The moon was bright tonight. 

It stood sentinel, perfectly round and larger than I remember seeing it in a long time.  The cool air blowing in through the window made my nose start to go numb but I liked that feeling.   Being completely wrapped up and feeling the weight of my blankets push me against the bed during a cold night was perfect, though I knew the still body beside me didn’t agree with the arrangement.

I welcomed what was left of the winter.

Through the thin wall behind me I could hear Tiffany’s quiet laughter, a loud creak and a shift of weight in her bed.  I was growing desensitized to listening to them together every night.  When there wasn’t another sound to be heard in the entire house, it seemed that was Taeyeon and Tiffany’s time to play, which was fine.  It was probably good for me to listen to.  It emphasized the reality of the days’ events.

Marriage.  I couldn’t believe it.  I couldn’t understand what the rush was.  Just over four months ago they had just started courting one another, to take this step… They must be absolutely sure. 

Taeyeon looked so happy today that she was glowing.

…

Ultimately, that’s all that mattered right?  Even if I wasn’t the one able to make her happy, to be with her, I was glad there was someone there that could.  Looking back, I kind of knew all along that Taeyeon had always belonged to Tiffany, even before I knew that what they had was more than just an innocent friendship; before I even knew what my own feelings meant.

I’d come to terms with the fact that Tiffany beat me, she won, she got the prize. Losing a competition like this wasn’t something I was used to, or prepared for but being in a band with nine other perfect looking women was a bit of a double edged sword.  I loved them all dearly but when you’re living with someone like Sooyoung who can just roll out of bed and look flawless it’s not the best self confidence booster.  I’d always hoped I’d never have to compete with one of them on a romantic scale and though I figured eventually it would probably happen eventually, I wasn’t prepared for it. 

It was easier to remember that when it came to Taeyeon there was no competition with Tiffany.  I never stood a chance.

But the thing I continue to struggle with was the void where Taeyeon and mine’s friendship had been.  I can see whenever she looks at me that she’s cautious, she takes much more care in her words with me.  I… think she no longer trusts me.

Before all of these complications, Taeyeon and I were great friends, especially back in our training days.

… She was so adorable as a kid.

I missed that Taeyeon more than anything, even though I learned in time that it was a front she put up to all of us.  There was something so sweet and innocent about Taeyeon when I’d first met her.  Every step we took together in the direction of becoming a real group, she led ahead with so much enthusiasm.  For me, it was more of a trial through exhaustion, but for Taeyeon it looked like every day was Christmas, she’d waited her entire life for that opportunity and when it was so close, she was contagious.  She carried us along with her, me especially.

Humor was her strong point; it was her elixir for every affliction and it worked on me better than anything I’d ever experienced. 

When she started showing interest in Tiffany, I was surprised, almost disbelieving.  I always knew they had a special friendship but I couldn’t have imagined how close and special their relationship seemed to become just overnight, like snapping your fingers… Suddenly they needed each other as much as they needed air.  They were each other’s sustenance.

So where did this leave me?

Now, I can’t even look at Taeyeon without her becoming suspicious of me. 

It was a concern I brought up to Tiffany today and she thought the only thing that could help is if I backed off for a while, gave Taeyeon some time and develop my relationship with Yuri, but was that only because she felt insecure as well? 

I rolled onto my side and pouted at the figure sleeping beside me.  I’d never known anyone so patient and understanding in my life.  When we started this relationship I told her straight up about the lingering feelings I had for Taeyeon, and she acted as though it didn’t bother her, even though I know deep down it did.  I told her that she could do better… that it wasn’t smart for me to start a relationship when I was still going through this but she said she’d just be sitting around waiting for me anyway.  She agreed to take it slow with me.  She still wanted me even though I was terrible to her, even though I wouldn’t be one hundred percent hers until I could clear my head of this confusion… She thought I was worth it to wait it out. 

Sweet Yuri.

