27^th Aug 2015: In another life, we shall meet again – we shall laugh again.

And no lies shall be uttered as long as I’m with you, boyfriend.

 

Those were the only words Baekhyun had left written in his black-leathered journal, followed by faint drops of reddish dirt – Chanyeol prefers to believe that it was some sort of paint, and not the blood dripped from Baekhyun’s nose when he was writing his final message.

 

He places the book gently on the dresser near his bed, the ticking sound of the brown clock hanging on the wall of his room reminds him of the time he would have spent with Baekhyun before he evanesced into thin air.

 

He feels afraid to be looking into the mirror, to see his horrible self reflected on the wide glass, albeit he already knows how his eyes appear swollen with dried tear tracks visible against his pale cheeks. Park Chanyeol is absolutely devastated and crushed, his legs feeling like they could not hold him on any longer.

 

He stares at the small framed picture sat on his dresser – a picture of himself, in his football jersey, all smiles and happy. Quietly, he flips the journal open to the second page, where Baekhyun had written his first few entries.

 

Baekhyun’s picture was attached on the crusty page, merely glued onto the thin piece of paper. Chanyeol’s eyes soften at the sight of Baekhyun’s bright smile; he swipes his thumb against the beautiful face and carefully, he takes out the photo from the journal – replacing the former photo on the frame.

 

His eyes begin to swell once more, the tears hanging against his eyelashes before he blinks them away, wiping the ones on his cheeks with the back of his hand.

 

“My angel,” He whispers as he brings the framed photo of Baekhyun closer to his chest, hugging it for dear life. “Don’t have too much fun up there without me.”

 

The black inked pen traced Chanyeol’s handwriting with sorrow, words delicately formed below Baekhyun’s last message and Chanyeol’s fallen tears on the journal.

 

29^th Aug 2015: In another life, we shall love again – we shall laugh again.

And no days shall pass, as long as I’m with you, mine.

 

 

He does not realize that he had collapsed on the hardwood floors of his room – it was almost dawn when his eyes flutter open only for him to see how tight his grip was, still holding onto Baekhyun’s framed picture in his embrace. He rubs at his eyes, his throat feeling a little raw from all the crying and screaming he did that evening. He tries to avoid looking into Baekhyun’s brown, crescent eyes in the picture when he places the frame back on the dresser before dragging his feet to his bed.

 

His muted phone had been ringing since the mid afternoon, some congratulating him for winning the games – only a few sending him condolences upon Baekhyun’s death. Kris had texted him, saying he was sorry for Chanyeol’s loss, but no one is sorry and guilty enough as Chanyeol was when he saw how Baekhyun’s heart stopped beating.

 

The inevitable tears falling from Chanyeol’s eyes disallow him to sleep, to at least rest before he says goodbye to Baekhyun at his funeral tomorrow. He tries to forget the tone of Baekhyun’s skin and the texture of Baekhyun’s lips against his but the thoughts just keep on haunting him; all he wants to do is to go and ever return again—just like what Baekhyun did.

 

“I want you to be happy but being with me… you won’t.” Baekhyun chuckled. “I don’t want you to attend my funeral. I don’t want you anywhere near me when I die. It would hurt me.”

 

That morning, Chanyeol adjusts the black cravat of his suit before he takes a deep breath in. By now, he feels sick to his stomach to be looking at himself in the mirror – it seems like the mirror would possibly crack anytime. He readies himself to let go – not that he ever will – and he grabs his phone by the bed stand, not forgetting to swipe his fingertips on his lips before brushing them against Baekhyun’s picture on the dresser.

 

Baekbeom welcomes him with a warm, apologetic hug when he arrives at the funeral ceremony. Like Chanyeol, he looks like he was sleep deprived and completely depressed. Chanyeol would not blame him for appearing as so. Baekhyun had taken a toll on everybody after his death, and Chanyeol wishes that his darling could see just how many people had come to mourn over him.

