Sad and desperate for reviews for angst fic

This is the first time that I'm actually crying because of a fic that I'm writing. And it's not because I find the story really great, or because the chapter I was currently writing was very emotional that I got carried away. I've been crying because I'm finding it harder and harder to continue my story when I know I promised myself I would actually finish this unlike the other fics I started before. And the themes (depression, suicide, life) were actually very close to my heart. I don't know if it's because I've lost inspiration once more or if it's because I'm forcing myself to write when I lost the ability to, long ago. And I think my target audience know that I'm dwindling on and on even though I have the outline for my story all set. That's why I'm getting less and less views with every chapter. I just don't know how to make a chapter interesting anymore. I may fair well in terms of technicality in writing, but I don't fair well when it comes to stealing the hearts of my audience. I'm losing faith and I don't even know if I should still continue my story. Every day, I would stare at my laptop hoping for words to come to me. I'm grasping at invisible straws even now. When I started the story, I was able to write within the day. Now, it takes me about two to three days to even write a single chapter. Please tell me if I should stop. Or if there's something wrong with my story. Or if there's something I should totally change. I'm getting more and more frustrated by the minute. I feel as if there's something missing.

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1163416/3000-days-of-happiness-5000-days-of-regret-angst-love-bts-seventeen-suga-vernon-woozi
MissMinew 7 years ago
@paulamariehenslow I know it's not that easy not to. I compare as well. It's just a really stupid thing to do because - like you said, it hinders growth. (:
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@Sempiternalis I understand. Thank you so much. I really should stop comparing. People have adviced me this a lot. Sometimes I can't stop myself. I will try harder. And I will work harder on my skills, instead.
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@MissMinew I know. I really don't want to but I realize I'm comparing after I've actually done it and I start to feel bad. I'm trying hard to stop doing it even when it's unconscious. It only hinders my growth.
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@fusionspeaks I will :) I will really work hard. Thank you!
[deactivated] 7 years ago
@paulamariehenslow Really, comparing yourself to other authors is not going to do you any favours. Just stick to what you're doing and stop thinking others do it better than you. Truth is, there's always going to be someone to do it better than you, but there's no need for you to let that thought trouble you, or else it will mess with your head and you will either doubt everything you write or you won't write anything at all.
Reality checks are essential, too. Some modesty is never detrimental to anyone. The thing is for you to see the true value in yourself.
Inspiration77 7 years ago
i never knew it was u who wrote this discussion and died at the end. 0.o
u r amazing and u cant stop writing this story no matter what. u stole my heart away eonnieeeee
MissMinew 7 years ago
@paulamariehenslow Oh, I see. Could be both. Try not to compare though, it does no good. Seriously.
[deactivated] 7 years ago
@paulamariehenslow I have felt the same way too and tbh, most of the time, it's just overthinking and nothing more. As long as you consistently write with the same style, tone and vibe while still being engaging, it should be fine. All the best! :)
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@Sempiternalis I will definitely work hard and write continuously. Thank you for the advice. I'm just bummed and really really disappointed at myself because I'm already a college student and I should have mastered this a long time ago. My course entitles me to be good at technical writing and I should be able to write even just eight pages in a day. I had training for this. But with just a simple fiction, I can't even get myself going and write like I used to. It's just really disappointing and there are so many writers out there who are so much better. I should not have put myself on a pedestal. My ego inflated so much and now that I know I wasn't that good as I hoped, I lost all hope.
But still, thank you. Thank you so much for the the advice. I really should have been aware of the basics in writing. You are right. I can still edit in case I'm not satisfied. I guess I'm just scared I'll blow it out of proportion.
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@LynXMagiX I can never really express how I feel grateful that you're taking the time to comment or send me words of encouragement. You've done more than I can ever deserve. Thank you.
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@MissMinew It's okay. I think I posted this discussio not because of the story, itself. I've been feeling really emotional lately and the thing I really thought would take away my stress would give me more stress. I'm making myself compete with other writers without being conscious of it. I was just amazed that some of ny friends could post chapters in such a short amount of time and here I am lying around and worrying about things I don't even know. I don't know if it's my depression getting worse or if it's my hormonal imbalance at play.
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@fusionspeaks Thank you so much for your advice. I will reread the chapters I wrote so I can learn from myself and also review all the others that I want to inpute. I've been feeling bad that the story was dwindling and the rest of the chapters are just not as good as my first chapter. It just doesn't have the spark when i first wrote it. I'm taking the week off to breathe for a little while. And I hope it will take me just a week because I'm the type who loses interest or loses the flow if I go away for a longer period of time. I feel envious of writers who can actually keep on writing, and also writers who can continue something in a snap.
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@sunkyumelons I feel so much better now that I know I'm not the only one who is going/has gone through this. Knowing you also went through it, and I don't mean to be selfish or arrogant or anything, I feel really comforted. And for that, I want to thank you. I really do think I need to learn more from other people's works. I don't know why I put this pressure on myself because I really, really want to please the readers and also make sure my fic is good. Now it's taking the toll on me and it's made me worse instead of making me better.
[deactivated] 7 years ago
Of course every writer goes through the writer's block; it's perfectly normal. Nobody is a writing machine who puts out perfect chapter after perfec chapter, although to you it might seem so. But the thing is, thwarting writer's block means still writing, even though you feel like there's no inspiration left to you or you're just not in the mood. The secret to good writing is continuous writing. Of course you're not always going to be satisfied with the first thing that you can put on paper. That's why editing exists. Yes, it is frustrating to not be able to get a chapter done from one go, but so what? Rewrite and rewrite until you're satisfied. Three or four days per chapter isn't that long, so don't be so hard on yourself. Right now it looks like you've lost your hope and you're thinking of quitting, but don't do it. Only if you keep writing you will be able to finish this story and be satisfied with the result.
LynXMagiX 7 years ago
I just found out about your story from this post and I'm definately gonna read it. It's ok to have writer's block sometimes, don't push yourself. Writting is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable actiity :D
MissMinew 7 years ago
Dammit, the key-thing. ; _ ;
About your story, I haven't read it. But I really don't think you have to worry too much. Writing angst isn't necessarily easy so take your time.
MissMinew 7 years ago
Oh, don't worry if it takes three days to write a single chapter. You know what's hard when writing strong angst? The personal aspect of it. Three days are absolutely nothing so don't force yourself to write. Take a deep breath. I wrote an eating disorder story that was very close to heart - sometimes it took me three weeks to update. I have a story I haven't updated in about four months. So really, don't worry about the three days, it's unnecessary stress.
[deactivated] 7 years ago
I understand what you mean. There are times that I experience it as well, feeling frustrated at my lack of ability to write well. I think that's something that everyone who writes suffer with at some point, even the best writers because after all, we are all our own biggest, most condescending critics.