I don’t know if she can even fathom how much she’s been helping me through this. Since I agreed to be hers, her confidence level had improved by leaps and bounds.  She has somewhat taken over when it comes to ‘protecting’ me.  Her method was very simple; just try and keep my head busy, out of sight out of mind.  We spent most of our time together alone, not needing to spend every minute surrounded by the girls.  It was an easy way to avoid any awkward situations.

It was enough to just have somebody lying next to me in bed, but having somebody I had so much in common with was the best.  What we had, I could tell, was something very special.  It was growing, but it was developing at a snails’ pace.  Our schedules were conflicting so often lately that it should have been just enough that I could see her but it wasn’t.  I needed more…

I shook her shoulder to no effect, so I sat up beside her.

We’d have plenty of time to sleep tomorrow on the plane, it’s not like she needed to be completely rested.

I crawled on top of her and shook her again.  She shifted but went still again without opening her eyes.  This time I heard Taeyeon’s laughter through the wall and frowned at it. 

“Yuri-ahhh…” I whispered and shook her again.

Her eyes came open and she found me perched atop her with a look of surprise before rolling onto her side.  She almost rolled me off of her.

“Wake up.” I said, leaning over her, resting my head on her shoulder.

“Why?” She whimpered.

“Because…” I whined.  I didn’t really have an answer.

“What’s with you?” She said, eyeing the clock.

I slid off of her and put my arms around her from behind.

“I just miss you.” I said.

“But I’m right here.” She said.  Her tone of voice led me to believe that she was, in fact, still asleep but she rubbed my arm comfortingly anyway.

I pressed my face into her back and let my hand snake under her tank top to her stomach.  I knew of one surefire way to wake her up…

“What are you doing?” She asked, recoiling a little from my cold hand.

I didn’t answer.  Instead, I just let my fingertips trace the defined lines of Yuri’s abs. 

Yuri’s body was her temple.  I knew it was the one physical thing about herself she was most proud of, and she very much had every right to be.  She worked countless hours in the gym just to perfect it and that’s exactly what happened, her body… was absolutely perfect, like it was sculpted out of ivory.  Her head picked up and she smirked over her shoulder at me smugly.

“You like that?” She asked.

I bit my lip and nodded to great effect; she seemed egged on by this.

She gave the biggest, fakest yawn I’d ever seen and brought her hands above her head, arching her back and stretching her long body, but I knew better.  She was flexing for me.  And as remedial and, perhaps, narcissistic as that sounds, I found it adorable.

Her abs became harder and even more defined underneath my touch.  I used the opportunity to slide my other hand under her enjoy all of Yuri’s stomach.  Yuri… knew how to move, to put it lightly.   She knew exactly how to be y and she was in complete control of her body.  I looked forward to what was in store for me in that regard… though I was in no rush to get there.

“Ooh, y…” I whispered, grinning.

 She chuckled lightly and rolled over to face me, looking slightly red but pleased with herself.

“Alright, let’s hear it.” She said.

“Eh?”

“Why are you waking me up at one in the morning, Sica?”

“I wanted your attention.” I said, seeing no reason to lie. “I went like a week without you, but I’m sorry I shouldn’t have woke you.”

Yuri smiled widely.

“Sica, baby, don’t worry about waking me up.” She said. 

Her eyes sparkled even in the darkness while she looked upon me.  She brought a finger into my hair and started curling it around her finger.  It was still early enough in the relationship that she could give me butterflies just by looking at me like this.   I waited for her next move on baited breath, letting my eyes fall to her lips, hoping to tip her off.

She smiled again.

“And just what are you after?” She whispered.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said, grinning at her accusation.

“Liar.” She said.  She pushed herself up onto her hands and knees and crawled slowly on top of me.

I bit my lip to curb a shiver that was running through me.  Feeling her body on top of me with a few thin layers of cloth being the only thing separating me from her warm flesh made me tremble.  I felt like she was actually melting me.  My muscles, my bones… everything she touched caught fire and burned me from the inside out.   I could tell she was enjoying my reaction.  I had no way of hiding what I was feeling. 

“Ah, I think I found what you were after.” She whispered, grinning.

She was so close now that her nose brushed against mine.  I just closed my eyes and waited.  I didn’t want to ask for it.  I wanted her to kiss me because she wanted to.