 

He sees Doctor Kim by the oak tree, dressed in black and his head hung low. He sees a woman, weeping helplessly in an elderly man’s arm, with Baekhyun’s brother comforting them one by one – and Chanyeol knows that Baekhyun’s parents have been informed that their youngest son is no longer with them.

 

Surprisingly, though, he sees Jongin, sitting on the big old rock by the dried grass. He pads towards the boy quietly and slowly, both his hands shoved into his pockets as he sits beside the unwavering, sun-kissed boy on the rock. Jongin turns to him with a bitter smile, his hand coming up to squeeze Chanyeol’s shoulder before he exhales. “Hey.”

 

“He always said that he wasn’t friends with any one, because he doesn’t want to hurt them when he dies,” Chanyeol chuckles, his left palm reaching up to wipe the steady crystals by his eyes before they could fall and reach the ground where Baekhyun is about to be buried in. “Look how many people attended and are crying over him. That evil love of mine.”

 

Jongin tries to laugh, but to the very least, all he could do is croak out his cracked cough. “Baekhyun… He’s just…he’s a very nice person.”

 

Chanyeol nods, staring at his hands, where they stay empty and cold without Baekhyun holding onto them. “He is.”

 

“He came to see me, the other day, right before I broke up with my ex-girlfriends.” Jongin confesses.

 

Chanyeol glances at him slightly, partly shocked at the new information. “Oh?”

 

“Yeah,” The younger of the two hums, “He told me that…if I had really loved Kyungsoo, I should just tell him and not let my feelings be trapped in a shattered bottle in my heart.”

 

Chanyeol stares at the sight of more people arriving, most of them sobbing their hearts out. He finds Kyungsoo, hand in hand with Junmyeon, walking up to greet their other friends. Jongin doesn’t seem to notice Kyungsoo’s presence yet, Chanyeol figures, as the boy is too busy talking about his confused feelings.

 

“The last words Baekhyun said to me was that I should tell Kyungsoo that I’m in love with him,” Jongin smiles, “Because as he said it, ‘It feels good to love someone and be loved by someone’, and he’s right.”

 

Baekhyun is beautiful, all his words and acts are genuine, they’re sincere, sweet and gentle just like him; Baekhyun had seemed to not realize it, but he made everyone around him happy with his presence. Including Chanyeol. Especially Chanyeol.

 

“I miss him, Jongin,” Chanyeol cries, his words muffled by the back of his hand, covering his mouth as he sobs. “He’s gone now and I just… I miss him so much...”

 

“I know, man.” Jongin pats him by his back. “Everyone does.”

 

 

 

 

 

Things to do with Baekhyun:

Day 2: Have lunch with him

Day 3: First date

Day 4: Second date?

Day 5: Buy him coffee

Day 6: Spend more time with him

Day 7: Tell him that you won the games (Which you will)

Day 8: Third date at the park

Day 9: Take him to the movies

Day 10: Kiss him goodbye

 

 

 

 

“And what exactly is this list?”

 

Baekhyun teasingly grins, holding Chanyeol’s to-do list up, slowly swinging the thin piece of paper in the air. His other hand has gripped onto the curve of his waist as he looks at Chanyeol by the bed stand. He looks wonderful and stunning in his white, snowy sweater; the sunlight peeking through the blinds of Chanyeol’s window praises Baekhyun’s porcelain skin gorgeously.

 

Chanyeol, having just been woken up from his deep sleep, stares upwards at the smiling man in front of him. “Baekhyun…?”

 

“Day 9: Take him to the movies,” Baekhyun laughs, “What did you exactly planned on watching? Star Wars?”

 

“M-mine, is that—” Chanyeol chokes on his words, “Is that really you?”

 

Baekhyun smiles softly, gazing at Chanyeol’s eyes with that fond look, before he leans in and cradles Chanyeol’s face with both his hands. He closes his eyes before Chanyeol does, too, and kisses him by the bridge of his nose. He grazes his lips against Chanyeol’s cheeks to his ears. “Wake up now, sweetheart.”

