Maybe Blondes DO Have More Fun...

Risk Vs Reward

This was definitely a new experience.  For the first time after leaving a stylist, I look more like a deer in headlights than anything else.


Not drastic, huh?

If anyone would have asked me years ago if I would ever go completely blonde, the answer would have been a resounding no.  I always thought to myself that someone had to have just the right face to pull of being blonde.  I didn’t think I applied to that group but here I was. A new style, a side part, and blonde hair.  To myself, I was unrecognizable.

I stared at myself in the rearview mirror looking nearly catatonic until Sunny stole my attention.

“Taeyeon-ah! My head is so light!”

I tore my eyes from my reflection to look at her.  Sunny cut a substantial amount of her hair off to coincide with the wig she wore in the music video we just shot.  She was bouncing her head from side to side happily and her hair was all over the place.

Lord, she’s doing aegyo without even trying.  We’re done for.

I had to admit the cut was really cute on her, perfect for her style and personality.  It was far more drastic and daring than me going blonde, but I considered every little change to myself to be drastic.  It would take me a long time to get used to this.   All the people at the salon seemed to like it.  I thought it just made me look older.

“Older, yes!”  The stylist exclaimed. “But not old!  Very mature!  Grown up!”

Ahjumma, I thought, laughing at myself in the mirror.

“I like it...” Sunny said.  “It makes your face light up.”

I glanced at her and back towards the mirror.

It could be worse.  At least they let me keep most of my hair.

As we pulled up to the dorms I felt a pit in my stomach.  I knew we were going home to drop me off and the others would be heading off with Sunny for a live broadcast.  I didn’t think they’d be waiting for us by the curb.

Subconsciously, I pulled my hood up over my head.  Sunny immediately ripped it off.

“Don’t be stupid, Kim Taeyeon.” She said sharply.  And I sighed, knowing exactly what was going to happen before it did.

Girls’ Generation, in their excited state, wouldn’t be exaggerated if compared to a hurricane or some other natural disaster.  As we got out, Sunny and I were engulfed by them.  Picked, prodded and appraised.  My head pushed this way and that so everyone could get a view.  The only thing I was vaguely aware of was someone kissed my cheek, someone poked my stomach and at some point my was slapped.  Every other comment, exclamation, or declaration was blended together to form a white noise.  I was glad Sunny was there to bear the brunt of the storm though; as predicted her new style came as more of a shock.

“Unnie, you really look great.” Seohyun said to me in a small voice as they were picking on Sunny.

I laughed.  We really got lucky with our maknae.  The baby of our group had the most maturity and manners.  I thought to myself that I should really show appreciation for her more often.  I hugged her.

“Girls.  Do well today, make our name proud.  Be safe.”

I wave them off.  The whole day off to do... what?  I didn’t know.  I found the door to the dorm ajar when I got upstairs.

Aish! Real smart girls…

They can’t properly secure our home and it sounds like someone even left music on in their room.  Even so, having no one inside felt so quiet.  It was rare that I was ever in there by myself.  When you lived with nine girls, there always seemed to be at least one other person with you there at all times.  Privacy was non existent.

I closed the door quietly and locked it before I wandered into the kitchen and leaned against the counter unsure of what to do with myself.  Without thinking, my cell phone was in my hand and I was taking pictures of myself.  Not the ones with funny faces I’d take with friends, but a sweet genuine smile.  It took a few tries to get it right, but when I did I typed the message:

“Can you even recognize me?  I miss and love you so much.”

I watched the little lights fill up as the picture sent to my parents before I slipped it into my back pocket.  It made me sad that for the next six months, at least, this was the best we could do to communicate with each other.  I missed them immensely.

I was only vaguely aware that someone had just walked behind me and opened a cabinet.   It startled me.

“Hyoyeon, have you seen my phone?”

Hyoyeon?

I froze in place when I noticed the cell phone in front of me on the counter in its pink case.  Only then did the voice register to me.  

Tiffany.

And I was so sure she’d left with the others, but she thinks I’m Hyoyeon?  Maybe from the back.  A quick glance?   Must be the hair… and the height.

Either way I knew I wasn't going to let her live this one down.

I bite my lip to keep from laughing and silently held her phone above my head.  A few seconds later she took it and thanked me.  

She wandered a few steps into my peripheral vision and stopped to send a text message.  It was a good vantage point for me to stare at her.  She looked amazing after visiting the stylist; her dark hair was flat ironed perfectly to frame her face.  The newly cut fringe fell in front of her eyes mysteriously and even now it was hiding something.  