“Yah, now that I’m awake you try and go back to sleep?” She asked. 

I bit my lip and opened my eyes, partially gutted that she didn’t understand, but I was met with a light, playful expression.  I gathered that she was joking with me.  We locked eyes and she started closing the distance between us.

“You are… so beautiful.” She said softly.  It sounded like her speech was getting caught in .  My heart was thrashing against my ribcage.  Finally, I didn’t feel alone anymore.  Finally, I was special; I would never be ignored again. 

I belonged to Yuri.

She tilted her head into mine, teasing my skin with her warm breath and I could just barely feel her lips brush against mine when something heavy hit the wall behind us.  We jumped apart.

“Agngnh!” I heard somebody moan.  “Fany-ah, that was my head! Are you trying to kill me?!”

“Shhhh..”

Tiffany’s low chuckle came first before both of their laughter trailed off into silence.

Yuri was staring at the wall with hanging open.

“Is… Is that what woke you up?” She asked me.

I shook my head… lying.

“I have no problem telling them to shut up.” Yuri said, glaring now.

“No, it’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.” I lied again.

“I’m going to go give them a piece of my mind.” She started to push herself up.

I threw my hand onto her shoulder to try and keep her in place and she looked at me inquisitively. 

“Yuri-ah… stay.” I pouted.

“It’ll only take a sec-.” She said.

“Please.” I pleaded when she tried to move again.  “Stay with me.”

“…It really bothers me.   They know you’re in here. They have no respect for… for us.”

I took a deep breath and tried to control my face.

Did I like listening to Taeyeon and Tiffany fool around? No.  It and to be completely honest, the first night I spent in this room and had to listen to them I ended up in tears but when Yuri was in my face it was only an afterthought.  I was still damaged goods as far as unrequited love but she had to know that I was getting better.  I was healing because she was there for me. 

I rubbed her shoulder and as we exchanged a glance I think she understood what I was feeling and how much I needed her.

“Alright.  I’m not going anywhere.” She breathed. 

I smiled and starting rubbing her defined shoulder. 

After a while she flexed her arm and gave me a dorky grin. I giggled.

“Come back.” I said, holding my arms out.

Fire and ice…

Without hesitating she dove into them and we crashed against the mattress. She was nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck and suddenly everything was okay in the world again.  I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face.  It was like that whole incident never even happened… If we could keep this up maybe I could forget I ever had feelings for Taeyeon. 

Maybe… I can be the girlfriend that Yuri deserves. 

“Yuri-ah…?” I whispered.

Unable to wait any longer, a traced a finger up the front of and brought her face level with mine.  I kissed her just long enough to make her chase my lips in return when I pulled away.  Her soft lips became one with mine and I gripped her shoulders tightly, trying desperately to be even closer to her than I already was.  While she kissed me, I opened my eyes to watch her delicate expression.  I felt so much better about myself.  Tonight, I wasn’t thinking about anybody else.

“C’mon Tae.” Tiffany said, waiting up for me.

I’d stopped in the corridor leading off of the plane to make sure my bag was securely shut.

I was in a particularly happy mood to be coming back to Korea after such a short trip to Japan.  When I’d heard the schedule of shooting a music video I really anticipated more work, but it was the easiest experience of my life.  MV’s are usually days upon days of work, choreography, makeup and wardrobe… Time Machine was lip synching and a few ‘acting’ shots… piece of cake.

I stood up straight again and smiled at Tiffany, making pace beside her as we started through the airport.

“Wow. It’s packed.” Tiffany said, glancing around.

We took our time going through but for a night arrival the airport was extremely busy.  It seemed like a lot of people were there for us.  I saw Sooyoung and Sunny pass us as we really tried to take it all in.  You can only ignore people screaming your name for so long until your head automatically turns.

“Stay close to me.” Tiffany whispered.  I nodded.

Peculiar, sometimes, how our fans can know exactly where we are at every moment, whether our schedule is announced publically or not.  There were pink balloons and camera flashes everywhere.  I saw little pink clouds in my eyes where I’d caught a flash.  We were almost to the exit when I felt my sneaker come loose.