 

And Chanyeol does. He wakes up just a few minutes before his alarm blasts off, signaling that it’s time for him to face reality and head to school. He places his hand by his head, the headache pulsing his head, all the confusion and the pain hitting him at once, before he sees his crumpled to-do list on the edge of his bed. He glares around in his room, left and right, back and forth, and the warmth on the skin of his face feels way too real to be just a bad dream.

 

“Baekhyun…” He clenches at his bed sheets, frustrated. “Please don’t do this to me, love.”

 

 

 

Chanyeol spends his day at the school rooftop, where he remembers himself trapped in Baekhyun’s small arms trying to hug Chanyeol’s waist. Baekhyun was smiling up to him, that day, having successfully been his fake boyfriend for a full day. Heartbreaks – evaluations are manic.

 

He brings the journal to every place he goes, now. Somehow, it keeps him company – instead of him crying over what he’s loss, Baekhyun prepares poetries and words for him to read, to accompany him. Perhaps the latter already knows how Chanyeol would turn out to be after his decease.

 

Chanyeol grins when his fingers find a quartered torn page in the book, with Baekhyun’s pretty writings and scribbles. He shakes his head, laughing lightly, his heart feeling a little light after all the depression he felt the day before. “Idiot…”

 

 

The hospital is a boring place. The doctors are not even nearly as handsome as you, Chanyeol. I have said this before. Can you believe it? That’s how good-looking you are to me.

This is a little quiz I prepared just for you. It must be boring not to have me by your side, mustn’t it? Tsk, my poor baby.

Question 1: You promised not to mourn over my death. By the time you’re reading this, I might be gone. Are you keeping your promise?

State your answer here:

 

Chanyeol grabs his bag by the bench on the rooftop, searching for a red inked pen. Once he finds what he was searching for, Chanyeol places the journal carefully on his lap – jotting down an answer.

 

State your answer here: No

 

With his red inked pen, Chanyeol draws small hearts beside their names, which Baekhyun has written at the edge of paper. His heart shakes at the sight of Baekhyun’s rushed handwriting of ‘7 days’ and he mutters a curse under his breath, still unable to move on from the lie Baekhyun had kept for seven days straight.

 

Question 2: Does Jongin love Kyungsoo?

State your answer here: Yes

Question 3: Does Kyungsoo love Jongin back?

State your answer here: I don’t know

Question 4: Does Chanyeol love Baekhyun?

Chanyeol clenches his fists, with his eyes shut tightly closed, before he writes down an immediate answer, unhesitant.

 

State your answer here: Always & forever

 

At the empty spaces below, he writes down a question he wants to ask Baekhyun, but never got the chance to do so. Although he knows it would never be answered, Chanyeol states one last question on the page.

 

Question 5: Does Baekhyun love Chanyeol?

State your answer here:

 

Before the school bell rings, he finds himself standing in the middle of the football field – the place he had been when Baekhyun passed away. A few hours before, he tells his coach and his team’s captain, Kris, that he could not afford to play anymore – not when that very place would bring him bad, nostalgic memories.

 

“It hurts,” He says to Kris when the latter questions him why he wanted to quit. “It hurts to know that I was here, playing around, when the love of my life was suffering alone, dying at the hospital.”

 

He falls asleep by the couch of his living room, despite his father’s constant blabbering and his stepmother’s judgments towards him and his behavior. His legs could not even bring him to his bedroom to rest peacefully, and Chanyeol stays asleep in his school uniform.

 

Chanyeol feels slender fingers brushing against his arms in the middle of the night, he simply thinks it was his step mother – hence he grumbles, shoving the hands away and tells his step mother that he still needs five minutes of sleep.

 

“At least you should sleep in your bed,” Chanyeol’s ears perk up at the sound of Baekhyun’s amused voice. “You’ll hurt your neck, baby. And it’s darn cold here.”

 

It feels like a metal choking by his neck, truthfully, because he could not dare himself to speak. His jaw remains hanging and he’s wide-awake now, staring at the view of Baekhyun on the other side of the couch, hugging a pillow to his chest. “Boyfriend, how dare you question me of such things?”

 

“W-What?” Chanyeol stammers. “Baekhyun—”

 

“Move on, okay?” Baekhyun grins. “I’ll see you in another life.”

