “No.” She said, hiding her face in her arm.  I looked at her bemused.  What is she laughing at now?

“What did I say this time?” I asked. 

“It’s not that.” She said looking up at me.  “It’s your pronunciation. Your English is good but you need to pronounce it better. New York is two words.” She smiled.

“Neyaaak” I said.

“New.  York.” She said slowly. “You have to pronounce your ‘R’.  Arr.  Arr…”

“Arrrrr.” I imitated.

“Now you sound like a pirate.” She started laughing

 “English is too much.” I scowled, rolling onto my back.

“You need to introduce yourself in English. I don’t want you to embarrass yourself.” She said, pulling me back up into a leaning position.

“New York.” She said.

“New York.” I said slowly.

“Good!” Her eyes lit up.  “Try it again.”

“Hi, I’m Taeyeon.” I said mechanically. “I’m happy to be, here.” I tried hard to pronounce my ‘R’.  Tiffany smiled.

“I hope you enjoy the show.  Thank you, New... York.” I finished slowly.

“You’re getting so good.” She said.

I was very lucky to have a girlfriend who was willing to teach me.

“What else can you teach me?” I asked.

“What do you want to know?”

I pursed my lips, thinking.

“Where is the bathroom?” I said.  She rolled her eyes at me.  “What? That’s important!” I smirked.

“Where is the…” She started.

“Where is the-“ I imitated.

“Bathroom.” She said slowly.

“Batroom.”

She shook her head.

“Open your mouth.” She said.  I obeyed.

“Right here, put your tongue here and blow through it.  Thhh. Thh.” She touched behind my front teeth.

“Thh.. thh.. Ayi, too many noises in English.” I whined.

“You already know that one. “ She said. “like, ‘Thank you, this, that, there, the…”

“Oh.” I said.  I flung my head back against the pillow dramatically. “Too hard.”

She leaned her head on her hand and rolled onto her side so she could see my face.

“You don’t have to learn it all at once.”

I stared up at her delicate face and got an idea.

“Teach me this.” I said, getting up to lean into her ear and whisper.

Somehow her face went even softer.

“That might be difficult for you.” She said. 

I just stared at her, waiting.

She bit= her lip.

“You are the most-“

“You are the most-“ I said, attentively.

“Beautiful..” She said, starting to turn red.

“Beau..tiffffurl.” I said, trying my hardest.

“Girl in the world.”

“Girl in the whir.”

“Deh.  Deh. Worrrrrlllld.” She annunciated the d, l, and r further.

“World.” I say.  I sat back up and looked at her, excited.

“You are the most beautifffurl girl in the world-eh. “ I said smiling broadly.

Her eyes seemed to sparkle.  “Really good.” She said.

I leaned in to whisper something else into her ear.

“Tae...” She said, covering her face in her hands.

“Please!” I said, laying my head back down on my pillow to stare at her.

“Alright, alright...” She said. 

She took a deep breath.

“I want to.”

“I wan to.” I say, staring into her eyes.

“Grow.”

“Grrrrrow.” I grinned, sounding like a pirate again.

“Old.” She said slowly.

I struggled with this one a little.

“Orllld. Oh. Olllld-ah. Old.”

“With you.” She whispered.

“I wan to grow old with you.” I said, happy with my work.  She just looked at me.

“You are the most beautiful girl in the world.” I said, “I wan to grow old wi- thyou.”

I could see her eyebrows draw together like they usually do when she’s feeling something particularly strong.  She nodded her approval.  Her hand was resting on my hip; I could feel her edging closer to me.

I made a fist in the air.

“I got it!”

Who said I don’t have aegyo?

She grabbed my fist, pulling me closer to her.

“Did you mean that?” She asked.

I blinked.

“Of course.  I wouldn’t have said it if I didn-“

Her intense kiss silenced me.  Needless to say, that was the end of my English lesson.

I still think it was worth it as we’re walking up to our hotel room.  Fourteen hours of airplane sleeping time didn’t seem to translate into decent rest at all.  I felt exhausted and so terribly jetlagged.

Even in a zombified state I still trid and acknowledge the fans, even though I couldn't clearly understand them all, as Tiffany and I walked up to our suite.  I had to stay behind to secure a few details with the hotel staff and Tiffany just wanted to be with me, the others already went up.

I didn’t really care that I was getting last pick on a bed.  I could sleep standing up right now if I needed to.