“Yah, Tiffany wait up.” I said, and dropped to a knee to retie it.  The voices around me were getting louder; I continued to do my best to ignore them.

I pulled my hood over my head while I stood upright and was surprised to find myself completely surrounded by people.  I looked around and I couldn’t find Tiffany.  It was mostly men surrounding me, pointing their cameras in my face, yelling loudly to get my attention and pushing one another.  I froze on the spot and dropped my head low.

How could they have swarmed me so quickly?  Where was security?  Where… was Tiffany?  Did she leave me?

I felt like I was shrinking in front of them.  Every one of my muscles contracted and I just stood there unable to move, not that I would have been able to get anywhere with all these people obstructing my way.  Fear started creeping within me.  I had no protection, no safety whatsoever. If just one of these people wasn’t quite right in the head I could be hurt, killed.  They could make an easy escape amongst this madness.  My heart told me to get out, I had to get out but I had no way.

Calm down, Taeyeon, you aren’t going to die in this airport.

I took a sigh of relief when I saw airport security starting appearing first, pushing their way into the center and trying to make a small buffer zone around me.  I was shocked that my own security hadn’t appeared yet.  This was the biggest lapse in our security since somebody had actually made it onto the stage and pulled me off. 

Why did it always end up being me?

We were moving now, albeit, slowly.  The crowd was getting rowdier.  I kept my head down, I wanted to cry.  As an idol, you know to expect this.  By becoming rich and famous you automatically sign up for this sort of treatment.  Getting into a scary situation in public didn’t happen this bad very often, but we all knew it would probably happen eventually to each of us. 

I looked at each of the faces around me.  It seemed like a mixture of people, wide eyed young fans who were there and genuinely excited to see me and people who just wanted to get the shot, to the picture of me the movie that would be playing on the internet.  I wasn’t sure I considered those people to be fans.  And I felt bad for the real fans that were there that also had to deal with this.  I saw some good Samaritans were now trying to quell the crowd and aid the security.

Shock crossed my face when I saw Tiffany reemerge, pushing her way between two tall men at the front of the buffer zone.  She took my arm in hers and my head automatically came to rest on her shoulder.  Now that I had somebody else next to me I could feel how hard I was shaking. 

“…I’m… so sorry, Tae…” She whispered into my head.  I shook it abruptly.  Not far behind her our real security started showing up and shoving people out of the way.   I actually started to cry when I saw the real fans getting the same treatment as the idiots that were causing this mayhem.  Small girls, and children being shoved viscously away for doing nothing wrong… because of me.

They caused a breach in the circle around us and one of the men I recognized as our lead security starting pulling us through it.  I clutched to Tiffany’s hard so tightly that her arm must have been going numb by now, but I didn’t care.  I couldn’t lose her again.  When we finally made it into the street there were two vans we were being split into.  We both went to enter the same one but Tiffany got pulled in and I got pulled into the other one.  I finally got a glance of her face as the door to her van was closing.  It was void of any color and full of remorse.

Inside the warm quiet van I could hear how loud I was breathing.    

I didn’t immediately recognize who was with me, where I was sitting, and what was being said around me, I just knew I was suddenly safe.

A long arm reached over the seat in front of me and took my hand and I looked up into Sooyoung’s concerned face.  When we locked eyes, I started crying in earnest.

“It’s okay…” She said, soothingly.

I looked beside me and saw that Jessica and Yuri were there.  I immediately felt my cell phone vibrate, but I ignored it.  My muscles refused to unlock.

Jessica was talking to Yuri too softly to be able to overhear.  Yuri didn’t answer, but I suddenly felt arms come around me and my head was on Jessica’s shoulder.  Another hand reached around her to come to rest on my head.

“We were so worried. They wouldn’t let us come back for you.” Yuri said.

“Are you hurt?” Jessica murmured.

I shook my head.  My thoughts were slowly becoming ungarbled and I registered Yongjun in the front seat screaming into his phone angrily.  My muscles were relaxing and I reached into my pocket to fish out my cell phone without removing myself from Jessica’s embrace.

