{ chapter eight

“Jongin, honey, are you feeling okay?”

Jongin slowly opens a single eye and sees his mother standing at his bedroom door, watching him with concern. He blinks away the sunlight streaming through the gaps in his curtains, groaning tiredly.

“What time is it?”

“It’s eleven, dear. Have you been asleep this whole time?”

Jongin nods and shuts his eyes again, the blurred memories resting at the back of his mind finally begin to sharpen alongside his wake. Jongin isn’t the type to waste daylight and sleep in, but his feelings are in chaos, and he’d much rather dream away the torment of not knowing who he is anymore.

“Are you sick?”

“I just couldn’t sleep last night,” Jongin lies. “I was having nightmares.”

Even Jongin himself doesn’t believe his meek excuse, but his mother quietly leaves, knowing it’d be best to leave him be.

He tries to block out visions of his kiss with Kyungsoo, he really does, but now that he’s awake and the prince’s face is in his thoughts, putting his mind to rest is completely out of the question.

Jongin turns over and reaches under his bed, fingers brushing against bristly, dried seaweed, clasping around the woven fronds and pulling the wreath up onto the bed. The seaweed has wilted and shrivelled from the arid air, but the shells still shine and gleam in the residue morning light seeping into Jongin’s bedroom. He turns the gift over in his hands and sighs. He spent all night awake, trumped by the guilt of ditching Kyungsoo after kissing him, and holding the evidence of the previous day in his hands only makes him feel worse.

He’s sure Kyungsoo feels the same way about him – why else would he have reacted so eagerly? – but the sheer prospect of romance between them is so absurd, so impossible to pursue, it makes Jongin’s head spin. Forgetting the feelings, or perhaps the friendship altogether, seems like the most logical option, but he knows there’s no way he could ever forget his unique friendship with the Mer prince now that they’re in so deep.

It all happened so fast – Jongin is still caught up in disbelief, unsure of what to do, what to think, how to fix the mess he’s made. All he wants is to simply forget.

Jongin tucks the wreath back under his bed and rolls over, throat tight, shutting his eyes in a fruitless attempt to block the heartache that just won’t fade.

* * *

“Kyungsoo, your supper awaits you in the dining room,” Junmyeon says softly, parting the seaweed curtains into Kyungsoo’s quarters and peering inside. He sees his brother pull his hand from under his pillow – presumably hiding something underneath it – and smiles as their gazes meet.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Are you not coming to join us? Father would like to see you.”

Kyungsoo turns away, pretending to busy himself with an unfinished weaving piece, and Junmyeon’s gentle smile falls. He moves further in and neatly rearranges the curtains, before swimming over to sit on the bed beside his younger brother.

“Kyungsoo?”

He places a hand on Kyungsoo’s tail and frowns as he tenses up, clearly uncomfortable.

“Kyungsoo, please. All I hear from Jinki is that you’re busy. We never see you anymore, and Father is worried about you.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond.

“I’m worried about you, too,” Junmyeon says softly.

Kyungsoo moves away from his brother and shakes his head dismissively. “I’m fine, Junmyeon. Thank you.”

Junmyeon realises his younger brother doesn’t intend to converse with him, so he rises from the bed, deciding to leave Kyungsoo alone and give him his space.

“I’ll send for the servants to bring you your meal.”

Kyungsoo watches from under his eyelashes as his brother leaves, and gulps as Junmyeon pauses to turn and look at him once more. His eyes are soft and caring, and Kyungsoo averts his gaze, ashamed that he brings such disappointment to his only loving sibling.

Junmyeon leaves silently, and Kyungsoo’s fingers creep under his pillow to pull his precious necklace out. He hurts, but the moment he holds the pendant to his chest, Kyungsoo’s body relaxes, and nothing seems to matter anymore, except the smiling face of Jongin so deeply etched into his mind and his heart.

* * *

Taemin knows that something’s up when Jongin declines his offer to enter the water, a sense of not just reluctance but fear in his refusal. He suspects there’s something going on at home – it’s the only explanation as to why Jongin never visits the beach anymore and is so secretive about his behaviour – and decides it’s not his position to interfere, but he still has a responsibility to care for his friend.