 

“Mine, wait—”

 

And Chanyeol screams himself awake, at midnight, occupied by the quiet noises of the wind outside. He starts panting loudly, catching his breath and only then, he realizes the blanket draped over his sweating body and Baekhyun’s opened journal on the table in front of the old, worn couch.

 

Question 5: Does Baekhyun love Chanyeol?

State your answer here: Always & forever

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol decides to visit Baekhyun’s grave every weekend. Although it pains him to see Baekhyun’s name stated on the tombstone, he finds refuge, being by Baekhyun’s side.

 

Coping with Baekhyun’s death was hard, but just like what he remembered Baekhyun telling him, once; he has to move on. He does not exactly know the epitome of moving on, either if it’s talking to Baekhyun’s grave every Saturdays or writing in Baekhyun’s journal all day.

 

A few months passed just like that, and Chanyeol sits by the earthy ground of the graveyard. He breathes out cold air, for winter has arrived – all the people around him staying indoors, confined in their warm houses, but Chanyeol drives to the graveyard to keep Baekhyun company.

 

“I’ve graduated high school, mine,” Chanyeol pats at Baekhyun’s tombstone gently. “Jongin proposed to Kyungsoo. I can’t believe they’re getting engaged before even entering college.”

 

 “But if I were him, I would’ve done the same thing. By marrying you, of course.” He laughs. “Not Kyungsoo.”

 

 

 

“I’m taking the engineering major,” Chanyeol whispers. “It .”

 

 

 

“It’s Jongin’s wedding day, tomorrow,” He breathes in the summer air. “I’m surprised that Junmyeon was okay with it. Him and Kyungsoo had a bad break up, after all.”

 

 

 

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” Chanyeol traces his fingernails on the ground, his left arm around his knees as he sits by the grave with his knees tucked against his chest. “I love you.”

 

 

 

“Baekhyun, my beautiful, beautiful angel, I… I met this girl.” He sheds his tears against his sleeves. “I promised myself that I’d love only you. But I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

 

 

 

 

Seven years without Baekhyun wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, and although he is constantly occupied with work, Chanyeol tries his best to find the time to the place he has been going to for the past few years.

 

“I… Baekhyun, I’m getting married.” Chanyeol confesses, feeling guilty to the point where he finds it hard to breathe. “I miss you so much, and it’s so hard to move on without you with me, but Baekhyun... I’m marrying her next week.”

 

 

 

On the exact night before his wedding day, Chanyeol falls asleep with his head rested on the cold side of the pillow with his hands wrapped around his fiancée’s hips. Hyejin breathes lightly against his skin, both in deep sleep, safe and sound, before Chanyeol hears light padding of feet outside the door of his shared bedroom.

 

Ever since he fell asleep in his school uniform on the living room’s couch seven years ago, when he was still in high school, he had never seen Baekhyun – not in his dreams. The picture that was once framed carefully and sat on the dresser of his room a few years ago is now folded into the journal which was hidden somewhere in his closet. Perhaps Chanyeol is yet to realize it, but the memories of him and Baekhyun are slowly slipping off his fingers.

 

In between three to four in the morning, Chanyeol gets out of the bed, not before he tucks his fiancée comfortably in their blanket. Rubbing his face, with a swollen face and a swollen throat, Chanyeol walks down the stairs, only to be greeted by a familiar figure by the indoor garden beside the living room. He freezes.

 

It’s exquisite, how the moonlight shines directly to Baekhyun’s beautiful face and his shimmering eyes. He sits by the bench of the garden, with his hands full of flowers, and he turns to Chanyeol, smiling softly. “These are beautiful.”

 

“Not as beautiful as you,” Chanyeol murmurs, unconsciously walking nearer to the garden. “Mine…”

 

“I’m so happy that you’re moving on,” Baekhyun whispers against his chest when Chanyeol pulls him into a hug. “But…”

 

It feels real, surreal, beyond his imagination to be able to embrace him like this again. And this time, Baekhyun does not disappear without his consent.

