So recently, I feel like I've been boggling you guys down with all this drama that's been happening in my real life.

Which, by the way, I would love to say that I'm absolutely thankful for all the kind words that you guys have given me the past week and with my mental breakdown. But regardless, I really want to be happy again.

So, today, I'm just going to write about good things.

First of all: I FOUND AN UNOFFICIAL SUPER JUNIOR SONG. AND BY THAT, I MEAN UNOFFICIAL AS IN I CAN'T BUY IT ON ITUNES, SO I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO THIS VIDEO ON REPLY! I THINK HENRY WROTE THE SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTZ1vEnK81k

and secondly, I told you guys I was writing a book, right?

Well, it's loosely based off of fangirl, but I wanted to put more of a fangirl aspect into it. More fangirling and comedy--less life and romance. 

And I will say that you guys were the main inspiration for it. And this book that I'm working on (WHICH IS IN THE ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH ROUUUGHHH STAGE THAT WILL BE EDITED SEVERAL TIMES) is just filled with my thoughts that I rememeber having when I was a younger teen, and having remembered why I had gotten into fanfiction.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, but all I know is that for the first time in so long, I'm writing for the heck of it.

Chapter one exerpt:

I smiled as I opened up a word document. I was seven chapters ahead of my posting—meaning I could take a break for a week or two without writing. But, of course, that’s only saved for emergencies only, and not just because I want to dilly dally.

Everything is as it was, quiet—except it wasn’t.

I don’t know how say how I feel about fanfiction, other than it gives me energy that I need to get through a day, or just to simply stay awake. I just feel alive whenever I do it, and it makes me forget about the crappy people that I have to deal with—or, at least, had to deal with.

You see, one day, I just wrote a blogpost in which detailed everything that was happening at school. The people that were bullying me, the cyber bulling me, and I just told my readers how thankful I was for them that they were there. I don’t particularly remember why I wrote that blog post, but I do remember that I felt awful that day,  that everything just hurt that day—more than it normally did. In which, my readers reacted big time, telling me to get out of that situation no matter what, that even if I didn’t have any new friends at a new school, that they would still be there for me.

And with that, I did.

It’s funny how adults think that the people on the internet are all predators—and that there is a select few (and by select few, I mean just me) that are on the internet that actually tell the truth about their age. Not only that, but they think that the internet is a place filled with terrible people that do nothing but spend their entire day writing mean comments all day.

That’s partly true, no doubt. But the internet is so much more than that. The internet is also filled with such kind people like me, people who are my age, people who deal with the bullies at school such as me. It’s filled with lonely people, and people with a lot of time on their hands because they don’t really have much friends to hang out with because they are the bullied.

Chapter 2 excerpt

We got to Barnes and Nobel, and I headed straight to the Young Adult section. I don’t know why I do, because for the most part, I feel like the Young Adult section is written by adults who’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young, so they mainly depend on stereotypes of teenagers. And what’s even more infuriating is when in the description, it’s describing the story of a girl who has anxiety and whose life is going to change—in which, it then adds that there’s a main male character.

It’s like, “Gee, I wonder how this story is going to end”.

Maybe I’m different from the teenage spectrum, if these are based off of actual girls, but I don’t want a guy to come save me.

Shocker, isn’t it?

And that’s the reason why I believe that my fanfiction was so popular. People, who are also similar to me, who are extremely awkward and have really bad anxiety who are also tired of authors like these who write about the main character where her main goal is to just fall in love. What about family? What about friendship? What about the things that are also important that aren’t just about love?

Sure, my writing isn’t the best, but dear lord, at least I don’t dumb down my writing unlike what these adult authors do. Because here’s the thing: Just because I’m 15, does not mean I’m an idiot.

There have been points in my life where I’ve wanted to yell at a twenty-something year old for writing a review on a book, where they said that a character was “too mature” for her age. Maybe it’s just me, but maybe not all teenagers are the same, and some of us want actual conversations about life because we know that in the end, we’re all going to grow old so why not start talking about it now? Why not think about our inevitable deaths?

Maybe it’s part of being the bullied. You tend to mature faster because you find ways to try to ignore your bully, and for me, that was reading and watching kpop videos on Youtube.

Oh dear, I’m rambling again.

I continued looking at the Young Adult section. I really don’t understand why I still have such high hopes for this section. It’s like, you find one good book in this section, and then you’re hooked, and you don’t know why. But, eventually, I gave up looking though this section—mainly because most of the stories are about falling in love—or something about summer vacations in California.

Anyways, this probably won't be published until years down the lane, but I just wanted to get back into writing because I remembered that I wrote whenever I was sad and had a hard time at school and art wasn't fun anymore. But I want this book to be about friendships and relationships, and just about people that exist. And I want to write it now since I still know what it's like to be a teenager.

Thoughts?