Four missed text messages already, all from Tiffany.  All apologies, begging forgiveness, blaming herself… It was my fault not hers. Stupid shoe… I started typing quickly to try and calm her down. 

I sent a text off and looked up into Jessica’s face to find it just as white as Tiffany’s had been.  Yuri was holding onto her free hand tightly.  I wondered if she got permission to comfort me.

“I’m fine.” I said, sniffing loudly and wiping my face, trying to regain my composure. “It just got a little dicey back there.”

Jessica scrutinized me and patted my shoulder once before reclaiming her arm. 

“It still is.” Yongjun said, hanging up his phone. “We’re being followed.”

In unison, we all peered out the back window.  I could see at least three taxis following us.  The closest of which was so close that if we had to stop I was sure he’d hit us.  My mouth fell open.

Feeling sick I turned to the front again.  I would be unable to watch this without worrying to death. 

“Omo…” Yuri breathed.

“This is insane, Yongjun.  Can we lose them?” Sooyoung asked.

“It would be more dangerous if we drove faster.” Yongjun said. 

I silently agreed and just let my eyes close.  It wasn’t a long drive back to the dorm.  I wasn’t… the most religious person in the world, but I prayed for our safety, just like I knew Tiffany must be right now.  If we would have just tried to get into this van first, we might have been able to be together right now.  I wished so much that she was here.  If something happened to their van…. If I lost any of my girls I would never forgive myself. 

The drive, though it was about fifteen minutes, seemed to go on forever. 

The vans parked opposite each other inside the dorm parking lot to shield us from the gate where the taxi’s weren’t allowed in. 

I could still hear people yelling from the entrance as we started to get out.  I stepped onto the street and felt immediately weak in the knees, and almost fell.  Tiffany launched herself out of their van and took me in her arms immediately.  Her tears were running down my neck.

“That was so scary.” She whimpered.

I sighed in relief again, holding her close and just rocking back and forth as the others got out of the van…

Eventually, I felt another pair of arms come around us.  And another… And another…

Tiffany let me sleep in as long as I wanted to the next day.  She was in bed beside me reading when I became conscious again.  I woke up with a horrible headache and didn’t rest very well after everything that had happened. 

“I want to show you something.” Tiffany said, urging me out of bed.

“Can’t I just sleep?” I asked, wanting to roll over and go back to bed.

“No… You can in a little bit, okay?  Just come to the living room with me.” She said, sending off a text message and standing beside the bed, holding her hands out to me.

I looked up at her sadly before taking them, hoping to distract her by just throwing my arms around her and holding her closer.  She obliged me… just for a little bit though.

She kissed my head and put an arm around me, leading me to the door.

“You can’t hide forever, Tae.  It was just a lapse-“

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, dully.

I knew I looked like hell.  My hair was askew, I was still wearing pajamas… I didn’t care. What could possibly be so important that I had to go into the living room?

I winced and automatically tried to turn around when I saw that everybody seemed to be in there, but Tiffany didn’t release me.  I didn’t even understand what they were doing there.  They didn’t seem to have a purpose to be congregated like that.  I didn’t meet anybodies eyes, just came to stand beside the island awkwardly.  I looked at Tiffany, silently asking what the heck we were doing here.

A knock came at the door.

“It’s me.” Yongjun’ voice said.

I groaned and came to stand behind Tiffany, to shield myself from his view when Sunny opened the door.

“…What are you all doing?” He asked.

I peered around her shoulder at him unknowingly.  His eyes caught mine and widened.

“You aren’t even dressed? You were supposed to be ready!” He looked panicked now.

My stomach dropped.

“What?!” Sooyoung asked, “But we don’t have a schedule today!”

“Oh yes you do.” Yongjun said. “And he’s going to be here any minute.”

“…Are they filming the dorm?” Jessica asked with wide eyes.

“Yes.” Yongjun said.  He looked around the corner to where the elevator was and looked back to us.  “It’s too late now.”