“Jongin, can I ask you about something?” Taemin says gently, drumming his fingers against the edge of the rock, across the surface and up his tail. Jongin watches his hands move and nods, unsuspecting.

“Have you been…having some problems lately?” he asks carefully, trying to tread lightly in case he hits a nerve and says something intrusive. Jongin’s eyes lock with his immediately, and he scans his friend’s face, suspicious.

“Why?”

Taemin presses his lips together and looks out across the water, trying not to appear uncomfortable, but he knows Jongin is alert and wary. Jongin takes his arm, demanding his attention once more.

Sighing, Taemin rests his head on Jongin’s shoulder, and wracks his mind, trying to twist his words and make them as delicate as possible.

“You’re my friend, Jongin. I know we haven’t known each other for years or anything, but you’ve been acting really strange lately. I’m afraid that you’re having family problems.”

Jongin feels a lump forming in his throat, and he can’t help but wrap his arms around Taemin and hug him, a soft smile rising on his lips.

“I’m sorry, Taemin,” he says, voice strangled. “You—you don’t need to worry about me, okay?”

“Just tell me what’s wrong,” Taemin insists. “I hate seeing you so distressed.”

Jongin stays silent. Taemin finally raises his head, frowning at his friend, only to notice there are tears in his eyes.

“Jongin—!”

“You know how…” Jongin chokes, “how the royal family are bound to royal marriage?”

Taemin stares in astoundment. Jongin couldn’t possibly be upset about the dilemma with Junmyeon – he wouldn’t get so emotional over someone else’s love life, would he?

“Y-Yeah, but why—”

“I’ve been seeing Kyungsoo.”

The words are like a blow to Taemin’s face. He recoils backwards as if he’s been punched, stunned to silence in disbelief, trying to comprehend the words. Jongin watches him desperately, waiting for his response, but Taemin’s mind is reeling and he can’t form thoughts, let alone words to respond.

All this time, Jongin’s absence wasn’t because of his parents. His discreet behaviour wasn’t because he had something personal to hide – well, personal in the sense that Taemin expected.

Once he drinks in the fact that for weeks, probably months, Jongin has been secretly meeting with the royal prince that never exits the palace or interacts with the public, Taemin is again blown with the realisation that the pain in Jongin’s eyes is heartbreak.

“Oh, my,” Taemin croaks, “you’re not…?”

Jongin’s lips tremble, and Taemin clasps his hands to his head, horrified.

And he thought his feelings for Junmyeon were bad.

“Jongin, the King hates humans,” Taemin rasps, and Jongin covers his mouth to repress his sobs.

“I know,” he gasps, “I know, Taemin, I don’t know what to do, I know he feels the same way about me.”

Tears well up in Taemin’s eyes and he shakes his head, not wanting to believe the dreaded truth. How could Jongin possibly be friends with Kyungsoo? How could Jongin possibly be more than friends with Kyungsoo? How did the circumstances tie in so perfectly that Jongin, the human, met Kyungsoo, the prince, and, despite everything holding them back from one another, they fell in love with each other?

“Jongin,” Taemin says, “you have to stop seeing him. There’s no way it’s going to work.”

“How am I supposed to stop seeing him?”

“Listen to me,” Taemin demands. He tries to sound firm but he knows his voice is shaking, so he grabs onto Jongin’s wrist to keep his attention. “Listen to me, Jongin. You can’t do this. If they King knew Kyungsoo was secretly meeting with a human, especially alone, he’d kill you. He’d probably kill Kyungsoo. I’ve heard about these things, Jongin, royalty have been disowned and punished for these reasons. You’re putting yourself and the prince in—in so much danger!”

Jongin pulls away, shaken at how frantic Taemin sounds – but despite the warnings, he knows there’s no way he’ll ever stop seeing Kyungsoo, not when his feelings have been planted so deeply inside of him.

“You’re going to get hurt,” Taemin pleads, but Jongin only stands up and walks away, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Jongin!” Taemin yells, “listen to me! Please, Jongin!”

He makes no move to turn back. In a panic, Taemin dives into the water, and swims out away from the rocks and into the shallow waters of the sandy beach. Even when he sees children splashing about in the waves and parents lying on beach towels, it doesn’t deter him from rising to the surface and scouring the expanse for his friend.