 

“Hmm?” Chanyeol hums, his lips brushing on Baekhyun’s hair. “But what, honey?”

 

“I don’t want you to forget about me, boyfriend,” He says brokenly, “Please don’t forget about me…”

 

“I won’t, mine,” Chanyeol tightens his hands around the small waist. “I won’t.”

 

Thus it feels like seconds before Baekhyun evanesces, and the walls spinning, and he hears Hyejin’s voice telling him to wake up. She grins when he opens his eyes, before she pinches his cheek and tells him to get ready.

 

Their wedding day is on a Saturday. Chanyeol visits Baekhyun on Saturdays. That’s the only thing he could think of when his angelic fiancée utters, “I do.”

 

 

 

 

6^th May 2027, the calendar stated. In the midst of the morning, around 8 or so, Chanyeol walks to the room beside his and his wife’s. He knocks on the door, softly, twice before entering and chuckles when he sees his son sleeping on the small bed. “Hyun-ah,”

 

The little boy grumbles and whines, thrashing lightly against the bed and kicking the covers off. His father laughs at this odd habit of his, and tackles him. “Wake up, Hyun,”

 

“No!” Hyun shouts in his sleep, pouting, “I don’t want to go to daycare!”

 

Chanyeol grins. “Excuse you, cutie pie, it’s a Saturday.”

 

His son sits on the bed, wide-awake by now, facing his father. “Then where are we going?”

 

“To an important place,” He runs his fingers in the boy’s locks. “Of an important person.”

 

 

 

“Happy birthday, lovely,” Chanyeol mumbles, wiping his thumb on the name stated on the tombstone.

 

Hyun gazes at his father curiously, squatting on the ground, opposite the elder man. His eyes squint when he tries to read the name on the silver tombstone, but only then, he acknowledges that his reading skills are nowhere near perfect. Park Hyun pouts.

 

“Appa,” He tugs on Chanyeol’s shirt. “Who is this?”

 

“The important person that I told you about,” He pats the huge lump on the ground. “You can read now, Hyun. Try reading the name there.”

 

“I’m not that good in reading,” The boy shakes his head. “Can appa read it for me?”

 

He flicks his son’s forehead softly. “Byun Baekhyun.”

 

“Byun…Baek…Hyun?” He tilts his head, staring at his father. “Is it appa’s friend?”

 

Chanyeol chuckles as he stands up, holding out his hand to his son. “Appa’s soul mate.”

 

As they walk back to his father’s car, Hyun holds tightly onto the man’s hand and glances at the burial ground behind him.

 

“Bye bye,” He waves to nobody in particular. “Appa’s soul mate.”

 

 

 

 

“Lung cancer?”

 

Hyejin brings her son closer to her figure, her hand coming up to to cover up a loud sob as a tear falls from her eyes. The surgeon nods, his mouth pursed – only for Hyejin to cry even louder. “I-I don’t understand…”

 

“It was mere,” He replies, “The cancer was treatable if taken early cautions.”

 

Hyun takes a closer look at the person lying on the bed, lifeless and breathless. His heart wavers when he realizes who that very person is. “A-Appa…?”

 

It was hectic. Hyun’s eyes travel from his deceased father, to his crying mother, to the nurses, to the police officer, to his father’s friends at the corner of the room.

 

“An elderly woman found him, collapsed in front of Bucheon’s Cemetery,” Hyun hears the police officer informing his mother, after she wept. “She called an ambulance right away, but it was too late for the doctors to save him by then.”

 

Bucheon’s Cemetery, the voice repeats in Hyun’s head over and over again. The place was familiar, but he doesn’t remember exactly where and why it was so. All he remembers is that his late father once brought him to a cemetery two years ago, on the exact same day.

 

Hyun blinks back tears, covering his father’s whole self with the white sheets and gently touches his father’s arms. He remembers now.

 

 

 

 

27^th Aug 2015: In another life, we shall meet again – we shall laugh again.

And no lies shall be uttered as long as I’m with you, boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

---

 

Part two soon. Yep, there's a part two.