“Oh god.” I said, my head coming to rest against Tiffany’s back.  Maybe I could just hide back here.  This had to be a nightmare.

A few beats passed.

“Hello SNSD.” A man’s voice said.  It was somewhat familiar; I wondered what host it was…

“Hello.” The girls replied weakly.

What a disaster, I thought.

“We’ll get started a few moments.  I just need to see the leader first.” He said.

Sunny giggled. How she could laugh at my misfortune was beyond me.

I sighed and stepped out to apologize, to beg for more time to get ready.  This was the most unprofessional thing I’d ever done in my career.  How could I have forgotten an obligation?  I was so sure we had a free day today…

But when I looked up and locked eyes with the man that was standing at the door, a box in one hand and a camera that was… strikingly similar to my own open and pointing at me, recognition flooded me.

He was taller than me by a substantial amount now, much taller than last time I’d seen him.  He wore a baseball cap that was tilted upwards and wore a satisfied grin.  His eyes… his eyes were mine.

“Jiwoong.” My voice cracked.

He stuck his tongue out between his grin. “Hidden camera success!”

I knew everyone was staring at me but I ignored them.  I only had eyes for my big brother who I hadn’t seen in so long.  I walked to him slowly and he put the box down on the counter delicately and handed the camera off to Sunny before putting his arms around me and picking me up.

I burrowed my head into his shoulder and the mild tears just came automatically.

My big brother, maybe the relationship that has suffered the most due to my fame, finally came back to see me.  I hadn’t even been able to see him for Christmas since he was abroad.

“Oppa, what are you doing here?” I croaked.

“Well…” He said, setting me down and looking at me, his hands on my shoulders. “I thought for my little sister’s birthday I could make a trip out of it, instead of a lame phone call.  I mean, to come to SNSD’s dorm is pretty much torture for any man of my stature, right? But I’ll make that sacrifice for you.” He finished sarcastically.

The others laughed.

I beamed up at him, as if I wouldn’t be able to look at him long enough.  It barely registered at all that today was my birthday.  It was easy to forget with how horrible I felt last night. 

Somebody turned out the lights in the kitchen and the box my brother had been carrying was now open, an ornate cake with lit candles stuck into it dazzled my eyes. 

They all started singing at once.

I had a hard time looking at the cake with him there; I kept staring up at him unable to believe that he could really be here right now.

I blew out the candles not knowing what else I could possibly wish for and the lights came on.  Tiffany was immediately cutting cake and I pulled my brother into the living area, onto the couch next to me and just stared at him.  It was kind of rude to just take him away before letting him greet everyone else but I needed to be alone with him for just a little while.  The others were respecting that.

“You know, it’s like four in the afternoon, did you really just wake up?” He asked, looking concerned.

I grinned. 

“I had a rough night.” I said.

“I heard.” He looked angry.

“Nothing really happened… it’s not a b-“

“It’s frustrating.” He smiled, tightly. “To know that I can’t do anything to protect my little sister when she’s in danger is unbearable.” 

“You don’t have to worry about me.” I patted his hand.

“I asked your manager if I could join your security team.” He chuckled.

“You didn’t really, did you?” I asked, warily.

“I did.  He said I was too scrawny.” He laughed.

“Oppa, you have your own stuff going on.  Really, don’t worry about me.”

I took his hat off and brushed my hand through his shorter hair, shorter than I’d ever seen it. 

“It’s starting to come back from the military.” He said, running his own hand through it. “Do you like it?”

“You look very handsome.” I smiled.

He smiled back at me until his attention was caught on Tiffany who was bringing us cake and ice cream.  I took a plate and watched as my brother surveyed Tiffany with controlled interest.

He nudged me when she walked away.

“That’s the one? Tipani?” He asked.

“Eh?”

His eyebrows rose.

“Umma tells me everything, you know…” He said.

I stared at him as took a bite of cake, managing to get frosting on his nose. 

So Mom had told him.  He… didn’t seem bothered by it, rather more interested in the cake than anything else.  It wasn’t until he swallowed that he looked back at me.

“It’s fine.” He grinned. “Really.”