“Jongin!” he calls, spotting his friend wading through the waters further up. Jongin looks up, shocked, and meets Taemin’s eyes, clearly perplexed at how close he is to the beach. But it doesn’t stop him – he simply keeps wading, heading away from Taemin, moving faster to avoid confrontation.

Determined, Taemin dives back under and pounds his tail, swimming after Jongin, but his figure is lost in the unclear waters, saturated with sand from the agitation of the current. He zigzags through the water, continuing to bob his head above the air to see if he can spot the boy, but his fears set in – he’s lost Jongin.

Even though he swam out deep and darted in every direction, even though his tail is so much stronger than Jongin’s legs, even though his heart is hammering and he can barely breathe despite his distance from the Surface, Taemin has lost Jongin. Images of the King seizing Jongin and ripping the ability to breathe underwater from him clouds Taemin’s eyes, and he clutches his arms, terrified, helpless.

But there’s nothing he can do. He knows the pain himself– nothing, nobody, can ever stop love.

Jongin is gone.

* * *

It takes him a while, but Jongin finally manages to find Kyungsoo curled up beside his hidden cavern of Surface treasures, eyes shut, fingers wound tightly around a shimmering gold chain Jongin can only assume is that of the necklace. He approaches the prince slowly, and kneels beside him, reaching out to brush the hair from Kyungsoo’s forehead when he doesn’t stir.

Jongin concludes he’s asleep, and cups a hand around hix jaw, thumbing the soft skin and admiring how pure, how serene, how delicate and doll-like the prince really is. It pains him to think that their friendship could harm Kyungsoo in any way – how could anybody ever hurt someone so beautiful?

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin whispers. Kyungsoo’s eyelids flicker, but he doesn’t awaken.

“Kyungsoo,” he repeats, louder this time, and the prince finally begins to move – wrinkling his nose, twitching his lips, tilting his head to the side before his eyes finally open, hazy and filled with sleep.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo murmurs, reaching up to rub his eyes, the necklace chain coiled around his fingers and dangling in the water. Jongin smiles gently – he half expected Kyungsoo to ignore him – and waits for him to fully collect his consciousness.

“It’s me. I’m here.”

Kyungsoo blinks a few times, and once he realises how close Jongin is to him, he returns the smile tiredly and loops his arms around Jongin’s neck. Jongin takes this as an absolute invitation to lean forward and kiss the prince – but he holds back, Taemin’s words ringing in his ears.

“I’m so sorry about leaving you the other day,” Jongin says, his tone soft and genuine. Kyungsoo shakes his head, dismissing the apology, and pulls the human towards him instead, touching their lips together ever so slightly. The sensation is addicting, but Jongin quickly forces himself away.

Kyungsoo stares at him, making sure he’s not upset, and Jongin his cheek to reassure him that everything is okay.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin repeats. “I just think—it’d be best to take this slow. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Why would you fear for my safety?” Kyungsoo asks. His hands move and Jongin feels the pendant on the necklace slide across his , warm from Kyungsoo’s grasp. The prince is now wide awake, eyes alert and focused.

Jongin feels guilty for revealing their secret to Taemin. Their friendship was confidential, a mutual promise of sealed lips and discreet exchanges of information that nobody was meant to find out about. Thinking about how he so carelessly blurted the news to Taemin makes Jongin’s heart heavy, and he finally lets go, moving away from Kyungsoo to sit in front of him. Kyungsoo’s arms fall, and he knows something is wrong.

“Did something happen?” Kyungsoo queries.

Jongin laughs a little in disbelief. “Oh, nothing. We just kissed, that’s all.”

Kyungsoo’s lips turn upwards slightly, but his eyes don’t shine with amusement.

“Seriously, Jongin.”

Jongin’s smile falls and he sighs, knowing there’s no way to escape telling Kyungsoo what happened. He notices the prince’s hands wavering, wanting to reach out to console him, but they don’t ever touch his own.

“I told Taemin…about us. About our friendship. And…you know…everything else.”