What you can do, or this is what I do when this hits me, is that I stop writing for a while. I stow it away and I don't think about it at all for a few days. I only go back to it when I feel better, rereading old chapters and reviewing the contents for the new one. Only then do I write.

Don't be so disheartened. I'm sure you can get back on your feet soon. Just cut yourself some slack, relax and go back to it whenever you're ready. :)
sunkyumelons 7 years ago
i know what you're going through because i've been through it. bear with me a little, i swear i'll get to my point: i write for snsd, and back in 2010-2011 i had a very popular fic going. i started a new fic afterwards but the readerbase was significantly smaller. i wasn't sure why. i was a better writer than before, the plot was better, everything about my new fic was better. but why did i lose readers? it's really hard to say, and even to this day i still don't know. i became discouraged too, and i really hated my story at that point because i had no idea what to do to fix it. i even asked my readers, and none of them had answers or solutions either. in the end, it all comes down to yourself.

i started that fic in 2011. it's 2016 now and barely started writing it again. what i did was put it away for a while. sometimes you need time to be away from your story so you can re-evaluate it as a different person. when i came back to it in 2015, i noticed all of these errors in my writing and plot, and i went straight into fixing it. after that, i dropped it again for another year, and now i'm back to updating again. of course, you don't have to do anything extreme like i did and wait 4-5 years. maybe put it away for 1 or 2 weeks and revisit it. re-evaluate your writing so that it's sharper, more vivid, and more engaging. read other people's successful writings and see what makes their writing good. don't be disheartened -- all you need is a little room and time to think things over.
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skylla321 7 years ago
Don't feel sad. These are difficult themes to deal with and write about. I'm writing about a hard subject too and many of my commenters were surprised by my choice of theme (depression, and murder). I understand where you are coming from. The reason the reviews are low has to do because of the subject matter. I suggest taking a short vacation from it and returning to your fiction later. Fighting!!!
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@kyutebaekyeol Thank you for taking the time to reply and give advice. I really appreciate it. I would probably try writing another story or maybe actually start with my one-shot. I want to get over this soon.
Kyutebaekyeol 7 years ago
@paulamariehenslow im sorry to hear that..i write to let out stress too..maybe you could try writing or drafting other story instead?...that can keep your mind from the old story...i wish you good luck..dont stop writing :)
paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
@kyutebaekyeol Thank you. I really am trying to take my mind off the story. I don't know if I'm pushing myself too hard or if this just isn't for me anymore. I keep crying and writing is the only thing that's making me happy. It's what got me out of depression. And now the one thing that is keeping me sane is just not working for me anymore.
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paulamariehenslow 7 years ago
Actually, I don't even know anymore. I want someone to tell me I'm not the only one who's going through this. I feel so envious of people who can upload good chapters continuously. My brain is just not working the way it used to. It's making me really sad.