I could tell she was sending an important message.  She looked very serious as she typed and deleted a lot like she was trying to perfect it.  I figured she must be talking to her dad. Either way, I enjoyed every second of studying her face while I waited patiently for her to look up and realize who I was.

It didn’t happen.  Instead of acknowledging me after sending the message, she began to walk back towards her room glumly.  

This only reiterates my suspicions about her feelings.   If it were me I know she would have stayed to talk, but she’s under the impression that I was Hyoyeon.   It’s evidence that she treats me differently than the other members.  

I decided I'd follow her back to her room with a stupid grin on my face but right when I started moving my vibrated.

Mom.  Dad wasn’t much of a texter.

Quickly, and a bit agitated, I pulled out the phone clumsily and saw that I received one new text message, but it wasn’t from my mother.

Disbelief.

It was from Tiffany.

“Tae~ how’s the stylist?  All the girls are leaving for the show soon and I’ll be here alone at the dorm.  Will you be much longer? Xoxo Fany”

All that effort and emotion she put into the message was for this? For me?  

I felt a rush of affection for her... My muscles were completely locked into place and I couldn’t stop reading the message over and over, even if it wasn’t something significant.  I saw the effort and feeling she put into it.  I saw how she didn't even notice a person standing next to her while she thought of what to say.  I wanted to know very badly what she had deleted in the process of writing it.

I had to force myself down the hall towards her room with my legs feeling like lead weights.  This development should have empowered me, but it instead put my weak heart into a state of swooning.  This was no way to let her see me…

Play it cool.  Act normal.  Be yourself.  Pretend like you didn’t get the message.

I nodded to my own commands and stuck my head around her open door stealthily.

What I saw didn’t help my confidence much.

She was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, completely expressionless.  Music was playing faintly from her stereo and her arms were above her head lazily.  Her cell phone was in her hand as if she wanted nothing more for it to come to life.

All for me?

Stop hesitating!  Just do it!


With a deep breath, I stood in front of her doorway and folded my arms.

“Hyoyeon, huh?” I said, casually.

I expected her to laugh at her mistake but her reaction caught me off guard.

She gasped and spoke in a voice that was a few octaves higher than the one she used regularly. “That was you?!”

When her eyes met mine a few emotions flashed on her face; disbelief and awe being the strongest.  My smile faded as a small amount of fear ran through me at the idea that maybe she didn’t like my hair.

But she walked towards me slowly and stopped when she was very close to me. Her hand moved my hair out of my face and I wasn’t afraid of the same thing anymore.

“Tae... You look so beautiful.” She said slowly in English.

She always spoke in English when she was excited.

“You!”  I smiled hugely, “Are very byoo-tipul!” I exclaimed in English to try and lighten things up.

“I know your English is better than that.”  She chuckled, quickly returning to Korean.  When her Korean wasn’t so good and my English wasn’t so good, my futile attempts at speaking English made her work harder to learn Korean.

Nowadays, I mostly do it to make fun of her or make her laugh.

“Oh, I love it…” She was fully focused on playing with my hair now.  “Do you like it?”

Well, I do now.

“I guess it’s growing on me.” I said coyly.  I diverted my eyes from hers; it was difficult to look at her in such a close proximity.  “I thought you had a schedule today?”

“Nope.” She said. “And you don’t either, right?”

“Nothing.” I said.  This was a blessing and a curse at the same time.  Home alone with Tiffany for the rest of the day.  My brain and heart were in a boxing match.

“Like old times.” She smiled again, patting me on the shoulders.  She was referring to the time we spent in together as roommates before we debuted.  Felt like a lifetime ago.

It got awkward and silent then and she’s still standing there running her hands through my hair. Her touch nearly unhinged me and I had to resist closing my eyes.  The longer this went on, the more frantic my stomach was growing.  I had to take the attention off of myself before my knees gave out.

F(x)’s 'So into U' began playing on her stereo.  This didn't help.

“So, I’m sorry if I interrupted, that looked important.” I pointed to her cell phone on her bed as I slipped my hands into my pockets.

For some reason, the most important thing to me was trying to find something cool to do with my hands.

“Oh... That was nothing.” She pursed her lips.

Liar.

I grinned.

“Don’t be so formal.” She smirked and took my hand, pulling me back with her to her bed.

Now, this was an amazing scenario I’d imagined several times lately, however, under different circumstances.  

“Anyway,” She pushed the cell phone aside and sat on her bed.  I sat beside her. “I wanted to talk to you about last night.”

Uh-oh.

“Oh, what of it?” I asked without looking at her.

“Tae…”

I try looking at her with casual concern.