The suite had three rooms, a kitchen, and two bathrooms.  It meant three girls to a bed. A pretty tight fit, but we’ve managed worse before.  Tiffany and I dropped our stuff into the emptiest of the three rooms and collapsed on the bed.

Tomorrow night at this time we’ll be performing at Madison Square Garden.  I relished in that thought.

“Unnies?”

Seohyun was standing in the doorway, looking uncertain.

“Can I be with you?” She asked. 

What would be the alternative?  Does she think I’d make her sleep on the couch?  The funny thing was, even if I told her to sleep on the couch, she would without complaining merely because I’m older.  I love Seohyun to death but I can’t help thinking about how difficult it is to now share a bed with the one person I’m most unsure about when it comes to explaining my relationship with Tiffany.

Seohyun is an amazing girl but she’s set in her ways.  She lives her life as though she’s reading the rules and instructions off of a text book on, ‘How to live your life perfectly’.  She was the purest form of pure I’d ever met.  When people called her weird it actually makes me mad.  There is nothing wrong with who she is.  I hope she never changes.

But I was pretty sure as a Christian girl she might question my decision, which is fine.  She has every right to.  I’m just so scared she’ll think of me less as a person.  That she’ll not consider me the good older sister that can take care of her and be a good role model, as I have been thus far. 

More than anything, Seohyun reminded me of the little sister at home I never have time for.  In my own way, I tried to make up for what I was lacking there with her, even though I knew it wasn’t an acceptable substitute.

“Seo Joohyun.”  I called her by her real name. “Of course you can stay with us.  Do you think I’d send you to the street?”

Tiffany laughed.

“Thank you, Unnie.” She smiled.

I just stared at her incredulously as she started unpacking.  Tiffany murmured something to me about taking a shower before she got up and left. 

“What do you think of New York?” I asked Seohyun.

“It’s so big!” She said, her eyes lit up dimly behind her obvious fatigue. “I wish we had more time to see it though…”

Out of everyone, Seohyun was the one taking pictures everywhere we’d gone, including the airport and the ride in the bus to the hotel.  The youngest of us was so intelligent, she knew to cherish every moment.  We never liked to talk about it but we all knew this lifestyle would end for us someday.  Seohyun recognizes that every day. 

Older than her years, Seo Joohyun.

“I’m glad you’re with us.” I said, looking at her seriously.

“Unnie...” She smiled. 

“I need to be a better sister to you.”  I nodded.

I begin thinking that maybe I should wait for Tiffany to be here before I start telling Seohyun about my love life.  Tiffany’s much better at talking about things like that.  Feelings... and such. And though I wouldn't like to admit it, I found Seohyun somewhat... intimidating at times.

“You’re a great sister.” She said.

I lie back and stare at the ceiling thinking I probably need counseling or something to become a more expressive person.  Eventually, and unintentionally, I fell asleep.

When I felt the bed shift my eyes came open again.  It was pitch dark in the room and I could already feel someone lying next to me.  I realized immediately that this person did not smell like Tiffany and someone else was getting into the bed on the other side of Seohyun. 

Tiffany and I made eye contact and she made an amused gesture at Seohyun, shrugging. I smiled.

The innocent maknae that fell asleep between us.  Entirely appropriate, I decided, since I was aware the fans had dubbed her our love child. 

“I love you.” Tiffany mouthed.

“I love you, too.” I mouthed back, laughing silently at this absurdity. 

It was the first night I slept without touching Tiffany since we got together.

The house lights came on for the finale.  All of the SM artists on the stage at once for one last song together as confetti fell from the rafters.  I had a few small parts in it that I was supposed to walk down the runway.  It was incredible to see the place lit up, how many faces were staring up at me and trying to get my attention, even throwing gifts on stage.  I ended up with two of those green plushy pea pods from Toy Story 3.

One of these would go to Tiffany, I decided immediately.  We ended up playing with them on stage as the song wrapped up.  I glance out and try to take everything in.  American crowds could be just as spectacular as the Korean ones while being completely different at the same time.

We walked backstage to change, peas in hand.  The exhilaration was still running through me. This was the best part about what I did, live performances.  It’s what I lived for.  The energy you can get and gather from our incredible fans is magnificent.  Performing on weekly shows was fun too but you had to focus on getting your choreography seen. It was always perfection we were aiming for, mechanical movements.  The same thing every night...

