Rock bottom.

So, recently, I've hit rock bottom.

I don't want to go into detail, mainly because I don't want to make some of you cry.

But recently, I've been crying, a lot. And it's because of my roomate.

I found out that she's been talking behind my back, telling everyone that I'm selfish and that I only use people. Her, and her boyfriend.

I recently found out  that the friends that I thought were mine sided with her.

And you know what's even funnier?

She's talked crap about them also.

I gave one friend our apartment adress, and when my roomate found out, she got mad, and I had to give her a reason why I did so.

And even though my mom cosigned the apartment (because I have no credit history), my roomate had the nerve to throw all my stuff in my room, and say, "It doesn't belong there" even though almost all the furniture in our living room is hers, and even though I bought the decorations (which she wanted). And even though I tried to make her happy.

I'm sick of it.

There's so many more things that is going in my life, and I can't anymore.

Last night, I hit rock bottom, I had the worst episode that I've ever had. 

Every time I have an episode of depression, I play super junior music until I'm okay, but this time, it wasn't enough.

Right now, I want to live. But I also want life to stop happening.

I'm tired of trying to remedy our friendship, even though she's already broken it.

And you know what's worse?

I didn't know about this until last night, when a friend told me all the crap she's talked aout me, and how little respect she has for me.

I just want to say, I'm not okay. 

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manelsj #1
Just a friendly advice , as someone who lived almost the same situation before i really understand how you're feeling , betried and hurt by someone you thought was now an important person in your life , the best thing to do is to try to fix things but if you hit rock bottom like i did before , the best thing left to do is to start fresh , push your reset or restart botton and live your life fully , happy and with people that deserve to be with you and to be called your "friend" , don't waste your precious time and money on someone who doesn't even deserve to breath the same air as you . You're a very talented and brilliant person so i'm sure that luck and happiness will reach you and just consider this as a short sad phase in your long life that will fade away like clouds and be replaced by a beautiful sunny blue sky that will mark the begining of your new long happy life ahead of you. So raise your head up and be proud of yourself 'cause you're a great person.
emotionalwordplay #2
Hey, send me a PM on facebook. ^^
thelucifer #3
There comes a time when you have to think about what is best for you... I've known people who have gone through similar situations and have tried my best to help them but it really depends on whether or not they want to do something about it. You are a wonderful person, Van (though I have never met you in person, from what I do know about you - you are a person who has something really special about them).

I can also somewhat see that you may be a person who would rather try to avoid confrontation that could garner negative results in the end. I can understand that because I am one of those. Unfortunately, that also led me to become too nice for my own good.. but not long ago, I decided enough was enough and began making decisions for myself that would ultimately benefit me in the end. Long story short, I don't hang out with people who hurt me anymore. It is a difficult path to take (it took me almost two years), but it is possible to separate from the hurtful ones.

This roommate of yours just does not sound like someone you should be around. I have yet to hear of a redeeming quality in this person that permits what she has done to your well-being. I can't really give advice as to what you should do about it since everyone has different difficult situations, but I know that you can find a way to remedy this situation and I believe that there is good to come to you. You are in charge of your own happiness and I firmly believe in the idea that you will find the best path to your ultimate happiness.
Sakura_Aimi #4
I hope you can find another place for you by yourself or with a real friend. It's sad that the ones we love and trust the most are the ones that are most likely to stab us in the back. No one should feel the way you're feeling and I hope you can turn to a new page in life without such a terrible person in your life and that you can start new and fresh and be much happy than you are.
aisssh #5
get a new roomie?
Chelle3lf #6
I received the same backstabbing few years ago... And it's from a friend that I know for more than 10 years, not only that but same like u she made my other friends side with her too... Even made them left me
But then I start smile a lot, I show my other friends that I'm not the same girl she talked about.. Then it work, they're came back for me
If they're ur friends they'll know which side too choose, and if they don't then they don't deserve to be called as ur friends honey! CHEER UP KAY, EVERYONE HAS THEIR UPS AND DOWNS U JUST NEED TO WAIT FOR IT
WTFmynamestaken #7
Look, i don't know what it's like living with a roomate.But i can assure you that that's seriously her problem. You have nothing to do with her psyco problems. You're a nice person Van, and there are some... let's call them especial cuz i don't wanna be aggressive, well, some especial people that are jealous of who and what you are. They wish they could be you and seek that.
It happened to me just when i finished high school, all my "friends" were brainwashed by her and well, here i am. I know it's hard, and maybe you think you are the problem but it's not like that. People come and go but the ones that really are your friends and are wortg being friends will stay no matter what.
One day, you'll be thankful to your roomate for taking all the negativity surrounding you. It's hard, i know it is but you'll find people worth your time.
Stay strong, focus in your studies and be happy no matter what.
superjuniormylove #8
Take a break. You really need one.
And after doing so you have to sit down and do some major thinking.
This roommate of yours. Do you want her in your life? Times like this you get to find out whether the people in your life are worth keeping or not.
This happened with me recently. The realisation hit me so fast it was painful. But I know it was true. And that hurt more.
I had to distance myself from one of my bestfriends because she casually told me we wont meet after college. People may think of this as a stupid reason to stay away from a person. But,for me it is reason enough. I am a very loyal person and I expect people to be the same.
And please confront her about all the things she has said about you directly. Hopefully everything is just a big misunderstanding.
While all this is going on, do not loose track of the important things in your life and look for some stable support in your friends.
I really hope all turns out to be well. Keep us updated. Never never give up!!
Eat well, sleep well and be healthy.
LALULALIDO #9
hey girl, stay strong! you're amazing, beautiful, talented and she's probably just a major (es gotta be es). haters gonna hate because they're jealous, but don't let them bring you down :) we're always here if you need to talk!
Skipbo #10
Kick her out. You do not need that in your life
mynameis #11
hey, you know what, remove all the negativity in your life. if your roommate is the source of the negative things in your life, then just let her go. she's not worth it. i think your roommate has insecurity issues. just move to another apartment for your peace of mind.

surround yourself with people who have a positive influences to you. and if your so-called friends don't believe you, i don't think they are worth your time. Start anew and gain new friends. why be with people who will just stamp on you and bring you drama? you're awesome and wonderful and if people can't appreciate that and just be plain old insecure es then its their problem, not yours. be fabulous girl!
DancingDreams #12
Things will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will. I promise.
You have as much right to leave your things in the apartment, you're paying your half.
It may not seem like the best idea, but try and talk with your roommate, you have to live with her for the rest of the year- so ask why she's saying what she's said.
Unfortunately some people only feel better about themselves by talking badly of others, this may be the case with your roommate.
I you need anyone to talk to let me know-even if you only want to complain about the weather (!)- I know what's it's like to have people talk sh*t behind your back and how much it hurts when you thought they were your friends-
You're really talented and you worked really hard to get where you wanted to go- don't let other people ruin it for you.
kimsfangirl #13
If you're tired of trying to remedy your friendship then don't. It will just make you even sadder.
Why don't you try to make a new one?
I know that this is cliché, but I am Here for you.
Btw, based on what I read about your roommate, I am sorry not sorry to say that she is a type. Like the one that can be found too easily.
Ans last but not least, I would like to say, stay strong! And good luck! I believe that you are strong enough and you can handle this
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