I nodded slowly. He really made things too easy for me.  Though, I remember being a preteen and having him threaten to beat up any boy that would ever threaten to come home with me, or hurt me.  I thought maybe this brought him peace of mind.  That he considered Tiffany a safer option, rather than the guys he'd expect me to bring home from the music industry...

“That’s the one.” I said, looking back up at Tiffany who was keeping herself busy in the kitchen.

“And you’re happy?” He asked.

“Very.”

“That’s all that matters.” He said, scooping some ice cream into his mouth.

“Oppa… You can’t tell mom but…” I started.

I trusted him more than anybody else in the world…

“I asked her to marry me.” I whispered the last part.

“Oh?” He asked, his mouth hanging open, cake crumbs falling down onto his T-shirt.

I nodded and brushed them away.

“We’re engaged.” I said.

“Wow, you’re so grown up.” He said, his eyes sparkling down at me. “How are you going to keep that one from Mom?”

“We’re not getting married for a long time.” I said. “I’ll tell Mom eventually.”

“She misses you.” He said thoughtfully, putting his plate aside and rubbing his hands together.

“I miss her, too.”

…

I leaned my head on his shoulder and just rested there for a long while.  We talked about his life, how he’s working at my father’s shop while he looks for something better.  After yesterday’s events, hearing about the normalcy of his life made me jealous.

I could see the others from the kitchen watching us.  Tiffany was the most obvious. I motioned for her to come over and she sat on the on the other side of the couch next to him.

He leaned off me when she sat and looked at her inquisitively.  Tiffany looked a little nervous to be honest.

She offered a hand to him and he immediately looked insulted by it.  I could see this alarmed her.  Instead, he pulled her into a hug.

She looked at me, a little shocked, while she was in his arms.

“So, you’re my new sister, now?” He asked, his lip curling.

Tiffany smiled hugely.

“Aish, that eye smile is even more intense in real life.” He said, glancing to me.

“Tell me about it.” I smirked.

“Yah!” Tiffany said, making a faux scowl.

“Aw, don’t gang up on her.” Sooyoung said, leaning against the wall.  The others were starting to trickle into the living room now.  The expression on Sooyoung’s face made me suspicious.  She couldn’t take her eyes off my brother.

“Isn’t my brother handsome?” I said to the room in general.  I pulled his hat back off and pinched his cheek.  He recoiled.

“Yes.” A few of them agreed. Sunny snickered.

“Handsome with a very beautiful g-” I stopped my mid sentence when I went to take his hand.  His ring was missing.  There was still even a tan line from where it had been.

He held up both hands to me and smiled mechanically. “No ring. No beautiful girlfriend.”

I frowned.  He’d been with his last girlfriend for over a year. 

“And why are you trying to ruin my chances with SNSD?” He asked, grinning.

Sooyoung nodded enthusiastically, agreeing with him.  I looked up at her and she looked away.  Omo…

“Right, um, you haven’t seen these dorms before, have you? I should give you a tour.” I said.

“Your ice cream’s melting.” He said, pointing to my ignored plate.  I looked down at it.

“I’ll give you a tour.” Sooyoung said.

“Yeah?” He asked, getting up. My mouth fell open.

“Me too.” Sunny said, grinning.

The three of them disappeared around the corner and I was left staring after them.  Tiffany scooted over on the couch next to me.

“I miss you.” She whispered into my shoulder.

“Aigoo, I miss you too.” I said, realizing I haven’t really had any time with her since Japan.  “You knew about this?” I asked.

She nodded. “It was a really good surprise, right?” She asked.  She picked the spoon up off my plate and offered me some ice cream.

“The best.” I beamed.

Yuri and Jessica were on a different couch together, seemingly in another world with one another, sharing a low conversation.  Yuri caught me staring at her and smiled at me.  I smiled back.

“And over on this side of the dorm are our rooms.” Sunny said.  They now were on either side of my brother, an arm looped through each of his, leading him along.  Hyoyeon thought better of remaining in the living room and followed after them.

Truthfully, he looked like he was in heaven.

