About SNSD Jessica and the Day Kpop World actually Tumbles on Me

So.

My personal worst day out of my whole kpop experience has come to me. I thought there wouldn't be anything worse than my non-OTPs dating news, but I was wrong.

 

How am I going to do this? But I know I have to write this 

Well.

Some of you might know that I am an avid, avid, avid SNSD Jessica (yes I will still affix those 2 words together) lover. Not only that SNSD is my favorite group...ever, but Jessica Jung is also my favorite bias in the whole kpop fandom.

To say that I was (am) devastated would be an understatement.

I don't even know the purpose of writing this, really. I just... I just can't. 3 years from now maybe I'll laugh at this post, but I don't care. I will tell my 3-year older self that this issue right now is very important to me; I've loved SNSD for 4 years, I've loved Jessica Jung for the same period of time. This matters to me. It's stupid, it's fanaticsm, whatever. It means a lot to me. 

Still, i don't know what to say.

It's like a good part, a major part of my life for the past 4 years has been taken away from me. Sure, SNSD is not over, sure Kpop is not over, sure Jessica Jung is not over.

But it's never the same again to me.

It pains me to hear SNSD songs today. Just last night, I was so, so, engrossed with SNSD's latest ballad "Divine", and until today, I seriously unconsciously hummed "Indestructible" (which, by the way, is the most played song in my itunes) and I stopped midway, because hearing the song alone could anguish me. I don't want to open AKP or onehallyu for several hours because I don't want to read the news. I keep on remembering the moments I seriously teared up when I watched SNSD's "Complete" performance for their 2nd tour. 

I miss it, I really do. I I want OT9, I want soshibond, I want it so much that even I, as an ultra obsessive heesica shipper can even say, "Fine, go ahead and marry that Tyler Kwon bastard, but please, please, stay in SNSD and keep the OT9 soshibond tight"

I cried. I really cried today. It's ridiculous. I am a fully grown adult now, but I still cried.

I don't know which side is right, wand which side is wrong. I don't know whether it''s just another media play. Or a big corproate play. Or a bullying strategy. Or a play victim strategy.

  • I am disappointed with SM for making Jessica choose between SNSD and her personal career. 
  • In a contradictive manner, I am disappointed with Jessica for "not fighting hard enough", and possibly, for "choosing her personal interest" over SNSD. Please note again, Jessica is my ultimate bias of all times. I love her, I love her flaws, I love her even with the (arguably) bad choices she made. The thing is, SM might be right on one hand: sometimes the reality is, you cannot hold onto too many things at one times. You have to let go one in order to gain one. Jessica probably wanted to keep both, but two things can't be priority together -only one can. And I'm sad because whatever her priority was and is, this whole ordeal brought a severly negative effect to SNSD as a whole. There are 8 other members that I can never disregard.
  • And in another contradictive manner, I am also disappointed with the other 8 members if they do not choose to fight altogether with Jessica. 

The 3 points above may make it seem as if I'm disappointed the most in Jessica, my own bias. Maybe yes, maybe not. I don't know. For now, I'd still believe that Jessica still wants to stay with SNSD -maybe her only "fault" is just the fact that she wants to keep 2 things in her hand, while the y!world/reality only allows her for 1. But on the other hand, stanning over Jessica makes me realize that Jessica gave too much for SNSD. She's the member who trained the longest. In J&K show, I couldn't tear up even more when she said "I gave my youth to SNSD"

I don't know. I don't know anything. I want to blame it to somebody (Tyler Kwon, I am looking at you. Yes this is unfair and I play judge, but I've never liked you anwyay), but I don't know, blaming won't solve the problem. 

 

I just want OT9 back...

I want to quote Indestructible lyrics ("This bond between us is indestructible"), but that aches my heart even more.

I am not fine. I am so, so, not fine.

 

(Despite my post above, if someone doubts me being a SONE and a Gorjess Spazzer, I'll tell you this: I will never stop being a SONE, a Taeganger, a Sunshiner, a Fannytastic, a Hyohunnie, a Yurisistable, a Sooyoungster, a Yoonadict, a Seomates, and of course....

of course, a Gorjess spazzer)

 

but I am still not fine.

 