“Are you mad at me?”  

The way she asked it with so much fear behind her eyes gave me the impression that she had been building up to this for a while, like this was something that has been bothering her for a long time.

“Of course not!”  I said sitting up straight.  “Why would I be mad at you?”

She deflated.

“Don’t lie to me.” She whispered.

Time itself seemed to stop.  I gaped at her openly.

“Taeyeon, I know you. I know something’s wrong. And… I know it’s something to do with me. On the internet… with other members you seem fine.  You act different around me and I want to know why.”  She said in a rush.

Of course she noticed.  She had no reason not to, I made it so obvious.  I sat there for the longest time just trying to find words.  Speaking openly about feelings has never been my forte.  Most times I even found it difficult to express my love towards my family. Being truthful to Tiffany while not ruining our friendship or making myself look like a fool seemed impossible.  My only hope was to drop a hint and ask for more time, I was in no shape to tell her how I felt about her just yet, I wouldn't have even known where to begin.

“Fany-ah… It’s very, very complicated-” I started to say.

“But I’m not imagining it then, there is something?” She said quickly.

“Yes, but… I might not be ready to talk about it yet…”

“Tae... What can I do?”  She threw her arms in the air, “Just sit here and wonder whether or not I’m losing my best friend?”

Drop the hint.  If she feels as you suspect she might understand…

“I think a part of growing up is learning who you really are inside.”  I said as I looked into her face for any signs that she was picking up on what I was saying, “And something inside me that I’ve felt for a long time is coming to the surface.  It’s something I have to deal with.  And… when I find the strength Fany, I promise I’ll tell you.”

The pain in her face faded immediately.  We stared at one another for a long time; she seemed to be searching for something in my face.  Switching from my mouth, to either of my eyes… like she was looking for confirmation.

“And…” I continued, “You’ll never lose me.”

Her barriers dropped.  Her eyebrows twitched when I said this, her eyes went somewhat lazy as if she was dizzy and she took a deep breath all at once.

Oh... my god.

She was the one swooning now.  Whether or not she knew I knew this, I had no idea.

She advanced on me so quickly that I thought for one earth shattering second that she was going to kiss me.  Instead, she hugged me tighter than she ever hugged me before.  Again, it wasn’t a ‘friendly’ hug you give to just anyone, her head was turned into my face and her arms were underneath mine. She gripped my shoulders with her hands tightly.

She was practically on top of me.  

Before I could even form a coherent thought, I heard the front door open and voices came pouring in.  We broke apart immediately.  

The girls were home.

I made it to the hallway first.

“Um..?  What happened to the show?” I asked.

“Cancelled!” Sunny said, shaking her hair.  This seemed to be her new favorite thing to do. “Baseball game.”

“What’s wrong with you guys?” Sooyoung asked.  “You’re flushed.  Did we interrupt something?”  She grinned.

The others looked at one another, puzzled.

I turned to Tiffany, who was indeed flushed, just like I must have been.

“Later.” She mouthed.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
NekoLS #1
Chapter 27: Itsssooo good but i hope snsd still could go on as 9
Fight for their justice
Mihyun101 #2
Chapter 5: AWWW
Mihyun101 #3
Chapter 1: OWO
0kraaa #4
Chapter 27: If only this happened for real...it felt real reading this! The realities of being queer in Korea now still seem very challenging. A top star shaking up the entertainment world...the story’s Taeyeon thinking about the hypocrisy of fan culture + homophobia, overcoming her own internalized shame, and growing in that love and support she shared with this story’s Tiffany and SNSD and even BoA is so wonderfully written. Great work and imagination dear author. And here’s to hoping for real culture shifts 💕🏳️‍🌈
YP26Ok #5
Chapter 27: Wow...
Yangisgay
#6
Chapter 27: I reread this so often. It's the most incredible ending
jenlisasbiatch
#7
Chapter 27: Wow. Just... wow
NessieW #8
Chapter 27: Unforgettable story.
kjms29
#9
Chapter 27: I just finished reading this story, which btw is often recommended to Locksmiths, and I'm not disappointed. The plot made so much sense that for most of chapters, I thought it was about their real story. If it wasn't just a fanfic, a lot of things would make sense actually. Eventually, the last chapter made me come back to reality and I realized that it was indeed a fanfic lol. However, the way it ended echoed in me and I must say the last chapter is my favourite. It made me think about how SNSD is more than just an idol group and how they impacted the korean society. Really loved this story and I hope I'll be able to read more of your works. Great job, authornim!
SilentLone
#10
Chapter 27: LET THE WAR BEGIN!!!!!!