In concert, you could run around freely and interact with the crowd. I couldn’t think of a better way to jumpstart a comeback. 

I changed pretty quickly into normal clothes.  The sneakers were my favorite part of this whole process.  Tiffany was taking longer and out of impatience I opened my pea pod and started throwing them at her.  We were the only two left in the locker room.

“Seriously?” She asked turning around and giving me a faux glare. 

When I ran out of peas, I grabbed her pod.

“You’re picking these all up.” She said, turning around to ignore me.

“Doesn’t the saying go, ‘two peas in a pod’? Why is there three?”  I took one out and looked at it.

“I don’t know.” She said.

“Who’s our third pea?” I asked, grinning.  I could’t help it, I had so much excess energy to burn off.

“Probably Seohyun, I guess.  Our 'daughter'.” She said, laughing and pulling a shirt on.

“We need to tell her.” I said, picking up the scattered peas.

“Do you want me to do it?” She asked.  Finally done, she turns around to look at me and even helps me pick peas up after she told me she wouldn’t.

“I.. Yeah that’s probably for the best.  I don’t know how…”

She nodded.  “Let’s at least wait until we get back to Korea.”

I zipoped up the pods and handed one back to her before she pulled me into a tight hug.

“I don’t think I’m getting enough of you lately.” She murmured.

“I feel the same way.” I said, rubbing her back.  

I could feel her face rubbing against the side of my head affectionately and I wondered how long we could stand there like this before the bus would leave without us.  She rocked me back and forth in her arms a bit and my eyes closed on their own accord.  

"We can do this right..?" She asked. 

"Nobody said it would be easy." I said, bluntly. "But who else can say they get to take their girlfriend on tour with them?"

She smiled and pulled away, staring over her my shoulder.

I followed her gaze to the doorway and saw Seohyun standing there staring at us.  A few things went through my mind... 

If we were just hugging, she wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal.  It was pretty regular.  Even around the dorms we were very touchy with one another. 

That’s when I knew, Seohyun must have heard the dialogue.  Her expression was blank.  Not really upset or angry, just blank.  Clearly, she looked confused and I know her personality and how formal she is. 

Seohyun won’t ask.  She has to be told.

“Come here.” I said, letting go of Tiffany’s sides.

I directed her to face Tiffany, once again like a coward.

And Seohyun was still just blank.

“We don’t want to upset you.” Tiffany said, stopping to think.  “This doesn’t change anything, okay?  But Tae and I are together now…”

I chanced a glance at Seohyun.  This wasn’t good, she was tilted her head forward a bit and her hair had fallen forward to cover some of her face.  Is she going to cry?

Tiffany and I looked at one another not knowing what to say.

“H-Hey...” Tiffany frowned, touching Seohyun’s face. “It’s okay! What’s wrong..?”

“Unnies...” Seohyun said in a soft voice. “I’m so happy for you.”

“What..?” Tiffany asked.

“None of the other unnies have time to find love, and here you guys are…” She said before breaking off. 

I was beside myself.

“So… You’re alright with this..?” I asked, hardly daring to believe it.

Seohyun nodded and pulled us both into a hug.  I looked at Tiffany behind Seohyun’s back with my mouth hanging open.

“That we’re dating right? Girlfriends. In love. We kiss, you know... on the mouth.” I had to make sure we were on the same page.  “You don’t have a problem with that…?”

“I have no right to judge you, Unnie.” Seohyun said, tilting her head back and waving the tears away on her face.  “Oh, but I did come up here to tell you the bus is leaving.  Hurry.”

We followed her downstairs. 

I was a little skeptical of the whole exchange.  Not that I thought she was lying to us, it just seemed an odd reaction to have.  If she didn’t like it, she’d never tell us.  We had no way of knowing one way the other.  It was a supportive parent’s reaction.  Sort of like, ‘I still love you, but I don’t want to hear about it’.  That was the impression I got anyway.  I would respect her wishes.

When Seohyun, herself, starts dating maybe she’ll understand all of this better. 

We alone out of the other groups had one more day left in New York for a fan meet we were to go to tomorrow.  We got home and nobody stayed up.  By tomorrow, we will have probably started to adjust to the time change, only to get on a plane and get messed up again. 

Seohyun fell asleep on the far end of the mattress that night.  I smiled.  At least she was trying, for us.