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TheHonestOne #1
Reading this again and I juse read my comment from 3 years ago. Turns out I'm still a sone to the moon and back and I still love Jessica Jung to the moon and back. I miss them together but I appreciate them separately. Also, I miss your writing so very much!
bohubear #2
It's been almost two years, and I am still struggling with being able to enjoy SNSD's music now that Jessica is no longer there.
oyeahgnarasdsns #3
i feel yah... its soooo hard right now.... and i keep on wondering how all of them are whether they contacted each other the day Jessica went to SEOUL...
TheHonestOne #4
I honestly can't call myself a sone now...it's just with Jessica gone, it doesn't feel right. Jessica goin to the airport by herself doesn't feel right. I know I should support both Sica and the other 8(I refuse to call them Soshi) but I'm just so mad that I just chose to not support any of them. Of course, I love them all but I can't support them separately.
Lizzie-_- #5
About this year, Jessica and SNSD in Korea there, I feel like they're still nine in my place, it just feels so surreal that it seems nothing ever happened, for me, SNSD on eight is like an SNSD from the alternate world. What you stated are right, I am disappointed, everyone is. But whenever and how SNSD is now, they're a whole from the core, a group of nine. (Though I still hope some logical reason behind this issue, but, well, entertainment is a big stage of everlasting play). Let's pray the best for these unnies, I believe they are facing dilemma too.
sicalove93 #6
<3 dearest chingu, its times like these when GorJess Spazzers have to show that whilst the Soshi bond is currently frayed (not broken never broken), our love for both parties and each other must be stronger than ever.
nerdscandy #7
Please... you just stated everything I wanted to say. Although Jessica isn't my bias right now (she was at one point, and she's always in the top 4, no doubt), this probably feels worse than a heartbreak. Yes, we invested 4/5 years into this group, who we've always been proud of, saying, the Soshi bond is indestructible, and then this happens. AND THEY JUST RELEASED A SONG CALLED INDESTRUCTIBLE. AND THEY HAVE THE SONG COMPLETE. AND FOREVER. AND STAY GIRLS. I don't know even.
purplephoenix #8
I feel you authornim. although she's not my ultimate bias, Jessica is one of the singers I look up to and to me, SNSD isn't SNSD with no Jessica. damn, although I envy her for her old rumors with Donghae whatsoev, she gave too much for SNSD and it's ridiculous letting her off the group.. just like that ;~;
missbluz #9
The situation is obvious that I have nothing more to say.

It might have been her fault that she was dropped out, actually I'm almost 60% sure it was. But I don't blame her at all.
What's wrong with being selfish if it's not hurting anyone? What's wrong in wanting to have the best of both worlds? What's wrong in having a passion for 2 things that are not separate at all !!!

I'm not much of a fan but I do like SNSD so I think my opinion will be objective. As far as I know she didn't miss a single schedule. Wither she asked out after a time or not, she was still working hard while she was still under the label. So I don't think her "determination" should be questioned at all.

Her marriage news, so they can date as long as they don't think of settling down? Isn't this selfish of everyone else? Personally, My final goal is to have a family. And I think I'll put my family above anything and everything so I understand where she's coming if she did ask out to marry.

The other members will move on as well one day. They'll make a decision like hers. They're ain't staying together forever. Maybe she felt like she'll find nothing else when that happens so she decided to study and build her future beforehand.

The only upsetting thing is how abruptly this happened.
iLoveYuh #10
I love you so muchhhhh. Jessica is also not only my SNSD bias, but she was my favourite idol out of all the whole kpop fandom too. Hearing the news about Jessica leaving is just so heartbreaking because it's something so sudden with no warning or hints. It is something really unexpected and I am utterly disappointed, sad, and frustrated because everything is just so messed up and confusing right now and I wish everything was a lie, and SNSD will take Jessica back and OT9 will continue. I really, truly want to believe that but I know it won't happen. :(
YielWu #11
i love you. You took out all the words from my mouth.
Jicandy #12
Feel the same here
PinkSoshifiedMe #13
But if the reasons were that she wanted to study fashion, or she wanted to put more time into her business, I really can't judge her. Jessica (and snsd) have been in the kpop scene for 7 years, not including training (she spent her childhood, 7 yrs, training). They all seem tired and worn out (esp Jess, Tae, Sunny). Some of them had only recently revealed that they are dating, although I can't prove that they were dating secretly. With days jam-packed with schedules, and having people (not only fans) watching their every move, just waiting to criticize...I would've been just done with all that in just one year. I wish that there was one last concert, for a sense of finality. (I was waiting for SMTOWN LA 2014 to see my goddesses...) I just wish my greatly adored ice princess good luck in her career and relationship(?). Although he will never be able to give her all the love she deserves, he better give it his all. As much as I hate it, I will try to let her go (even though I never had her anyway), and hope that one day, I will soshi OT9 on stage again in the future (like god).
PinkSoshifiedMe #14
The thought of my beloved soshi becoming "OT8" is something that I just cannot wrap my head around. SNSD had always seemed to be invincible. They were the most successful artist from SM that had never gone through any line-up changes, unlike DBSK and Super Junior (EXO). I know that I am just a fan in the sea of millions that are confused, angry, and curious (at both parties), but we all know that we will never get the full story, no matter how much information we get from SM. At first, I thought 'This is a hack', because we all saw our goddesses as sisters who had this bond that was stronger than heaven and hell combined, but as I saw allkpop get blown up with responses from SM, I literally just blanked out. I was just starring at my ceiling at midnight for about half an hour trying to comprehend that something was happening to my lifeline. I literally rely on soshi for everything. They are my strength and inspiration for everything. The Boys was my first kpop song that I heard, and I then listened to all of their music, and mass-downloaded it onto my phone. I am a 14 year old girl. GG has always been my favorite group in kpop, and Jessica my ultimate bias. I have tried to emulate her style, hair, and makeup. It really hurts that my bias is leaving (what will happen to Krystal?), but I really want to know why.
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