Jongin recalls that he didn’t mention the kiss, or his feelings at all, but he can tell that Taemin had deduced enough details from the simple confession to realise what’s happening between them.

Kyungsoo, hearing the words, looks panicked.

“He won’t tell anyone,” Jongin reassures. “He just…warned me about how dangerous this is. And I don’t want my feelings to put you in danger.”

“Nothing can hurt me if nobody finds out about us,” Kyungsoo says defensively. For the first time, Jongin hears defiance and firmness in his voice, and fears the prince’s frustration will turn into anger.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin says gently, “it’s not about others finding out. If we keep this a secret and—and it turns into something serious…we can’t sustain this forever.”

Every word is unbearable, and Jongin wishes he could string them together and shove them back down his throat to spare Kyungsoo the pain. The prince looks hurt, heartbroken, betrayed, even though Jongin has no plans to leave and abandon what’s happened between them.

“Why can’t we?” he says, but Jongin knows the question is rhetorical, and Kyungsoo is fully aware of everything holding them back.

“You can’t even marry commoners,” Jongin whispers, “there’s no way your father—”

“Stop—stop mentioning my father!” Kyungsoo snaps, pushing himself upright and turning away from Jongin. He swims a few metres away, threading the chain around his fingers and pulling at it angrily. Jongin rises to his feet, gulping, and leans back against the rock, waiting for Kyungsoo to look at him again.

“My father can’t control everything I do,” the prince says, tone softer, but bitter. “He can’t stop me from—from living my life.”

Kyungsoo wheels around, cheeks flushed and eyes reddened from oncoming tears – or tears that have already spilled, dissipated into the seawater around them. “I’ve never felt this way before. He can’t take this away from me.”

Kyungsoo bites his lip, and approaches Jongin again, staring at the necklace in his hands. He the pendant softly, before holding it out to Jongin.

“Of course. It isn’t worth it.”

“What?” Jongin blurts, dumbfounded. He almost takes the necklace, but realises Kyungsoo isn’t handing it over with good intentions. “What do you mean?”

“You said it yourself,” Kyungsoo retorts sourly. “We can’t sustain this. You can’t keep coming down and living your life in the Sea for the sake of your feelings. I’m not worth it. You’d be better off with another human, who you could—could have a proper relationship with—”

“No,” Jongin interrupts, grabbing his wrists and pulling him close, “no, that’s not what I meant – Kyungsoo, of course you’re worth it. You’re so special to me.”

Kyungsoo stares at the seafloor, too close to Jongin to face him, his emotions threatening to leak as tears. Jongin grabs his chin and tilts the prince’s head upwards, touching their foreheads together.

“I’m not going to give up on how I feel because of what separates us, okay?” Jongin swears. “I’ve—I’ve already sacrificed too much. And that has to mean something.”

Kyungsoo shuts his eyes and lets Jongin pull him in for a hug, tucking his head under Jongin’s chin and resting against his chest. He knows Jongin isn’t as sure of his feelings as he is, but he decides it’d only cause more problems to confess how head-over-heels (or head-over-tail?) he is for him. Instead, Kyungsoo lets himself melt into the comfort of his friend’s arms, releasing thoughts of all possible consequences and letting himself, even just momentarily, feel loved.

They finally pull away, and Kyungsoo continues to stare at the tips of his tail, unsure of whether or not to face the human. Jongin feels just as conflicted, and decides it’d be best if he left the afflicted prince for the day.

“I should go,” Jongin whispers, and Kyungsoo’s head snaps up immediately, his eyes wide and confused.

“Will you be back?” Kyungsoo asks. His knuckles whiten around the necklace, fingers wringing around the chain. Jongin nods to reassure him, but he doesn’t back away, debating in his mind whether or not to hug or kiss Kyungsoo goodbye. The prince stares at him almost expectantly, watching, waiting to see whether or not Jongin will say something more. But he doesn’t.

He turns and swims back to the Surface, and doesn’t look back until he’s sure Kyungsoo is well out of sight.

✏ [ a/n ] always seems to end in jongin swimming away like a little . what a wuss. again ty to shawn and goojayhee and springjasmine91 aka LITERALLY MY ONLY COMMENTERS you three keep me postin and i love u for it <3

word count: 3014