“Now I know where you get all your expressions.” Yuri said, when they were out of earshot.  Her speaking to me had popped Jessica’s bubble and she looked over as well.

“People have always said that.” I smiled.

When they returned, we sat around for a long while and he shared stories with us from the real world; from a normal life.  The girls seemed to hang on his every word and my head with its still pounding headache landed on Tiffany’s shoulders as I listened. Her fingers were loosely intertwined with mine.

“I’ll tell you what though.  It’s annoying having a SNSD member as a sibling.” He shook his head.

“Why?” I asked, a little affronted.

“Well, in University, you know how you get a random roommate in the dorms. And I’d have the pictures of my family lined up, Umma Appa, Haeyeon, Taeyeon.  And my roommates would come in and think Taeyeon was my bias.” He said, looking at me severely.

Tiffany was clapping frantically.

That’s awkward.

“But eventually they’d find out who I was, and then they’d want me to set them up with her. Like on a date.” He rolled his eyes.

Sunny was on the floor laughing.  Sooyoung stood, positioned perfectly opposite him; The only person in the room standing.  How obvious could she be?

“This one term.” He pointed a finger in the air. “I had a roommate and we shared a bunk.  I was on the bottom and he was on the top bunk.  And he actually had a poster of Taeyeon on the ceiling right above his head.”

I remembered hearing about this before.

“I wanted to clobber the guy.  Ironically, he’s the only one that didn’t find out I was related to her.” He looked over to me grinning, but his smile faded when he saw me.

“You look tired.” He said.

“I just have a headache.” I said. “I’m fine.”

He stood up.

“I should get back to the hotel.” He said, halfway pulling out his cell phone to glance at the time.

“You don’t have to.” I shook my head.

“I don’t leave until late afternoon tomorrow.” He smiled and held a hand out to me.

I took it and he pulled into another tight hug.

“Oppa, it’s so good to see you.” I mumbled against his chest.

“We’ll spend more time together tomorrow.” He insisted. “And you too.” He pointed at Tiffany.

“Yes!” She said.

He messed up my hair even worse than it already was before heading to the door.  “Rest well.”

“Goodnight.” I said. 

The others bade him farewell and dispersed.  I caught Sooyoung by the elbow before she walked away.

“You and I are talking tomorrow.” I looked at her seriously.

She bit her lip and smiled, walking away without a word.

My hand came to my throbbing head, and before I knew it Tiffany was leading us to our bedroom.  I fell into the bed immediately, registering that I hadn’t even changed out of my pajamas all day long.  I heard the door lock and felt her to come to rest beside me.

“That was really sweet.” She mused.  “Watching you two together.”

I sighed contently, happy to be back in the silence and enjoying Tiffany’s hand running up and down my back.

“Do you even know how much I love you?” I asked, without opening my eyes.

“I think I have a general idea.” She said, smiling. “But it’s not half as much as I love you.”

I shook my head and fought against the silent weight that was already pressing in on me.  Stress can do a lot of things to people, evident in the headache I was suffering from and the sore muscles I had all over.  I had to sleep this off as much as I wanted to just stay up with Tiffany all night, my body needed rest. 

“Do you want your present now or tomorrow?” She asked.

I hesitated and grudgingly said, “Tomorrow.”

She pulled me up to lay correctly in the bed and pulled the covers over both of us. 

…

“It makes me happy that you told him.”

“I’ll tell everyone soon enough.  And whether they approve or not I’ll still be so proud that you’re mine.” I breathed.

I felt a hand on my face and then her breath.  Her lips against mine, sweet like sugar, and I fought with the rest of the energy I had left to kiss her like I wanted to.  Like I needed her to kiss me.

When she pulled away I tried hard to opening my eyes to look at her, but I felt them roll, I got a blurred picture of her before I gave up.

“Sleep, baby.” She whispered and smoothed my hair over.

I really should have known that we were due for something bad to happen to us.  I should have expected it and been more careful.  It seemed fitting that it happened in an airport of all places.  If you fly too close to the sun, your wings will melt and you will fall…

Lucky enough for me, Tiffany will always be there to catch me.